Ask Me Help Desk - Your worst sexual experience.

My worst one was I was at a party at my friends house and this guy I knew, more like an acquaintance put the moves on me. It was fine because he was cute so we ended up going for a drive down this dead end street with a couple of our friends and we got out of the car to smoke and then he's kissing me more and when we get down to the knitty gritty his thing is so small! And the worst part was it kept slipping out and hitting me in my "taint" need less to say it was horrible and after a few minutes of this I jumped off the car saying.. "ok that's enough" and went back in the car with my friend that was with us.. covered with mosquito bites all over my legs and butt.

The funniest one would have to be with my husband. We were at the zoo in the picnic area and started having sex in the sunshine when a boy and his dad came up the trail to where we were! I don't think they saw anything but that was the fastest I've ever got my pants on in my life!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jentau

My worst one was I was at a party at my friends house and this guy I knew, more like an aquaintance put the moves on me. It was fine because he was cute so we ended up going for a drive down this dead end street with a couple of our friends and we got out of the car to smoke and then he's kissing me more and when we get down to the knitty gritty his thing is soo small! And the worst part was it kept slipping out and hitting me in my "taint" need less to say it was horrible and after a few minutes of this I jumped off the car saying.."ok that's enough" and went back in the car with my friend that was with us..covered with mosquito bites all over my legs and butt.

The funniest one would have to be with my husband. We were at the zoo in the picnic area and started having sex in the sunshine when a boy and his dad came up the trail to where we were! I don't think they saw anything but that was the fastest I've ever got my pants on in my life!!

Lmfaoooo in the zoo?? Hahahahaha! I did it in a public park late at night but thank god that went well lol

Wow you guys have weird moments there:)

Lol the weirdest are the best ;)

One time I was giving my boyfriend oral and I was a little drunk and I threw up all over his penis when it hit the back of my throat. Surprisingly he didn't loose his hard on but he got me and him to the bathroom to clean up and finished with us in the shower just in case. He actually made me feel comfortable in a mortifying situation and never picked on me about it. That's why I love him :)

Had something similar to Chrissymarie, just a change from puke to my menstruating blood. And it happened during the FIRST sex with my current boyfriend. When we changed position, he said casually, 'there's blood', we went to the bathroom to wash ourselves. Me, embarrassed, mumbling awkwardly 'this is embarrassing'. He either didn't hear it or just shrugged it off. We continued with anal that night.

Lol aww that's cute, ugh I hate deep throats! Once I choked nasty style that I had to puke!! Lol it was gross BUT I made it to the bathroom :)

I guess the moral of the story is "don't drink if you plan on going down because you might puke". Lol

Things were coming to a head one night (no pun entended) and I knew this guy was a heavy weight in the downstairs department,but had not actually laid eyes on it.. when the jeans came off,I think I gasped in horror.it was MASSIVE.. im talking a donkey here.. I could'nt do it... I could feel the little redhed going,'nope,I don't think so'

I been in that same situation before. I was going be intimate with this guy until I saw his package and quickly change my mind because it was too big. I mean it was long and thick.

I guess sometimes being blessed really isn't a blessing at all.

I talked to this afterwards and he told me I wasn't the first female with that reaction. Sometimes he would start to become intimate with a girl and when he sticks it half way in they tell him to stop and he obey their order. He said " He doesn't want nobody saying he rape them". I wish he could have gotten a penis reduction and maybe give his leftovers to the guy in my original post.

My story isn't as bad as some of the others but here it is.

One night my boyfriend and I parked in a school parking lot and we ended up going into the backseat to have sex. He was giving me oral sex and I was moaning loud and I had my eyes closed for a few minutes, I opened them to look at my boyfriend and instead I saw a man's face staring at me through the window. I jumped and screamed, I was so scared I couldn't even tell my boyfriend what was going on because I couldn't stop screaming lol. Finally I told him there was a guy staring at me in the window, and when we looked out the guy was running. My boyfriend was rushing to get his pants on so he could chase the guy but by the time he got dressed the guy was out of sight. We left the parking lot right after and now every time we park anywhere we lock the doors lol.

I'm 36,about two years ago I went to visit my parents who are in their sixties.. I have a key so let myself in.

I heard a noise and my first thought was my father is having a heart attack...

Yep,you guessed it,I burst into the their bedroom. They were having sex.(I know,I know,but I honestly thought he was having a heart attack,I screamed,they screamed,we all screamed)

It never even entered my little brain that they might be having sex.

That image is forever burned onto my retinas!

Redhead, I glad I wasn't in your shoes that day.

I recalled walking in on my parents having sex when I was younger. Can you image a 6 year old waking up in the middle of night and hearing strange noises coming from your parents room.

