You poor guy, you are so clouded in self pity you can't even see that being normal and clear minded is what you need.

This has nothing to do with being week, but everything to do with getting stronger.

But to your benefit, most of us make those mistakes through inexperience, and not paying attention, we miss the point of what we are supposed to do, and make impulsive decisions based on feelings and not facts, and they bite us in the butt.

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After a few days of no contact........ I asked her out

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You broke the first rule of NC. Everything that happens after that was so avoidable. So keep it simple and get with the NC! Loose the self pity, that will keep you weak.

You made a mistake, now prove to yourself you can learn, and do better.

Lmao. Yea. If u read the previous thread u will see. She picked up her stupid shoes and she really meant it was her stupid shoes nothing more that day. But anyway I'm not an ugly guy actually there two other girls that want to date me but I really don't like them there not my type. But man the guy that was on that pic was not even flattering at all. I asked her why she chose something like that and her response continued to be that's just a friend. We only hung out twice nothing more. But he's the one she's trying to get me jealous with. I didn't even ask her to show me that stupid pic and she said u know u wanted to see.

Listen. I don't know If this has to do with anxiety. I ve had anxiety and anxiety attacks before. I suffered from depression at the age of 18 I'm 25 now I guess that came because I got married and had a child with my first ex. I think I'm experiencing a bit of depression now since I go out to try to do things and I don't find happiness its like I'm blinded. I don't see the joy of the sun and the thingsw around me. I live in Houston,tx which is a huge city to meet people and have fun but since she hasn't been in the pic I don't see happiness. My days off are Tuesday and Wednesday and I find them boring without anything to do. I can't even find a hobby I like or am good at. What to do!!

I read many posts like yours every day, and the recurring theme is you get so caught up in your own feelings, that you fail to see that your actions are based on temporary feelings, and your so distracted by them, you act impulsively. To make it worse, you keep letting your ego beat you up, and you miss doing what your supposed to do for yourself.

Right now your so stuck on a stupid picture, of a stupid guy, you are missing the bigger one. You allowed your feelings to take you to a losing situation, and when you lost, it stings.

You keep repeating your mistakes, and will do so unless you make some adjustments to your own thinking.

The details you keep worrying about are totally irrelevant, to the bigger picture, which is all about you.

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I'm not an ugly guy actually there two other girls that want to date me but I really don't like them there not my type.

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How would you know when you haven't taken the time to find out what type of person they are? Your too stuck on some female that would rather jump your bones, than return your feelings that you have for her.

Are we seeing a pattern in your thinking that needs some, to put it mildly, some work? Or is it truly that all you want, is to be the booty call of a selfish female with issues?

Your whole idea of love and relationships is pretty screwed up.

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I find them boring without anything to do. I can't even find a hobby I like or am good at. What to do!!

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Get some help for your depression by a doctor, and start planning what to do with your free times by, making a plan of the things you like to do, and start actually doing them.

I have been to Houston many times, and its hardly boring by any means, so you need an attitude adjustment, so talk to your doctor. That would be a start to addressing your issues.

I think since you have been here, one good suggestion was read the stickies for this forum.

Seeing your doctor is a must if you think you're depressed.

Finding hobbies and things to do is also vital,as is being around people and doing stuff that makes you feel good.

As for Houston,I have a second cousin who married a Texan, and she loves the city and its people,so I am sure you're living in a great place.

This is a real question. I know my experience is pretty screwed up. Honestly the counselor me and her were seeing said it can be a great book. There's a lot more of this story missing I would have to write. Does anyone know the steps in publishing a book. And how to get the help. Btw as far as anxiety I have become paranoid in taking medicine so I think a dr wouldn't help much since all they want to do is give pills.

Are you already writing a journal for yourself?
That' would be a good idea-and it'd give you something to read in a (hopefully) couple of weeks/months time and think how much you have then moved on.

As for publishing books,Google it.

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And how to get the help. Btw as far as anxiety I have become paranoid in taking medicine so I think a Dr wouldn't help much since all they want to do is give pills.

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So you can't get help because your paranoid? What a paradox, and free based on presumption since you don't know what he will recommend. If it helps, what's the problem with swallowing the help, reading it, OR SUFFERING FROM IT.

The goal is to stop the suffering isn't it?

"its like I'm blinded. I don't see the joy of the sun and the thingsw around me. "

Start there.

Oh my gosh. This is like looking into a mirror for me! Different experiences, but same issue.

Yes she has treared you disrespectfully but you are allowing it because you are not removing yourself from the situation. You are basing yourself worth on what she gives you and looking to her to know you are 'ok' and she is knocking you down. Ultimately, abuse is the abusers fault, BUT being abused becomes our fault if we don not learn from it!

