Ask Me Help Desk - Is he gay am I being dumb?

Is he gay am I being dumb?

My BF claims not to be bi or gay, but has a friend who is. This gay friend gives my BF money, drugs, takes him for expensive dinners... my boyfriend recently admitted to me that he felt obligated and allowed this guy to suck his , but claims he couldn't get hard, he also says he has tried to get hard so he could have sex with this guy but couldn't. When he was spending lots of time with this guy he would often refuse to have sex with me, or had taken a viagra. I really want to believe him in that he did not sleep with this guy, but I know Im prob just being stupid. He has told me before when he slept with another girl, so I d think he could tell me if it was a guy, as I am very understanding when we discuss it... anywho, I'm just wondering if a guy can get it hard for another guy if he is not gay?

:confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by erinhueh

my BF claims not to be bi or gay, but has a friend who is. This gay friend gives my BF money, drugs, takes him for expensive dinners....my bf recently admitted to me that he felt obligated and allowed this guy to suck his , but claims he couldn't get hard, he also says he has tried to get hard so he could have sex with this guy but couldn't. When he was spending lots of time with this guy he would often refuse to have sex with me, or had taken a viagra. I really want to believe him in that he did not sleep with this guy, but I know Im prob just being stupid. He has told me before when he slept with another girl, so I d think he could tell me if it was a guy, as I am very understanding when we discuss it....anywho, im just wondering if a guy can get it hard for another guy if he is not gay?

I think he's gay. If he can get hard when he sleeps with you he maybe bi but as a straight man there isn't any amount of money or favors that another man can give me for me to do anything sexual with him. The fact that he is going out of his way to take viagra and such tells me that he is at least putting in effort to have something happen. I don't have any explanation as to why else he would allow something like what he is doing to take place.

Stupid, yes
Who cares at this point if he is or not, or if he will admit it or not,
Sounds like he is cheating one way or another.

Aside from the fact that he is trying to get hard to do this guy, you think its actually true that he couldn't get hard? Or do you think he just is saying he couldn't so that he doesn't have to admit to having sex with the guy?

He also tells me that he is continuing this relationship with this guy for certin resons I believe to be money or drugs, but my boyfriend says he can't tell me the specific reason he's continuine the relationship.

If he was willfully trying to have sex with another person of the same sex, yes, that would qualify him as bisexual or gay. Bisexual is just a word. It means someone who wants to have sex with men and women. If he wants to have sex with you, and with another male, he is bisexual.

Even though he claims he wasn't able to get himself hard?

I'm no doctor or phychiatrist, I can't say why he couldn't do it, but the fact that he wants to means that he's at least bi.

In my opinion, people put way too much emphasis on Gay, Bi, and Straight, as labels. They're just words, and the only mean one thing. If he only wanted to have sex with men, he would be gay. Only women, straight. But if he wants both, he's bi. Just because he couldn't get it up doesn't make that change, lol. Old men who need Viagra to get them going for their wives are still straight, there's just something else they need to make it happen. :)

I think you're missing the main point...

... this guy CHEATED on you.

... him being gay or bisexual should be probably on the bottom of the list of "things you need to be concerned about"... right above "doing laundry"

This guy cheated on you. Whether it is with a girl or a guy or even a goat, he betrayed you.

If he is having sex with someone (or attempting to!) for sex or drugs, then he is a PROSTITUTE.

Dump his sorry butt and move on.

Who CARES why he's doing it?

The fact he has chosen to do it makes him highly suspect.

Move on... most guys won't do this for any reason... much less personal gain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by erinhueh

eventhough he claims he wasn't able to get himself hard?

He was in the situation completely voluntarily on his part... if he got it up or not is a moot issue.

Let's see, he's a druggie, a male prostitute, a liar, a manipulator... what's not to like!

Girl, I just wonder where you're head is at?

If you want to have a happy, healthy life, time to do some serious thinking about your future.

Best wishes,

If you met somebody new, and became aware of who they really were, and they were a duplicate person of the one you question, would you pursue them?

Is this the type of person who has the same interests and goals as you? Could you trust him, would you try to change him, or think he can change?

