Ask Me Help Desk - Am I a Man or a Woman?

Am I a Man or a Woman?

I am a thirty something mother of two, but have always had manly tendencies in a bad way.

For instance, I would stick a couple of tube socks in my pants, which illustrated my penis and testes, and act on making love to a woman to the point of orgasm, but make like I ejaculated. I enjoy the idea of urinating standing up, and I just can't shake the idea that somehow, I missed the boat, and my penis will eventually drop, and I will get to experience manhood like I am in the closet, from fear of guilt, and god knows what else. However, the last couple of days have been more climactic than usual, and I just can't shake that desire. In fact, I have a sock in my pants as I type and ask for advice.

Am I a man or a woman. What is wrong with me, and why can't I get rid of my feelings of being a man?

Hey, there is SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery). You could be a candidate. Consider that as an option. It's not your fault. People are born within a continuum of sexual preferences. They like the opposite sex to they like the same sex. The external gender appearance makes no difference. Hormonal therapy might be useful too.

Do you know that hermapherdytes exist. They have both male and female external organs.
There are people born that will be female externally, but possess male sexual organs.

So what is male and what is female. That's a tough question. Cromosomes, external appearance, brain wiring. Somehow, I think the first two don't count. I think it's brain wiring.

If you have a vagina you are a woman, if you have a penis you are a man. Consider counsilling

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marily

If you have a vagina you are a woman, if you have a penis you are a man. Consider counsilling

Why do I feel like a man inside then, and that my penis is going to up and sprout anyday?

There are some women that look like women on the outside but medically speaking actually have some male inside of them. This is a possibility. Marily as far as if the person has a vagina they are women and if you have a penis you are a man. It is not that cut and dry. There have been many medical cases that prove other wise.

How long have you felt this way? Have you always felt this way. Have you ever had your hormones tested. Maybe it is time to have a complete bloodwork done and voice your concerns to a medical doctor and get tested for hormone imbalances. Just a thought.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

There are some women that look like women on the outside but medically speaking actually have some male inside of them. This is a possibility.

It's not a possibility with this member, as she is a mother, she has had children. Women with what you are attempting to say are sterile and cannot have children.

Hormones in her case.

There was actually a medical case of a male hospitalized and he has male outside parts, He had several conditions they could not figure out what was happening. They did dna testing and other tests and found out that he was female inside and actually had the female parts on the inside. He had a wife and children and now found out that he was female on the inside.

It is quite amazing what can happen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

There are some women that look like women on the outside but medically speaking actually have some male inside of them. This is a possibility. Marily as far as if the person has a vagina they are women and if you have a penis you are a man. It is not that cut and dry. There have been many medical cases that prove other wise.

How long have you felt this way? Have you always felt this way. Have you ever had your hormones tested. Maybe it is time to have a complete bloodwork done and voice your concerns to a medical doctor and get tested for hormone imbalances. Just a thought.

Joe

My testosterone levels are higher than usual, but it has always been my desire since elementary school, and the last two days have been climactic

Ok, your actions are a little to the side of strange even for people who are gender challenged. Sorry being honest, I would seek counseling to come to grips to who you really are and to learn to be happy with how you are.

And medication may get your testosterone levels to more normal levels for you also.

Testosterone levels are high in many women. This has nothing to do with what you are feeling.

High levels of testosterone in women accounts for things such as a high sex drive, facial hair, etc.

This is not the reason you feel this way.

I, too, suggest counseling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by elocin7306

What is wrong with me, and why can't I get rid of my feelings of being a man?

Hello e:

There's nothing wrong with you!! You're a lesbian. Big deal. If your real penis doesn't drop down shortly, go buy yourself a strapon and find yourself a chick to use it on.

Just relax and go with the flow. You're not going to go to hell.

excon

I don't think that this woman is a lesbian--though I could be wrong here, and that may be her way of expressing it.

I honestly suggest counseling here. I think there is more going on than we could possibly work with online.

Hello e:

There's nothing wrong with you!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

You're a lesbianexcon

. Big deal. If your real penis doesn't drop down shortly, go buy yourself a strapon and find yourself a chick to use it on.

Just relax and go with the flow. You're not going to go to hell.

I struggle to believe that, since I want the real thing attached to my body, and I am not attracted to woman. I am a heterosexual through and through, without what I identify myself with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by elocin7306

I am not attracted to woman. I am a heterosexual through and through, without what I identify myself with.