Also, you said the other girls 'are not your type'... MAJOR RED FLAG! So this woman that disrespects you is your type? WHY? As creatures of habit we are attracted to people/situations that confirm what WE think of ourselves! EVEN if it is negative. Its like you think so badly of yourself (for whatever reasons in your past,. maybe parental relationships etc) that you find women who reflect how you feel... you mistake those feelings of comfort for love. It is not love. It is damaging to you. PLEASE go to therapy.

I did exactly the same as you. Allowed myself to be torn down to nothing. I ended up acting horribly and was ultimately ashamed, angry and embarrassed with myself. This further lowered myself esteem and allowed me to be treated badly by people.

DELETE HER! Continue therapy. Take pills if you need to for a while, they can also be very helpful

Yeah, you need to get in touch.

Why you fall for and continue with people like that.

Understand the difference between sex and a partner.

That's a lot of peoples issues. Getting confused. With words, hot times, being used & not realizing why.

The thing to understand is that you don't NEED a girl to be happy.

Like you said you didn't even recognize how amazing the sun is. Whoa...

Take this as a killer lesson. Get right & don't let it happen again.

Done and done.

Racquel thanks. D therapist told me that I try to hold on to things badly because of what I have been through as a child. First off I had no father and when I did meet him 4 yrs ago he said he wasn't ready to meet me. My childhood sucked and this woman has tore me up and places myself esteem to the ground. I see no happiness in other people but the one female who has caused me grief. I have a great career which I can't say. But due to this woman's jealousy in all aspects including financially I ended up in jail 2 yrs ago in which I had to fight it because the state would drop charges. She said I had slapped her and punched her after we had a heated argument because of her jealousy. I never did anything with my children's mother but she always accused me. So after the argument for her to leave me alone I told her I slept with my ex. A few hours later police were at her apt taking a rpt for domestic violence which I didn't do. She finally admitted to the DA that it was false and she did it out of anger. They wouldn't drop charges because they didn't believe her. After spending 1200 bucks on a lie detector tes which I passed they dropped the charges. Once again I will reiterate I have a great career being 25yrs old that I could have lost due to unfounded accusations.

Well.

You are a big boy. You've already felt the repercussions from this person.
When I say person, Im putting it lightly. Allowed her to put you in jail?

It takes two.

As far as your parents goes. I say yes. Start understanding why. Start listening. Why you are living this? Who are you? You are more worried about your screwed up story you chuckle with your shrink, then really listening, and acting. Actually writing the next chapter, a good one.

You say you have a great career. Focus on that.

My father died when I was 7. Yup. That has bearing on who I am, for sure.
But Im not doing this.

The point is you have the ability to rise above all of this mess. Im starting to think that she's not the only bad guy here.

When I say bad. I mean not taking responsibility & control of their life.

Do we will have to preform another lie detector test on you?

Well I have been honest with this female throughout the relationship she just took advantage of my kindness. She has been used to doing this to men and was the next on her list I have never laid hands on her first because I love her and second because her exes used to beat her ujp and control her. She even told me that after we broke up she loves the freedom because she has never experienced it and loves the attention she is receiving. Yet if I was a bad person I don't think she would be calling me over to her house. She tells me she still loves me and misses me. She.said she misses my company. I don't understand how people can act this way. You would have to be in the same position I'm in with the same feelings to kind of understand. Yes I know I'm in the wrong for putting up with it but I try and this daaam feeling comes up that I miss her and want to see her. And she seems like she misses me to but is like she doesn't want to losea losing battle.

Update!! Today was a day of surprise and disappointment. I had to pass by this "things" house this morning only to run into the surprise of seeing a dudes car at this "things" house. I confronted her only for her to tell me that yes she had a guy sleep there and for me to stop trying. I notice what appeared to be a hickie on her chest. So I in anger called this "things" dad and just told him everything and how she is disrepecting his house since she had moved back in with her parents. The dad was surprised and upset that the "thing" was disrespecting their home while they were out of town for the weekend. After a while the "thing" sends me a text with a picture of the tattoos she had first got when we were together which were my full name and middle name on her lower back and ankle. The tatoos were covered up. She went to get them covered up and now they are big o tattos. The pics said, I told u we were done so here's the proof I have moved on. I can't believe this shi-- just last Tuesday she had called me over to make love and now 3 days later she has some dude spend the night at her parents house to "duh" have sex. What kind of woman is this. She couldn't even respect enough not even herself to at least have this dude spend money on a "whoretel" instead it seem like she was extremely comfortable with this dude to bring "him" home like she had the guy role of bringing the female home for the night. This break up has only been a month so all these actions just make me think that either she was cheating with someone during the rship or with this guy for a while. . How do I block all these thougths and feelings for this evil azz thing.

You make your mind up to go no contact and s t a y NO contact!

You just aren't getting it are you? What part of leaving her alone is it that's just so hard?

No matter what she has does, or says, who are you, to stick your nose in it? Had you been doing what your supposed to be doing, which is leaving her alone, maybe you would have kept NC, and gotten you a life.

