Thank you that's all I want is someone who might have been through this to tell what they did to get out of it...Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
|
Thank you that's all I want is someone who might have been through this to tell what they did to get out of it...Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
I think we are helping. She needs to see that her situation is not OK just because it is common. She is doing wrong. Her first step is admitting that everything she was doing was wrong and her husband shouldn't have to take any of the blame at all. He called her some names, that's no excuse to cheat!Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
Wow my responsibility is not all womankind I couldn't care less how other women feel about me... I have stop cheating... but my ex won't leave me alone... then last week I messed up again... not proud of that but just want to know how to stop it... I want to tell his wife so bad because my husband knows and it pisses me off that she don't... but I never do and never will because its it fight with her not mine...Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
Get out of what? You want a cheater to respond and tell you how you can gain control of your ex and keep cheating on your husband?? I'm confused.Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused Woman
If you wanted to stop cheating you'd tel his wife. You don't tell her because you don't want to stop cheating. It's so obvious. Just stop seeing hima dn letting him contact you and you need to stop contacting your ex. That's how you stop cheating.Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused Woman
I cheated, although I am not quite sure that it was complete cheated, since I left my old relationship with the intent of NEVER going back for personal reasons.Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused Woman
I didn't require anyone else's input for me to see that I was torn between two people and the man that I truly loved, well I was breaking his heart, even though he wasn't even aware. Cheating is not forgivable, you will have a difficult time forgiving yourself, you will have a difficult time being forgiven. You made a mistake, you have been living that mistake for two years. You are breaking the heart of someone WHO LOVES YOU, for sex with SOMEONE who couldn't give a damn less about you.
You have to wake up, accept the responsibility as the responsibility is ALL YOURS for your behaviors. Cut this man out of your life, humble yourself as you HAVE BEEN SELFISH and do what you can to make the right choice from here on out.
Well, you need to step up, and suck it up and start being a real woman. Tell people how you feel. Next time your ex wants a bj, tell him to suck his own, and go straight to his wife and tell her to keep him under control. You need to start doing the right things.
Well when you go through this then let me know... when your already depressed after having a child and you hear those names and already don't feel pretty but the one person telling you nothing's wrong with you was my ex... then he became my friend again real quick...Quote:
Originally Posted by chrissymarie
No tell me how they got over their situation to help me get over mineQuote:
Originally Posted by chrissymarie
That's very upfront and blunt and I feel that... but I alread told him off so I doubt I'll have the chance to say all that... because I am changing my number this weekendQuote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
Do you see any problem with this statement?Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused Woman
How can we know it has FINALLY sunk in that no matter what... YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION.
Well there is a step of getting away from him. You are being used by the way. In his mind, if he wants something sexual, he knows the number to dial and that you will do it. You may not be proud of it, but you still do it anyway. Well, sounds pretty low right now, but you can always work your way up. Just stay away from him, and a big thing is to quit putting your husband through hell. That is called Adultry what you are doing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused Woman
You just need to start doing the right things and stop trying to justify all the wrong things your doing.
Girl, you're confused because you have to let go of the whole "love" thing... what you do has nothing to do with love, it has everything to do with something else.
Secondly, never service a man. :) If you want to have a varied and good sex life, the man services you and treats you extremely well.
I think you may be floundering in life... you desire attention at any cost. That leaves you emotionally bankrupt and confused.
Talk your needs over with a therapist so you can make some growth. :)
Best wishes,
Wow I never thought of me needed attention but that may be true because I use to get a lot then none... and I didn't know how to cope or adjust with that... but thank you... that really did help and shed light on what to do thanks again:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Choux
You have what it takes, you're just "confused" as you said. :) Take a chance on happiness.