If you knew what you know now, right from the very start, do you think that you'd be in the same place you are now? Or would your life have gone in a different direction.

If your best friend, or your sister approached you and told you the same thing that you have said here, what would your advice to her be. What would you see as her chances for a successful relationship, what would you advise her as to the pros and cons.

Sometimes if you try to look in, as an outsider, it paints a clearer picture.

Are you that desperate for a boyfriend? Just think of all the swell diseases you will be missing if you stop having sex with this guy. Plenty, that's how many.

He needs dummies like you to practice his "line" on. Don't be a dummy. See through his baloney and see him for what he is. A male hustler who uses women and men equally to his advantage.

Okay, you complaint about this guy instead of leaving. I would've been ran away from this situation. Then he tells you that he is going continue having a relationship with this guy and he's not even sorry. Come on!

If he has a drug happen that he can't support on his own then he don't need to be using it. I mean does he even has a job? Why would you want to be with a drug addict and I don't care what drug it is.

It seems like you don't love yourself and is willing to settle with anyone just to have someone, not good. This so called relationship is unhealthy and how many more red flags do you need? If you love misery than stay but if you love yourself than leave and don't look back. You can do bad by yourself you don't need someone to do it for you.

Are you retarded! Drugs and blow jobs? Real winner you got there! What a keeper... GET THE HELL OUT!

Unprotected anal sex is pretty dangerous, you really should be careful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Unprotected anal sex is pretty dangerous, you really should be careful.

What is the deal that people have thinking that anal sex is more dangerous than other sex?

ALL unprotected sex is dangerous. ALL OF IT.

the ability or inability to sustain a quality erection with a partner is not what defines someone as heterosexual, homosexual, bi, asexual, etc... so you cannot label him simply by performance issues.

young men who have ED often have mental blocks... stress and anxiety can decrease your ability to perform... is he having problems because he really doesn't want to do this but feels obligated, as he claims? Is he actually interested and is using this friend as an excuse to explore but he is having performance anxiety? Is he interested but feels guilty? Is it the drugs he is using? Nobody here can give you the real answer.

his willingness to accept this situation (drugs and gifts in exchange for sex) means at the very least he is easily manipulated and/or values tangible things so much that he's willing to drop his pants for them and he shows no self control and no respect for your relationship and your wishes. That's the best case scenario.

ick to that.

what's his background? Does he need the money? Was he ever without money? Do you like the money enough to look the other way? Did he do drugs before this guy? Do you do drugs? Does this guy also do drugs or just provide them? What drugs are we talking about? Not to grill you, but more details might be helpful.

you get to choose what you are willing to put up with and what you won't put up with... and then you live with that choice.

personally, if we ignore the cash for a$s, the drugs, the sexual orientation issues... and boy, its hard to ignore that... but if we could just push that aside for a moment, he is actively trying to have sex with another person. If you are having sex with him, you are at risk.

condoms don't stop all STD's. Males can often be asymptomatic for STD's. Some STD's can be transmitted orally. Soooo... he could get, say, herpes through oral or anal sex and then transmit it to you orally or through intercourse... *poof* now you have vaginal herpes. Or HIV. Or... or... or... ad nauseum.

so what if he is "straight" but allowing himself to be pressured? What does that mean to you? Is it ok-ish enough to stay?

MY GOD, DUMP HIM. Why would you want to sleep with a man who is sleeping with another man? You can't compete with that and will beat yourself up emotionally trying to figure it all out. No straight guy would do what your boyfriend is doing, period. Get out now you won't regret it later. Bi-sexuals are at a higher risk for STD's including AIDS because they are less discriminatory and that's just a fact.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Labello

MY GOD, DUMP HIM. Why would you want to sleep with a man who is sleeping with another man? You can't compete with that and will beat yourself up emotionally trying to figure it all out. No straight guy would do what your boyfriend is doing, period. Get out now you won't regret it later. Bi-sexuals are at a higher risk for STD's including AIDS because they are less discriminatory and that's just a fact.

Quote your sources for "facts" please.