We hear and read a lot about men in the military coming home and having trouble adjusting to their wives and girlfriends. Some of it is about sex, a lot of it is about the strange world they have left that is now the world they know, and the one they come back to is the one that is now strange. Many, many couples just don't last.
Guys getting out of prison after 18 months are the ones (I think) who run out to the bars trying to get in the pants of any woman they see, if their woman isn't waiting for them. Ten years is a totally different scene.

If you still love him, and you get a chance to talk to him, I would tell him that you are backing off and letting him do what he wants. If it means waiting and waiting and eventually finding someone else, so be it.

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Originally Posted by rubyrage21

FINALLY a valid response. thank you soo much for shring this, i wanted to know if there was a possibility that he him be gay and you have shed light in this area. Thank you.

This post was NOT supposed to discuss anything about diseases and from one response it completely took a different direction. I have been tested and do not have anything. However he was showing suspicious behavior which is why i thought that being "gay" may be a possibility since there are such thing as "undercover men" the fact that i was even questioned about why i was concerned about his sexuality was baffling as anyone would want to know if their partner or previous partner was engaging in homosexual activity. I asked a very straight forward question, gave reason as to why i thought that way and haven't gotten an answer that addressed it until now. Again, thank you for explaining.

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Before this gets closed down - and it's run its course - this is what you said: "What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!"

You're the one who went from asking the "why" question about his sexuality to bringing your health into the equation.

I answered your question. So did J9. Then YOU decided to snap at her - which I have quoted.

I don't even think you know what you posted and why.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Before this gets closed down - and it's run its course - this is what you said: "What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!"

You're the one who went from asking the "why" question about his sexuality to bringing your health into the equation.

I answered your question. So did J9. Then YOU decided to snap at her - which I have quoted.

I don't even think you know what you posted and why.

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I'm not going to keep going back and forth with this. I snapped at J9 because she was telling me basically that it shouldn't matter when obviously ro me, it does. I asked if he was gay or not and by responding and asking me why does it matter does not answer if he might/is gay or not. That is why I was annoyed. I then proceeded to explain why it would matter to me and then everyone jumped on the band wagon about my health. It shouldn't have mattered why ivwanted to know, the point is I wanted to know. Again, that was not the question. I got 2 answers that addressed the question.

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Originally Posted by rubyrage21

I'm not gonna keep going back and forth with this. I snapped at J9 bc she was telling me basically that it shouldn't matter when obviously ro me, it does. I asked if he was gay or not and by responding and asking me why does it matter does not answer if he might/is gay or not. That is why I was annoyed. I then proceeded to explain why it would matter to me and then everyone jumped on the band wagon about my health. It shouldnt have mattered why ivwanted to know, the point is i wanted to know. Again, that was not the question. I got 2 answers that addressed the question.

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First, this site is different from other Q&A sites. We don't just answer questions, we try to provide solutions. What you asked was off the wall, it was seemingly homophobic. Yes we could have told you a straight man doesn't turn gay oin prison. But that probably wouldn't have solved your problem. So we asked some logical questions to try give you a solution.

The fact is both your questions showed a prejudice that I, for one, found disturbing. If you thought there was a health risk, then you insist that he undergo a thorough physical.

If you expect black and white answers, then try a different site. If you want quality solutions to problems, this is the best place.

I worked years in prison and have worked with men getting out of prison.

Everyone has some strange ID that all men in prison have sex with each other. This is not the truth. Few do, some are raped , others use it to get store goods and other items if no one is outside sending them money. ( others steal, sell illegal things and more)

Most men just masturbate.

Most of the issue may be just the problem of being locked up, life controlled and maybe what he saw in prison.
If he was gay going in, he will be gay going out.
Being in prison does not make you gay, it may make you raped but not gay.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

First, this site is different from other Q&A sites. We don't just answer questions, we try to provide solutions. What you asked was off the wall, it was seemingly homophobic. Yes we could have told you a straight man doesn't turn gay oin prison. But that probably wouldn't have solved your problem. So we asked some logical questions to try give you a solution.

The fact is both your questions showed a prejudice that I, for one, found disturbing. If you thought there was a health risk, then you insist that he undergo a thorough physical.

If you expect black and white answers, then try a different site. If you want quality solutions to problems, this is the best place.

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I don't see how any of what I said was homophobic. My best friend is gay and when I asked him the very same question he did not get offended. I am NOT homophobic. The concern about disease is not necessarily from the fact of being gay but for the fact that he was in prison for 10 years and the STD rate in there is very high. That is statistics. To assume for any reason that I am homophobic is very judgmental and is NOT the case.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I worked years in prison and have worked with men getting out of prison.

Everyone has some strange ID that all men in prison have sex with each other. This is not the truth. Few do, some are raped , others use it to get store goods and other items if no one is outside sending them money. ( others steal, sell illegal things and more)

Most men just masturbate.

Most of the issue may be just the problem of being locked up, life controlled and maybe what he saw in prison.
If he was gay going in, he will be gay going out.
Being in prison does not make you gay, it may make you raped but not gay.

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Thank you! I am not hoping he is gay I just wanted an opinion as to if they may have been the case. Thank you again!

You seriously need an attitude adjustment.

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Originally Posted by rubyrage21

The concern about disease is not necessarily from the fact of being gay but for the fact that he was in prison for 10 years and the STD rate in there is very high. that is statistics. To assume for any reason that i am homophobic is very judgmental and is NOT the case.

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Yet you apparently tried to have sex with him. If you were so concerned about disease, then why didn't you insist he be checked before having sex with him?

Try reading what I actually said. I said it was "seemingly homophobic". I stand my ground on that. So what did you gay best friend tell you? Didn't he tell you that prison wouldn't make a straight man gay? Frankly, I'll bet he was very offended by your question, but was too polite to tell you off.

I think you are being so defensive about this because you were caught.