Ask Me Help Desk - Perfect boyfriend but terrible sex life?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

Hey guys thanks for the feed back. I know I'm only 20 but I've been in a 5 year relationship previous with a much older man and he was great in the bed room. So anyway. I only give my current boyfriend oral sex for about 30 seconds and he ejaculates after that. I mean his penis is rather small so it's much easier to do than someone that has a larger penis. And I enjoy giving oral sex and making my partner feel nice. I also enjoy anal and receiving oral sex but my current boyfriend will not do anal he says it's gross. I really like him a lot. I've tried talking to him about the oral sex thing. He won't do it. I actually like oral sex more than penetration. But the penetration isn't much and I don't want to dump him just over that. I know some men don't enjoy oral but it's not fair that he is statisfied and I am not. And I don't want to use dildos that are much smaller than his penis. That's kinda cruel. I just don't think he's willing to try new things which is sad:(

This is why I believe you are with the wrong person...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

Hey guys thanks for the feed back. I know I'm only 20 but I've been in a 5 year relationship previous with a much older man and he was great in the bed room. So anyway. I only give my current boyfriend oral sex for about 30 seconds and he ejaculates after that. I mean his penis is rather small so it's much easier to do than someone that has a larger penis. And I enjoy giving oral sex and making my partner feel nice. I also enjoy anal and receiving oral sex but my current boyfriend will not do anal he says it's gross. I really like him a lot. I've tried talking to him about the oral sex thing. He won't do it. I actually like oral sex more than penetration. But the penetration isn't much and I don't want to dump him just over that. I know some men don't enjoy oral but it's not fair that he is statisfied and I am not. And I don't want to use dildos that are much smaller than his penis. That's kinda cruel. I just don't think he's willing to try new things which is sad:(

I mean larger than his penis. It's only about 2 inches and rather thin. I mean it's a huge difference from an average dildo. I don't know a way I can tell him his penis is small without making him very upset. As I said he is a very nice person. He told me he was nice to all his previous girlfriends and all of them left him without explaining why. I figure because the sex was pretty awful and they got tired of it. I just don't know a way to tell him I am not happy with our sex life without severely damaging his ego. I've tired tell him what I like but it doesn't work. He has said he prefers woman with large breasts who are thin. I have a DD cup size and I like having my breasts fondled and he never even touches them. Ive expressed I like it and he barely even touches them even though he says he likes them. I'm very frustrated with the entire situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

I mean larger than his penis. It's only about 2 inches and rather thin. I mean it's a huge difference from an average dildo. I don't know a way I can tell him his penis is small without making him very upset. As I said he is a very nice person. He told me he was nice to all his previous girlfriends and all of them left him without explaining why. I figure because the sex was pretty awful and they got tired of it. I just don't know a way to tell him I am not happy with our sex life without severely damaging his ego. I've tired tell him what I like but it doesn't work. He has said he prefers woman with large breasts who are thin. I have a DD cup size and I like having my breasts fondled and he never even touches them. Ive expressed I like it and he barely even touches them even though he says he likes them. I'm very frustrated with the entire situation.

You need to communicate all of this to him.

It shouldn't matter the size of his penis, however, it SHOULD matter that he isn't willing to please you.

If he is so generous and sweet, then perhaps he should utilize those qualities in the bedroom.

Sounds to me like he is scared and used to having women walk out on him. He may figure it is only a matter of time until you leave. He may have seen your shock the first you saw his penis. It may be the same look he has seen on the faces of his exes before they left.. Part of him is pushing you away even as another part is holding on to you.

He has a lot of baggage piled up and you seem to be tripping over it. He needs to deal with it. He needs to understand that his attitude and behavior are causing problems in the relationship. Either you are willing to be supportive and stand by him if he is willing to get help and try to learn/adapt to new (to him) ideas or you say enough and walk away before the bedroom issues cause even more friction in the relationship and you do start fighting.

If you choose to stay:

How and when do you try to talk to him about your sexual relationship? Have you tried approaching the discussion in different ways such as talking to him about fantasies or experimenting? Making the discussion less personal and more general?

Couple of suggestions:

Stop having sex with him (including oral) until you can talk about your sex life.

