I just want to add to this post a thought that on an issue which ressonates through most of the responses. Even when you are married, have made the commitment for monogamy, that is not the end of the bargain. I read all these posts and it seems to me people want to hide behind this veil of marriage becaues "now you have promised for ever."

I think it is just so much more complicated than that. I liken it to buying a house. You buy the house and make the payments and expect in return to be kept safe and dry. Well to be kept safe and dry you have to do maintenance and invest. Marriages are the same, both have to invest. When they do not, it goes to crap.

Don't get me wrong, you have to do the work right if you want to maintain a decent house (marriage). It just is sometimes, the one looking to find what is missing has already tried their spouse, several times, and is not getting anywhere. They are not ready to move on but are needy none the same.

I just think it is harder than a 10 minute ceremonious promise.

With that said, I do think you made the right decision.

Sylvan
You are so right. I see some many people get married and get "lazy" with their looks, showing feelings for each other in public or anytime, not say "sweet nothings" anymore and that is why marriages end.

I think it is b.s that you have been together so long you shouldn't have to do that anymore or that "the other person knows how I feel". I realized that after my divorce (which was very amicable-got married too young and grew up 2 totally different people with diff interests, etc).

When I started dating my boyfriend (which I am now proudly going to be with ONLY) he constantly gives me compliments and still does every day.
Last night I re-read all the imputs and gave myself and my life a real hard look and decided that I was being selfish, conceited, spoiled and wanting my cake and eat it too.

This morning I looked at my boyfriend and really looked kind of through him and saw what a fool I was being. So, I'm glad I asked this question and got all the replies-thanks to everyone!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sylvan_1998

I just want to add to this post a thought that on an issue which ressonates through most of the responses. Even when you are married, have made the committment for monogamy, that is not the end of the bargain. I read all these posts and it seems to me people want to hide behind this veil of marriage becaues "now you have promised for ever."

I think it is just so much more complicated than that. I liken it to buying a house. You buy the house and make the payments and expect in return to be kept safe and dry. Well to be kept safe and dry you have to do maintenance and invest. Marriages are the same, both have to invest. When they do not, it goes to crap.

Dont get me wrong, you have to do the work right if you want to maintain a decent house (marriage). It just is sometimes, the one looking to find what is missing has already tried their spouse, several times, and is not getting anywhere. They are not ready to move on but are needy none the same.

I just think it is harder than a 10 minute ceremonious promise.

With that said, I do think you made the right decision.

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Oh I agree... If you want a healthy happy marriage, both parties need to work to keep it that way. And that includes the bedroon.

I've been married 17 years and we still both enjoy sex for all practical purposes every day. It hasn't gotten dull or boring... nobody ever says "oh no you diiiiinnnnt!"

Do we argue at times? Yes... but the key is never to go to bed angry.

Never going to bed angry?

What say you about make up sex??

(Sorry, it's Friday:))

Or do as my old sig line used to say

"never go to bed angry... stay up and fight"

Hey... I'm irish, married to an italian. Its what we do.

Kidding.

Sort of.

Hey, I'm married to an Italian too. I'm mixed but there is Irish in there.

Life's to short to go through life holding a grudge... or go to bed angry.

Besides its better for your blood pressure if for no other reason.

You feel it is time for your freedom, but are you thinking or caring about what either one of these guys feel they should have or want or need at this point in their lives??
You need to consider their rights as well as YOUR freedom.
Ask them how they feel about cheating and things like that and see what they say and that should answer your question.
If it was so okay Jerry Springer would never have gotten as popular as he is.

If you want to have sex with different men - then be single and do so with some casual flings If you want to be in a relationship with two different people then find two people who are happy to agree to and have open relationships. Find a partner who is a swinger! Its been said - what you are doing is selfish and decietful UNLESS both parties are aware of you agenda. You are taking choices away from these men. #1 may not want to stay with a cheater & #2 may not want to sleep with someone in a relationship

Please read the ENTIRE thread before posting your judgements.

If you'd read to the end before posting, you would realize that we've already helped the OP, and that she's seen that what she's doing is wrong.

I realized Friday that I must tell my boyfriend out of respect for him and our relationship. I told him about what I had done and how bad I felt. At first, I didn't feel bad about it and then the guilt was building ever so slowly since it happened. I started to realize what I truly had and if I lost it, how that would make him and I feel. We have something ever so special and what in the world was I "looking" for and why did I do it? I honestly don't know why I did it. I was looking for what I thought was intimacy and realized I had no idea what that was until we sat up all night crying and talking and hugging and me running to another room to hide because I felt I had no right to even be in the same room with a man who I had just torn his heart out. Last night we talked so long, I think I got 2-3 hrs of sleep but you know what it was worth it. I truly know what intimacy is now, it's the closeness you feel towards someone you love. Someone you can hug and feel something in your heart filling up with security and comfort. I have learned so much this past week that my head hurts from all the knowledge I gained posting this question. Thank you everyone out there who made me realize what I had and almost threw away!

I think it depends on how they got together - was it just for roomies and sex is optional or was it to be a "couple"? If it was the last one - then I think you should discuss your living arrangements. Perhaps what you need is just a room mate to explore all the opportunities out there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Annabelle789123

I realized Friday that I must tell my boyfriend out of respect for him and our relationship. I told him about what I had done and how bad I felt. At first, I didnt feel bad about it and then the guilt was building ever so slowly since it happened. I started to realize what I truly had and if I lost it, how that would make him and I feel. We have something ever so special and what in the world was I "looking" for and why did I do it? I honestly don't know why I did it. I was looking for what I thought was intimacy and realized I had no idea what that was until we sat up all night crying and talking and hugging and me running to another room to hide because I felt I had no right to even be in the same room with a man who I had just torn his heart out. Last night we talked so long, I think I got 2-3 hrs of sleep but you know what it was worth it. I truly know what intimacy is now, its the closeness you feel towards somone you love. Someone you can hug and feel something in your heart filling up with security and comfort. I have learned so much this past week that my head hurts from all the knowlege I gained posting this question. Thank you everyone out there who made me realize what I had and almost threw away!

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Good for you, I'm so glad that you chose this path.

Everything happens for a reason, and now you know how much this man really means to you.

I hope that everything works out for the two of you. Keep us informed. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Annabelle789123

I realized Friday that I must tell my boyfriend out of respect for him and our relationship. I told him about what I had done and how bad I felt. At first, I didnt feel bad about it and then the guilt was building ever so slowly since it happened. I started to realize what I truly had and if I lost it, how that would make him and I feel. We have something ever so special and what in the world was I "looking" for and why did I do it? I honestly don't know why I did it. I was looking for what I thought was intimacy and realized I had no idea what that was until we sat up all night crying and talking and hugging and me running to another room to hide because I felt I had no right to even be in the same room with a man who I had just torn his heart out. Last night we talked so long, I think I got 2-3 hrs of sleep but you know what it was worth it. I truly know what intimacy is now, its the closeness you feel towards somone you love. Someone you can hug and feel something in your heart filling up with security and comfort. I have learned so much this past week that my head hurts from all the knowlege I gained posting this question. Thank you everyone out there who made me realize what I had and almost threw away!

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We all can lose our way at times... Glad we could help before you lost something special.