Ask Me Help Desk - Is it OK for my boyfriend to watch porn?

What? No... Just No.

You have your opinions. I respect that. They are, in my equally valid opinion, wrong.

Come back in 20 years, having most of them being sexually frustrated and alone, and let me know how this works for you.

Trial by real life.

Here is a hint about how it will end. No man will put up with that crap. You'll have your heart broken many times by men lying to you about the same thing. Or you will dump them because all they want to do is stick their pee-pee in your hoo-hoo without a care for your pleasure because they just want to get off and because they're in a relationship they can just use you as a c*m-Dumpster. You will start to acquire cats to cope with the loneliness that will become your life.

Or you will find a man smart enough and clever enough such that you don't know that he's pulling his pork to naughty pictures and movies. You will never know, but he will be doing it.

My forehead still hurts from the epic facepalm that the bellow caused.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zZzatl

People who are NOT in a relationship can do w/e they want but once they’re in a relationship, I would think the need or habit of watching porn is less or stops because they’re with a REAL person now. And the need to be glued to the screen, reenacting their nerdy college days when they couldn’t even touch a girl, are behind them.

What I find most insulting is the need to get sexual pleasure outside of the relationship and the very CHEEP excuse that is often used to permit theyre behavior. Like, “He just a guy. That’s what they do. What do you expect?” As if guys were some idiotic robots who can't help but search for porn websites.

The saddest thing is that many guys who say they have stopped, have NOT stopped! And if youre man has become accustom to watching it, even if it is NOT an addiction and just once a month, the chances of him breaking away from it and never watching it again are very slim.

I completely understand how it makes women uncomfortable because their man is getting sexual pleasure (not just thoughts) but actually jacking off and lusting over the image or video of another woman’s naked body. How could that NOT affect your relationship and the confidence that you have in that relationship?

And what i believe hurts women the most is that although people brush it off as something biological, fact is, many woman (unlike men) see sex and love as one in the same. What turns us on and puts us in the mood is feeling special and really loved. Woman consider sex and pleasure as a sign of love and a healthy relationship,

Therefore, when a guy is stepping outside of your intimate box to get sexual pleasure else were, regardless of how “biological” the act is, it really damages relationships. FYI for wise boyfriends, if youre that horney, youve got a g/f. You can do her until youre blue in the face. And for girlfriends, enough with accepting all the pathetic excuses. It boils down to loyalty and how much he wants to have you and ALLLL of you. If it affects that relationship and damages the trust, and the guy does not want to let loose, please if its not going to stop bothering you, let him go. living with that baggage is not worth it and you deserve a guy who is saving all his ooOooOOh’s for you. ;-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by zZzatl

People who are NOT in a relationship can do w/e they want but once they’re in a relationship, I would think the need or habit of watching porn is less or stops because they’re with a REAL person now. And the need to be glued to the screen, reenacting their nerdy college days when they couldn’t even touch a girl, are behind them.

What I find most insulting is the need to get sexual pleasure outside of the relationship and the very CHEEP excuse that is often used to permit theyre behavior. Like, “He just a guy. That’s what they do. What do you expect?” As if guys were some idiotic robots who can't help but search for porn websites.

The saddest thing is that many guys who say they have stopped, have NOT stopped! And if youre man has become accustom to watching it, even if it is NOT an addiction and just once a month, the chances of him breaking away from it and never watching it again are very slim.

I completely understand how it makes women uncomfortable because their man is getting sexual pleasure (not just thoughts) but actually jacking off and lusting over the image or video of another woman’s naked body. How could that NOT affect your relationship and the confidence that you have in that relationship?

And what i believe hurts women the most is that although people brush it off as something biological, fact is, many woman (unlike men) see sex and love as one in the same. What turns us on and puts us in the mood is feeling special and really loved. Woman consider sex and pleasure as a sign of love and a healthy relationship,

Therefore, when a guy is stepping outside of your intimate box to get sexual pleasure else were, regardless of how “biological” the act is, it really damages relationships. FYI for wise boyfriends, if youre that horney, youve got a g/f. You can do her until youre blue in the face. And for girlfriends, enough with accepting all the pathetic excuses. It boils down to loyalty and how much he wants to have you and ALLLL of you. If it affects that relationship and damages the trust, and the guy does not want to let loose, please if its not going to stop bothering you, let him go. living with that baggage is not worth it and you deserve a guy who is saving all his ooOooOOh’s for you. ;-)

Let me guess. You're female, right? No need to answer, you already admitted it in your post.

I'd also guess that you're in your late teens or 20's. Bet I'm right.

How do I know? Because you have no clue about why men watch porn. If you don't learn the truth, you're going to have a lot of heartbreaks. Porn isn't about sex, or love, it's about porn. It's like you hiding in the bathroom to read a romance novel "And he caressed her breasts and suckled, then he ran his finger down her body and found her special spot". That's toning it down. If you've ever read even one romance novel, you have no right at all to tell your boyfriend, husband or any male, to stop watching porn.

Before you say something silly (sillier than your quoted post) assuming I'm male. I'm not. I'm just not a naïve woman that thinks that porn has anything to do with anything other than entertainment. It's like a woman watching a chick flick, or reading a romance novel.

Have you read the 50 shades of Grey books? If you have, guess what, that's porn, it's girl porn, it's frankly poorly written sad porn, but it's all the rage especially for young females, which I'm betting you are. . Bet you'd have a hissy fit in a man demanded that you give it up.

