I know it's hard and I know sometimes your head says, "But I love him"... and it doesn't matter if you were brainwashed by him in the past, if you have a learning disability, or you were just young and foolish. You're smart enough now.

You have to stay focused. If you are a good Mommy -- prove it. Don't let them be abused. Denial is so common in instances of child sexual abuse. Don't be a statistic. Don't let your girls down.

He has a past with underage kids even if he says it's all lies. Everything he's doing is a sign of a predator/pedophile as well as in trouble with substances and controlling/abusive to you. You need to get out.

Go to a women's shelter and just talk to someone. They CAN help you even if you have no where to go. My sister-in-law worked with a crisis shelter and helped women like you every week.

Please don't waste time on getting upset with people judging you - be a good mom and prove it: leave -- be independent and protect your kids. IT IS that easy... the longer you delay the more you put everyone in danger.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

This may seem harsh but you aren't 18 years old now and you lost the privilege of being considered 'too young to understand' what is going on around you when you had your first daughter. It is a part of growing up and being a mother to be aware any threats to your child's safety.

Please don't give me the 'no where to go' story after only five months ago (going by what you give as your youngest child's age), you went to your family. What happened in five months to close that door?

Contact your local police or children's services and ask for the location of the nearest women's shelter. They can also help you get there.

Contact a support group for family members of alcoholics and drug abusers. They can give you support to stay away from him and keep from repeating a bad pattern.

Be honest with yourself. Love doesn't conquer all. It can be a boulder that you carry on your back until you realize that it wasn't love. It was your own addiction and co-dependency keeping you there. Love yourself and your children enough to let the self-deception go.

Let the fear go. Take the blinders off and see where you have been ignoring red flags since you learned about his past. He isn't the person you thought he was or wanted him to be.

4+5=9
According to this post, you were with him for four years before the incident in the girl's room (backed up by your post about him not bringing meth around you for 4 to five years) and it was another five years until the more recent events. So you have been with him for about 9 years instead of 7.

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I am sorry I was upset when I post this I met he started bringing drugs around after about 4 yrs from the time we had our first daughter together she was about 3 at the time and we had our 2nd daughter 7 months ago which was about 5 1/2 yrs after we started dating. We got married 3 yrs ago. My oldest was 1 she just turned 8, then my middle is almost 6 now. We been together for almost 8 & he is the type that has lots of friends & no body would believe me when I first suspected it I took them to be interviewed at a office that's works with abused child & they told me that my kids didn't disclose of anything so they closed the case. But I still believe it has. He looks at my daughter the way he used to look at me & his brother is in jail being accused of raping his 8 yr old step daughter & every time I bring it up my husband doesn't want to talk about it but automatically says he is innocent. I did have cps come into my house because after they interviewed my children they wanted to do a in home visit & interview my husband & they told me that my accusations were fake & that I can get in trouble for accusing him if it hasn't happens. I was just trying to protect my kids & went they told me to drop it & go back home that everything is fine is when I started noticing this behavior after I came back from my parents house. I am back at my parents with no intention of going back but I think my daughter was just scared to disclose anything because she acts weird when I change them she covers herself & doesn't expose anything anymore & I am her mom & she calls her private "the bad spot" she doesn't really act out sexually she just crys a lot when she don't get her way & she begs to do stuff like ride her bike when I'm not outside because we live on a busy road & she throws a big fit to where she didn't used to. She is mean to me now & I don't know why because I take her swimming to the park shopping out to eat to the zoo fairs skating all the time I try to be a good mom but Idk how to come about asking her if her daddy hurt her, because if he has it's going to hurt me & I want to put him behind bars for hurting her plus her papa doesn't know what's going on because I don't want to tell him until I know for a fact & because he is behind bars because my dad loves my kids & will try something stupid and end up killed because my husband is a big man & will hurt him so I'm not ready to tell my family I just need a couple days to sort this out & figure out what I need to do!

You need to keep yourself and your children safe, whatever that takes - an order of protection, whatever.

YOU don't ask your children what happened; someone trained in talking to children and determining the truth talks to them. You could only make things worse.

So - let's see. You won't ask your daughter if she was molested beause if she was it's going to hurt you - ?

I think you're trying to do the right thing but I'm not sure you know what the right thing is.

The right thing is keeping your kids safe.

Being a good mother isn't all about parks and zoos and skating - it's about keeping kids safe. You had a suspicion, from what I'm reading, and did nothing.

Now it's time to do something.

So why does your family think you've moved back in with them - I see you telling bits and pieces of this story as you need to. That's not healthy AND what if your husband shows up and wants to see the kids, take the kids, something else? Your family apparently doesn't know they'd be in danger.

