Ask Me Help Desk - Steamy emails

Steamy emails

I get so bored in my everyday life, I mean its good, I am married to a great woman, have great kids, good job, I race bicycles and skateboard, so life is good by mosts standards. I find myself so bored I start thinking about taking risks. I have a very high sex drive so many of these thoughts are sexual. Is emailing a person back and forth with stories and fantasies about there sex life all that bad? If there is no intention to go any further other than email for a little excitement than is it crossing the line?? :o

Is it crossing the line?- I'd say yes. Think of it this way: anything you have to hide from your spouse signals something's not right about it.

And it'd be really hard to do this continuously and not want to act on it.

As long as you email your wife back and forth, no problem at all.

Beyond that, ask your wife her opinion of it. And of course by the time she gets her divorce settlement, you pay child support, you wlil not be bored, since you will have to work two jobs to pay for it

If you are Asking if it is wrong, you already suspect it is. Don't risk your marriage, and life over nothing.

You need to stop this behaviour...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

You need to stop this behaviour.....

I find with myself I have very little if any impulse control

Why do you feel this why? What makes you feel you have no or very little impulse control. Getting to the bottom of that might help you figure out the reason why this started in the first place and try to deal with it and face it head on before it becomes a major divorce issue in your marriage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottmc77

I find with myself I have very little if any impulse control

So then how do you think that you can do this "with no intentions" of acting on it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikosmom

So then how do you think that you can do this "with no intentions" of acting on it?

If the person is thousands of miles away it would be impossible to act on it

Now your just trying to rationalize why you think it is okay. There is such a thing as trains, planes and automobiles.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Now your just trying to rationalize why you think it is okay. There is such a thing as trains, planes and automobiles.

Not when your broke like myself

You do not want help, you just want somebody to say your behaviour is okay. Your not getting that here. Being broke does not mean a thing. Just stop making excuses and make changes.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottmc77

If the person is thousands of miles away it would be impossible to act on it

And if this person is thousands of miles away, the next one could be right around the corner. Eventually this this will grow and take control and simply talking about it won't satisfy you.

How long have you been married? Just curious...

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikosmom

And if this person is thousands of miles away, the next one could be right around the corner. Eventually this this will grow and take control and simply talking about it won't satisfy you.

How long have you been married? Just curious...

Is it me or is it getting real hostile in here?? :confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

You do not want help, you just want somebody to say your behaviour is okay. Your not getting that here. Being broke does not mean a thing. Just stop making excuses and make changes.

Joe

I agree, you asked if it was wrong and everyone has said yes. Your gut tells you it's wrong so stop doing it.

Here's a scenario... you say you're broke... well what if this other woman has a meeting or trip planned near you and wants to meet up... then what?

You are setting yourself up for disaster. You don't seem like you value your marriage.

Not getting hostile, its called being straight forward and honest with you. Take it anyway you like. Call it a wake up call. We are trying to save your marriage. If you do not want that then maybe your just finding reasons to try to get out of it. Honestly if your wife new this was happening you would be gone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Not getting hostile, its called being straight foward and honest with you. Take it anyway you like. Call it a wake up call. We are trying to save your marriage. If you do not want that then maybe your just finding reasons to try to get out of it. Honestly if your wife new this was happening you would be gone.

What to do with the boredom? Except it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottmc77

Is it me or is it getting real hostile in here??? :confused:

No hostility here, you asked a question and we gave honest answers. I don't want to see anyone ruin their marriage (or any seemingly good relationship) over something that can be prevented.

I had an ex that chatted with girls from everywhere and when I found out, I was very hurt. It didn't matter that he hadn't met them in person, it was the fact that (1) he knew it was wrong, hence the reason he'd hidden it from me (2) he never talked to me if he felt something was missing from our relationship and (3) he was sharing an intimate side of himself that they were not entitled to know.

So if the truth sounds harsh, so be it. The truth isn't always pretty. When all is said and done, you will be the one that will have to live with your decision when several people advised you to not do it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottmc77

What to do with the boredom?? Except it??

How long have you been married?
Have you talked with your wife about your feelings?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikosmom

No hostility here, you asked a question and we gave honest answers. I don't wanna see anyone ruin their marriage (or any seemingly good relationship) over something that can be prevented.

I had an ex that chatted with girls from everywhere and when I found out, I was very hurt. It didn't matter that he hadn't met them in person, it was the fact that (1) he knew it was wrong, hence the reason he'd hidden it from me (2) he never talked to me if he felt something was missing from our relationship and (3) he was sharing an intimate side of himself that they were not entitled to know.

So if the truth sounds harsh, so be it. The truth isn't always pretty. When all is said and done, you will be the one that will have to live with your decision when several people advised you to not do it.

I know its wrong but I have a sex drive that is way stronger than my wife's, she wants sex about 1/8 of the time I do so needless to say I get very frustrated!:(

Yes it's wrong , you are cheating Emotionally on your wife simple as that.

Why don't you use your energy trying to fix the sexual problems in your marriage. Have you even tried rather than sitting around being bored??

Get a hobby, get 10, then you won't be bored. Emailing sexually explicit emails to other women is not a hobby!

This is wrong, not only because your wife doesn't know about it but because deep down you know you would make it physical if the girl was available to you. Read your emails, when we said that the miles between you can be crossed, you didn't say it wouldn't happen, you said you're too broke to make it happen.

Either focus on your marriage or get a divorce and then you can mess around with anyone you want.

And then you post this..?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rl-333026.html

Good work M!

Scott, we often read the other threads posted by newcomers, just so we get the bigger picture.

So, when are you going to take that next step and actually cheat on your wife? It's going to happen if you keep this up.

Do you want to lose your wife? If so, then go for it, but do her one favor first, let her go so she can find someone who will commit to her fully.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

And then you post this.............???????