If he is experiencing erectile difficulties and premature ejaculations, talk to him about seeing a doctor. ED problems can be a symptom of other health issues such as Diabetes.

About toys, they make vibrators designed to go on fingers and vibrating gloves. However, I think you may also need to look at how you are expecting to get aroused. Do you go into the bedroom already wanting sex or are you expecting foreplay (fingering, caressing, oral, etc.) to get you aroused? It sometimes seems like a little remembered fact is that in general arousal for women begins long before they take their clothes off and is more mental than physical. If you go to bed dreading sex, then you aren't going to be as aroused as you would be if you were positively anticipating it. Something you might think about and discuss with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Sounds to me like he is scared and used to having women walk out on him. He may figure it is only a matter of time until you leave. He may have seen your shock the first you saw his penis. It may be the same look he has seen on the faces of his exes before they left.. Part of him is pushing you away even as another part is holding on to you.

He has a lot of baggage piled up and you seem to be tripping over it. He needs to deal with it. He needs to understand that his attitude and behavior are causing problems in the relationship. Either you are willing to be supportive and stand by him if he is willing to get help and try to learn/adapt to new (to him) ideas or you say enough and walk away before the bedroom issues cause even more friction in the relationship and you do start fighting.

If you choose to stay:

How and when do you try to talk to him about your sexual relationship? Have you tried approaching the discussion in different ways such as talking to him about fantasies or experimenting? Making the discussion less personal and more general?

Couple of suggestions:

Stop having sex with him (including oral) until you can talk about your sex life.

If he is experiencing erectile difficulties and premature ejaculations, talk to him about seeing a doctor. ED problems can be a symptom of other health issues such as Diabetes.

About toys, they make vibrators designed to go on fingers and vibrating gloves. However, I think you may also need to look at how you are expecting to get aroused. Do you go into the bedroom already wanting sex or are you expecting foreplay (fingering, caressing, oral, etc.) to get you aroused? It sometimes seems like a little remembered fact is that in general arousal for women begins long before they take their clothes off and is more mental than physical. If you go to bed dreading sex, then you aren't going to be as aroused as you would be if you were positively anticipating it. Something you might think about and discuss with him.

All right so the first time we had a sexual encounter I gave him oral sex. I was really shocked he finished so fast but he had told me he has not done anything sexual in almost a year and was very excited and I took it as that. The second time we had a sexual encounter we actually had entercouse. Wetried me on top and he finished very fast in a few minutes. He asked if I enjoyed it and I said no and if wanted to try giving me oral sex. He said no blah blah blah. And I got dressed and that was it. After we tried having sex again and I still can't feel much and he still ejaculates too quickly. I can see see why his other girlfriends dump him without giving him a reason. I have told him I wasn't statisfied after less than five minutes and he says he will try to make it better. We usually hang out all day and we will go back to my apartment and go into the bed room and start kissing for a little. I enjoy that part it's nice. I expect there to be kissings and other things that foreplay involve but he is not into that. But he gets excited and wants to get right down to business and its over in 5 minutes. He knows I'm upset. He can tell. I mean I look pretty damn disappointed. Ive asked him to play with my breasts or finger me after and he says he's too tired. He knows I'm unhappy about it. I really don't want to break the guys heart like all his previous girlfriends. I'd feel terrible.
Also he seemed upset when he told him his girlfriend cheated on him with a black guy. He said that spefically. I was thinking because I don't know black guys are known to have huge dongs

You know... most guys if they really cared... would compensate for a shortcoming in one area by trying to excel in another.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

Alright so the first time we had a sexual encounter I gave him oral sex. I was really shocked he finished so fast but he had told me he has not done anything sexual in almost a year and was very excited and I took it as that. The second time we had a sexual encounter we actually had entercouse. Wetried me on top and he finished very fast in a few minutes. He asked if I enjoyed it and I said no and if wanted to try giving me oral sex. He said no blah blah blah. And I got dressed and that was it. After we tried having sex again and I still can't feel much and he still ejaculates too quickly. I can see see why his other girlfriends dump him without giving him a reason. I have told him I wasnt statisfied after less than five minutes and he says he will try to make it better. We usually hang out all day and we will go back to my apartment and go into the bed room and start kissing for a little. I enjoy that part it's nice. I expect there to be kissings and other things that foreplay involve but he is not into that. But he gets excited and wants to get right down to business and its over in 5 minutes. He knows I'm upset. He can tell. I mean I look pretty damn disappointed. Ive asked him to play with my breasts or finger me after and he says he's too tired. He knows I'm unhappy about it. I really dont want to break the guys heart like all his previous girlfriends. I'd feel terrible.
Also he seemed upset when he told him his girlfriend cheated on him with a black guy. He said that spefically. I was thinking because I don't know black guys are known to have huge dongs

