As I said, you have not dealt with childhood pain and will be stuck FOR LIFE -
if you don't step up and find a guru, counselor, mentor, friend, motivation to help you live... otherwise you are (I hate to say it)... a quitter.

The answers are here if you wish to use them. There is no magic pill or cure. Only the breakthrough of hard work and honesty will get you there. You are too scared to live. I am proud of you for coming here - but it's only the first step. Seek out others with panic disorders... you may be surprised how helpful it can be for you.

I recommend you see a doctor you may actually have a low testosterone level. It is natural for women to have this. I believe 10% of women in the US have this problem, you both should see a sex doctor and find out what you both can do to be happy.

Thing is we have already done this and I have had testosterone implant put in me over a period of 9 months eventually getting to the highest level but I had to ask what was it meant to be doing as I felt no difference, other than a sore belly for a few weeks when she put them in! We have been to a sex therapist together this was totally unsuccessful as all she had us doing was sensate focus and then telling her how it made me feel, I was un listened to so eventually we stopped going. There are no more in this area for us to see

The best way to not have one is to worry about having one during the act. I've read about this before and had a girl friend that had the same problem as you. We tried quite a few times and ended up just sore and raw. So after a while I started to read books on it and its true that the brain is the first part to work on. You need to relax light some candles set the mood with some music. Get into making love by him first going oral then to too intercourse. It doesn't matter if he cums first but he needs to continue satisfying you while not make you feel like you're a chore like doing the dishes. Let him continue with maybe a vibrator and most importantly don't think just relax. The most important part of it is your sense of feeling down there. Don't try to push for an experience that is a reflex. It will build on its own. Only once you know how it works can you start to search for it. Its going to take your boyfriends dedication but most importantly you need to drop the stress. Good luck.

I'm not trying to be pickyhere OK but he's my husband we have been married for 24 years now so if this was a reflex thing then surely it would have happened by now? He's done the oral thing on me for hours at a time, nothing, I actually fall asleep, it gets boring for me after a few seconds of nothingness. He's used so many types of vibs on me but still nothing,

As I said for 23 years I never knew women had orgasms, and although ultimately an orgasm is what we would like to happen, I understand that without me feeling anything beforehand that is not going to work, so me "shutting" this of from my mind isn't part of the prbolem here as it was never in there in the first place

Humm this is a hard one then. Let me check up on what I can. But the doctor is a good idea. Is it possible for you to travel else where and see a doctor?

Humm this is a hard one then. Let me check up on what I can. But the doctor is a good idea. Is it possible for you to travel else where and see a doctor?

It would be possible if there where any available in this country unfortunatlely in the uk that help is little and hard tofind. The nhs system here doesn't seem to cater for this problem very well at all.

Oh yes I just sent you a pm if that's OK

I hate to just throw web links up but you might want to check this out.

Sexual Dysfunction in Women: What Can I Do If Sex Isn't Working for Me? -- familydoctor.org

Hmm... you've tried everything that I could think of. Ever heard of Mystery Diagnosis on the Discovery Health Channel. Maybe there is something more to your case than a lack of libido. Is there anything unusual about your body? Maybe you get aches or pains for no reason, fatigued often? Have you had blood work done? There was a case a while back where a woman had no labido at all and it ruined her marriage, only to find out that she had polycystic ovarian syndrome. She was misdiagnosed with a low testosterone level and was given shots but it only made things worse.

Her episode is called "Why is emily screaming?" she'll be the second case on the video or disc. But I may be wrong about the whole thing but its always good to have a fresh look on things.