My girlfriend of three years found links to the pornographic website youporn on my computer. I love her so much, have never cheated on her, and am worried about losing her over something so stupid. The main issue here is, we are both right out of high school and are going to colleges in different states in a few weeks.
It's going to be rough on us to separate for that long as it is, and now I'm not sure if I should even try talking to her yet. I know we are only eighteen, so if that's going to be your response or if it is going to revolve around the idea of us being to young to worry about a relationship problem then please don't respond.
I'm looking for constructive ways to deal with this. It happened last night. Me and her were drinking and fooling around, and I was tired after working a twelve hour day. I fell asleep and woke up to her crying and accusing me of looking at porn. Please help me out

Looking at porn does not mean you cheating but maybe that's how she feels about the issue. I as a female have no problem with it and view it with my boyfriend. Unless, you have an addiction to it but it don't seem to be an issue, is your girlfriend insecure in any way?

Yea, she's very insecure. I don't know why she is so hard on herself, I and many other guys think she's a beautiful girl. I think your right, I might have tapped into her insecurities by looking at porn. I am far from an addict though, it's just something I used to do once in a while. I plan on stopping now, but how should I approach her about this? Should I leave her alone for a couple days?

You weren't looking at gay porn were you?

I don't see the issue, it's not like you went to adult friend finder . Com where the purpose is to actually hook up with the porn queens there.

What you really need to do is talk about it.

As painful as it may be, she has to understand that while she may not approve, it is rather normal for an 18 year old male to enjoy looking at naked females, as long as all you are doing is looking.

IF she can't understand or accept it, is she really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? If so, and you want to promise her that you'll never look again, tell her that, but only if you mean it and plan to stick to your word.

Hello thinker:

Viewing porn is fine. It's THINKING you're doing something wrong by viewing porn, that is WRONG.

Look. I know lots of women think looking at porn is cheating... Hell, they think if you look at a chicks butt, you're cheating too...

But, I remember my vows, and I understand my commitment... I never committed to NOT watch porn.

excon

So far your answers confirm what I thought. That porn is not that big of a deal. It wasn't gay porn (just for the record) either. I do want to spend my life with her. That's not to say I want to get married at eighteen, we are waiting until we both have steady jobs and are out of college to do that.
It must just revolve around her insecurities. How do I try and make her realize this without offending her?

Open and honest communication.

Talk, discuss each others opinions on the subject, talk, discuss why it makes her feel so bad, talk, why you look, what your intentions are about looking, talk, and talk, and talk.

That will be your key to solving any issues or conflicts you run into.

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Originally Posted by Thinker2255

How do I try and make her realize this without offending her?

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Hello again, Thinking Dude:

Essentially, my answer above could restated in these terms: She can't change you from enjoying porn.

My answer to the above question is: You can't change her into thinking it's fine that you enjoy porn.

You CAN, if she's a good partner, work out a compromise arrangement, whereby she accepts your porn, and you agree not to leave your magazines all over the house... Or something to that effect.

If she's NOT a good partner, keep looking...

excon

She is everything to me. You guys know, as you were all teenagers at one point in your lives, how serious a three year relationship is for someone of my age. This is horrible, she means so much to me.
I believe its wrong to look at porn, especially when you know that your girlfriend doesn't want you to. To me, I should be willing to sacrifice that dirty temptation for her as way of showing her I'm willing to change bad habits to be with her.
Maybe that's what I should communicate to her.
Do you guys think she is going to leave me over this?

If you leave you over something as pity as this, then maybe your was not meant for each other. If your willing to stop looking at porn and communicate this to her, then maybe there a bigger issue to her leaving.

If she does, while hard to realize now, you will be one lucky dude.

What else will she decide to "change" about you as the years go on?

If you can't talk it out, and you want to be controlled, then you can keep hoping she won't leave you.

I'm out of here too!

Look, I'm a woman.

At 18, maybe I would have had issues with porn, or maybe not. It was harder to get when I was 18 than it is now.

HOWEVER--my question is "what is she going to give up in return, something that she enjoys, if you give up porn?"

This is obviously causing you a great deal of stress.

If you don't want to hear what others think about your problem, then don't come here and ask, that is a pretty simple concept.

She is acting more like an 8 year old than an 18 year old.

Picture yourself in this position, throughout the rest of your life, over what ever issue she finds unacceptable.

You can't change someone. She is who she is, and you are who you are, period.

If you force yourself to change, just to appease her now, you'll be doing so for the rest of your life, and your resentment towards her will grow, until one of you breaks away.

If you plan to stay with her, I would advise you not to bring any children into this volatile situation for at least 10 years. If you make it that far, you will have learned how to let her have her way no matter what.

The porn isn't the issue, its her reaction, and yours, you need to pay attention to. Staying with this female will require patience, a lot of reassurance from you, and a willingness to do a lot of things to make her happy, and all of that may still not overcome her insecurity, in the future.

If your thinking of a long distance relationship, in your future, your asking for much drama, heartache and confusion, as distance magnifies the feelings of insecure people like you would never believe.

The answer to your question is highlighted. It should be a non issue since you have said you'll never do it again.

