Ask Me Help Desk - I'm always horny after an orgasm but it's too painful to continue. What can I do?

Jodar, try focusing on getting aroused mentally instead of relying on physical stimulation. You seem so caught up in the pubic area that you are ignoring other erogenous zones including the most important one-your mind. Use fantasy or one of the many forms of erotica to stimulate your mind.

Touch yourself the way you would want a lover to touch you. Make love to yourself. It will make a difference.

While you may not be able to stand multiple orgasms during masturbation, it doesn't mean you aren't/can't be multi-orgasmic during sex.

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Originally Posted by jodar7

I've done this before. I know where everything is. I've just never focused on the entire area before…. I guess thanks to society/the media I've been convinced that the c*litoris is the source of female pleasure (aside from the gspot). … Will touching the labia really make a difference in the quality of my orgasms? I really don't see how. Guess it wouldn't hurt to try…Oh. I always heard that “vaginal orgasms” are caused by stimulation internally, and clitoral externally. lol I'm super confused.

From reading the link you posted I can see how it's confusing. On that thread it seemed like the topic was about "g spot" orgasms, but some of the women were calling it vaginal orgasms. There is a difference. G-spot orgasms are specific orgasms that happen from about 3 inches inside the vagina where the inner part of the clitoris is (supposedly). I'm just saying supposedly since there's a little controversy on the subject. ;) But anyway when you have a g-spot orgasm it's supposed to cause "squirting" (some people on here say it's actually urination, but that's besides the point). But the g-spot orgasm is not the type of orgasm I'm talking about trying to achieve. I just mean a regular orgasm (when you have a vaginal orgasm you'll feel it internally and externally). I mostly just focus on the outer labia to achieve it, I don't go internally at all. But you can also have a vaginal orgasm from going internal (it's just typically harder for women to achieve it from only internal stimulation/ or sex).

Okay so I guess I can explain more how to achieve a vaginal orgasm besides just stimulating the labia. Do you use your muscles during masturbation? Your pelvic floor muscles/ kegal muscles will definitely help you achieve a vaginal orgasm! I think that's what causes it to feel like it's coming from the inside. To be more blunt you need to basically make a humping motion with you pelvis! Not just during orgasm but the entire time. If you don't do that already, then I think that will really help you out!

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Originally Posted by jodar7

Whoa, 70% -80% can't orgasm through internal stimuli? Can one learn to? Is it genetic or something? I hope I'm not doomed to clitoral orgasms. I want to learn to have deeper ones. Clitoral orgasms can be nice *sometimes* but for quite a while now I've found that they just aren't satisfying me anymore.

I do think we can learn to for sure! I've orgasmed once from internal stimulation years ago (at the time I had a dildo). I'm sure I can do it again if I practice at it (I don't own a dildo at the moment.. lol). I just haven't really worried about it. But I plan to learn eventually!
I know people who never achieved orgasms from sex but then eventually did with another partner because they had a ton of chemistry. Or they eventually found the position that worked for them (for a lot of women being ontop during sex brings them to orgasm). Some women can only achieve it internally with a dildo, but not through sex. Or they finally were able to completely let go and it just happened.

I hope I'm not confusing you.. a vaginal orgasm (pretty much) feels the same whether it's from internal or external stimulation. I think the main reason women try to achieve it during sex is to add to the experience with their partner.

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Originally Posted by jodar7

P.S. I'm glad it's gotten better for you. Have you ever been to any sort of therapy for your anxiety? I can't afford it but I've always thought that some sort of CBT or DBT therapy would help improve my self-esteem and quality of life. I feel like I've hit a road block where my society anxiety hasn't improved in the past few years. Thanks for your advice, I know it's important to accept that I have SA, but it's something that I want to change. I don't feel like it adds to my personality, it just keeps me from being who I really am with people. It makes life so much harder, and I have a hard time expressing my feelings and creating bonds (friendships, relationships, etc.) Basically it keeps me hyper self-aware and self-conscious.

I've had some therapy over the years but not nearly as much as I should. I can't really afford it either. But it does seem helpful, especially if I would commit to it for several months. But I haven't had the money to do it for that long. I've mostly been on anti depressants (been on a few different ones, each one for a few years at a time).
I've recently learned I have a ton of vitamin deficiencies though, and I think once I get my vitamins in normal range I'll feel good enough to finally get off my anti depressant.

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Originally Posted by jodar7

I'm currently taking a few supplements that are proven to help balance mood and control anxiety, so I'll see how that goes. I'm not afraid of pharmaceutical drugs, I just don't believe in them to treat every ailment, especially mental and emotional wellness. Sometimes they do more harm than good. It's just a fact.

That's awesome you're trying to feel better with supplements. I'm trying to do that now too. One of the many things I'm about to try is B12 patches, if that doesn't work then I'll try B12 injections (doctors orders). I've had bad chronic fatigue for years and I hope the B12 will help. Let me know if anything works for your anxiety!

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Originally Posted by jodar7

I'd love to go out and "challenge myself" and stuff, but I don't have any friends at the moment.

Look up groups in your area. Any kind of activity you enjoy try to find a group for it, or an exercise class, a church group, whatever! You'll make friends eventually! Good luck :)

There is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm. Yes stimulation of the vagina helps but just stimulating the vagina will not cause you to have an orgasm. But your clitoris is a very sensitive part of your body. Probably THE most sensitive. Use a lubricant, and/or try using a small vibrator instead of your fingers. It sounds to me that you just were a little too rough on yourself. But that does happen and the reason you were still so incredibly horny still was probably due to the irritation of the clitoris. Easy, go slow.

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Originally Posted by Handyman2007

There is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm.

For a lot of women it can feel like a vaginal orgasm or a clitoral one. From your name I'm guessing you're a guy, so you've never experienced how different it can feel.

Here's an article that debates the vaginal orgasm..
http://www.livescience.com/19579-vaginal-orgasm-debate.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by Handyman2007

Yes stimulation of the vagina helps but just stimulating the vagina will not cause you to have an orgasm. .

Um what? There are plenty of women that say just penetration brings them to orgasm. 70-80% of women don't orgasm that way, but yes there are women that do!