I went over to his place and it was just us two and I wanted to ask him but this feeling came over me I was scared or feeling overwhelmed to ask him why am I feeling like this its not that hard to ask him
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I went over to his place and it was just us two and I wanted to ask him but this feeling came over me I was scared or feeling overwhelmed to ask him why am I feeling like this its not that hard to ask him
You have high expectations and are afraid of the answer you will receive. It is difficult to ask a question when you aren't sure you want the answer.Quote:
Originally Posted by sander88
If you are going to ask him, you might start by being honest with him about your own sexuality. He might not be honest if he thinks you are behaving like he has.
I would not go into details about emotions. He is in a relationship. Do not expect more than a general discussion and maybe a chance to put your friendship on a more mature footing.
Holy crap. This is going to seem harsh and it is meant to be harsh.Quote:
Originally Posted by sander88
What you have describe, which is two adult males playing immature mind games, isn't a friendship. If I had a friend like either one of you, you wouldn't be a friend very long.
You and people like you are the reasons the gay community is bashed so often. Did you read your post before hitting the submit button? What you are attempting to do is label your "friend" as gay or bisexual and only gay or bisexual. That is pathetic. If a man is homosexual then being homosexual is only a small part of the man. That man might be a great singer, a great tennis player, an awesome friend, an awesome partner to someone, a loving son and father, etc. In other words, limiting a person to just "gay" is pretty pathetic. Ask yourself if you want people to only see you as bisexual and not the other qualities that makes you the man you are.
And the person I described above is me.
Wow, Oliver - so well said it actually brought tears to me eyes. Beautifully done. Applause along with the greenie.
What amazes me is that you don't consider him off limits because he has a girlfriend. He's taken. End of story. It doesn't matter to you whether he is bi, homo, pan, or a-sexual. What you're doing is crushing on him and trying to justify interfering in his relationships so you can get his attention and do... whatever with him.
No. No. No. If I had a rolled up newspaper I would hit you on the nose with it.
Drop the drama, drop all this childish bull crap, and respect the fact that he's in a relationship. If being in this FRIENDSHIP with him is causing you this angst then eliminate him from your social circle. Stay away from him and let this infatuation die. You'll do yourself a favour because you'll actually be able to find someone you can chase and have a relationship with instead of obsessing over an emotionally unavailable man.
It doesn't matter what his orientation is. This is the same if you were chasing after a girl that is in a relationship with another man. Just stop.
Hey I went over to his house and I asked him if he was bisexual and he answered me saying that he wasn't and justified him being girly is his divorce and being a mum and a dad for his two girls and he said that he isn't the Alfa male and hates when I use the word f** as it is used to attack gays because he had gay friends that have been bashed to death because there gay and he said that he loves and he said sorry if he disappointed me and left it at that then! In conversation randomly he said I quote " well I am bisexual" like well if you must know... so there type of thing I could not answer him I was in shock and shook my head and said well that's OK and continued my conversation so there... I am so confused so I think he is.. :-\ and at know stage did he mention his girl friend he had why would he do this why didn't he just come out in the first conversation why is he making this harder that what it is :(
Could you please write a little more coherently. (I can't believe we are still trying... )
"I asked him if he was bisexual and he answered me saying that he wasn't..."
"In conversation randomly he said I quote " well I am bisexual" like well if you must know.."
Are you saying that he has said that he is bisexual and he isn't, at different times?
We need to put this topic to rest. It feels like that Twilight Zone episode that's similar to Groundhog Day, where everything repeats, repeats, repeats...
And you have glossed right over Oliver's eloquent speech.
How many times has he given you the "Not interested" line? I mean the "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND" line?Quote:
Originally Posted by sander88
Quit just thinking about yourself here. You're being selfish and creating drama where drama is not needed. Let things lay and be his friend. If you can not do that, than stop being his friend. You're creating angst for everyone because YOU can't recognize boundaries no matter how many times you're given them.