You have to know how silly, stupid, and immature your actions are at this point, and should be ashamed of them.

She is probably laughing her azz off at you, as you have proved why she dumped your azz, with your idiotic behavior.

That takes gall to tell her daddy on her. I just can't believe you have allowed yourself to sink so low. I think this shows your true character, which is lacking obviously, than hers.

You know your right. At that point I was just so pissed off. Its just the fact that 3 days earlier she was having sex with me. Even the previous morning she had told me that she knew we would be going out on dates with me and what pissed her off was that I told her I was moving out of my apt and that I had picked up my other car from my ex which at that point she's like. Ok fine you know what this is pointless don't call or text me any more goodbye. She got pissed because I was moving out. I think she believes I'm moving back in with my kids mom. So when she came out and told me another dude was there I got pissed because how can a woman stoop so low and bring someone home and tell the other she still wants himm. YOUR RIGHT THOUGH. NO CONTACT SHOULD BE ESTABLISHED. BY NOW I REALLY WHAT SHE'S ABOUT. SO I WILL REALLY START AGAIN TODAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS. SO PLEASE KEEP ME IN THOGUHTS AND HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS SH€€T

You know you have our support-just stick to it.

It's hard,but it works and you can do it.

Good luck.

Stay NC & far away from this user.
She is manipulating you and you keep letting her.

If you start listening and doing the right thing, she will never hurt you again, only someone else.

Your just going round the old track again and again... STOP DOING IT TO YOURSELF.

Everyone on this board is continuelly going over the same ground, telling you the same thing, but you are not listening.

What part of... LEAVE HER ALONE IS NOT CONNECTING!!

That means NO CONTACT.. NO TEXTING, NO WHEN OUT ON YOUR DAILY BUSINNESS SEEING WHO HAPPENS TO BE PARKED AT HER HOUSE...

You are detemined to keep yourself in this state of anxiety over a relationship that has well and truly finished.

Yes, we all fall in love, sometimes we get dumped on,but that's life, eventually we come to terms with it, it takes a while and the road is sometimes very painful but eventually we come through the other side and have learned many things from it.

I can warn you off this women like everyone else, but this has been over done to the extreme, now it's up to you to get a grip on your life and look forward instead of wallowing in the past.

There are many lovely people out there, with out the hang ups that this woman has, who will treat you with the love and respect that you are so crying out for, you do not have to put up with second best.

For your own peace of mind leave her alone and move on.

Nice one. But when will you actually listen & act on it?
Are you getting it?

Don't confuse things, Sex is one thing. Pain is another.

I purchased a book at barnes and noble called obsessive lover when its too hard to let go. It basically describes me as an obsessive lover. Anyone know how to overcome this and what type of help I need. For some daaam reason this woman pops up in my head so much. I dreamed of her last night that she was so jealous she told me she loved me and that she was sorry. This feeling sucks.

I can't diagnose you over the internet,but address this in your therapy.

Remember,NC!

Guys its been almost 2 weeks since I stopped calling and txting this chick. The last time she called me we met up twice and within those to times this chick talked about this dude and how cool he is and that he respects her and hasn't got in her panties yet. "Yeah right" but man it feels hard I miss her so much I wish she could call and we can work some things out. I loved her very much. At points feeling come rushing and it feels like I want to look for her and get her back like the old days. It is beautiful out here in houston the sun is shining bright and all I can remember is all the fun crap we used to do during the summers. We took trips and enjoyed ourselved and now summertime is coming and she won't b around. I know you are going to say there's many women out there. But at this moment in time there is only one woman that I love and I can't have.


And I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely without her. I miss her much. I don't know how else to get her off my mind. I've been out on dates with this on girl but I don't find her appealing. May be because this other girl was a looker. I hang out with my friends and family but the emptyness is still there. What else can I do

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Originally Posted by alex0830

What else can I do

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Re-read this thread and look at everyone's advice!

Almost two weeks is good,well done!

So now you have moved on to the stage where you can mourn the death of the relationship,and that's normal.

It will become easier,as the days pass.

Its been a rough two weeks for sure, and frankly it gets rougher, until you get to a point enough time, and feelings have passed, to make you feel you have turned the corner on actually coping with those feelings, and seeing a difference.

So be patient with yourself, this is normal in the process because your recognizing how hard it is, and how much work it is on your part. Don't be discouraged, and quit, then you have to start over, just hang in there, and keep going.

Fair warning though, trying to replace the hole in your soul with someone else will not work! Looking for what she made you feel is not going to work!

But if you just make friends to share good times with, male or female, you may be surprised to see that you feel better and paying attention in a friendly way, helps with that loneliness.

It's a long, slow, hard process, so expect to have a tough time, and just stay busy. Its like being down 10 points at halftime of a basketball game, you have to make adjustments to your game that give you the best chance to win, so make some adjustments that keep you focused on getting the life you want back, without her in it.