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Originally Posted by BabyDoll0417
Disagree - I don't think it makes ALL women feel like they "don't do it for" their man. As I said, I don't have a problem with strip clubs but I'm not easily threatened by other women.
As far as forgive but don't forget - if this woman can't move on, then it's time to end the relationship. I wouldn't want to pay penance forever and/or hear about it every day.
This is about her now, not about him.
I thought he said they were getting along fine as long as they weren't talking about it and he was the one who wanted forgiveness and didn't feel like he was getting enough of that. Did I miss something?
You got it, the reason I would say she would be mad would be the feeling that she is not good enough for you, you obviously do not need her (in her mind anyway), you need to find a way to let her know that she is what you need and you couldn't possibly need anything that she couldn't give you. It will always hurt her nothing can be done about that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Christofanman
Quote:
Originally Posted by Always_asking
He's tried everything he can think of - I also don't see this is an "always" situation.
She needs to work on herself and stop blaming him - enough already. People have forgiven affairs and out of wedlock children more quickly and easily than this particular wife is forgiving a trip to a strip club.
(I have too much of a legal mind to use "always" and similar words.)
I worked for a few strip clubs outside of a military base (Ft Bragg NC) for a few years when I was stationed there. My best friend was head of security for a chain and I filled in when he had staffing shortages.
Yes, all sorts of nasty and illegal things go on at strip clubs. Some of them even involve the customers, although rarely. I also went to college and I assure you, the same things go on there. I went to a Jimmy Buffett concert... same things. Beach Party in Daytona... yup...
My point is that the strip club is irrelavant. She thinks you are cheating on her. And if she doesn't believe you aren't... time to find a woman worthy of you and your seemingly good self. Yes, I get that you have a daughter... but Dr Phil has a great quote: "A child would rather be from a broken home than in one".
Enough already - absolutely! What happened to forgiveness and compromise?Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
None and I mean NONE of us are perfect. Life is about understanding that at times we do things in our relationships that hurt the other person - but our love for each other helps us move beyond that point and grow.
Note the word 'grow'. Someone that holds on to something for a year is not interested in growth. They are interested in punishing the other person.
Absolutely.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini54
Yes he's serving his country... whilst his wife stays back home to raise their family. Which is another great service. Does she have needs? She's making an equal sacrifice! And then BAM!honey needs to play because let's face it he has needs, right? She has needs to.( I say mommy needs to get out and play while daddys out.. and see how daddy feels.. but we won't let him know.. unless she gets busted.) It's the lie,it's the distance between them,and the fact she's trying to raise THEIR family and do what's right,regardless of her *needs* otherwise we would be talking to her! I'm extremely insecure and it sounds like she is to.. u knew she would be upset. Sometimes we should sacrifice our own needs for the sake of another.. especially if we KNOW they would be hurt. Love is an ACTION not a butterfly stomach.
My initial reaction: she's putting the guilt on your shoulders to take it off her own because she hasn't been honest with you, and a strip club named Temptations is a perfect excuse.
No reasonable person would act this way. Something ain't right.
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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi
You don't think a reasonable person would be upset because her husband went to a strip club and lied about it?
I question the extent of the upset and why she's so insecure about herself but that's another topic.
Maybe it's time to close this thread. Nothing constructive is being added.
NO one said she wasn't doing something important too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess J
But seriously--he went out with the guys for ONE NIGHT, and she's still upset about it a YEAR later? That smacks of either a guilty conscience on her part, or of severe insecurity.
She NEEDS to get over it for the sake of their marriage.
And I know SEVERAL military wives--NONE of them sit at home and languish while their husbands are deployed. They keep busy, and go out with each other, too.
Apologies if you disagree but my ex asked me to marry him and three days later left me for a striper, personally if I couldn't forgive my husband for something over a year after it has happened, its not going to happen, unless she is hit hard over the head she won't forget what has happened, if she can't forgive by now I'm afraid it will be on her mind forever, yes if she is planning on staying then it is her problem that she can not forgive him and she has to deal with that and either leave him and stop all this misery or she needs to find a solution that works for her. Everyone is not the same so there is no answer we could give this couple that would help. An its not the trip to the strip club that she is not forgiving, it's the fact that he was not upfront about it, so I see it anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
There is absolutely nothing at all indication he has done anything wrong... nothing, I see an unreasonable, demanding and controlling woman with issues.
Doesn't matter where in Afghanistan he is... there is a risk. Some places are worse than others but the risk exists everyplace.
What's different between her getting her panties in a knot about seeing a stripper, and getting her panties in a knot because he had a few beers, "Might" get drunk and chase after women that for the most part don't want anything to do with a non-Muslim American.
For the uninformed... Afganistan is one of those places that almost exclusively practices arranged marriages. That means your parents pick your spouse... you don't. You DON'T have all the women over there dating whomever they want. I know more than a couple who were born and mostly grew up there.
Its NOT a free-for-all that exists in the US and some other countries around military bases. In fact it's the polar opposite of what the Philippines were.
I think it's a simple as she uses his choice to keep him off balance, whether its through her fears and insecurities that come from his deployment, or as a control point. Doesn't matter unless she lets it go to relieve the tensions, and deal with it in a positive way for them both.
A year is a long time to have a resentment, and not deal with it.
Nice summary wrap tal.
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Originally Posted by Always_asking
He didn't LEAVE her for anyone. He went to a strip club. He wasn't even "smart" enough not to use a charge card to pay for it.
Sorry your husband left you for a stripper but I don't see the relevance. He could have left you for a schoolteacher.
Other than enjoying punishing him, why, in this situation, is the wife staying?
I wonder what the definition of a strip club is in Afganistan? They show a bit of leg below the knee?
