I met someone exactly the same way you did. I was freshy 20. He was 52. We met on the internet. We went out for dinner. He turned out to want sex and that was it. He took it from me, (yes RAPE, and you Don't want to mess with it) and then left me at the gas station on the corner.

DO NOT PLAY WITH THIS.
There is only so much we can tell you. YOU have to be the one to say 'i am worth more than that'

So I'm sorry. But pull your head out of your arse and start THINKING like an adult. Because all the age in the world means CRAP until you grow up and start thinking acting and behaving like an adult.

And honey, your NOT there yet.

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

i met someone exactly the same way you did. i was freshy 20. he ws 52. we met on the internet. we went out for dinner. he turned out to want sex and that was it. he took it from me, (yes RAPE, and you DONT want to mess with it) and then left me at the gas station on the corner.

DO NOT PLAY WITH THIS.
there is only so much we can tell you. YOU have to be the one to say 'i am worth more than that'

so im sorry. but pull your head out of your arse and start THINKING like an adult. because all the age in the world means CRAP untill you grow up and start thinking acting and behaving like an adult.

and honey, your NOT there yet.

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Read jenniepepsi; post carefully... This young lady has been there and she is telling you from experience... you are putting yourself in danger. Thank God she shared her story with you. She's trying to give you a wake up call... Listen to her! Sorry for your pain jpepsi... :)

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

i met someone exactly the same way you did. i was freshy 20. he ws 52. we met on the internet. we went out for dinner. he turned out to want sex and that was it. he took it from me, (yes RAPE, and you DONT want to mess with it) and then left me at the gas station on the corner.

DO NOT PLAY WITH THIS.
there is only so much we can tell you. YOU have to be the one to say 'i am worth more than that'

so im sorry. but pull your head out of your arse and start THINKING like an adult. because all the age in the world means CRAP untill you grow up and start thinking acting and behaving like an adult.

and honey, your NOT there yet.

---

I'm really sorry you went through that, jennie. I am curious exactly how much it relates to me, but I'm sure it's painful to talk about. Thanks for sharing..

I think I may be in a little over my head. I met one guy off the internet as friends, but he at least was a friend of my friend's boyfriend. And it was still pretty awkward and weird and he was stranger than I expected--I made a quick exit. I've only seen one picture of this guy, and I've never heard his voice. And it would completely throw me if he has a strange voice. I still can't bring myself to believe he would hurt me, however taboo the age difference is, but I didn't think he was the most attractive man I ever saw. Not ugly, but not really my type. I overlooked it because I believed what I know about him... he must have something going for him to have had that many women, right?

But yet we barely talked about sex. Mainly real life interests, what's going on in our lives.. normal things. And he's a long time member and mod on that site. So I don't know. I think he's legit, but I don't really know how things would play out if I don't even really find him attractive and I definitely don't love him..

I'm just going to say I won't do it..

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I'm really sorry you went through that, jennie. I am curious exactly how much it relates to me, but I'm sure it's painful to talk about. Thanks for sharing..

I think I may be in a little over my head. I met one guy off the internet as friends, but he at least was a friend of my friend's boyfriend. And it was still pretty awkward and weird and he was stranger than I expected--I made a quick exit. I've only seen one picture of this guy, and I've never heard his voice. And it would completely throw me if he has a strange voice. I still can't bring myself to believe he would hurt me, however taboo the age difference is, but I didn't think he was the most attractive man I ever saw. Not ugly, but not really my type. I overlooked it because I believed what I know about him...he must have something going for him to have had that many women, right?

But yet we barely talked about sex. Mainly real life interests, what's going on in our lives..normal things. And he's a long time member and mod on that site. So I don't know. I think he's legit, but I don't really know how things would play out if I don't even really find him attractive and I definitely don't love him..

I'm just going to say I won't do it..

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Please say you won't do it!. Kit

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I'm really sorry you went through that, jennie. I am curious exactly how much it relates to me, but I'm sure it's painful to talk about. Thanks for sharing..

I think I may be in a little over my head. I met one guy off the Internet as friends, but he at least was a friend of my friend's boyfriend. And it was still pretty awkward and weird and he was stranger than I expected--I made a quick exit. I've only seen one picture of this guy, and I've never heard his voice. And it would completely throw me if he has a strange voice. I still can't bring myself to believe he would hurt me, however taboo the age difference is, but I didn't think he was the most attractive man I ever saw. Not ugly, but not really my type. I overlooked it because I believed what I know about him...he must have something going for him to have had that many women, right?

