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Hmmm my worst sexual experience had to be my first time... I am a bigger girl so this guy was a big guy unfortunately not down there so it consisted of maybe about ten huumps with a gear shift in my back... yes we were in one of those small toyota trucks... he did not even pop my cherry... I was llike wow I didn't feel a thing.. we never saw each other again
It wasn't my worst experience - I don't kiss and tell - but it WAS my roommate's. (She kisses and I tell on her.)
We were living in NYC, she was dating this (she thought) fabulous guy, finally one night they went back to his place to do the deed. He had mentioned how clean he was, how clean he needed his partner to be, blah, blah, blah, on several occasions and she thought it was just bedroom chatter. Anyway, he tells her that he likes "his women" (a phrase which would have caused me to run out of the room) to douche before sex. She said OK but she (obviously) didn't run around with the equipment in her purse.
He said he had disposable douches in the bathroom, she went in, opened the linen closet - and he had every make, manufacturer, type, mixture in the World. Boxes and boxes of them.
While she's staring at the supply he's outside the door asking if he can watch.
Back out she marched and she arrived back at our apartment, alone and in a cab. She never saw him again although he called more than a few times.
Takes all sorts of people -
Oh my Judy... I would have run for the hills too!
That guy sounds like a major creep!
OMG Judy! I wonder if he also had a supply of pregnancy tests in another closet, and razors of all types in a drawer.
Creep!
Ooooh mine is so gross.
I was at my boy friends house. He has 2 very large boxer/pit bulls. Sweetest dogs in the world. We were having sex and really enjoying ourselves, when all of a sudden I feel something COLD against my... well... yeah.
His boy dog aparently thought I belonged to HIM lol. Cause he wouldn't let my boy friend do anything to me till he kicked the dog out of the room!!
That's it! You just busted my Creep-O-Meter!:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Holy mackerel! What a freak (not in a good way-either)
Oh P.S. Did he use them on himself FIRST?? What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander!
I'm feeling ill...
I think Judy topped us all on this one. Liz, you started it, whaddaya think.
Wow... judy, DEFINITELY tops the list there.
My worst sexual experience... my worst sexual experience...
... come to think of it, I can't really think of one. I mean, I've had the full gamut of girls who cried and cried and cried (they... were... virgins. They didn't tell me... until after), and then I've had girls who have YELLED at me because I didn't want to be in a relationship with them (um... so we just met, and slept together, and you asked if we could be bf/gf... seriously? OH yes, and yelling at me at 4am... til 7am... really doesn't do much for me wanting to be your bf)...
There WAS an ex of mine who "didn't like condoms"... but wasn't on the pill... so I did what most horny teens do, and utilized the famous "pull out method" (any teens on this thread, take this opportunity to LEARN from me... NEVER do this). One time, I was about to *leave the store* and she wrapped her legs around me and said, "NOOOOOOOO!!!" and wouldn't let me *leave the store*... at which point I was contemplating taking the stairs with her and "accidentally tripping and pushing her down"... (just kidding)
... but yeah. Nothing as crazy as you folks. Just... the... scares.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Once upon a time I had a husband who had dated a LOT in the years between his divorce and when we met and he had a wonderful tale of meeting a woman, during the first date she took off her shoe and fondled his "crotch" with her foot in an expensive restaurant (and my husband was a very conservative man but apparently decided to walk on the wild side), they went back to her place, they rolled around for a while. Afterward - and this was in June - she asked if they'd be spending Christmas with her family or his.
He bolted!
Some women -
Yeah. I think I've told you tales of the "Blueberry muffin girl"...
If not, here: If you HAVE read it, then move on...
