I was asked by a friend recently who's been having problems with her sex life. i.e. her boyfriend wanted her to do 'unspeakable acts' :p, so this got me to thinking...

I don't know this may sound like a naïve or stupid question.. but in the spirit that no question is stupid, what constitutes kinky sex?

Pretty much anything out of the norm. i.e. being tied up, wips, food, toys. Willingness to try something new. Adventure.

So then anything that is more than the missionary?

"Kinky" is in the mind of the beholder.

Just like "romantic" is in the mind of the beholder.

yes, to many nothing says romanice better than handcuffs.

But everyone has a value or a idea of what is acceptable or what is wild, and some the wild is acceptable for the excitement

Thanks :)

Kinky... that is pretty much cultural specific, I would think. In some cultures, a person can be stoned(killed) for veering from sexual rules.

Anyway, I would think that kinky falls in the realm of Fetish'. Wearing diapers, being taken care of by "mommy" and getting off on that would be kinky, for example. :)

It is reputed that a famous Hollywood directore Otto Preminger liked to lie in a bathtub and have beautiful women defecate on him. Kinky!

There is a difference between kinky and abusive as in hurting another person against their wishes as often happens with anal sex.

See this is what I mean.. I would have thought hair pulling, spanking etc would be considered kinky whereas I would have thought diapers or defecation would run under a fetish category.. so I suppose the question for me is: is there a distinction between fetish and kinky? And if so what is it?

Kinky (to me) is whatever the particular culture holds as taboo. I find that 'fetish' is when there is a particular object or body part that arouses someone. I'm a bit of a sadist myself, and many people don't understand it- and sometimes it scares them.

If this isn't too personal.. what defines sadist? It is a term that is thrown around often (im big on the defintions for some reason :p)

The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain.
But as to not go too far, my husband and I incorporate 'safe words' yellow- back off a bit
Red-stop
Because protestation is part of the 'act'

Doesn't sound like it wouldn't be fun ;)

It depends on the people involved. I don't NEED to inflict pain- it just spices things up sometimes. Plus, my husband is a big guy and he can handle it. :) But yes for me, it's fun

So you don't have pain inflicted on you?

No that's Masochism-
The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.

Well I think I've sufficed my definition quota for one day! Ha ha ha no really thanks for your answers :)

No problem- it is a Help desk after all, eh? :)
So do you have any clue what the 'unspeakable acts' were?

No not the 'unspeakable' ones, I know it started with hair pulling and spanking which she wasn't fully comfortable with to begin with but 'allowed', then whatever he tried next didn't go so well :)

I see. I don't think that anyone should have to endure hair pulling, spanking, biting etc. if they aren't comfortable with it. But if this is something that he feels he 'needs' then I don't forsee the relationship lasting very long. But if it is something that he can do without then there is no reason that the relationship can't work.

You I no and to be honest as I said to her someone should never 'allow' behaviour especially in their sex life that they aren't fully comfortable with..

Exactly, but as long as he stopped when she asked, he shouldn't be at fault. People can't always help the feelings that they have toward sex so he shouldn't be judged for it. But they have a lot of talking to do. I have to go for the night- I hope you can help her out a little.
I also have a movie recommendation- "Kinsy" with Liam Neeson. Goodnight- I'll catch you later.

Exactly what is this unspeakible act?

Some woman consider that oral or anal... others might define it as something way different involving S&M, skat, golden showers or something else.

But she should never do or allow anything she isn't specifically into or interested in doing.

And has been mentioned. One persons kinky can be another persons boring routine.

Me and my wife for example are pretty open minded. But things like Bondage or S&M are absolute turn-off's to both of us. As are acts involing defication or taking a wizz.

Im sure you've heard the term S&M?
Well Sadists like to inflict pain and masochists like to receive it.
Spanking, bondage, dominance and submission all fall under the category of "kink" which is actually the correct term to use. Kink sexual practices transgress what are considered normal sexual boundaries.
Dypers and defication come under the sexual fetishes catgaory.

Just piling on what's been said...

One lover thought anal was disgusting, another could hit orgasm with it and self stimulation. One person thinks porn is degrating, another finds it a useful "tool" for her bedroom. One lover would never masturbate in front of me while another loved to do it while I nibbled at her ears.

This reminds me of the US supreme court justice who, when pressed for a firm definition of porn, said "i know it when i see it"...