If you don't care about yourself care about them.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You need to keep yourself and your children safe, whatever that takes - an order of protection, whatever.

YOU don't ask your children what happened; someone trained in talking to children and determining the truth talks to them. You could only make things worse.

So - let's see. You won't ask your daughter if she was molested beause if she was it's going to hurt you - ?

I think you're trying to do the right thing but I'm not sure you know what the right thing is.

The right thing is keeping your kids safe.

Being a good mother isn't all about parks and zoos and skating - it's about keeping kids safe. You had a suspicion, from what I'm reading, and did nothing.

Now it's time to do something.

So why does your family think you've moved back in with them - I see you telling bits and pieces of this story as you need to. That's not healthy AND what if your husband shows up and wants to see the kids, take the kids, something else? Your family apparently doesn't know they'd be in danger.

If you don't care about yourself care about them.

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No I don't ask my daughters because like you just said someone skilled talks to them & finds the truth & that's what they told me not to say anything to my children because it was make things worse & I'm not worrie about it hurting me because I know in my heart that it has happened my parents know he is controlling & an alcoholic & are just trying to keeping me away from him anyway. I know I need to tell them & he won't try & get them because I am getting supervised visitations because he is an alcoholic & can't be trusted with them alone without risking their lives. I have done something as soon as I suspected it by taking them to be interviewed where they told me case is closed & not to talk to my children about it because it makes things worse. But I am trying I don't know what else to do expect stay away from him

You go to Court and get a protective Order - what is there that you aren't understanding?

YOU have supervised visitation but HE'S the one who abused them?

I just re-read this. Is he your husband or your boyfriend? I am reading both.

I don't think you have any plan.

You need to leave and stay away. My mother was sexually abused as a young child, and she has multiple personality disorder because of it. File for child support, full custody with no visitation citing he is a sex offender and you have reason to believe he sexually abused your children, get a job and take care of your girls. You also need to get you and your oldest into counseling ASAP. And please please please do not go out and party, date, or screw around until you fix yourself and then only then you should date (good men with jobs, no addictions, and treat you well). It will be lonely for you, but you let your children be in that environment that could have potentially screwed them up for the rest of their lives so now you need to step it up as a mother 110%. I'll be praying for you and your girls.

Ok I just reread all of this, & I am posting all of this from my phone & I can see a lot of it doesn't make sense, so I apologize for the confusion. He is my husband we got married about 3 yrs ago. I got pregnant 6 months after dating him, my oldest was 1 when we met, I was 18. My first child( with him )was about 3 when he first started acting out bringing meth around & started drinking. She is almost six now, our youngest daughter that we have together is 7 months today. My oldest turned 8 last week she was 1 when we got together so we been together for going on 8 yrs. I know I need counseling because I have let him get away with too much, I am opening my eyes now. The first 4 or 5 yrs together were wonderful I felt like he really loved my. But after the drugs & drinking we fought all the time & he really mean to me & I got scared but I thought I loved him to keep letting him abuse me but now my kids are involved. I am going to take every step possible to put him behind bars where he belongs & to never bring my kids around that abuse ever again. I have one more ? Since she isn't disclosing anything can I request an exam where they would be able to see if she been abused? Because when she had the interview they told me they will do an exam if she disclosing anything but she didn't so they did the home visit & talked to my husband & then sent a letter closing the case

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mobley119

You need to leave and stay away. My mother was sexually abused as a young child, and she has multiple personality disorder because of it. File for child support, full custody with no visitation citing he is a sex offender and you have reason to believe he sexually abused your children, get a job and take care of your girls. You also need to get you and your oldest into counseling ASAP. And please please please do not go out and party, date, or screw around until you fix yourself and then only then you should date (good men with jobs, no addictions, and treat you well). It will be lonely for you, but you let your children be in that enviornment that could have potentially screwed them up for the rest of their lives so now you need to step it up as a mother 110%. I'll be praying for you and your girls.

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Calling him a sex offender when there is suspicion but no finding is never a good idea - and that's from a legal standpoint.

Otherwise, yes, OP should pick a version of her story and go to Court. She will not be able to block visitation based on what I am reading here - she MIGHT be able to get an order for supervised visitation only. She also needs to drop the "young and stupid" argument and face up to the fact that she is minimally 26 years old at this point, able to stand on her own feet and not use her learning disability as an excuse for the abuse f her children.

Wait so is he a registered sex offender or isn't he? That's what she stated in the first post.

Judy, it was stated in her original post;

Quote:

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Now he is a registered sex offender for sleeping with a 14 yr old when he was 19,

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This is the scary part of all of this. This man is already a registered sex offender, but the OP is questioning her own eyes, what she saw. Very sad.

