Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend has been watching porn

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meffikinz

OMFG!! this exact thing happend to me. I told him how much it hurt me and I used all the words I had to tell him and he felt so bad that he stopped. I was so controlling and told him not to. Porn was the one thing that could hurt me more than anything and it happend anyways... If you tell him the reasons why youre not okay with it and how much it pains you to see and hear this happening maybe he will get the idea. If he loves you he will not want to see you hurting.

And I bet you still have the very same irrational nerousis that you had before because you never dealt with it.

I also bet he #1. Never stopped... just hides it better. And #2. Has this checked off on his mental list of things about you that irritates him.

Why do I think you aren't as willing to do anything HE demands you do when he expects you to do it... just because you are willing to return the favor...

People who love others... don't make unreasonible demands of them... or they WILL start messing around with someone who doesn't... eventually.

I agree smoothy, if he really likes it, he is still watching it, just hiding it a lot better, clears his history and so on. The minute you demand him to change, that is the day most men will leave, he is the way he is, and what if he demanded you change something you really like?

I have a solution for you. I think you should start watching porn with men with very large organs. If he asks why you have started watching these porns, tell him that these kind of men, with their "size" is what a woman "really" wants. You would be putting him in the exact situation you are in right now. He watches those porn because those are the women he desires but cannot have. Personally, that is what I would do. And he will not stop watching porn no matter how much he loves you. He is hooked to them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melissa1952

I have a solution for you. I think you should start watching porn with men with very large organs. If he asks why you have started watching these porns, tell him that these kind of men, with their "size" is what a woman "really" wants. You would be putting him in the exact situation you are in right now. He watches those porn because those are the women he desires but cannot have. Personally, that is what I would do. And he will not stop watching porn no matter how much he loves you. He is hooked to them.

Care to offer any respected study to PROVE... that men watching watch porn are HOOKED on it...

Seriously... I find that assertion offensive... because its well documented and proven that men and women's thought processes as well as their visual processes are very different...

And most women past 30 will tell you that they in fact do... Women get exactly the same thing from a 50 shades of gray type book that a guy gets from a naked picture of a woman.

Wow.. Melissa just wow... and what is your advice for men whose significant other watch porn? See it is not only a mans activity and most people are not threatened by their partner watching it and don't want to control others. If you don't like porn and are against it then leave the relationship but don't try to control others with manipulation.. sure end to a loving relationship

Quote:

Originally Posted by mogrann

wow.. Melissa just wow... and what is your advice for men whose significant other watch porn? See it is not only a mans activity and most people are not threatened by their partner watching it and don't want to control others. If you don't like porn and are against it then leave the realtionship but don't try to control others with manipulation.. sure end to a loving realtionship

Vice versa... this goes for any man or woman. Give both the equal experience. And yes, I agree. If you don't like your man or woman lusting or masterbating to the sight of strangers having sex, then yes, get out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melissa1952

Vice versa...this goes for any man or woman. Give both the equal experience. And yes, I agree. If you dont like your man or woman lusting or masterbating to the site of strangers haveing sex, then yes, get out.

And not deal with your personal problems? You are going to find the pool of like minded people to be very small... VERY, VERY small.

"I have a solution for you. I think you should start watching porn with men with very large organs. If he asks why you have started watching these porns, tell him that these kind of men, with their "size" is what a woman "really" wants. You would be putting him in the exact situation you are in right now. He watches those porn because those are the women he desires but cannot have. Personally, that is what I would do. And he will not stop watching porn no matter how much he loves you. He is hooked to them."

This is game playing, nothing more, nothing less. I find it interesting that a person who preaches about honesty in a relationship also thinks deception is a good idea. Nothing like comparing "your man's" equipment to another man's larger equipment and then telling "your man" that women prefer the larger organ.

That's guaranteed to improve your sex life and his self image - not. I am surprised that this advice would come from someone who is interested in counselling other people with their problems.

Of course, I find it difficult to take masturbation advice from people who can't spell "masturbate."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melissa1952

I have a solution for you. I think you should start watching porn with men with very large organs. If he asks why you have started watching these porns, tell him that these kind of men, with their "size" is what a woman "really" wants. You would be putting him in the exact situation you are in right now. He watches those porn because those are the women he desires but cannot have. Personally, that is what I would do. And he will not stop watching porn no matter how much he loves you. He is hooked to them.

And here is where the truth comes out, and what most women, you especially, don't understand.

Men don't watch porn because they desire the women in porn. They don't watch porn because those women, or even that kind of sex, is what they want.

In other words, no, she wouldn't be putting him in the exact situation he's putting her in. She'd be trying to hurt him, when he's doing nothing at all to hurt her, or their relationship. Until you understand that, you'll never have a healthy relationship, because I hate to tell you this, the majority of men watch porn.

Until you realize that porn is entertainment, you'll never understand, and you'll never be happy.

My husband watches porn. He used to hide it. Actually, I find it funny, because we never once had the porn discussion, so why he would feel he needed to hide it, I don't know. I was cleaning house one day and found his "stash". When he came home I asked him where he wanted me to put his movies, because I didn't want him to have to climb over the home entertainment center every time he wanted to watch them. I suggested keeping them in the hidden compartment in our closet (that he knew about) where I keep my vibrator. He was shocked.

So we sat down and talked about it. I asked him why he was hiding it. He said "because you're a woman, and all women hate porn, and hate it when their men watch it". I was more upset about that than any porn. He knows me! I am not like most women! To be lumped into the paranoid "porn is evil, my man is horrible for watching it, I feel undesirable because of porn" group, really ticked me off. I am not a woman that is threatened by anyone else, or anything else, because I know that my husband loves me.

That was many years ago, when we first married. He watches porn whenever he wants (in the garage because we have kids) and I've watched it with him a few times, but it's really not my thing. I can't help but make fun of the horrible music, the unrealistic scenarios, the acting (if you can call it that) and all the plastic breasts and fake moans. So he watches his porn, I watch my chick flicks (which he can't understand. Why would anyone watch a movie that makes them cry buckets?) and it's all good. We've been married almost 18 years.

Whenever a thread like this pops up, I talk to him about it. The funny thing is, when I first found his porn he had hidden it because he didn't think I'd understand (because most women don't) that porn isn't about what you desire in a woman, or what you want in the bedroom. It's simply entertainment. Men are visual, women are emotional. For him a porn movie is entertaining, for me Marley and Me (which he watched with me, and hated because he was depressed for days afterwards) is entertainment.

Do I want a golden lab that wrecks my house, eats furniture, and then has to be put to sleep because of age and a twisted bowel? No! I don't want that any more than he wants any of the women in the movies he watches! It's entertainment. That's it.

Until you understand that, you'll never understand men, and you'll never have a healthy happy relationship.

There is no reason to be concerned with him watching porn. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 1/2 years and I open tell her I watch porn. I watch it very often and she's knows. Her accepting this had made it easier to be myself around her. Our relationship is amazing, sex is great! and I will one day marry this girl. I watch porn because I have a higher sex drive than her and I need a little extra relief than she does. Talk to your boyfriend about it. Im sure he's in a similar position

This question, as I read it, isn't about masturbating to porn. It's about watching porn.

Good that your girlfriend doesn't mind you masturbating to porn on a regular basis.