I also agree that you should seek out a therapist. It sounds like part of you doesn't want to do what you're doing, but you haven't been able to control yourself. I think there are self-esteem issues. You're willing to accept things that truly self-respecting people just don't accept. The talk about not ever wanting to be alone was another red flag. This is just an idea, and it might not apply, but you might want to look into relationship addiction. At this point, you need to get your mind and your life on track. You need to start seeing things differently, be able to put yourself in your husband's shoes, and start living the kind of life you can be proud of. It's going to take a lot of work, but it's all going to be worth it.
Confuse Woman, I don't think your confused at all. You know right from wrong and have enough common sense to know what is right so start doing it. Stop hurting people that care about you and don't care about people that doesn't care about you and who only out to use you. Before you can love someone you have to love yourself and value more out of life and open your eyes in order to see what stands before you. Never let yourself be use while you hurt someone else, which is your husband. The only people who is getting huru is your husband and this guy wife but your hurting yourself in the process too but I feel bad for the other unexpected parties more.
I can't even understand why your husband would put up with this? You both made a promise before God, a promise that you broke. This exboyfriend or whatever he is obviously does not want you in a respectable way. If you care about your marriage, or your child's well being, then you need to let that other guy go and salvage what remains of your marriage. I'm not a saint by any means. I have struggled with a former lover for over 5 years now. But he is married, has a beautiful baby girl, and after lots of venting and patience with myself, I have overcome my feelings for him. Sure, I miss him. But having any kind of communication with him was not healthy for me, or for him and his marriage. But I made a promise to myself that I would come to terms with all of this before I married my fiancé. Marriage is supposed to be real. How can you just throw it away like that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooke8565
Well aren't you a hypocrite you ruin his marriage and then try to preach to me... girl please... when your marriage gets a little boring or you and your future starts to argue remember what you just said to me... dont think about the ex because trust you will... marriage is real and why you try to step in his relationship if you respected marriage sooooooooooooooooo MUCH?
No no no no no HOLD UP. This guy, Brendon, and myself knew each other in school and were good friends then. He joined the Navy and I kept in touch with him. Then he met this girl, katelyn, and proposed to her and they got married. I did not talk to him for a year or so. Him and katelyn were having problems, he left her, and got in touch with me. We were half way across the country from each other so nothing physical happened but we did have plans to get together as soon as they were divorced. That was in November, and he planned on filing for divorce that Dec. Well the first week of Dec katelyn found out that she was pregnant, and Brendon had the obligation to stay with her. I was crushed and hysterical but about 6 months later I got together with my now fiancé. Brendon and I tried to keep our friendship through emails but realized it was far too complicated because we had too strong of feelings for each other. He did try to get in touch with me before the baby was born because Katelyn was up to her old stunts and he was being smothered and wanted out. Now, I do not respect Katelyn. She is a horrible, evil person and she does not deserve to be with someone as great as Brendon. But it is not my fault that he married her and I cannot be his escape from reality whenever he starts feeling miserable. It is hard for me to stand back and watch her live the life I wanted, but there is nothing I can do about it now. And, my boyfriend is 10x better than Brendon ever could have been. He works so hard for our family and loves me and our son, and I truly love and appreciate him.
You said you wanted to stop seeing this ex of yours, correct? The first step is to change your number, which you said that you were doing. Good first step. If he is still finding ways to get in touch with you, then you need to threaten him by promising to tell his wife. If you really wanted to stop seeing him, you would tell the wife. Good men are hard to come by, it sounds like you managed to find one... Don't let him go and STOP CHEATING. I'm very sorry that he called you names. I know that is a very difficult time and you feel so self conscious... But remember, he is a MAN and he says and does stupid things that he doesn't mean. That is not grounds for sleeping around behind his back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooke8565
Even though you say it wasn't physical you wanted another woman's man... and you already slpet with him in your mind... and so did he... You have a good man so do I, both our men are better than our exes but we still think about them and have feelings for them, we both wonder what couldve been, and both wish we were our exes woman... clearly we won't what we can't have and that's the turn on... you aren't ready to get married either... your man now is just filling the void of your ex... trust me I know... it didn't start that way but in the marriage it will end up that way...