But yet we barely talked about sex. Mainly real life interests, what's going on in our lives..normal things. And he's a long time member and mod on that site. So I don't know. I think he's legit, but I don't really know how things would play out if I don't even really find him attractive and I definitely don't love him..

I'm just going to say I won't do it..

---

I am not trying to say that he IS this way. I would never assume that just because someone was originally connected Thur the Internet means they are bad. I have met wonderful people on the Internet, loving and friendly people, many here, who even step out of the Internet world to help in the real world. I met my best friend of 10 years now on a radio show, (he was a DJ) and is still to this day my best friend in real life (in person)

But you also can't assume all people are good either. As cold and unloving as it sounds you MUST keep in mind the 'what ifs' and play it safe and cautious.

The best advice I can give you, since it seems you DO want to meet this guy, (and though everyone's opinions differ, I see nothing wrong with a friendship or romance between people with a large age gap between them) do it, but SAFELY. Meet once in person, in public, at a mall for instance. During the day, drive yourself, and he drive himself. And DO NOT LEAVE with him. Meet a few times in person for an hour or two. Have lunch, coffee, go bowling. etc. always in plain view of others, during the day, and driving yourself. Get to know the person he is in real life, and not on the Internet. Hopefully, he is everything you believe him to be, and if that's the case than I wish you well.

But don't do this in a stupid way. It could save your life if you automatically assume that all men want sex, and all men are willing to take it (until you REALLY get to know them in person that is)

I'm glad you have decided not to go through with just losing your virginity simply because your tired of having it lol. I lost mine as a child and I would have LOVED to had made that decision. (in fact, losing it that way is probably exactly why I have had so much trouble with men in my life. Andi wouldn't wish it on anyone)


(also, anytime you would like to speak to me about what I have been through as far as this stuf is concerned, feel free to message me. I have no problem talking about it at all. I can't give you advice through the private messages, but we can talk about it and discuss the challenges it can offer. )

Hello,

I think you should wait. Believe me I know you are wondering what all the huff and puff about sex is.
I also understand that you fell pressure from your friends cause you have never bee kissed or had sex.
I truly believe if these people are pressuring you about having sex
Than they do not have your future in mind, Any thing could happen,from STD or even getting knocked up.

Please try to think about this more. I know that you might be having hormones that are driving you crazy.. I understand wanting to fit in with all the other girl frinds of yours that have had sex and can talk about it and laugh or tell there storie like they are something cause they have the experience.

Look on the other Hand you can keep your virginity and PRIDE

YOU will be able to look in the mirror and NOT be ASHAMED of a dession that is not a good one.

Get yourself involved in activities such as a book club are maybe volleyball.
I hope I have helped you

STAY TRUE TO Yourself
HAVE A BLESS DAY

Listen to the advice you've been given... Kit

Okay. Advice. Hhhhmmm.

You are on the fence. You want to do this, but are unsure. You've come here looking for someone to say, "Sounds safe and reliable to me! Go for it!" At the end of the day, you want to do this and you are trying to find someone to say it is okay.

We aren't doing that because of the LARGE number of red flags being raised at this point. Not one person here thinks this a good idea, not even a little bit.

So there you have it. No bit of convincing will cause us to change our opinions. No bit of our convincing will cause you to change your mind.

There is a chance that everything is what it seems to be. There is a chance that this person is honestly and genuinely interested in something more than just sex with you. He could be a safe and fun guy. That is a chance that nothing bad will happen.

There is a chance that he is an internet stalker. He is playing you and a number of other impressionable young women. Women who don't have the maturity and knowledge to fend off said predator. There is a chance that he prays off the ignorance, and you are ignorant, of young women for only his gratification. There is a chance that he knows, though experience, what sweet nothings to whisper in your ears. What to say to get past your meagre defences. What to say to convince you, and probably countless others, to spread their legs for him.

You're not nearly paranoid, cautious, or critical enough to see what could go wrong here. You're not seeing what could go wrong. You're pissing around here trying to convince yourself that this will end well. It probably won't.

So decision time. Do it, or don't do it.