I am a survivor of molestation. Not by my parents, they were the best parents ever. I was molested by my cousin starting at the age of 5 and lasting for years. I never told a soul. If I had my father would have died in jail for killing my cousin. So I kept my mouth shut.

It had a huge impact on my life. I often wonder who I would be now if this hadn't happened to me. But with therapy, and the wonderful people on this site (who helped me far more than they'll ever fully understand), I've come a long way from that scared 5 year old child.

I have 2 children. If anything, because of my past, I am more vigilant than most. Sometimes I worry that it's too much, that I coddle them, or try to protect them too much. But I know what lurks out there. I know what can happen when a parents back is turned.

To the OP, you need to get your kids out of this home and away from this man. Getting a restraining order based on what you've seen shouldn't be a problem, he's already a registered sex offender!

Therapy for your kids, and for you. Also, parenting classes.

Fact is, if I hadn't read the entire thread first, I would have told you exactly what the others did, that you're not a good mom. I'm willing to hold off judging you. I'll wait to see what you do next. But, if you don't remove these children from this man, even if he didn't sexually abuse them, you are not the good mom you think you are. Far from it. Frankly, I would have left the first time he got high.

You're the mom, no matter how naïve and brainwashed, and all the other excuses you have. You are their mom. So be a mom! Protect your children!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mobley119

Wait so is he a registered sex offender or isn't he? That's what she stated in the first post.

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Right, he also turned from her boyfriend to her husband somewhere along the thread.

It's difficult for me to believe that he's a registered sex offender, she reported him, nothing was done, he was "allowed" to live with the older, non-blood-related child.

This is one of those threads where you have to wonder.

As you read and post you'll develop a second sense - I call mine my Spidey Senses and you'll see people quoting me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Right, he also turned from her boyfriend to her husband somewhere along the thread.

It's difficult for me to believe that he's a registered sex offender, she reported him, nothing was done, he was "allowed" to live with the older, non-blood-related child.

This is one of those threads where you have to wonder.

As you read and post you'll develop a second sense - I call mine my Spidey Senses and you'll see people quoting me.

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I do agree. So far the OP has been caught in a few lies, so what's to say that she's not lying about her boyfriend/husband, whatever he is, being a registered sex offender?

Needle buddy?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Needle buddy?

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That's what I'm thinking. The OP went from never doing drugs to doing drugs a few times.

Frankly, the story has changed too many times. There are too many inconsistencies.

I'm sure that part of the story is true. I don't think this is just a troll making things up looking for attention. I think this is a case of someone wanting people to say "you poor thing, how can we help", and getting the truth "you're a bad mother, get your kids out of this home!" and not liking the truth, because she knows that it is the truth.

Now she's backtracking, making things up, hoping to make herself look better. Sadly, that's not what she's doing. She's just making herself look worse and worse.

To the OP, if you want to lie, if you want people to give you sympathy, then talk to your friends. If you want the truth, and real help, then we expect to hear the truth.

You may not like what we tell you, but we will be honest with you, and maybe you need to hear the truth so you can get your head out of your arse and look after these young children that are relying on you to protect them. So far you haven't been doing that, and that's not even taking the sexual abuse into account. Even if he didn't sexually abuse them, he's still a drug addict, and you've allowed your children to live in that environment. That doesn't make you a good mom, and saying that you are over and over again doesn't change anything.

I think the OP would set her hair on fire if it would get attention for her.

I don't know if she would know the truth if it walked up and bit her in the...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alty

Judy, it was stated in her original post;



This is the scary part of all of this. This man is already a registered sex offender, but the OP is questioning her own eyes, what she saw. Very sad.

I am a survivor of molestation. Not by my parents, they were the best parents ever. I was molested by my cousin starting at the age of 5 and lasting for years. I never told a soul. If I had my father would have died in jail for killing my cousin. So I kept my mouth shut.

It had a huge impact on my life. I often wonder who I would be now if this hadn't happened to me. But with therapy, and the wonderful people on this site (who helped me far more than they'll ever fully understand), I've come a long way from that scared 5 year old child.

I have 2 children. If anything, because of my past, I am more vigilant than most. Sometimes I worry that it's too much, that I coddle them, or try to protect them too much. But I know what lurks out there. I know what can happen when a parents back is turned.

To the OP, you need to get your kids out of this home and away from this man. Getting a restraining order based on what you've seen shouldn't be a problem, he's already a registered sex offender!

Therapy for your kids, and for you. Also, parenting classes.

