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Originally Posted by Cat1864

That's what I thought might be happening. She is allowing you to do what you want probably because she thinks it pleases you and you are playing with her because you think that is what you are supposed to do. She isn't getting into it because she doesn't have the experience know what she needs or wants sexually. (Many young women don't know.) You are getting frustrated because you have an idea of what you want and what you are trying to do to get it isn't working.

I am going to take a step back. I could give you some advice based on generalities, but I want to know what your thoughts and understandings about sex and arousal are.

Short of intercourse, how much experience do you have with sexual contact and arousing a female? Is most of your knowledge gained through erotica/porn? What do you think it takes to arouse a female? Do you think males and females are aroused by the same things or that there are differences in how they 'get in the mood'?

What is your concept of 'romance'?

As for the relationship: What is your usual date with your girlfriend like? How do you spend your time together? Do you enjoy doing things together and having fun? Do you share non-sexual intimacy such as cuddling and holding each other?

Something you haven't said anything about is how stressed and distracted she is with school, furthering her education, her home-life, finances, etc. Also, is she on any form of birth control or other medications? Does she have any medical issues?

Without knowing exactly what happened with her ex (that is her story to share when she wants to share it), she could be holding back mentally because she doesn't want to 'lead you on' or repeat a bad experience. Part of her behavior may be self-protection or fear.

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This is my first real relationship so I don't have any experience of arousing females other than what I am doing now. Yes some of my knowledge is through pornography and other internet sources, but most of my knowledge is from closes friends with more expertise on the subject of arousing women. The try to give me advise of what might work well based of their experiences. Im well aware that everyone is different and the different things arouse people, and I guess I'm still trying to find those go-to actions that will get her in the mood. My idea of romance is to treat my girlfriend like a queen, give her a nice massage, dim the lights wherever we are, and act a bit more flirtatious around her. A typical date for us is me picking her up from her house, usually hanging out there for a bit by just causally watching TV, playing with her pets or cuddling together and taking a nap. Once we leave her house we usually try to have some sort of activity planned for the day. For example, we've gone to many movies, baseball games, hiking, aquarium, museums, and just last weekend we went apple picking. And somewhere in the mix we usually get dinner somewhere. If we don't have an activity planned, then we usually go hangout at each others house, usually hers. And yes we do cuddle and hold each other quite often. And yes she is a very stressed out person, almost all of her girl friends and limited their time with her because they have gotten into partying and my girlfriend wants nothing to do with that. She hates school, and feels like a disappointment to her parents. As far as I know she has no medical issues, other than a previous torn ACL. All she has told me about her last relationship is that they rarely ever hungout outside of school during the month that they went out, therefore the guy was very affectionate at school and she didn't like that. He was always trying to suck her face in between classes and she didn't like that. And by the end of their first week together her told her that he loved her, which would probably make most girls uncomfortable. But when she finally spoke up to him saying that she didn't want to show so much PDA with him, she said he got really mad and almost hit her, and things ended shortly after that, and that's all I know

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Originally Posted by bulldogg5

This is my first real relationship so I dont have any experience of arousing females other than what i am doing now. Yes some of my knowledge is through pornography and other internet sources, but most of my knowledge is from closes friends with more expertise on the subject of arousing women. The try to give me advise of what might work well based of their experiences. Im well aware that everyone is different and the different things arouse people, and i guess im still trying to find those go-to actions that will get her in the mood. My idea of romance is to treat my girlfriend like a queen, give her a nice massage, dim the lights wherever we are, and act a bit more flirtatious around her. A typical date for us is me picking her up from her house, usually hanging out there for a bit by just causally watching TV, playing with her pets or cuddling together and taking a nap. Once we leave her house we usually try to have some sort of activity planned for the day. For example, we've gone to many movies, baseball games, hiking, aquarium, museums, and just last weekend we went apple picking. And somewhere in the mix we usually get dinner somewhere. If we dont have an activity planned, then we usually go hangout at each others house, usually hers. And yes we do cuddle and hold each other quite often. And yes she is a very stressed out person, almost all of her girl friends and limited their time with her because they have gotten into partying and my gf wants nothing to do with that. She hates school, and feels like a disappointment to her parents. As far as i know she has no medical issues, other than a previous torn ACL. All she has told me about her last relationship is that they rarely ever hungout outside of school during the month that they went out, therefore the guy was very affectionate at school and she didnt like that. He was always trying to suck her face in between classes and she didnt like that. And by the end of their first week together her told her that he loved her, which would probably make most girls uncomfortable. But when she finally spoke up to him saying that she didnt wanna show so much PDA with him, she said he got really mad and almost hit her, and things ended shortly after that, and thats all I know

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If you are both deciding, even if it is taking turns, on where or what to do when you are together, you are doing great. It is a good mix of activities.

I think she may be even less experienced than you are. But I think there may be some hope for the relationship and if not for you to learn more for your next relationship.

First, stop trying to get in her pants. I think you are adding pressure and she may feel like she is letting you down. For her it may be another check mark in the 'what I should feel guilty about' column.

At 18 is she still in high school and living with her parents? Do you have your own place or do you live with family or roommates? Is most of your alone time spent in a place where someone might come in or over-hear you? Privacy may be a factor in her relaxing enough to even think about feeling sexy.

Being stressed is also going to limit or kill any libido she has. Does she have any ways to release stress and just feel good? To enjoy the moment. To let her thoughts calm down and the distractions of every day life fade into the background? This isn't something you can do for her, but you can encourage her to make time for herself.

The subject of masturbation and relaxing enough to feel sexy and allowing her libido to show itself may not be one she feels comfortable having with you. If you think it might help her, show her AMHD (this site). We will give her the most appropriate advice for her which admittedly may not be what you want to hear. So do not expect us to try to convince her to do more to sexually please you.

Now, about the female mind and body and the subject of arousal. The reason I asked about porn/erotica is because it is a great tool for relaxing and finding things that might interest you or are total turn-offs. However, it tends to go straight to the action because males are generally action and visually oriented. Females are more emotionally and mentally stimulated.

For many of us, arousal begins long before we think about our clothes coming off. Physical stimulation can feel good, but if our minds aren't in the mood then it can be irritating instead of arousing. Cuddling and massages can help as long as it doesn't feel like sex is expected. Hand-holding, light touches, talking about fantasy worlds, music, movies, etc. can help us let go of the daily grind. A woman's most important erogenous zone is her brain. Unfortunately a lot people including young females don't understand or know and think that touching certain areas is supposed to act like a light switch. Build up to sexual contact.

Try talking to her about what she finds sexy and arousing instead of acts, actions, and body parts. It might help ease some of your issues.

However, I do have to ask if you might be better friends than you are a romantic couple?