You are just 19, come on! Listen, I'm 28 virgin. What makes things worst is the fact that I'm beautiful, hardworking girl, nice, and very intellectual, How do you think I feel about being a virgin despite I have what most people calls “the whole package”?

But guess what? Even when I'm sick of my pathetic situation, I stand up for myself and, instead of give it to some stupid man who only sees my vagina and not a human being, I'm seeing a therapist. It's not easy, in my “apparent perfect life” I have issues to deal with. Yesterday I had a terrible session regarding self esteem (which I thought was well) and right now I feel like sh.. but I'm just beginning. This is a catharsis.

Let me tell you something I received my first kiss when I was 21. I was working in my office when this man (an as... ) who was always harassing me, suddenly entered to my office and kissed me without my consent.
A friend of mine (and excellent friend I have to say) told me: “Remember how you felt with that, now multiply it by 100 and you will know how you will feel if you have sex for the first time with somebody who doesn't really care about you, respect you or love you”. And my friend really knows what she is talking about since she was raped by her then boyfriend.

May be I'm the last person to give and advice since I have issues, I'm really depressed about being a virgin, and I think about losing it all day long. May be I'm exactly what you're scared about, an old virgin. However, I thought that you'd like to know that you are not the only one who's anxious because of this.

You say you want a winner, what's a winner? Vain, cool or what? Now, what kind of woman you are? Do you see yourself as a winner? I'm sorry baby but You can't receive what you can't give, THAT'S A FACT. Make changes in yourself according to what you are looking for, but always RESPECTING who you truly are.

Also, give me a break! You are much younger than me, How do you think I feel with all my friends are already having babies? Really stupid, like if something is wrong with me, but I'm not going to give myself like if I didn't deserved a little love or care. I do really want a change in my life, so, like “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson, I take a look at myself and I'll make a change, and may be that way things will be different. I go to counseling every week and I'm willing to overcome the way I feel. I'm wasting neither my money nor my time. May be you should ask for professional help too.

Be smart like Mina.. I think she's a very good examplle to young women.

I was hoping to belay the long and difficult process of making myself happy and functioning and equal and at least know sex and maybe get a confidence boost. Maybe it would take pressure off because I could check that milestone off my list and go back and do it right later. I told myself that I am strong because I am getting what I want, even if it is taboo. I thought that any man I wanted would leave my past in the past so it didn't matter how I lost it. If I died tomorrow, this would be one more experience I had had.

But I got a job and a license and a car and into college again and into the honors program etc etc. So I guess I'll just keep doing positive things until it makes me happy. Therapy is scary and expensive. I keep telling myself I'll go at school where it's free, but then I don't trust them to keep it confidential and I don't think it will help and I don't know if I really need it.

I don't really expect to go through with this anymore, but I do not know what to tell him. So I'm just acting like nothing changed.

You tell him you have decided not to do this. That is all you need to tell him. You don't owe him anything.

You are only 19. You have plenty of time to meet someone you want to give yourself to.

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I was hoping to belay the long and difficult process of making myself happy and functioning and equal and at least know sex and maybe get a confidence boost. Maybe it would take pressure off because I could check that milestone off my list and go back and do it right later. I told myself that I am strong because I am getting what I want, even if it is taboo. I thought that any man I wanted would leave my past in the past so it didn't matter how I lost it. If I died tomorrow, this would be one more experience I had had.

But I got a job and a license and a car and into college again and into the honors program etc etc. So I guess I'll just keep doing positive things until it makes me happy. Therapy is scary and expensive. I keep telling myself I'll go at school where it's free, but then I don't trust them to keep it confidential and I don't think it will help and I don't know if I really need it.

I don't really expect to go through with this anymore, but I do not know what to tell him. So I'm just acting like nothing changed.

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You are doing the right thing... take it one day at a time. You owe him no explanation. Stick to it... :)

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I was hoping to belay the long and difficult process of making myself happy and functioning and equal and at least know sex and maybe get a confidence boost. Maybe it would take pressure off because I could check that milestone off my list and go back and do it right later. I told myself that I am strong because I am getting what I want, even if it is taboo. I thought that any man I wanted would leave my past in the past so it didn't matter how I lost it. If I died tomorrow, this would be one more experience I had had.

But I got a job and a license and a car and into college again and into the honors program etc etc. So I guess I'll just keep doing positive things until it makes me happy. Therapy is scary and expensive. I keep telling myself I'll go at school where it's free, but then I don't trust them to keep it confidential and I don't think it will help and I don't know if I really need it.

