Ask Me Help Desk - Don't know what he wants

I'm out of town on business. I don't have a lot of family - my parents are gone and I was an only child. I have a couple of college friends in the town I'm in on business, but they aren't really close. I'm a couple of hours from my mom's sister, so I could go see her this weekend. She's really sweet.

I just feel a little stuck, like he will do anything to get my attention. I think he did this to send the message I can't get away from him, but he came so close to losing his life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

This guy is seriously messed up and did this in part because he is a deeply unhappy person and partly to hurt you, hence his phone call. Do you have friends or family who can support you now? You should not be all alone. Please do not think of rewarding this behavior by going to him or calling, or there will be more of it. It is awful. I am so sorry.

Yep. Although he hurt himself, he did have some intent to in one way or another to hurt you. You wanted a NC relationship. He called you, so that you would know, you would feel guilty, that it is your fault.

Just, think of this, you aren't the reason he is messed up.

He has some serious issues, but they aren't your fault. You helped him. You got away from, possibly just saved his life, but if you continue, he may think you're interested. If he is this screwed up, emotionally, then going to him will just be him succeeding. He either died, or has you. Then, you save him and go to him? It will just screw him up more.

Stay away from him. You're staying on your toes, but don't trip, or it will make it worse.

I think it's a good idea to get out of town this weekend.
I'll echo what Helpinhere said... this was NOT your fault. Your ex tried to send you a final "eff- you". You're right, he will do anything to get you to contact him, and that frightens me even more for you. I suggest going through with the restraining order- plus, your attorney (not you) might contact the hospital psych ward (I imagine at least a 72 hour hold, since he attempted suicide) and explain the circumstances behind this event. Perhaps a psychiatrist can help convince your ex that nothing will bring you back to him.

Take care...

Where we live the law requires a 6-day stay, no exceptions. My attorney is a family friend so he knows everything now and I am trusting him to do the right thing. We talked about it this morning. He also suggested going through with the order. I felt bad about it on one hand (kicking someone while they are down), but I think there's definitely an argument for doing it also.

I won't be back home for another 2 weeks. I've also talked to his parents and best friend to make sure they knew the issues. I'm hoping they can convince him to see a counselor on a regular basis, but I also told them I don't want to be involved in any way. He forced me to get involved yesterday, but it has to stop. I was a little (maybe a lot) freaked out yesterday, but I think I am handling it better today. I still feel like I did the right thing, both breaking up and all that has happened recently. Thanks for the support.

Well, you did a good thing calling someone... but you also have to remember you are not his keeper. He is ultimately responsible for his own actions. For good or bad, its his responsibility, not yours.

As long as you maintain your resolve, you will get past this. Don't give him the chance to control you ever again.

Look at it this way... he has issues, serious ones. THey have nothing to do with you. He had them before you met him, if he refuses to get help, and does himself in... it was his choice, as an adult its his responsibity if he refuses help. But his parent can force him to treatment based on the premise he is a danger to himself and others. If he isn't forced into treatment.. its because they don't give a damn. That's one way an adult can be forced into treatment against their will. And that has been proven beyond any doubt by his latest action.

Getting and staying as far away from this guy as possible is the best thing you could do. A person this despirate to shame someone else into something THEY want could have just as easily harmed you as he did himself. And I do believe had you not gotten away that it would have happened at some point.

Personally, I would contact my lawyer if it was me at this point... he just proved he is capable of something far more extreme. Let the lawyer make the call if a restraining order should be pursued at this time... they will have an emotional detatchment, and make sure they know about this latest stunt. You don't want to become another statistic. It really can potientually become a "your life or his" situation if action isn't taken.

j-lo,I've read all of the posts,and even though I cannot add to the advice given I just wanted to say well done,your doing great,you sound like a level headed and really nice person.. your a credit to your parents,I'm sure they would be so proud of you.

Regards.
redhed35.

Smoothy, thanks for the input. I do think I am lucky to have gotten out of town - probably the reason he took the drastic measure, since he wanted to get my attention and I wasn't around. Who knows what he might have done if I had been there? I did talk to my attorney about it so he is aware of everything. We have a couple of days to act as he is still confined at the hospital. My attorney said a lot of what you did though, and definitely feels there is a threat. He will do something. As far as his parents, that's a tough one. They are in Boston. I urged them to visit him and to take this very seriously. I can't do anything more than that, and I really don't want to at this point.

Redhed, thanks for the support. :)

You are one tough, smart lady, and I admire the way you handled yourself. I'm glad this nut case finally revealed how sick, and twisted, he really was, and it's a testament to your own good sense, to walk away when you did.

You dodged a bullet, but don't feel bad for him to long, he is dangerous, to himself, and OTHERS!!

He hid that side of him well, but not well enough to fool you for long. That in itself proves what we all here know, if you love yourself enough, you won't fall for any ones BS!

In this case, it may have saved your life, and it certainly saved his. What he does with your gift to him, is up to him. That's all you can do for the fool.

Damn... just when it looked like she got away from that nut... best wishes for her during her recovery.

I hope they get that guy... and he gets to play prison b!itch for a good long time.