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Originally Posted by iamintrouble

My fiancée want me to do oral sex for him. I don’t like it when I am available but he want oral sex rather than make love to me. So, I didn’t do it and went to sleep. He went to another room masturbation with the pornography. I feel he is so sick! I don’t want to talk to him and let him touch me at all. Did my reaction is normal? Should I have open mind for that? Is it acceptable he do masturbate with the pornography even when I am available? :confused:

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Well men are totally sex crazy and love wild girls. You see this is why they are all addicted to porn. Losers hu? The only answer I have for you are these: 1. get hammmared then kiss his I, you'll be out of your mind. 2. leave him if you are sure you can never put yourself though this. Or to get back at him have sex with another man

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Originally Posted by ayubear

well men are totally sex crazy and love wild girls. you see this is why they are all addicted to porn. losers hu? the only answer i have for you are these: 1. get hammmared then kiss his i, youll be out of your mind. 2. leave him if you are sure you can never put yourself though this. or to get back at him have sex with another man

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DO NOT do that... Terrible!

1. this is a teenager who has no clue what true love, and marriage is...

Or

2. This girl has been in so many relationships, she doesn't know what true love and marriage is...

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Originally Posted by ayubear

well men are totally sex crazy and love wild girls. you see this is why they are all addicted to porn. losers hu? the only answer i have for you are these: 1. get hammmared then kiss his i, youll be out of your mind. 2. leave him if you are sure you can never put yourself though this. or to get back at him have sex with another man

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You advise might not be fit me. But thank you for your comments anyway!

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Originally Posted by bignaked101

DO NOT do that... Terrible!

1. this is a teenager who has no clue what true love, and marriage is...

or

2. This girl has been in soo many relationships, she doesn't know what true love and marriage is...

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Thank you for your concern. I do understand what ths ideas come from. Men do like what they want with inconsiderate others. And porn do ruined my relationship a lot! If I say, I do like porn as my fiancée. Then, I wouldn't see porn is negative in life for me. Then, the problems will be solved!

I don't know but if this is a problem now wait till you get married. The two of you need to talk this out and come up with a compromise that you can both live with or your marriage will be doomed before it ever gets started.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

In my mind he is being quite selfish, and a bit immature. And I am a guy.

Now I do however see no problem with SOME porn. But like all things there are limits.

Would I like having sex with a lot of different women? I'd be lying if I said no. But the difference is its not a focal point for me, nor is it something I particularly intend to pursue.

Why? I know the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Which for those who do not speak english as a first language. That American English idiom means I know that most likely the next woman is NOT likely to be better than the one I'm with, either personality wise or in bed. Therefore while I may say any particular woman might be great looking I know she most likely will not be better in bed or a more pleasant person to live with than the woman I married. I may have a share of differences with my wife as all couple will, but I also know I think we are a very good match in bed. Something many women likely will not be.

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I do feel the same way, he do a bit engocentic and immature when come to this point.
This is his says to me, I miss the playfulness, the excitement, the adventure, and yes the fantasy (we have over 4 years relationship). He kind of telling me he like porn because he can't find his fantasy and good for enhance our relationship and build intimacy.

P.s I can see this is a admire for your better half! ;)

If he is immature about it, go to his level, and be immature about your problems... Try to speak to him on his level, maybe that will work... Or maybe come to a compromise, you have to loose a little to gain a little... I know that Fiancés or husbands watching porn can make a woman feel belittled, and make them a little self-conscious about their appearance, so tell him that and if he speaks immature to you, then be immature to him and if he gives you that intellect like, it's a load of bull... your foreign, but your human too and you should be able to speak to people about your problems...

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Originally Posted by bignaked101

If he is immature about it, go to his level, and be immature about your problems... Try to speak to him on his level, maybe that will work... Or maybe come to a compromise, you have to loose a little to gain a little... i know that Fiances or husbands watching porn can make a woman feel belittled, and make them a little self-conscious about their appearance, so tell him that and if he speaks immature to you, then be immature to him and if he gives you that intellect like, its a load of bull... your foreign, but your human too and you should be able to speak to people about your problems...

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I tried to understand his point of view. But I just can't stand that if I know he just use me for release, or his fantasy. Like you said, I feel belittled, and with no respect. I asked him to cut porn down, but he's not willing to do that of because he think I just don't understand. He says, porn the adventure and fantasy. He needs that for enhance the relationship and build intimacy. And in generally prefer oral, over masturbate. Intercourse basiclly just for satify I need. Does he sounds selfish to you? Where is the make love for making love with the person you loved? Not using their body for satify yourself, and the fantasy! :o

Sounds like he may be wanting his fantasies to become a reality, you have to understand that a lot of porn these days is oral, thus him wanting oral sex... But the whole thing about him using you to fulfill his sexual fantasies, I do not know, I mean, making love and fulfilling fantasies are two whole different things, just tell him how you feel about giving oral sex, if he doesn't want to listen, make him listen... but there is virtually no way to keep a man from looking at pornography, there are too many computers and magazines in the world today...