Then, I've also had the pleasure of going on a date with a BEAUUUUTIIIIFFUL girl who I was very interested in, and after a few dates, I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch (around... mid-march) and her response was, "How's April 25 sound?"Quote:
I... um... y'know what, my last relationship wasn't even a "bad" one... sure, it ended god-awfully... but here are some of my "dating nightmares"
It's a long one. Enjoy:
Blueberry Muffin Girl
When I met Blueberry Muffin Girl (BMG), I had been broken up with my girlfriend for three days. I was an emotional wreck, as we’d been together for 3.5 years. We had virtually lived together for two years, spent every waking moment (except the moments that we were in class) together. We were six months away from graduating, when she pulled the infamous “I need space” bullcrap. By this time, we were planning on moving in together after graduation, living together for a year or two, then getting married. Life could not have been any more “set” than I had hoped. Then it happened. She began distancing herself for a couple of days and then set the timer on the “breakup bomb”…and it couldn’t have come at a better time, with a week left before finals. After the “I need space” crap (author’s note: to any T-shirt manufacturers, that quote should really be a logo), I didn’t sleep for three days and had barely eaten. So, technically, BMG brought a small glimmer of light to my hopelessly dark life.
I will be brutally honest: BMG wasn’t attractive. She was not what most guys would call “attractive.” She didn’t have a great personality that enhanced her appearance, either. She was just that quiet girl in class that no one really spoke to, and nothing about her really compelled anyone to speak to her. We met while we were studying in the library, began talking little bit by bit, and eventually went out to lunch, then dinner, then to the movies. She was good company, someone to just talk to about my day and to get my mind off my ex. One night in particular actually sets her apart from my other dates that place her in my “Dates from Hell” category.
One night, we went out to a dinner and a movie. She had parked her car at my place, and I drove to our destinations. When we returned, around 2am, we found that her car’s tire had gone flat. It was raining and it was two in the morning…there was no way I was changing her tire for her. So I offered her to stay at my place and that I would change her tire in the morning. At this point, I had no intention of anything happening that night. She was a great person to talk to, but I was just not physically attracted to her.
I offered her my bed while I slept on the couch in the living room…lights out.
The next morning, I woke up to the smell of muffins baking in the oven, my dishwasher running through its cycle, and my washing machine on its cycle . My reaction to this smell was a series of mixed emotions:
“Mmm….yummm…”
Opened my eyes.
“What the hell…who’s baking…?”
BMG was baking blueberry muffins. I was a little alarmed at this, as it screamed “I’m ready to be a housewife,” but I dusted it off as a nice gesture.
“Morning, you baking?”
“Yeah, I figured since you paid for dinner last night, I’d make you breakfast.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“No problem…hope you don’t mind, I took your car this morning to buy some groceries for you too.”
“Oh…ok…thanks…I guess.”
I brushed off the idea of her driving my car…as it was already spilled milk. No crying over it. I turned on the television and relaxed on the couch, and then it happened.
About ten minutes into a morning show, my roommate came out of his room, scratching his head, with the “I just woke up and I’m extremely confused” look.
“Who’s baking brownies?”
“That would be BMG…baking muffins.”
“Sweet…she’s a keeper.”
I silently screamed and waved NO, DEAR GOD, NO! To my roommate, turned to BMG, who had a sly grin on her face, while baking away.
Then it hit me…
“Roomie, you just wake up?”
“Yeah…”
“…you didn’t do the dishes?”
“No…why?”
At this, we both turned to BMG, who answered politely, “Your sink was filled with dirty dishes. I figured, why not?”
We both grumbled a thanks…well, I grumbled while my roommate cheered.
Then another thought hit me.
I whispered, “Roomie…PLEASE tell me you did the laundry this morning.”
Without even saying a word, we both looked at BMG.
“BMG, are you…doing my laundry?”
“Yeah, I was exploring your room last night and saw that your laundry pile was pretty big, so I decided to do it.”
At this point, I was ready to couple over and hurl. I couldn’t believe the crap I was hearing. This girl, who I had met only a week or two ago, had touched my dirty shirts, pants, socks, and underwear.
I could have sworn my eyes were trembling like I was in REM-sleep as I was in full-out panic mode, not unlike the time I was in an earthquake, when she interrupted, “I hope that’s ok…”
“…oh…yeah, that’s fine…thanks, but you really didn’t have to do that…thanks, though…”
A wave of panic, fear, and nausea came over me again and again. The thought didn’t escape me: She.Touched.My.Dirty.Clothes.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I immediately got up, with enough determination that BMG and my roommate both stared at me. I looked at BMG and quickly said, “I’m going to fix your tire…roomie, wanna come?” as I grabbed my roomie’s arm and went outside.