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rl-333026.html

Nice detective work, Friend... Further confirms the point Alten made... that it could happen if it were a woman that's available to him

I fully agree with the others. Talking with another woman in a sexual nature, and hiding it from your wife is definitely cheating! Your marriage has some HUGE communication issues. You've been asked several questions, and you haven't answered them. How come? Do you not have the answers. The simplest answer should have been... how long have you been married?

It's obvious from your other post, that you will take this further with other women. If given the chance, you would not only jump at it, you would do backflips do get there. How did you think everyone of us knew this even before viewing your other post. It's typical behaviour of a cheater.

Why are you being so selfish? Do you not think that there are thousands of men out there that get a little sexually frustrated when their wives are busy as hell with the kids and the home, and they are likely dead tired at the end of the day?

Think about your wife and children, and stop thinking this is all about you. This is NOT just about you! Do you know the lives you will effect by acting out your fantasies? The least of which, being your CHILDREN? It's time to grow up and take responsibility like a real man would.

Worrying about a co-workers glance or smile, or some little online trollup, is just childish. The only childish things you should be doing, should involve playing with your children, and promising them that Daddy will not let some silly fantasies ruin his marriage with mommy.

Focus on making the relationship with your wife better, by working on it. Do you ever give her a day off from the kids? Do you help around the house, to make her load lighter? Do you arrange for date nights with her away from the kids? There is many things you can do if you try.

Time to man up buddy!

Quote:

Originally Posted by starbuck8

I fully agree with the others. Talking with another woman in a sexual nature, and hiding it from your wife is definitely cheating! Your marriage has some HUGE communication issues. You've been asked several questions, and you haven't answered them.

It's obvious from your other post, that you will take this further with other women. If given the chance, you would not only jump at it, you would do backflips do get there. How did you think everyone of us knew this even before viewing your other post. It's typical behaviour of a cheater.

Why are you being so selfish? Do you not think that there are thousands of men out there that get a little sexually frustrated when their wives are busy as hell with the kids and the home, and they are likely dead tired at the end of the day?

Think about your wife and children, and stop thinking this is all about you. This is NOT just about you! Do you know the lives you will effect by acting out your fantasies? The least of which, being your CHILDREN? It's time to grow up and take responsibility like a real man would.

Worrying about a co-workers glance or smile, or some little online trollup, is just childish. The only childish things you should be doing, should involve playing with your children, and promising them that Daddy will not let some silly fantasies ruin his marriage with mommy.

Focus on making the relationship with your wife better, by working on it. Do you ever give her a day off from the kids? Do you help around the house, to make her load lighter? Do you arrange for date nights with her away from the kids? There is many things you can do if you try.

Time to man up buddy!

I do everything you said and more, I do more housework than you could possible know, I am constantly cooking and cleaning and doing the yards and fixing cars etc. Also I have never had a physical affair in my entire life.can't have date nights because my wife won't live the kids with a babysitter. Also I have never had a physical affair in my entire life.

Why haven't you told your wife about your new hobby? Is that fear of the consequences? She may surprise you, and find you some help, because she would know how sick you really are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottmc77

What to do with the boredom?? Except it??

How about using it to spice up your MARRIAGE?

I think you and your wife should go to a therapist who specialized in sexual aspects of marriage. Get your needs out and listen to what your wife's needs are.

I don't think a man has to be stuck with a wife who is a sexual dud and genuine complainer for the rest of his life. Who can stand that?

Be adults, work out an arrangement. :)

Get check for add I don't mean that in a joking manner either

Yes, what your considering doing is cheating the new way "cyber cheating" because your engaging in sexual act regardless if it isn't physical.

Maybe in your spare time you should go to the sex shop because they have a variety of dolls, fake vaginas, etc

Or you can release your sexual tension the old fashion way by masterbating to a dirty magazine or porn.

In closing I must add, talk to your wife and maybe your sex life will increase. Sometimes us females say no but when your are laying down in the bed and if you rub her the right way the answer can change. Do things that she like and most of the time foreplay work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jfporter

get check for add I dont mean that in a joking manner either

Are you telling him to get an escort?

I believe that is ADD - Attention Defecit Disorder.

Add is a possibility.

That's a damn sure way to find yourself in an affair one day without actually trying.

I don't think you are a bad guy, but you are selfish and bored. You aren't really invested in making your marriage better and it seems as if you are using this "emotional affair" to escape your financial burdens. I understand you might be dealing with a lot of stress and going home to kids and a wife who isn't ready to get down and dirty for you when you want it, isn't fun. BUT, please realize that you are making the intentional choice to move towards having a physical affair and then there is no turning back. If you believe you have a chance with her, there are many ways to make your life together more fulfilling and enjoyable.
I bet you don't think outside the box. You don't take her anywhere spontaneously. You could do so much with this marriage and you are ready to go down a completely different path. Make your choice, respect your wife and live a life with integrity. If you don't want a marriage and family, be straight about it and let her have her own life. Don't drag her down this road with you. She deserves more than that. Try to get involved with things you like to do. You can do things that don't cost money too. Maybe take up a hobbie together, take her to an adult store and have her pick something out. Rent a movie or go to the beach or the park. Plan the babysitter and do it for her, maybe she will be happy and want to go out more. Getting out of your routine will be good. She might be bored too and maybe she is just too consumed with the kids and the house to go start an affair. Or maybe she just is happy with being your wife and the mother of your kids and doesn't even realize you are so unhappy. Are you really that unhappy? Sometimes I think our culture is so saturated with sexual images of women that men start to think that is the only thing to value or enjoy about a woman. I bet your wife is an incredible lady and you have just forgotten how to appreciate all the other things a women can offer you and excite you with.