Hello again, e:

Well, strike what I said then, and go see a counselor.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by elocin7306

i am a thirty something mother of two, but have always had manly tendencies in a bad way.

For instance, I would stick a couple of tube socks in my pants, which illustrated my penis and testes, and act on making love to a woman to the point of orgasm, but make like I ejaculated. I enjoy the idea of urinating standing up, and I just can't shake the idea that somehow, I missed the boat, and my penis will eventually drop, and I will get to experience manhood like I am in the closet, from fear of guilt, and god knows what else. However, the last couple of days have been more climactic than usual, and I just can't shake that desire. In fact, I have a sock in my pants as I type and ask for advice.

Am I a man or a woman. What is wrong with me, and why can't I get rid of my feelings of being a man?

Quote:

Originally Posted by elocin7306

I struggle to believe that, since I want the real thing attached to my body, and I am not attracted to woman. I am a heterosexual through and through, without what I identify myself with.

I can only imagine the confusion you must be going through and my heart really goes out to you. It must be very unnerving to live your life with these urges and impulses that don't seem to make sense. Although, I am a bit confused by your conflicting statements here. You say that you "act on making love to a woman to the point of orgasm" and then you state that you are "not attracted to women. " :confused:

From your original post, it appeared to me that you are struggling with Gender Identity Disorder and are possibly in denial due to your upbringing. Were you raised in a religious household or were the roles of men and women clearing and rigidly defined by your family and community? There are quite a lot of people that internalize their true feelings and impulses due to fear of possibly "going to Hell" for their "unnatural" thoughts or just fearful of being ostracized by their family and community. To admit anything other than the "norm" would completely turn their entire existence as they know it, completely upside down. That is a very scary scenario to be faced with. If what I am saying is not your issue, then you appear to be suffering from a very unusual disorder. In any event, you really should consider counseling as others here have stated, but you shouldn't go to just any counselor. You need to find someone who is an expert in sexual identity disorders. Someone who can truly help you figure out exactly what is going on. This link should help you get started. Although they don't specifically state your particular problem in their drop down list, just take a good look at all the therapists that are available in your area. They all list their qualifications and specialties. If any look like they might be able to help you, give them a call and interview them. Tell them what is going on and ask, point blank, if they can really help you or if they can give you the name of someone they know who will be able to help you.
Psychology Today: Find A Therapist

I truly hope that you find explanations and relief from this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

I can only imagine the confusion you must be going through and my heart really goes out to you. It must be very unnerving to live your life with these urges and impulses that don't seem to make sense. Although, I am a bit confused by your conflicting statements here. You say that you "act on making love to a woman to the point of orgasm" and then you state that you are "not attracted to women. " :confused:

From your original post, it appeared to me that you are struggling with Gender Identity Disorder and are possibly in denial due to your upbringing. Were you raised in a religious household or were the roles of men and women clearing and rigidly defined by your family and community? There are quite a lot of people that internalize their true feelings and impulses due to fear of possibly "going to Hell" for their "unnatural" thoughts or just fearful of being ostracized by their family and community. To admit anything other than the "norm" would completely turn their entire existence as they know it, completely upside down. That is a very scary scenario to be faced with. If what I am saying is not your issue, then you appear to be suffering from a very unusual disorder. In any event, you really should consider counseling as others here have stated, but you shouldn't go to just any counselor. You need to find someone who is an expert in sexual identity disorders. Someone who can truly help you figure out exactly what is going on. This link should help you get started. Although they don't specifically state your particular problem in their drop down list, just take a good look at all the therapists that are available in your area. They all list their qualifications and specialties. If any look like they might be able to help you, give them a call and interview them. Tell them what is going on and ask, point blank, if they can really help you or if they can give you the name of someone they know who will be able to help you.
Psychology Today: Find A Therapist

I truly hope that you find explanations and relief from this.

Would that make me a gay man then?

Unbelievably, maybe I would be more attracted to a woman if I had a man's body parts. I get aroused just thinking about my man parts.

No honey, I am not stating that it would make you a gay man. As I said, initially, my first thought was GID, but when you wrote what you wrote about not being attracted to women, it made me confused only as to what exactly is going on with you. I do think you need to find someone who has experience with sexual disorders so that they can help you figure out what is going on. You need an explanation. They very well may refer you to a medical doctor for the appropriate testing to find out if there is a hormonal imbalance. But, you need to start somewhere, right?