“Dude, did she really…do your laundry?”
I nodded.
“Holy %#@%! She’s a keeper!”
He must have seen the look on my face, as he immediately recoiled:
“Just kidding. She’s…kinda bonkers huh?”
We fixed her tire together in silence. We ate in silence. She then left, with a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.
I never…picked up her calls again.
*Author’s note: Many women will say, “God, what an . She was just being nice! The least you could do was reply to her calls!” To this, I say…no. Sorry. You can ask any guy. Doing a guy’s laundry…after two weeks of knowing him…is insane. Sorry. How would you feel if some guy you “dated” for two weeks did your laundry without you knowing? That’s right.
... I.. was... speechless.
Sneezy: all I can say...
Wow BMG... what a nutjob.
Guess you have that effect on the ladies? :p
Sneezy, too funny -
She sounds like a stalker. I once dated a guy (and I never realized you could even do this) who had some type of control in his car so you could set a garage door to open and close from the car, without the remote. Well, he picked me up, I went out through the garage door, came back in through the garage door at the end of the date. I have dogs and they jump around when I get home so if the door reopened and closed after I came into the house, I didn't notice, but it was closed when I locked the house up.
Worked the next day, came home to a bouquet ON THE TRUNK OF MY CAR INSIDE MY GARAGE. Nice card from him but, again, FLOWERS INSIDE MY GARAGE.
I called him and said thanks and did I leave the garage door open? He said, no, he had programmed it in when he dropped me off. Said it as calmly and matter as factly as you would order coffee in a restaurant. I was shocked that he would do that... and admit it.
I still have nightmares of what would have happened if I had EVER allowed him inside my house - or had a relationship with him.
YIKES! I had the code changed and now I am very careful to go in and out of the front door - apparently if the garage door is open one of these built-into the car things can read the code.
That's really scary Judy :eek:
I have heard of it being done but I had no idea it could be done so easily, I thought it was only a thing in movies!Quote:
JudyKayTee agrees: And did you even know this is POSSIBLE?
That's not supposed to be do-able from the car. You're supposed (I thought) to have to get up at the opener to read the codes. Nothing is safe from hackers, I guess. Scare-y!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catsmine
My new car has the same device and, yes, you have to have one person standing (on a ladder), at the garage door overhead device, pressing the "set" button and the other person pressing the "set" button in the car.
His did not need to do this.
Well, The first time I was having sex was in an upstairs bedroom at a party.
I had just got my penis in and was going when something rammed into my head really hard and I had no idea what it was . I turned the lights on and turns out that is was a damn cat. It kind of ruined the mood a bit but still got the job done.
One other time was all in my fault. I was having sex with this girl I had just met a few hours before hand and I was going down on her and kissing her and doing everything to get turned on but I just couldn't keep a hard on for anything. I did here and there and we got going for a bit but I never could keep it. That was so embarrassing. It only happened to me that one night and hopefully never again.
I don't think I have anything else to bring to the table right now.
I loved your story liz. Lol I don't know what I would do with 2 inches.
You have NO idea how attractive you are to me right now...Quote:
mudweiser agrees: What a ding dong-- she forgot to vacuum, windex your windows, clean your fridge AND make the bed while you were still in it.. Gawd. I at least would've done THAT.
Me neither. Of course, they weren't all good, but even the worst seem not-so-bad from a distance of thirty years.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Quote:
Originally Posted by ordinaryguy
That's the advantage of age - of course, I also can't remember what I had for breakfast
What's this breakfast thing people keep talking about? :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
I'm a little vague on the details so I can't answer that.
Oh god! When I get drinking I call myself Polly Pornstar. All shyness breaks free and you better lay back and enjoy the show... or ride.Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
After a few shots of whiskey you can call me anything you like;)Quote:
Originally Posted by 88sunflower
After a few rounds of vodka I'm your best friend
After a few cocktails I'm just silly.
Different alcohol, different outcome when it comes to me.
