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Originally Posted by MrEasy

Shykitte, you mentioned that.... "the diabetes meds totally take off any sexual desire or passion"..... What meds does take? How well does he control his blood sugar? Is he overweight? Does he get physical exercise? Does he have high blood pressure, cholesterol or heart trouble? This would give a better picture of the physical situation. If Diabetes is well controlled, it slows the damage to the body allowing people to function normally for years unless there are other conditions present.

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@ MrEasy: He takes Insulin, and a bunch of others like crestor, lorazepam, plavix, janumet, aspirin, etc...

His sugar levels used to be quite high till last year (250s +), but they've come down to the 130' - 160's now. Still a little too high but at least its not over 250 I figure. He doesn't exercise much, a little overweight, and had some heart trouble ten years back and also last year (stents both times).

@ Baty: Good to know your husb's at least going to the doctor and making an effort. I've been pulling back from mine a bit, just feeling a bit depressed because its beginning to sink in that things may not change for us... and I think he's starting to notice. I don't hug him in bed anymore, though its hard not to, but I figured - if he wants physical contact, let him make the move. And he has been hugging me occasionally, but nothing else, nothing intimate at all. Also trying really hard not to feel tempted to have a fling, because I know I'll feel really rotten afterward. Oh well. :)

Shy and everyone: Things are going along OK on my end. We've been busy with the back to school stuff and now varsity football cheer has started for our daughters. Life hasn't entirely changed on my end, the romance hasn't gotten worse but I guess to some extent it has improved, we've had a little more contact than usual, the ed was still there but at least he's trying. We definitely are going more in the last month than we normally would and that's relatively due to me getting ready and he's followed along rather than stay behind. The girls and our son ( who is finished with school and moved back home and thank heavens found a job) has made a little bit of an improvement. They love to go out for dinner and have friends over so the communication seems to be improving. No I'm not saying that we've made major hurdles but baby steps are improvement.

I feel the same way you do shy, I wish sometimes I had it in me to try a fling, however the problems and conflicts that would occur just aren't worth the reprocussions and yes I love my husband and can't imagine the damage it would do to our children, even our married daughter would feel the tremors and effects. So for now I live my life to the best of my ability and hope that eventually things will somehow, someway fall into place with some of the changes we are all trying to make. Even our kids are trying to make things easier for me and that says a lot about how we have raised our children.
Shy I hope things improve for both of us, please keep writing and everyone else for some pointers. Thanks again

Glad to hear it! Its work but glad u are leading. Even if not your ideal, it's a start.

A

Hi Baty, I had opened a separate thread for myself - here's the link:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ge-246865.html

There are a couple of good posts on it, if you want to check it out; especially a recent one by metamorph that I liked a lot. Unfortunately, she's a 23 yr old with the same sort of problems, and I thought she had some great points in her post.

Hi Baty, haven't heard from you for a month. How are things?

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Originally Posted by batybird

I wish sometimes I had it in me to try a fling, however the problems and conflicts that would occur just aren't worth the reprocussions and yes I love my husband and can't imagine the damage it would do to our children, even our married daughter would feel the tremors and effects.

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Yeah, affairs and infidelities among twenty-somethings have a whole different set if implications than for couples who have raised families together. Also, with a little age and experience it gets easier to predict the consequences of acting foolishly.

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Originally Posted by batybird

So for now I live my life to the best of my ability and hope that eventually things will somehow, someway fall into place with some of the changes we are all trying to make. Even our kids are trying to make things easier for me and that says a lot about how we have raised our children.
Shy I hope things improve for both of us, please keep writing and everyone else for some pointers. Thanks again

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My advice is to masturbate regularly. There is an element of use-it-or-lose-it to sexual function. You don't have to feel guilty or self-conscious or apologetic to either your husband or yourself for keeping your sexual machinery (both mental and physical) lubricated and maintained. Does it seem wrong to think of it as "machinery"? Not to me.

Sure, the interpersonal aspects of sexual relations add a whole wonderful dimension to it, when such a relationship is functional. But just because we don't have a functioning sexual relationship with another person is no excuse to let our sexual organs and systems atrophy from disuse. There's a lot of interrelated biochemistry involved, and it's no more healthy to never become sexually aroused than it is to never exert your body enough to preserve muscle tone and cardiovascular function.

Sorry everyone I have been extremely busy this time of year with our daughter and football cheering. Life in general is extremely good. I can't say that all is completely great but actually my husband is trying very hard to rekindle the life that we have. I really can't say what has happened in the last 3 - 4 months to make that occur. However little by little I have seen a big change in him. Like I said back in maybe July we just weren't communicating and had lost touch with each other. I did start to do entirely my own thing with our kids and friends and since that time I have noticed a huge difference in him. I don't know if it was the notion that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to make me happy or if was the realization of how much he was missing out on everything.

He has started going back out to dinner with us as a family, for instance before football games he goes with our 21 year old and me to dinner and then we go on to the game and he really has gotten back into the whole family thing. We have started going out with another couple again about every other weekend and have gone dancing again. Which is something we both enjoyed a few years back. He's getting involved in the conversation and I am starting to see my husband as the man he used to be about 2 years ago. We talk in the car now like we haven't in a long time. If you would walk into our house now we all would probably be in the same room enjoying a family conversation or actually watching TV together. He started to enjoy the girls and our son again and started taking them target and clay pigeon shooting with him. They are really enjoying having their dad back.

Well now for the real question. SEX LIFE guess what, it has also improved, He's trying and we have probably tried with success for about five or so times in the last three or four weeks. Hey it's a start and I'm hoping that it stays like this. I am just happy that I have found part of my husband again and hoping that he stays around for a long time. Hey I'm not sure what brought about the whole change but I sure am glad it did.

Whether this was a phase he was going through I don't know, I know the ed is still there but at least we can work around some of that problem and that's what I really am glad about. The closeness and trying are there and that is defineltly a start again.

Excellent! As I said when we began this conversation, it seemed to me that a fling or a divorce was not what you needed. Its having the guts to see reality and acknowledge it. Especially when you have kids and a long marriage. You hit bottom and discovered the guts to go on-on your own if necessary. That is a power you will never lose and was key to your relationship development. He respects that and may be part of why he marries you to begin with-and reminds him that he doesn't want to lose you. Stay strong and never fear speaking what you feel. I think that will mean things can get even better.

Baty, I'm so so happy to know things are better for you! That's so great! (*tear!) :)