Then you go to investigate the sounds and see your naked parents having sex doggy style. All I could say was "What your doing to my mommy" and both of them stop and tried to explain things once they got dressed.

The sad part was that I heard the noises before but decided to see what it was that night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

Then you go to investigate the sounds and see your naked parents having sex doggy style. All I could say was "What your doing to my mommy" and both of them stop and tried to explain things once they got dressed.

The sad part was that I heard the noises before but decided to see what it was that night.

You've certainly had more adventures than Lassie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You've certainly had more adventures than Lassie.

I don't believe I have.

I have another...

Last week actually my boyfriend had me in the doggie style position on floor next to the bed and my boyfriend immediately jumped up with a girly screech because my dog had gone right behind my boyfriend and started licking his testicles and butt crack! But when he jumped up he wiped out of me so fast the condom slipped off and got stuck in va jj! We spent 15 minutes trying to get it out...

FYI we got it out lol!

Hi Chrissy:

Was it kind of like this?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/member...ump-record.gif

excon

2inchs. How old was the person you were having sex with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burd

2inchs. how old was the person you were having sex with.

He was in his 20's, why?

OK so this has to be the most embarrassing thing in the entire world for any girls out there!. me and my boyfriend came home from a club one night (I live with my mum) went upstairs and got into the drunken fondle like every other weekend only this time my boyfriend obviously had more stamina then usual we must have started our session round about 3.00am next thing I knew it was 7.00am and I was absolutely wrecked just as I was about to turn over and get some well needed sleep my boyfriend is rummaging around behind me I'm like "what are you doing" so you can imagine the horror when he turns to me and says "I can't find the condom" I'm like OMG where is it?. so we look around for a bit but its still dark in the room so I tell him to hit the light and then it hits me!. we can't find it cause its stuck in me... my first thought is panic so I'm like a lunatic while he is in denial still looking for it I go to the bathroom and sure enough there it is but its too far to get back down so I go back to the room lie and the bed and well... cry my heart out I have no idea what Im going to do and you can imagine this poor guy standing akwardley beside me probably contemplating jumping out the window at this stage! After a few mis of crying and kicking the bed my mum wakes up and comes into the room demanding to know what the hell is going on so I HAVE TO TELL HER... this was the most ashaming moment in my life one of these situations your mother should never know never mind sitting on the bed between you and your boyfriend!! I think my entire body just went into shock so my mum being my mun called a taxi and sent me to hospital I had to go to the Gyno clinic at that hour of the morn with my boyfriend sitting beside me at one point I just looked up at him and the 2 of us burst into laughing and couldn't stop can you imagine as if it wasn't bad enough now we are drawing attention to ourselves... anyway after I reluctantly explained to the doc what had happened she sorted it out for me and we were off home again for our sleep we intended to have hours before hand!! My mum never mentioned it again... THANK GOD.

I have one that happened to a good friend:

She's quite a prude [a total polar opposite of me]. Her and her fiancée were getting down and dirty for the first time- she usually lays there like a pancake. She was a little drunk and also had Indian food that night. While getting a double take of a vibrator and his manhood [yea I know WOW] she said she felt a slight pressure an just let out a fart. She ended up having a major case of diarrhea and basically sh--t all over him. Her fiancée was so disgusted he actually vomited everywhere, including on himself and her.

That my friend is probably one of the worst sexual experiences I have ever heard.

Eww [mental images]

Sarah

That's why I stand away from having sex with a guy that is drunk because they have the ability to stay hard forever. I call it a "drunken di¢k" because it don't know when to go low. Even if the guy is tired.

I wonder does this happens to all drunk guys. Hmm!

liz28:

Yes. Yes it does.

However, if the guy's ridiculously drunk, then no, it's hard to get it at... attention.

You got to have the right amount of "drunk"...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

liz28:

yes. yes it does.

however, if the guy's ridiculously drunk, then no, it's hard to get it at...attention.

You gotta have the right amount of "drunk"...

Interesting so what is the right amount of " drunk" Hehe!

Age is a factor as well. At 19 about 6 shots and a smoke and it was all night long. At 25 with 10 shots it was no go. Now I don't drink.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catsmine

Age is a factor as well. At 19 about 6 shots and a smoke and it was all night long. At 25 with 10 shots it was no go. Now I don't drink.

How many shots does a 36 year old have to drink?

Well, this didn't actually happen to me but to a close friend.

She's a gorgeous girl and likes to have a good time - she's out one evening at the local nightclub, having a few drinks and a few dances. Meets up with a guy - good looking, nicely built, but dances a bit weird. They hit it off, laughing and drinking. Both end up drinking a bit too much and catch a taxi to his place.

