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I have never had sex before but will soon be meeting a man and we've decided to have sex together. I've never met him before, we've only spoken online. I've known him for quite a long time and feel quite safe about this. He's much older than me. Would it make sense to go through with this?
How old are you?
I would wait till a couple of meetings before you do anything sexual other than kissing. I mean for me I like to be dating the person before I get intimate in that way.
When talking to someone online, you never know what to expect when meeting the person. You never know if when you meet the guy, whether he will be that same way as he was when you talked online. I would be careful though when you meet him. I wouldn't go by myself.
Internet communication can be very misleading. What kind of site did you meet him on? You could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation.
I'm 18
This sounds to me like a child predator and you should tell your parents and/or police about this man.
Don't be so fast to have sex with some guy that, really you don't know...Because just knowing him online isn't like knowing him offline. He could be some old, nasty geez, he could be a serial killer, he could have STD's, there's a LOT you Really don't know...Even After meeting face to face, you should wait a while...
How long have you been chatting with him? Have you spoken on the phone? How old is he?
I would say about 80 percent of men who talk to women online lie, a large group are married and just want cheap or free sex with as many women as they can.
Others just chat and lie but never meet.
You never meet and have sex the first meeting, and you check them out, phone address, phone numbers where they work and more.
You asked a question in your post here, you said: "Would it make sense to go through with this?" No it would not make sense to go through with this in fact it could cost you your life at the most, and just less than that you could lose yourself esteem, and all of your pride in yourself.
Please do not meet this man.
I've known him for a long time and how he'll turn out to be is not the problem. Its been 10 months, and he'll be okay with it if there's no sexual stuff. But I'm really into sexual stuff and I like him a lot so I just won't be able to resist. I never wanted to have sex this young, but... not able to help it. Tried earlier and couldn't do it 'cause of the pain. The 'first time' factor is the problem.
You said he is much older... how old is he?
I’ve known him for a long time and how he’ll turn out to be is not the problem. Its been 10 months, and he’ll be okay with it if there’s no sexual stuff. But I’m really into sexual stuff and I like him a lot so I just won’t be able to resist. I never wanted to have sex this young, but... not able to help it. Tried earlier and couldn’t do it ‘cause of the pain. The ‘first time’ factor is the problem.
Oh, he's 35
No, you have not "KNOWN" him at all, you have only chatted online, that is talking but that is not knowing them.
I have been there and done the dating online, over 40 percent of the ladies I meet online had all lied about things when I finally meet them or searched their background
You originally asked if we thought it made sense. I will say no - it does not make sense for you to do this. You have no idea who he really is or what his intentions are. The internet allows people to pretend to be things that they are not.
All right, I am not here to figure out if he's right or not. That's just demeaning and disrespectful towards him. It was just sexual thing that I was worried about.
Anyway, way to be melodramatic people :P
It's not being melodramatic, it's being REAL. This is the real world now, sexual predators, pedophiles, serial killers. They all prey on the innocent, many of them on online communities and chat rooms.Quote:
Originally Posted by teened
This is how real life is now. If you are planning on meeting this man, do it in a public place, let friends and/or family know where you are. Do NOT meet this man for the first time in a private place.
I'm not telling friends about it since age factor makes it a problem. I will meet him in a public place though...
You are still putting yourself at a huge risk. If age factor is a problem, then that is a big RED FLAG that this relationship is wrong. You should want to, and be able to, share your relationships with your friends and family.Quote:
Originally Posted by teened
All right, peace out folks, you all watching too many day time soups/ talkshows :P
Why would you want your first sexual experience to be with a stranger? :confused:
Its not a stranger. I've thought about it and I really feel safe with him.
How can you feel safe with someone you've never been around?
You asked if it made sense and everyone here told you No and advised against this plan. You seem to have your mind made up regardless of the advice you were given, so why are you really here?
I do have my mind made up about meeting him because I really want to and that wasn't my query. I need to know weather having sex at this age would seem right? Its painful, and I have moral ideas about why I don't want to do it.. but my needs contradict that... so, I don't know where to go with that. Just deciding not to have sex doesn't work for how sexually driven I am.
Dear teened,Quote:
Originally Posted by teened
Please know that when you post something like this here, you will not only get a black or white answer. We will address all the issues that affect the answer. So yes, we have all addressed meeting someone from the 'net and the obvious safety issues.
Now that we have that out of the way when you talk about meeting him and having sex with him right away, that poses new questions for us. Because meeting someone on the net and deciding to make the relationship sexual right away shows a lack of self-esteem. It seems that you may be letting your hormones get the best of you. Those pesky hormones don't always lead us down the right path and can cause us a world of hurt if we let them rule.
Now you say you wonder if having sex now is the right thing for you because of your age. You stated that you're 18 so you're able to make that decision for yourself. The fact that you have doubts tells me that you shouldn't do it. Your first sexual experience should be special. You say you have moral contradictions about the situation. So basically your body is saying one thing and your soul is saying something different. Again those pesky hormones are at it again. After it's over you have to live with yourself and the decision that you've made. One might I add, that can't be taken back.
The fact that you even used the specific word moral says a lot about you. It means somewhere down the road someone taught you what's right and wrong and based on that upbringing you are questioning this decision. I understand feeling like you can't wait but listen to your gut. Again, if we even make it past the physical dangers of meeting someone for the first time from the internet, what about the emotional consequences?
The decision to become intimate with someone is not something that should be taken lightly. There are a number of possible consequences that must be considered (pregnancy, STDs, emotional trauma/distress). You need to make sure that you are prepared... are you ready to be a mother? What happens to this guy after you two have sex? When will it be OK to introduce him to your family & friends? These are just some of the questions you should ask yourself...