Fact is, if I hadn't read the entire thread first, I would have told you exactly what the others did, that you're not a good mom. I'm willing to hold off judging you. I'll wait to see what you do next. But, if you don't remove these children from this man, even if he didn't sexually abuse them, you are not the good mom you think you are. Far from it. Frankly, I would have left the first time he got high.

You're the mom, no matter how naive and brainwashed, and all the other excuses you have. You are their mom. So be a mom! Protect your children!

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Yes he is a registered sex offender, thanks for correcting Judy on that! I was molested as a child by my uncle & moms best friends husband & never told my parents because It only happened once with both men & I was scared to tell, so at first I thought maybe I was just trying to react that way because of what happened to me. Idk what happened to him, he wasn't a bad guy when I met him. I think that the drugs & alcohol were to blame for too. I did research and a lot of molesting is with drug or alcohol use. Im not deafening him in any way. I am just pointing out that in the beginning of our relationship was really good! He told me about his past before we got serious & took me to talk to the detective that he registers with & seen that it was consensual sex but lied about her age, same thing happened to my brother recently. Just thought I would point that out to the people that we're judging me for even being with him after I found out her was a sex offender, I got to know him first & didn't judge because of his past... now if he was charged with rape on a younger child that's a different story, but you can't just judge people from their past. & I'm not even sure what all I saw that night I just know that I was really tired our youngest was only a few months at the time & I was lacking sleep & my eyes were blurry. But I gathered what I did think I saw & put it all together & it just makes me believe he has abused her... I am In the process of moving all my stuff to a storage building & staying with my parents until I get an apartment... & if he is guilty & my dad finds out he will also die in jail for killing my husband

I'm out of here.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and I do have doubts.

I was molested as a child, I was raped as a teen. I have two children, a wonderful husband, we've been together for more than half our lives.

I never did hard drugs, but I dabbled in minor stuff, mainly because of my past. Actually, only because of my past. I had no respect for myself. I didn't care what happened to me, or what people did to me, because I felt worthless. That was a product of what I went through.

As a mom, as a survivor of molestation and rape, I can say that I'm over diligent when it comes to my kids. I sometimes worry that I'm too careful, that I'm too diligent. I worry that I'm not allowing them to make their own mistakes. But then, I know what evil there is in the world.

My molester was my cousin, my babysitter. I was 5 when it started, she was a teen. Yes, she. Talk about messing with your mind!

As a mom I can only say that if I were in your situation, and frankly, due to my past, I'd never be in your situation, I would take my kids, run, hide, and do everything I could to protect them.

Where there's smoke there's fire. You started this thread because you suspect that your husband is molesting your children. You can't second guess that! Trust your gut! If that isn't enough, he's a meth addict. That's reason enough to leave.

So what are you waiting for? Get off the computer, pack your bags, and protect your children! Anything less makes you a bad mother.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alty

I do agree. So far the OP has been caught in a few lies, so what's to say that she's not lying about her boyfriend/husband, whatever he is, being a registered sex offender?

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I have not lied about anything, I am just typing all of this really fast & I have said 3 times that he is my husband we got married 3 yrs ago. We never filed for the marriage license but I do have papers saying we r married it just isn't totally legal.


I said in the first post that he IS a registered sex offender & I'm not making anything up. I was upset when I posted the first post & was trying to gather up when everything fell in the time frame... With the first time he brought drugs around, the first insident. I am posting all of this from a phone so there is so much I can type at once & I'm leaving things out by mistake & corrected some time frame that I made a mistake on... But nothing has changed from my first post!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adodge

I have not lied about anything, I am just typing all of this really fast & I have said 3 times that he is my husband we got married 3 yrs ago. We never filed for the marriage license but I do have papers saying we r married it just isn't totally legal.


I said in the first post tht he IS a registered sex offender & I'm not making anything up. I was upset when I posted the first post & was trying to gather up when everything fell in the time frame.... With the first time he brought drugs around, the first insident. I am posting all of this from a phone so their is so much I can type at once & I'm leaving things out by mistake & corrected some time frame that I made a mistake on... But nothing has changed from my first post!!!!

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Your original question states that he's your boyfriend, not your husband. I am married, I never call my husband my boyfriend, because he's not. Do you not understand why that would raise questions?

One question. If he's a registered sex offender, how was he ever allowed around our first child, the one that's no his, in the first place? There are restrictions for registered sex offenders.

Also, how is he not in jail now that you've gone to the authorities and claimed that your children may have been molested by this man?

Bottom line, your posts don't line up. It's a lot harder to keep lies straight. The truth is easy, and I still don't believe we're getting the whole truth.

I can tell you that if you decide to be honest, I may be mad, but I won't judge. I'll help. I'll stay, and I'll give you advice. But right now I really don't believe what you're saying, because it doesn't make sense.