I don't really expect to go through with this anymore, but I do not know what to tell him. So I'm just acting like nothing changed.

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1) Therapy is scary and expensive, WRONG. That is just an excuse you keep telling yourself so you convince yourself that you do not need counseling, but YOU defiantly NEED counseling.

2) Get off the excuses, make yourself an appointment and get into counseling. If you want to continue into positive steps and a happier future then you will do this. Trust is the least of your worries right now.

3) Very simple, lose contact with this person, and NEVER contact this person again. You stop acting like anything. You DO NOT owe anybody least of all that GUY anything.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

1) Therapy is scary and expensive, WRONG. That is just an excuse you keep telling yourself so you convince yourself that you do not need counseling, but YOU defiantly NEED counseling.

2) Get off the excuses, make yourself an appointment and get into counseling. If you want to continue into positive steps and a happier future then you will do this. Trust is the least of your worries right now.

3) Very simple, lose contact with this person, and NEVER contact this person again. You stop acting like anything. You DO NOT owe anybody least of all that GUY anything.

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Good advice if she'll listen.

Jesushelper76 is absolutely right, why do you think that you owe something to this guy?

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I was hoping to belay the long and difficult process of making myself happy and functioning and equal and at least know sex and maybe get a confidence boost. Maybe it would take pressure off because I could check that milestone off my list and go back and do it right later. I told myself that I am strong because I am getting what I want, even if it is taboo. I thought that any man I wanted would leave my past in the past so it didn't matter how I lost it. If I died tomorrow, this would be one more experience I had had.

---

And what in the world makes you believe that confidence comes after sex? Confidence comes from you and nobody or nothing (like a penis) will give it to you, but yourself.

It's not about a taboo, it's about considering all risks, physical and physiological. Do the right thing not for the world, but the best for you, and the best for you it's not always what you want, but what is more convenient after considering all that implies. Like my sister once told me, “stop thinking with you vagina, use your brain” (believe me, it's a great advice; I use it all the time).

Here is part of my story, if it helps.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...in-470393.html

Good for you, you're going to be fine, you'll see. I'm fine and I'm older than you.

I owe him an explanation because I was the one asking him a favor and when I first asked him he said, "I promise you: if I change my mind, I'll tell you, and be clear and direct. I won't just blow you off. That's not cool." I'll figure something out..

Confidence as in he would see me as vulnerable physically as anyone can be and accept me and still want to have sex with me. That's what I mean.

Mina, your story is really very similar to mine. Thank you for sharing and the encouragement.

What is there to figure out. I changed my mind I am not going through with it, I am not going to contact you anymore. Very Very Very simple.

You owe him nothing.

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I owe him an explanation because I was the one asking him a favor and when I first asked him he said, "I promise you: if I change my mind, I'll tell you, and be clear and direct. I won't just blow you off. That's not cool." I'll figure something out..

Confidence as in he would see me as vulnerable physically as anyone can be and accept me and still want to have sex with me. That's what I mean.

Mina, your story is really very similar to mine. Thank you for sharing and the encouragement.

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When you ask someone for a favor and then don't need it, you say "thanks but no thanks".
That is all you need to say to this man. If he is decent he will say to himself "good, she wised up" If he is a creep, well good thing you wised up.
You've made no promises to him, you don't owe him anything. You don't even know him.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

When you ask someone for a favor and then don't need it, you say "thanks but no thanks".
That is all you need to say to this man. If he is decent he will say to himself "good, she wised up" If he is a creep, well good thing you wised up.
You've made no promises to him, you don't owe him anything. You don't even know him.

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You are absolutely right Homegirl.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

When you ask someone for a favor and then don't need it, you say "thanks but no thanks".
That is all you need to say to this man. If he is decent he will say to himself "good, she wised up" If he is a creep, well good thing you wised up.
You've made no promises to him, you don't owe him anything. You don't even know him.

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Homegirl, I like your advice. Simple and vague. I have to tell him something, so that works. I didn't really want to expain how I came to this decision. And I appreciate that you gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I think this issue is closed. Thanks for all the advice and harshness/support.