Have you ever hear of transgenders? Mabey you should do some research. Don't let people make you fell bad for who you are. Transgender is very much a real medical condition and they have treatments for it. I am not an expert on the subject but you should talk to a person who knows more about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CorrieNB

Have you ever hear of transgenders? Mabey you should do some research. Dont let people make you fell bad for who you are. Transgender is very much a real medical condition and they have treatments for it. I am not an expert on the subject but you should talk to a person who knows more about it.

Thank you very much. I didn't choose to think like this, it just overwhelms me more often than not.

Okay I think in this case there are a lot of people who are advising you that you need "fixing". I disagree.

A. Sexuality may be seen as neither JUST physical i.e. penis OR vagina. Fullstop. It's just not that easy. Gender reassignment is given ONLY to those people who have "acted" in their opposite (physical sex) role for 2 or more years-have you needed a "penis" with in your pants AND LEFT IT THERE for 2 or more years? You must use only the toilets of the opposite (physical sex) for this same time. ALL through this there is INTENSE psychological therapy. If you can envision this without the slightest trepidation-then PERHAPS you may require gender reassignment surgery.

B. Thereapy as suggested by many above is needed but not to insinuate (as I tend to feel some are) that you are flawed in some way.

C. Hormonal imbalances account for SLIGHT masculinsation/feminisation feelings. And as pointed out by my friend J_9, the RARE XXY or XXX chomosomal people are usually infertile.

D. hermaphrotdites exist but are also rare as they are physically-only both sexes (psychologically they take the sexuality role (gender) as on or the other.

Your symptoms are leaning towards transexualism both physical and mental-go to A. and confirm or deny whether you would feel right taking this path.

You may be bisexual IN THE TRUE sense of the word meaning that there is a physical AND mental gender role (male in your case) inside you. Many people think bisexuality is loving both sexes-this (in its true etymology) is not the same thing.

Sorry if this is a little confusing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrayman

okay i think in this case there are a lot of people who are advising you that you need "fixing". I disagree.

A. Sexuality may be seen as neither JUST physical ie penis OR vagina. fullstop. it's just not that easy. Gender reassignment is given ONLY to those people who have "acted" in their opposite (physical sex) role for 2 or more years-have you needed a "penis" with in your pants AND LEFT IT THERE for 2 or more years? you must use only the toilets of the opposite (physical sex) for this same time. ALL through this there is INTENSE psychological therapy. if you can envision this without the slightest trepidation-then PERHAPS you may require gender reassignment surgery.

B. Thereapy as suggested by many above is needed but not to insinuate (as I tend to feel some are) that you are flawed in some way.

C. Hormonal imbalances account for SLIGHT masculinsation/feminisation feelings. and as pointed out by my friend J_9, the RARE XXY or XXX chomosomal people are usually infertile.

D. hermaphrotdites exist but are also rare as they are physically-only both sexes (psychologically they take the sexuality role (gender) as on or the other.

Your symptoms are leaning towards transexualism both physical and mental-go to A. and confirm or deny whether you would feel right taking this path.

You may be bisexual IN THE TRUE sense of the word meaning that there is a physical AND mental gender role (male in your case) inside you. many people think bisexuality is loving both sexes-this (in its true etymology) is not the same thing.

sorry if this is a little confusing.

Way confused. I could see myself as a man and be comfortable with that, and am looking to mango products so I can use the men's room in public places, and stuff my pants more than just in the bedroom at night with no one around. I don't want to be isolated from the rest of the world.

I think that you now have a name for how you feel. You should without a doubt do research on the steps required. It is imperative for you to see a psychologist who specializes in patient who have Gender Identity Disorder. They will help you cope with your day to day life. They can also ultimately approve you for Gender Reassignment Surgery.

Elocin7306 there is a large community out there of people who feel the same way you o or did feel the same way you do now before they went through GRS. I'm certain a few simple searches will help you locate support groups, online communities, etc that will help you feel like you belong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I think that you now have a name for how you feel. You should without a doubt do research on the steps required. It is imperative for you to see a psychologist who specializes in patient who have Gender Identity Disorder. They will help you cope with your day to day life. They can also ultimately approve you for Gender Reassignment Surgery.