Play around for a bit then head for the bedroom. Lights go out, get into bed, things get hot and heavy... then she hears a huge thump/clunk. "What was that" she asks - "er, that was my wooden leg", he answers.

Sort of put a dampener on the foreplay she said...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Well, this didn't actually happen to me but to a close friend.

She's a gorgeous girl and likes to have a good time - she's out one evening at the local nightclub, having a few drinks and a few dances. Meets up with a guy - good looking, nicely built, but dances a bit wierd. They hit it off, laughing and drinking. Both end up drinking a bit too much and catch a taxi to his place.

Play around for a bit then head for the bedroom. Lights go out, get into bed, things get hot and heavy.... then she hears a huge thump/clunk. "What was that" she asks - "er, that was my wooden leg", he answers.

Sort of put a dampener on the foreplay she said....

lol sounds kind of fake =P

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

lol sounds kinda fake =P

It isn't! Trust me, we talked about it for ages afterwards.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

"What was that" she asks - "er, that was my wooden leg", he answers

Hello again:

I don't know. I had a girl with a wooden leg once. Didn't mind it at all. In fact, it was pretty good. Had nothing to do with her stump, though.

excon

Brings a whole new meaning to the term "I have some real wood going on down there..."

I won't go into details, but let's just say doggy-style and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are not a good combination.

~ Tee

Quote:

Originally Posted by Triysle

I won't go into details, but let's just say doggy-style and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are not a good combination.

~ Tee

Shouldn't have read this after lunch... :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikosmom

Shouldn't have read this after lunch... :(

I hope you was able to hold your lunch down. Hehe

My worst would probably be one new years eve...
We went on a holiday down the coast and my partner and I were drunk off our heads and we decided to go to a walk down to a park.

We found a big cement wall to do out 'thing' behind
All was good, had lots of fun...

We drove past the next morning and realised that the "big" wall was actually only a foot high and the park was littered with beer bottles from party goers...

Apparently there was a big party there that night... we didn't notice them but I'm sure a few people noticed us!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by shazamataz

My worst would probably be one new years eve...
We went on a holiday down the coast and my partner and I were drunk off our heads and we decided to go to a walk down to a park.

We found a big cement wall to do out 'thing' behind
All was good, had lots of fun...

We drove past the next morning and realised that the "big" wall was actually only a foot high and the park was littered with beer bottles from party goers...

Apparently there was a big party there that night... we didn't notice them but I'm sure a few people noticed us!!!!

Haha... don't tell me it was schoolies week?

That would have been crazy, little hign school kids watching. Bet they got more than they expect to see at schoolies... Lol!

Honk if you love Liz' new icon!

Liz, at 36 I was married and had kids. Shots didn't matter, just time!

My real worst was when the 14 year old self styled "Supervirgin" barged in and proceeded to deliver three acts of teenage drama while we were naked.

Yes, Liz, the drama was about us being naked.

Most of the dialogue was "Eww!"

Haha, I can just imagine the look on their faces XD

Ugh... I have one. It's actually kind of gross. ><

I have a medical issue to where I'm not able to have children, or have a menstrual cycle. Any guy I've dated intimately always doubts me when I tell them about this medical thing, which I usually try to explain before we get too serious. Well, the normal reaction is for the guy to think I'm lying, or pretending. Or at least be a little suspicious. Kind of like a girl telling a guy she's on birth control when she's not.

Though he did express the initial doubt, this boyfriend was pretty happy to find out he was dating a woman that didn't have a week off every month, lol.

So about 2 months into our relationship, we were having an intimate night at his apartment. He was using his fingers on me, and he got a little rough. After a while, it started to feel raw, so I suggested we have sex.

The lights were off. He grabbed a tissue, and wiped off his hands. Right at that moment, the doorbell rang, and his phone went off at the same time. It was his roommate, who forgot his keys.

So he throws on some shorts and a shirt in the dark, and runs out to let him in. Afterwards, he went into the bathroom, and stayed there for a really long time.

I was agonizing over the awkward interruption, and wondering what the holdup was when I rolled over in the bed. I saw the tissue in the waste basket, covered with blood. I had time for my eyes to widen, when my boyfriend walked into the bedroom with a VERY pissed off look on his face.

Long story short... after a very bad night of me freaking out, and trying to prove I wasn't a liar, I challenged him to come to my doctor with me so we could find out what was going on.

I explained to the gynecologist what we were doing when this happened. She examined me, and then simply turned to him, and said, "looks like you need to cut your fingernails, sir." Smiled at me, advised me the nurse will be back in with some treatment, and left the room.

We're still together, lol.