Muddy's drink of choice: Three Wise Men Shot
Sarah
OK so I am on the 2" penis train here. I have had one of those. But the sadest part is, at the time he was older quite a bit. Had been divorced for a long time. But as we are getting ready to go at it I was shocked at how small it was and thought it was OK to go ahead. I am willing to try. But with some tricky moves he was able to finish. As he is laying there he feels the need to tell me he hasn't had sex in 14 years since his divorce. Oh god! I didn't know how to feel at that point. Happy to help him out or sad for his lack of... well he was hard to shake off after that right. I think OK I will try this again. Well this time around he apparently went out and bought some books to read on how to hit the g-spot and make a woman . He actually had the balls to take out the books and show me what he was studying and the pictures of the female organs the books said to explore and all this. I was speechless. I had to get out of there. I mean come on! Your 44 years old at that time, your showing me your reading books on how to have sex?? Hmmm that one scared me.
This one is super super gross to me. I had this boyfriend and we were out drinking one night. It was getting hot and heavy back at his place. We are taking off our clothes and ready to get the job done and instantly it hit me I was having my period and my tampon was in. Crap! I mean we were ready. Well I didn't know what to do. I pulled my tampon out and slid it down the side of the bed and the wall. I know super gross but I didn't want to lose the moment. Well we finished and fell asleep and I long forgotten what I had done since we were pretty drunk. A couple days later he finds it and asks if it was mine. I was like "NO!" haha like I would admit it. So he starts blaming his brother who lived with him at the time and his floozy girlfriend. I never said a word.
Well, there was the first time I had sex with my fiancé and we were planning on waiting a little bit because I wanted to show her that I respected her and all that. Well anyway, we were making out and rubbing all over each other when we decided to do it. Well, I grabbed a condom and we got to it. After a few minutes, she decided to stop and I agreed to her wanting to wait. Then I looked at the condom and was like, what the hell is all over the condom? It was a red condom and I thought somewhow the stuff was running off. Then I started smelling this horrible horrible smell and started gagging. I asked her what it was and she didn't know. I almost threw up before making it to the shower to wash off this "condom mess"
A couple months later I smelled the same smell and the condom was clear with a new red color and I learned that both of the times she had started her period and didn't know it yet. She knew it the first time but let me believe that it was the condom for a long time until she finally admitted it here recently. She was just to embarrassed to admit it. Lol
Also, there was a time when my friend had met met up with some girl to have sex with and he was really drunk and he was in the backseat of his car and just did get his window down in time to puke over her instead of on her and for some reason they continued to have sex.
Adam what do you mean by "you don't know what you would do with 2 inches either?" What would you doing with a penis anyway?
Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
You find menstrual blood to have a horrible smell and make you gag? There actually are people who have intercourse straight through their periods.
Anyone else have any thoughts?
Honestly - I'm surprised by this.
True story, my health education teacher in the ninth grade told the whole class that having intercourse while a woman was menstrating was what he enjoyed best because it was natural lubrication when you get older and women aren't naturally as wet.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Telling a room full of fourteen year olds this... you can imagine how it went over? It still haunts me to this day, just the thought of this conversation taking place.
To top it all off, the teacher now shows up to my poker games and I have dealt and played with him a few times... I recognized him right away and he still has no idea how much he tramatized me.
Yeah, I don't think the smell was related to menstrual blood. I've had sex lots of times when my partner was menstruating, and the only difference was a little more (and more colorful) mess to clean up afterwards. Some women seem to get really horny during their period, and if their partner has enough sense not to be grossed out, he can have a great time.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
I guess post-menopausal women are SOL, huh? There's always K-Y, I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
Quote:
Originally Posted by ordinaryguy
Or men who take their time and know what they're doing -
OK, I've thought about this some more, and now I know what my worst sexual experience was. It was the last time I had sex with my wife. It was about five years ago, and I don't remember a thing about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by ordinaryguy
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
I have sex through my period. My husband could care less. I don't flow super heavy so its never an issue, but even so he doesn't care. Still feels as good and who cares, throw down a towel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 88sunflower
Oh, good - I thought it was only me.
Nope, it's not just you.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikosmom
I've never had anyone comment on odor before, particularly to the gagging stage. That's what startled me.
Ya I agree I have no odor really. Hell there were times I was almost done and he would go downtown and never notice. Guess we are the lucky ones.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Oh god is there going to be a thread on our cycles now? Lol
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