Can't agree more with what other people are saying.
I'm 18, nearly 19 and still a virgin. Up unti last week I hadn't even kissed anyone before! And still that is as far as I have gone.
I respect myself and am willing to wait until I am in a happy relationship with someone before I even think about going there.
There is no rush! Stop looking for it, be young and enjoy yourself and eventually it will happen!

We all wish you well.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

We all wish you well.

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Yes we do.

Seriously, I wish I could turn back time and be a 19 year old virgin as you are...

I lost my virginity at 18 with someone I didn't even know, for similar reasons as you have. Because I felt that I was one of the last of my friends to be a virgin and I just wanted to do it to know what it was like and see what the big deal was, and not be different than my friends etc.

I know you're probably tired of hearing things like, If I could go back and do it again I'd do things differently etc. etc. because when you're 19 you have no idea how you're going to feel in your 30s/40s.

I'll just be honest with you here. Losing your virginity isn't just about having sex for the first time. Your virginity is a GIFT that you can give away only once. Please don't make the same mistake I did by not respecting or loving yourself enough to wait for someone to come along who is worthy of that gift.

I don't have many regrets in my life but this is certainly one of them and believe me, there is nothing wrong with being different than your friends by waiting. There's no rush and there's no big race in losing one's virginity. A time that's right for one isn't right for another.

Let your friends and family say what they will, let them make jokes. They've already given away their gifts. There's no shame in holding onto yours. You won't lose anything by waiting, you'll only lose by giving away something so special before you're ready to do so.

What is your most prized possession that you have right now? What's one thing that you own that you can't imagine giving away to just anyone?

Your body should be thought of as your most special gift as well.

I really hope you'll think about this because I relate so much to how you're feeling right now because I was in your shoes once and I wish I could go back and save myself for someone who loved me, and who I loved back.

If you really want to know what sex is like you can always get a toy; That way you can have some physical experience (on one level) but still save yourself for someone you love and who loves you in return.

I finally told him on the 22nd, and he answered me on the 26th. He was completely fine with it, encouraging even, and said he'd be around and to keep in touch. Thanks again, all.

Good girl.
That wasn't so bad now was it?
How are you doing?

Good for you! Good Luck

Slow down, maybe you should explore yourself and learn your own body, you will be way ahead of the curve if you can learn to know your own body. A lot of women have sex for all the wrong reasons, to feel needed, peer pressure, low self esteem, they think they are missing out on something, these all seem like the wrong reasons to have sex. Learn to get yourself off and it will release indorphans in your brain that will make you feel better. You turned down guys who asked you out? Why no feelings for them? Boy hope the rejection didn't mess up the guys. You maybe should reconsider the guys that were interested in you, or you ask out a guy that you are interested in. Forget the guy on the internet, you could talk to him for years and still be fooled, any self respecting 38 year old, probably over 40 wouldn't get involved with a 19 year old wanting to lose it. Just spend some time with some guys that are interested in you, this will boost self esteem and your confidence. I was 21 when I lost mine, so I know how your feeling, like your missing out on something great that everyone is doing. Trust me people who brag about sex are usually doing more talking than doing. I know this is all easy for us out here to say, but the simple fact that you are asking should give you the right answer. Yea carry mace and learn how to use it. Seek inter contentment

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Originally Posted by kryostar

Slow down, maybe you should explore yourself and learn your own body, you will be way ahead of the curve if you can learn to know your own body. alot of women have sex for all the wrong reasons, to feel needed, peer pressure, low self esteem, they think they are missing out on something, these all seem like the wrong reasons to have sex. learn to get yourself off and it will release indorphans in your brain that will make you feel better. You turned down guys who asked you out? Why no feelings for them? boy hope the rejection didnt mess up the guys. You maybe should reconsider the guys that were interested in you, or you ask out a guy that you are interested in. Forget the guy on the internet, you could talk to him for years and still be fooled, any self respecting 38 year old, probably over 40 wouldnt get involved with a 19 year old wanting to lose it. just spend some time with some guys that are interested in you, this will boost self esteem and your confidence. I was 21 when I lost mine, so i know how your feeling, like your missing out on something great that everyone is doing. trust me people who brag about sex are usually doing more talking than doing. I know this is all easy for us out here to say, but the simple fact that you are asking should give you the right answer. yea carry mace and learn how to use it. seek inter contentment

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Please read the ENTIRE thread before posting. She's already called it off with the guy on the internet.