Elocin7306 there is a large community out there of people who feel the same way you o or did feel the same way you do now before they went through GRS. I'm certain a few simple searches will help you locate support groups, online communities, etc that will help you feel like you belong.

Thank you for your information. I appreciate it.

OK I am a little confused. I think this is just her way of masturbation. As a teenager I wondered what men would get out of sex, and discovered that by humping on a pillow pretending to be a guy I could make myself orgasm. I now realize that I was just stimulating my clitoris in a new way and have known other people that have done similar things, their favorite teddy bear etc. Isn't this sock just the same thing and you are all over reacting? Shouldn't she just quit obsessing about anything be wrong with her and just enjoy herself in her own way. This doesn't have to affect her life our her sexuality or make her gay or a transexual or anything. I think she she is just embarrassed that this causes her pleasure and she is trying to convince herself it must be something medical to relieve her guilt. Perhaps if someone would tell her it is normal she will quit obsessing about it.

Been there, You may have to read the original post to understand what she is saying, she is not using the sock for masturbation, she wants the appearance and feel in her pants that a penis would give her she is not masturbating (usually) with it.

You were born a girl. Live with it.

I am not in any way saying you need fixing I think everyone is made how they should be. And do not believe there is any thing wrong with you Now keep in mind my info on this comes from a documentry I saw on transgenders Don't you love the discovery channel. But when it comes to the treatment part they don't medicate you or any thing like that they just help you cope with the stress involved with an idenity crisis I will try to look on discovery .com and see if I can find any info on the subject and get back to you Just remember to keep smiling and be yourself because you are perfect the way you are

All right I found a web site for you to check out it will ask you a few questions to determin weather you are transgender the link is Transgender Care : Transsexual Transexual Transgender Transvestite Crossdresser Resource it might be worth checking into good luck.

I think the best advice would be go and get a blood test or hormone test done.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kt1205

you were born a girl. live with it.

Thank you for your advice, but you have no idea how I have been feeling for 26 years. (Bottled up inside).

Quote:

Originally Posted by CorrieNB

Alright I found a web site for you to check out it will ask you a few questions to determin weather you are transgender the link is Transgender Care : Transsexual Transexual Transgender Transvestite Crossdresser Resource it might be worth checking into good luck.

Thank you very much for your help. I appreciate it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by elocin7306

Thank you for your advice, but you have no idea how i have been feeling for 26 years. (Bottled up inside).

That was not advice. People do not understand what they don't know:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by kt1205

you were born a girl. live with it.

That's not very nice:(

Your physical gender is obviously female... you've had kids. Your gender identity is male, as in you feel that you are more male than female. I would agree on counseling, not because you are crazy, but to help aid in what you are feeling. You are not the first to feel this way, so don't think you are strange or abnormal.

You are gender dysphoric. Your sex is female but your gender is "man." This pretty common and in many cities there is a community of people similar to you. Whatever you do, don't let d-bags tell you there is something wrong with you.

Gender reassignment surgery might be an option for you, and to find out, you'll need to go through psychological evaluations and live life as a man for at least 1 year. Many find living life in the target gender is sufficient to be happy, but for others genital augmentation is needed.

I wish you nothing but the best. Stay strong and find some friends in the transgender community!

Kt, how do you define normal? If you mean it is uncommon, then this MAN is abnormal; however, normalcy is hard to define and I'm not sure you should be throwing the term "normal" around. Sex and gender don't always match. Elocin is not a lesbian, he is gender dysphoric (apologies for the term, it inappropriately suggests disorder).

Quote:

Originally Posted by americangayboy

kt, how do you define normal? If you mean it is uncommon, then this MAN is abnormal; however, normalcy is hard to define and I'm not sure you should be throwing the term "normal" around. Sex and gender don't always match. Elocin is not a lesbian, he is gender dysphoric (apologies for the term, it inappropriately suggests disorder).

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it very much.

I think having a trained clinician work with you, could prove beneficial. Obviously your not alone with your feelings, what to do about them is the issue I think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think having a trained clinician work with you, could prove beneficial. Obviously your not alone with your feelings, what to do about them is the issue I think.

I am one step ahead of you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think having a trained clinician work with you, could prove beneficial. Obviously your not alone with your feelings, what to do about them is the issue I think.

Also, I am 30 something, not 16, and this has been going on for more than 26 years.