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Originally Posted by itsamor
Why do you think stripper equates bimbo? By definition, bimbos are uneducated, undereducated women. I'm sure there are strippers out there who would rather be doing something else but need to support their families.
And blaming the "victim," the wife by questioning what she's doing when he's gone is really unnecessary and inflammatory in my eyes.
Again - I think it's all been said. Time to close.
I'm leaving it open until it gets MUCH worse, or the OP asks me to close it.
I would just like to point out that there's a difference between education and intelligence. A bimbo or bimba (male bimbo) can have a college degree and a conventional job.
How does someone end up as a stripper single mother? I'm inclined to by sympathetic even if I don't like the business itself. I think a lot of kids grow up in situations that lead them into situations where they feel they have very few choices in terms of survival. If I'd had a kid at 17, I know my widowed father would have let me live with him and even helped me take care of the baby. Not every kid has that kind of support.
Anyway, I seriously doubt that the average intelligence of the audience in a strip club is higher than that of the performers. I'd be amazed if it was.
Itsamor---please be civil.
All of the strippers I knew were either desperate for money, or stripping to put themselves through school.
A "real" job doesn't pay up to $2k a week just for looking good--and if you think stripping is so easy, and not a "job", then why haven't YOU done it?
If you do not stop your slurs about strippers --which, by the way, have NOTHING to do with the original question--then I will delete ALL of your posts in this thread.
I hope that someday Christofanman can come back and give us more information or an update.
I'm in the same boat as your wife and I will tell you the two main reasons I cannot "get over it."
1. I was totally pissed when I found out because he hid it from me instead of being open about his whereabouts.
2. It made me feel inadequate. Especially since it happened while I was pregnant and just after having the baby when I still had the baby weight hanging off my frame.
I have not went back over the seven pages of answers, but stip clubs are not the houses of hookers and sex happening in back room. The better ones the customers can not even touch the girls, if they do they are kicked out.
Most of the ladies I know that work at strip clubs are just regular ladies, some have regular jobs during the day, like secretaries or clerks, a lot I know are college students that are helping to pay from college.
First and foremost I want to say thank you and God bless you indeed for your service . I had to stop and reply to Gemini 54's post. Right on ! Again thank you and God bless .Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini54
Does your wife know that you are seeking advise online? That shows that you really care, and confussed on how to fix your mistake. Maybe you should show her you question and your answers, then she may have a change in heart. I understand how she feels, it is a horrible feeling. My husband did the same to me at Fort Benning GA. I guess I had to see for myself that he still found me attracted, and if he would have posted a question looking for help, I think that would have eased my worried mind. Good Luck
Chuck,
Since you didn't read previous posts, you may have missed that the FBI thinks otherwise. In these clubs, stripping is the loss leader for prostitution.
Feds say prostitution rampant at strip clubs
Local News | Feds say prostitution rampant at strip clubs | Seattle Times Newspaper
The beauty of this system is that the club owner can claim that the very thing that keeps him in business is not something he knew about or condoned. Apparently, though, the FBI and IRS aren't buying it this time.Quote:
The clubs make their money by charging customers a $10 cover charge and $5 for soft drinks, and charging dancers $130 for each shift they work. The dancers make their "rent" back by performing private dances during which they frequently negotiate sex acts in exchange for money, according to investigators. Dancers arrested for prostitution at one club were often sent to work at another.
I honestly can not believe how many women do not trust their husbands enough to allow them to go to a strip club with their buddies.
Seriously--how can you possibly EVER trust him out of your sight, then?
Either you trust him, or you don't.
I can see the OP's wife being upset by the LIE, but not by the strip club itself.
If you can't trust your husband/boyfriend to go out with his friends, REGARDLESS where they go, then you need to get your butt into counseling for your trust and self-esteem issues.
PS--Have known dozens of strippers in my time, and not ONE of them EVER turned a trick.
#1 Does he know everything you do, everywhere you go, everyone you talk to every day?Quote:
Originally Posted by ProjectX
#2. That's a personal issue you should deal with yourself... not hold other people responsible for it.
People who "Can't get over it" are people with obsessions... that will destroy relationships over time. Notice I said people... not women... it applies to guys as well.
That might happen in some places... but not all. Anyplace can be a front for illegal activities of any type. And the smart criminals won't gravitate to the obvious ones that would call attention to themselves.Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
Most strip joints are practically a license to print money... cash business, stippers pay the management to be able to strip there with a percentage... management gets free waitresses when they are not dancing.
WHy would they screw THAT up running two bit hookers from the joint.
Its easier to run an Escort service.
Now any place that does that is a really seedy place anyway... and will attract only scaggs frew want to see dance. And yes I've know a couple strip club owners. THey aggressively bounce people that violate the no touching rules... or anyone that appears to be committing any illegal activity on their property.
Around here you will see less illegal activity at strip clubs that you will see in City Hall. They have too much to lose.
This issue has nothing to do with strippers. If someone is going to turn tricks, the fact that they are also a stripper has little to do with it. Heck, being a stripper can be considered marketing!
I have known many strippers and prostitues in my life. Some strippers turned tricks, some would take money and then not put out (whatcha going to do.. call te cops?) and most just dance. What someone does doesn't necessarily indicate what ELSE they might do.
I worked with strippers, dated strippers, married a stripper/porn star and was duped by a prostitute.
Again, this is all about the wife and her unhealthy obsession.
Hell, none of the few strippers I've known would ever turn tricks... dancing for money, nude or not is a quantum leap from sex for money.
And I know a Married suburban mother of 4 (and a couple others) that does... regularly. Regular soccer moms if you ever saw them out and around.
Never make assumption based on visible career choices.
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