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Originally Posted by bignaked101

Sounds like he may be wanting his fantasies to become a reality, you have to understand that alot of porn these days is oral, thus him wanting oral sex... But the whole thing about him using you to fulfill his sexual fantasies, i do not know, i mean, making love and fulfilling fantasies are two whole different things, just tell him how you feel about giving oral sex, if he doesn't want to listen, make him listen... but there is virtually no way to keep a man from looking at pornography, there are too many computers and magazines in the world today...

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Thank you for your reply again!

I think I just no way to make him understand my point of view as a woman. We talked a lot but never come up with solution until the problem happened again, we have the same agrument again. These day is so hard to find a love in conservative way. The world is up side down with all the technology!

I guess I just need to be his little porn star, or other option - just out of his fantasy life!:o

You do not have to settle for that! There are plenty of men out there that do not think that way. This guy is self centered he is not loving you. Loving someone puts the other persons needs above your own. Hence... love is not selfish. He is absolutely selfish and this is only the beginning. If you stay with him I am sure it will show up in other areas as well. He is immature and does not know what love is. You deserve and can find much better! I know plenty of men who do not treat women that way, do not view sex that way and certainly do not need porn to "build intimacy". What a load of crap! He is trying to make it as though you are the one with the problem. It is called deflection. Don't buy into it. You went to him and asked him to compromise and he flat out told you no this is your problem deal with it and this is how I like it/want it. It seems clear that he only thinks of himself and doesn't care about your feelings at all. I really hope you move on to someone better. Sorry, that is just my opinion.

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Originally Posted by tawnynkids

You do not have to settle for that! There are plenty of men out there that do not think that way. This guy is self centered he is not loving you. Loving someone puts the other persons needs above your own. Hence...love is not selfish. He is absolutely selfish and this is only the beginning. If you stay with him I am sure it will show up in other areas as well. He is immature and does not know what love is. You deserve and can find much better!! I know plenty of men who do not treat women that way, do not view sex that way and certainly do not need porn to "build intimacy". What a load of crap! He is trying to make it as though you are the one with the problem. It is called deflection. Don't buy into it. You went to him and asked him to compromise and he flat out told you no this is your problem deal with it and this is how I like it/want it. It seems clear that he only thinks of himself and doesn't care about your feelings at all. I really hope you move on to someone better. Sorry, that is just my opinion.

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Actually, you're not the first person said that. For over 4 years relationship, I try to compormise anyway I can. But this is just over my boundaries...

His dad also like porn. But a bit better just on cable TV (not download it on computer daily). His mom says, everyone have their things, you can never find a perfect one. You can just do the best you can in the relationship (she doesn't like porn either).

Thank you for your reply. :o

Well I don't recommend to get married to him before you settle this issue... as sex one of the most important reasons of divorce and making partners cheating on each other... it's obveious that your partner is selfish and only cares for his satisfaction... well, tell him how you feel about it and ask him to change of himself... ask him why he does not feel satisfied with intercourse... if it did not work then do not continue this relationship because no matter what he is good in anything else and you can bare it for a while but it won't work for life time...

Ms. Redrose

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Originally Posted by MayMsredrose

Well I dont recommend to get married to him before you settle this issue...as sex one of the most important reasons of divorce and making partners cheating on eachother...it's obveious that your partner is selfish and only cares for his satisfaction ... well, tell him how you feel about it and ask him to change of himself...ask him why he does not feel satisfied with intercourse...if it did not work then do not continue this relationship because no matter what he is good in anything else and you can bare it for a while but it won't work for life time...

Ms. Redrose

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I thougth about it too. One thing is always in my mind that one day he might find faults on me (like if I busy with the kinds, pay lack of attention on him, etc.) and have a fair because he like fantasy, the excitement and the adventure from porn so much now...

I can see why he is not into intercourse that much. After 4 years relationship, he might just feel same all thing and can't feel excitement and the adventure in intercourse as much as the time we met. He needs some spices! So the porn idea kind of giving him sense of adventure, fantasy and excitement in sex. So he can keep go on intercourse in me. And I do noticed he doesn't feel like have sex as much as usual when he was busy at work. Because he doesn't have time for porn. The desire was drop. He also think porn is health, it can avoid in our rather conservative sex life. But sounds like to me no porn, no sex!

Marriage is not perfect, there will be arguments... its complicated..