I am done here. You want your world without care or regard for the people's lives you're meddling with. You think you have the right to "Experiment" with someone who's in a relationship because you're the opposite gender than their Significant Other. You don't. Unless they're poly, which I severely doubt, there is no place for you in his romantic life. Stop this.
You are clearly obsessing over this guy - and you clearly don't want advice, you just want to vent. I said from the beginning that you are attempting to court someone who is in a relationship. Is this the only guy in Town?
Why does he keep mentioning a girlfriend? Because he has no interest in dating you, and that's the best excuse he could come up with on the spur of the moment.
Are you saying that he has said that he is bisexual and he isn't, at different times?
Yes that what I'm saying...
He ain't that in to you. Why else would he NOT trust you with the TRUTH?
He's also said "I have a girlfriend" at different times, repeatedly so it seems. Do you ever hear that and respect what it means?Quote:
Originally Posted by sander88
It doesn't matter if he's gay, bi, hetero, or whatever other label you want to pin on him. He's in a relationship, and he doesn't wish to be in that sort of relationship with you.
If you care about him as much as you claim to, let him be in his relationship and stop trying to get in the way of that. He's made it very clear that he's not interested in you, and he's made it extremely clear that he doesn't wish to cheat on his girlfriend.
Have some respect for him, and his girlfriend. Find someone that's available.
I think you all have made it very clear now to I get it but all I can say is I'm not forcing him to be something his not all I did is ask and he told me yes I do like him but know he is with his girl friend but if he wants to do stuff I will make sure that is this is what he wants and if he is still with his girlfriend it's a no from me he didn't have to tell me his bisexual I did attack him and had take no for an answer... and I will give him space and move on but when he's not with his girlfriend and is ready to do stuff I'm here so there!
Congratulations, you've talked yourself into breaking up a relationship and not feel bad about it. Justified causing your friend to CHEAT on his girlfriend.
You are a stellar human being and I am judging you for it.
I think the very immature "So there" at the end of this blog says it all.
Amen! And I would like to add that I am thankful that these two are not friends of mine.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
LOL, you really thought you would get some advice on how to get your love interest to cheat on his girl friend?
Look in the end he wanted it so did I and were both happy he left his girl friend that's it
Good luck.Quote:
Originally Posted by sander88
Please remember should you need more advice on this subject to add the questions to this thread.
Thank you.
Just wanted to talk to you about some things I feel like I'm emotionally drained I can't stop thinking about him all day every day and I think I'm obsessed with him I went over to his house the other day and I showed him his old year book his 45 years old and I showed him he was like are you stalking me ? And I was like no I'm not and he had this look on his face like he was not upset but the look of heart ake because he knows I like him I think but he has a girlfriend but I feel we went down this Path and he turns around and gets himself a girl friend but I can't stop thinking about him and I don't want to hate him or stork him I don't want to lose him as a friend what should I do? I want to have some physical with him but I don't know weather he been with a man before or he is not ready to have sex with men I don't know and I get it! He has a girl friend I know I understand but he also lead me as well up until this point and he thinks that's it I asked him if he was bisexual he told me that he is not and gave me some reason to do with him being a father and mother to his kids while his ex wife was suffering depression and he hates when I used the word fag and the reason why is because when he was in younger he had friends that where gay and where bashed to death and that's the reason why he hates that word and that it reminds him of that time he also said that he then 20 minutes later he told me he is what should I do... few days after this conversation I went over to his house and we were talking and he said something and I said I replied um... your bisexual? He reply no I'm not I said yes you are you said you were you told me you were he no I didn't say that at all you asked me if I was and I told you I wasn't I said yes that's right but 20mins later in mid conversation you said "im bisexual" no I'm not and said maybe your gay or bisexual you seem to to talk about gays a lot you must have something with gays or bisexuals and just turn it all round and said all the things that he was doing I did and said that's what you get when you prior in to peoples live's and I said he full of and he replied no your full of and then in mid conversation again he turns and says maybe ill get my boyfriend to come and bash you and had a smile on his face and I justed looked at him like are you right? Anyway so that were I am at were are supposed to be going some where later this week but I don't know if we will be going now :(
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