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Originally Posted by Thinker2255

If I want to say someone gave me bad advice I will. If I want to call this site a blog site I will. Thanks for those of you who actually helped and for those of you who tried to give me a hard time about my reactions to negative blogs, grow up. Honestly I don't think I can control opinions but guess what: I have opinions about opinions and if I want to post them I will.
I am currently talking things out with her and things are better. Thanx again.
NO need for any further blogs, I have gotten all the information I need. I won't be looking at any more responses. Thankyou.

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Did I miss something? Do you own this site?

You posted a question and you got answers to that question. It's up to you to weed out the good from the bad, the relevant from the irrelevant. Nobody that offered advice was rude, it was you that turned around and started giving disagrees for opinions, that, by the way, is against the rules, and shows your maturity, or lack thereof.

This is not a blog site, but if you want to call it one feel free, you're wrong, but whatever, it won't have an effect on anything, this site is what it is not matter what you choose to call it.

A word of wisdom, if you don't want to hear advice, then don't ask for it.

Good luck.

I think this girl has a problem! Screaming at the top of her lungs, telling you she wants you to die? All because of some porn? I do hope she wasn't in public she'd have looked a right fool. I have never known a young male not to look at porn and with your willingness to give it up I can't see why it should still be a problem? You aren't going to do it anymore so the problem (for her) no longer exists. If she can't get over it and continues to carry on like a two year old having a temper tantrum she needs help

The problem is that she believes it is wrong, and to be honest if you do it to the extreme you will lose certain respect for women and it can effect your real world sex life, we see that on here all the time.

So you basically have some choices, what is more important the real life girlfriend or the porn, it is merely a choice you have to make

Gee... I just my replies are being deleted all of a sudden

Being deleted is a badge of honor. You have arrived!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Being deleted is a badge of honor. You have arrived!!!!

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Wow, that means I arrived the second day I was on this site. ;);)

Some are better, than others!

Speak to, or have her speak to a psychologist. Male sexuality is stimulated by mostly visual arousal. Probably the best plan is to pay mondo attention to her and spoil her rotten until she gets past it. Grovelling is a good tool as well. Once your on safe ground with her try to stay off the porn and have long discussions about how she can visually stimulte you. Role playing. Dressing up for particular private activities and a good exchange of ideas and motivations could help also. Don't look at her as a possession but rather a gift. Lovers must win each others love and respect regularly or we lose sight of its true value.

Thinker2255, SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE YOU COULD USE! :)

I'm sorry about some of the feedback I read on here. It shocks me that some people have no feelings... :mad: Porn ruins a lot of people's relationships, and your girlfriend is not the only one who gets hurt by this. This is a tricky situation. I've been through this myself. My boyfriend did the same thing to me. I was so angry with him. I mean, how could he do that? It's like cheating. He was pleasing himself while watching other women! I was asking him if I was good enough, if he wanted someone else, what was wrong with me. I just don't get it, but we girls don't think like you guys lol.

My boyfriend and I were together for about 2 yrs. When I found out about his porn, I was too mad at him to even talk about it. Not to mention it's the most awkward thing ever! But a few months later I took him back. He hasn't done it since. I gave him pics of me and he knows how I feel about porn. And for him, I gave up smoking cigarettes. So the most we argue about now is who does the dishes and who pays the electric bill! Lol

You need to let your girlfriend know that she is the only one who matters to her. And you need to figure out why you did this. Did you know before you did this if she wasn't OK with this kind of stuff? Maybe ask her for some personal pics in case you ever get tempted. I hope she takes you back. After all, 3 yrs is a big deal, and I hope that you two will make it.

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I'm sorry about some of the feedback I read on here. It shocks me that some people have no feelings...

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Did you read all the posts? Did you see the OP's response to those answers?

You don't have to agree with anyone, but to say that the people who responded don't have feelings, that's wrong. If I were you I wouldn't be so quick to judge people you don't even know.

As for your post, that's your opinion and you have a right to that opinion, but you do not have the right to say that anyone else's opinion is wrong just because it doesn't coincide with yours.

Allot of people don't have a problem with porn, obviously the OP is one of them. Sadly his girlfriend doesn't like porn and over reacted when she caught him with it.

If he wants to stay with her, follow her rules, obey her and accept the changes she wants him to make, then that's fine, and his decision. He asked for advice, he got it, what he does with that advice is up to him.

[QUOTE=Altenweg]You don't have to agree with anyone, but to say that the people who responded don't have feelings, that's wrong. If I were you I wouldn't be so quick to judge people you don't even know.QUOTE]

Some people were being quite nasty about the situation, and I just felt that they were being s about it OK...

If you thought those were nasty, you should have seen the ones they deleted.

But back to the original point, porn is not that big of a deal. I would much rather my girlfriend watch porn than create it.

[QUOTE=sexiibabii21x]

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

You don't have to agree with anyone, but to say that the people who responded don't have feelings, that's wrong. If I were you I wouldn't be so quick to judge people you don't even know.QUOTE]

Some people were being quite nasty about the situation, and I just felt that they were being s about it ok...

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I disagree.

The only person being "s" (whatever word you tried to use here) about this, was his immature girlfriend, and the poster.

If someone comes here looking for a specific answer or opinion, they are going to be just as disappointed as he was.

What I see here are honest and open opinions and giving someone a "reddie" just because you didn't like what they said is unacceptable.

He asked for advice or opinions and he got them, pretty simple concept.