And he maybe knows his penis is rather small. I'm half black I didn't really take much offense to what he said. But I really don't want to be like all is exs and cheat on him or leave him without an explanation. I've tried talking to him. He's not understanding it. And I was with a man a little older than him for a long time and we always had a great sex life, there was foreplay and oral, it lasted for attests an hour. There was never a rush to finish quickly. That's just what I'm used to I guess. Not 5 minutes of something I'm not enjoying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

Alright so the first time we had a sexual encounter I gave him oral sex. I was really shocked he finished so fast but he had told me he has not done anything sexual in almost a year and was very excited and I took it as that. The second time we had a sexual encounter we actually had entercouse. Wetried me on top and he finished very fast in a few minutes. He asked if I enjoyed it and I said no and if wanted to try giving me oral sex. He said no blah blah blah. And I got dressed and that was it. After we tried having sex again and I still can't feel much and he still ejaculates too quickly. I can see see why his other girlfriends dump him without giving him a reason. I have told him I wasnt statisfied after less than five minutes and he says he will try to make it better. We usually hang out all day and we will go back to my apartment and go into the bed room and start kissing for a little. I enjoy that part it's nice. I expect there to be kissings and other things that foreplay involve but he is not into that. But he gets excited and wants to get right down to business and its over in 5 minutes. He knows I'm upset. He can tell. I mean I look pretty damn disappointed. Ive asked him to play with my breasts or finger me after and he says he's too tired. He knows I'm unhappy about it. I really dont want to break the guys heart like all his previous girlfriends. I'd feel terrible.
Also he seemed upset when he told him his girlfriend cheated on him with a black guy. He said that spefically. I was thinking because I don't know black guys are known to have huge dongs

First of all, I don't see what difference in makes, if the guy was black, white, or purple... Fact is, she cheated.

That bothers me...

Second, you really need to stop satisfying him until he makes you come first.

Enough is enough.

He is selfish and his ex girlfriends know it. This is why they left.

Talk to him about this. You need to, because it isn't getting any better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

You know....most guys if they really cared...would compensate for a shortcoming in one area by trying to excel in another.

Damn straight!

I get the impression he doesn't care.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Damn straight!

I get the impression he doesn't care.

All right well here goes the most awkward conversation of my life!

Best to get it out and over early... rather than later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

Alright well here goes the most awkward conversation of my life!

If you mean with him... it is something that has to be done, or else you will not be happy in this relationship.

If you mean with us... well, don't be. You are obviously conflicted and need some perspective.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

If you mean with him....it is something that has to be done, or else you will not be happy in this relationship.

If you mean with us...well, don't be. You are obviously conflicted and need some perspective.

With him. He's very offended with what I had to say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

With him. He's very offended with what I had to say.

How did you tell him?

What did he say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

How did you tell him?

What did he say?

Basically he doesn't see how he can be so bad in bed that I said something about it. I told him about not feeling anything and how I'm not ever happy. I did it as nice as possible and told him how much I liked him. He was extremely upset I said I couldn't feel much and stormed off. It did not go well at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stonerrrgirl

Basically he doesn't see how he can be so bad in bed that I said something about it. I told him about not feeling anything and how I'm not ever happy. I did it as nice as possible and told him how much I liked him. He was extremely upset I said I couldn't feel much and stormed off. It did not go well at all.

Storming off is not a way to keep a good relationship.

Don't ever ignore the big red flags that have indicated he may be nice but has hang ups about sex that has messed up his relationships and caused tensions in this one. Dump him and explain exactly why, and let him learn to deal with his issues, or keep making the same mistakes until he finds one that doesn't care about sex. Or he wants to change himself.

He promised to work on it, and he hasn't so waste no more time on this selfish lover.