You chat a guy up who's nearly twice your age, you decide to meet him for sex, and you're worried that it might hurt?
It could hurt all right. Perhaps he has a wife and children? A few STD's? A criminal record? Untreated mental illness? Impulsive anger?
These are not things you are going to know ahead of time because you've met him online. To the contrary, people with those traits come across as the opposite, because they won't get what they want if they do tell the truth.
What you are trusting is the unknown and you have chosen to meet him for sex.
While I'm between watching my soaps here, is there any particular reason why you don't have sex with people your own age?
Is it that he is anonymous?
I just HAD to add this...
YouTube - Brad Paisley - Online
NO IT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA. Your 18 still young enjoy your years. And don't caught up with sex. You're a virgin, keep it that way. Find some one you really and truly in heart love and know personally, Cause once you do the deed there's no going back.
P.S. Love making isn't something that is planned, Sex is. Which one would you prefer?
I am simply demeaning my relationship with him by representing him as something bad here. I really appreciate you all for giving your responses, that's very kind. Thank you.
You are simply demeaning yourself period. By having sex with a guy almost twice your age, whom you have never met, and no, talking to him over the internet for 10 months does not equate meeting him.
You don't know this man. Period. He could very easily be misrepresenting himself to sucker you in. It's not this first time this has happened, and won't be the last.
Thank God we have the Amber Alert for girls like you who go missing with men like him.
Okay J_9, haha, what a funny video. That doesn't apply. I've seen him and know him and his family and everything aobut his life which is not misrepresented to something rosy at all. I am going to meet him 'cause he's been a great friend to me. When we met I was a wrecked up person and he was really nice. Even now taking away the issue of sex doesn't really ruin things for us. We'd still be thick friends. I'm just worried about the contradiction in myself about having sex, which him or at all, and with waiting, which seems to demand a lot of courage out of me.
You say you've seen him... So you have met him in person then? Or have you heard of PhotoShop?Quote:
Originally Posted by teened
This is what they do. They prey on young girls with problems, present themselves as the hero, save you, and voilà, you two are off having sex. He gets what he wants and you end up with an unwanted pregnancy, a STD, a bitter wife, or worse... dead.Quote:
when we met I was a wrecked up person
Look, I'm not innocent, I am a mother, I am old enough to be your mother. I am a survivor of an internet predator. I am also the friend of a girl who came up missing over 25 years ago and has never been found. Just Google Deanie Peters. She was my friend.
I suppose we are just wasting our breath here. You are going to do what you want to do, whether it's safe or not. I just hope your parents have life insurance or medical insurance on you.
Okay so, I've seen him via messenger, know people my age who know him 'cause he went to that uni, know his addresses, his family and can verify that stuff in any way. I chat online too, I've known other good people who do... its not like everyone online is there for prying.
I don't intend on having sex if it doesn't feel good when I meet him, but I am going to be meeting him. I just don't know about having sex.
I've wanted to wait till I get married. I am in trouble with faith and don't know where to look for direction. Just wouldn't know how to hold off.
If you know people your age who know him, why aren't you willing to take them with you?
Okay, I'm done with this. You are 18 and you think you are bulletproof... You belong to the "it won't happen to me" age. I've raised 2 and am raising a third in that age group right now.
Let me tell you hun, bad things do happen to good people.
Now, go on, have your fun with this freak. No man of his age should be attempting to have an affair with a girl your age unless he has a sick mind.
He's not attempting an affair. He wouldn't be bothered at all with no sex. And people my age at his uni are not the problem. It's the ones I my uni I don't want to tell, I have friends who directly know my parents and that won't work well. He's not sick, liking me is not 'cause of my age. Anyway, thanks for the concern, I see your point.
I'm glad you see my point, but you are still going to go through with it aren't you?
If I were your parents I would lock up your computer, take your cell phone, and find this creep and have him arrested.
Oh, yeah, and let me guess. You are very mature for your age right? Do you have any idea how many times we here this?
Men of this age are out for one thing and one thing only from girls your age. I'm sure you can guess what it will be.
Oh, and he works at a Uni? Well, do you know what this could do to his job? Do you care?
Now, again. You are going to do what you want to do. But before you do, make a doctors appointment for afterward for a STD checkup and a pregnancy checkup.
You 18 ,him 35,secret relationship
It looks kind of fishy, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
I'm 32 male,single, alone and still don't understand his intentions with you are other than take advantage of the situation, I know age doesn't matter I was pursuing a 23 year old women and I didn't have a problem meetings her friends or family,if he is good like you think,you should date him first get to know him and go from there.
internet dating Dangers : dating on the internet- Before you start internet dating what to watch out for, what to beware of!Quote:
Originally Posted by teened
Internet Dating Stories: Strange Relationships
Internet date led to rape, N.H. police say - The Boston Globe
I could go on! I hope you are educated enough to know what you THINK you are getting into.
A man that age is looking to hook up with a girl your age is interested in one thing.
Yes,he was there for you.That is a common manipulation tool to get you to trust him.Sometimes these creeps will string their prey along for months to achieve their goal.Especially if they have found someone who is confused and naïve,as you are ! It is no soap opera ,it is real life.
If you are having problems with faith,speak to a minister.
Listen to what people are telling you,you are making a huge mistake and it could be deadly!
Dinkle Dorf.
Hello, You keep saying you know this person, but you do not. Online, it could be anybody. You do not have sex with a person you do not know. The person could have Aids/ Hep, and many other things. This person is much older. It could be a sex predator as others have mentioned. Or this person could be a murderer, anything.
Joe
Edit: You have been warned. You have been answered that this is not good.
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