No contact is best and that's what I'm doing...
No, excuse me. I am not you. I AM happy with my boyfriend. I do not want to be with Brendon, I just wish he was with someone better than Katelyn because I feel he deserves that. And I am ready to get married. Just because you don't know what to do to make your relationship work doesn't mean I don't. Communication, trust, and balance are vital, and we work hard to keep all of that in check. So don't try to make me look bad in order t make yourself feel better. I was trying to help but I am done. Good luck and I will say a prayer for your husband and you daughter. You obviously have self esteem problems and are immature.
I have read all the responses here to this post, and think that, on the outside looking in, there are more problems than just the OP's.
Marriage is not defined by someone elses' idea of what it should be. (as evidenced by divorce rates), and that we are held like glue into behaving in a certain manner. When the glue comes apart, and bad things happen, it isn't a simple solution to repair the damage.
There are many issues, and it all needs unravelled and worked through, and put to rest before a good solid relationship can be built. How do you build a relationship when there is a leak in the dam, and it hasn't been repaired.
Confused, you are trying to figure this out, despite the condemnation and finger pointing. While you may be beginning to see what your actions have done to those you love, others have not. It is not an overnight fix, nor is it something that can be repaired in a few easy steps.
To want to change, and be willing to change, takes a lot of work, and commitment. I don't know anybody who can say that while in the midst of confusion they were able to make good decisions.
Please seek out counselling to unravel all the actions, reactions, and consequences of how your life has ended up where it has. I doubt you started thinking you would end up here. We have ALL made mistakes in our relationships, and our marriages, and it takes more than just wanting to fix things, to make it work. You need the tools to do so.
You have been honest about what has transpired, and if you are ready to really make a commitment to your husband, then it is time to move on from who did what to whom, to understanding and putting the past to rest.
Good luck to you.
Thank you... I will definitely work towards repairing our marriage and his trust in meQuote:
Originally Posted by Jake2008
I know this is reply is coming much later than the last one but I just wanted to point out a few tings I picked up on in case you're still around here anywhere. This is just my opinion so if it strikes a chord and helps you resolve it then good, but if not feel free to forget it!
People have said about your need for attention and you seemed to think this could be possible. I'm wondering if it goes deeper - it sounds like all you want from your ex is for him to love you - this is the one thing he has never given you and you keep going back and hoping it will happen. Maybe this is also why you fear saying no to him - because to say no would mean making it even less likely he will love you.
You also mentioned your father was an alcoholic and that at one point your ex reminded you of him. That is a connection you made between the two - not me - so I'm wondering if for you you are actually seeking your father's approval, and your ex is filling in that role of someone emotionally unavailable and not able to love you, just like your father?
I agree with everyone that you could definitely use some counselling to deal with this but I think it goes way deeper than you just needing to stop the behaviour - I'm wondering if you need to accept and grieve for the love you missed out on from your father so that you can let this man go and give up the dream of being loved by a man who is never going to show it and start accepting love from where it is avaialable - yourself and your husband.
Good luck
The fact is that this is more common than people are admitting here. I had a similar issue with my ex girlfriend. The difference is that my girlfriend was taken away from me as a teenager against either of our will. I then spent YEARS into my adult life looking for her before I ended up with my current wife. Then when I finally found her, it was too late. I was emotionally connected to two women at that point. My ex girlfriend recently got married shortly after I did. I wish I could have them both.
This is why I have trust issues. Knowing how easily 75% of women cheat on their partners. It's sad... really it is.
PS. Please do your husband a favor and leave him. He might be to emotionally broken to muster up the guts to throw you out, so please... if you love him end it now. Its obvious you will keep cheating on him until the day either of you die.
Since the op hasn't been back since February, I don't think any added advice is going to matter to her because more than likely circumstances have changed since she last posted.
Lets hope it did change...
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:46 PM. |