I don't like it when they watch porn either, but here are a few tips;

They aren't watching it because their girlfriends are unattractive, it's a habit they got into before they met you and sadly doesn't stop.

Sometimes a person will give it up but not the first time you ask them. It takes at least 3 weeks. My ex stopped, it can happen, a lot of the time when you say you don't like it they claim to not watch or they will lie and say they will stop and look at it again.

The thing to remember is they will do that to the next girlfriend, it isn't personal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pr3tty_in_pink

I don't like it when they watch porn either, but here are a few tips;

They aren't watching it because their girlfriends are unattractive, it's a habit they got into before they met you and sadly doesn't stop.

Sometimes a person will give it up but not the first time you ask them. It takes at least 3 weeks. My ex stopped, it can happen, a lot of the time when you say you don't like it they claim to not watch or they will lie and say they will stop and look at it again.

The thing to remember is they will do that to the next girlfriend, it isn't personal.

For goodness sake. You make it sound like he has a drug addiction. It's porn, not cocaine!

I love how you put a time limit on getting him to stop "It takes at least 3 weeks". LMAO! That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time.

Let me guess, you're a teen, or in your early 20's.

You'll learn. For one, you'll learn that your boyfriend didn't stop, he's just gotten a lot better at hiding it. If he actually did stop, just because you forced him to, then he'll likely be stopping your relationship soon.

Now, you have 3 weeks to stop watching chick flicks, or reading romance novels. No excuses. If he can't watch porn, either can you. It's only fair.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

For goodness sake. You make it sound like he has a drug addiction. It's porn, not cocaine!

I love how you put a time limit on getting him to stop "It takes at least 3 weeks". LMAO! That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time.

Let me guess, you're a teen, or in your early 20's.

You'll learn. For one, you'll learn that your boyfriend didn't stop, he's just gotten a lot better at hiding it. If he actually did stop, just because you forced him to, then he'll likely be stopping your relationship soon.

Now, you have 3 weeks to stop watching chick flicks, or reading romance novels. No excuses. If he can't watch porn, either can you. It's only fair.

That's WHY they are all an "EX". No real man would put up with someone dictating to them what they can and can't do. Just because of she has numerous and serious insecurities. I expect there to be a long, long list of future exes as well... until she becomes one of those cat women with 20 or 30 cats to keep them company. Unless of course they stumble upon a real loser... or wise up and deal with their insecurities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

That's WHY they are all an "EX". No real man would put up with someone dictating to them what they can and can't do. Just because of she has numerous and serious insecurities. I expect there to be a long, long list of future exes as well.... until she becomes one of those cat women with 20 or 30 cats to keep them company. Unless of course they stumble upon a real loser...or wise up and deal with their insecurities.

I have 4 rabbits, does that make me the crazy rabbit lady? ;)

But, I also have a husband, and he watches porn. Here's the novel thing. I'm not a fan of porn. I get why men watch it, I just don't want to watch it. It's not my thing. Then again, chick flicks aren't my husbands thing.

Why does my marriage work even with a husband that watches porn? Because I'm not some insecure child that thinks that porn has anything to do with me, or sex, or my marriage. It's entertainment, it's not a replacement for me. I know that my husband would much rather be with the real thing, which is me.

That's what these posters don't get. Porn isn't sex, it's not cheating, it has nothing to do with you, or your relationship. It's entertainment. It's the same thing as you reading the "Fifty shades of Grey" books.

Until these posters understand that, they'll have nothing but failed relationships and heartache.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

I have 4 rabbits, does that make me the crazy rabbit lady? ;)

But, I also have a husband, and he watches porn. Here's the novel thing. I'm not a fan of porn. I get why men watch it, I just don't want to watch it. It's not my thing. Then again, chick flicks aren't my husbands thing.

Why does my marriage work even with a husband that watches porn? Because I'm not some insecure child that thinks that porn has anything to do with me, or sex, or my marriage. It's entertainment, it's not a replacement for me. I know that my husband would much rather be with the real thing, which is me.

That's what these posters don't get. Porn isn't sex, it's not cheating, it has nothing to do with you, or your relationship. It's entertainment. It's the exact same thing as you reading the "Fifty shades of Grey" books.

Until these posters understand that, they'll have nothing but failed relationships and heartache.

Exactly.. each person has their tastes... however one persons freedom ends when it begins to impede on someone else's rights.

Funny how from my own experiences the people that get so foaming at the mouth upset that someone else should do something THEY don't want them to do... are the most vocal when someone else asks THEM to do something they don't want to do... They are never as complacent when the shoe is on the other foot.

Nope a few bunnies doesn't make you a crazy bunny lady. Now if you had 15 or 20 roaming loose around the house with little bunny turds everywhere... that would be different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Exactly..each person has their tastes...however one persons freedom ends when it begins to impede on someone else's rights.

Funny how from my own experiences the people that get so foaming at the mouth upset that someone else should do something THEY don't want them to do...are the most vocal when someone else asks THEM to do something they don't want to do....They are never as complacent when the shoe is on the other foot.

Nope a few bunnies doesn't make you a crazy bunny lady. Now if you had 15 or 20 roaming loose around the house with little bunny turds everywhere.....that would be different.

4 bunnies is my limit, and the 4 I have are in cages, only roam around when I'm supervising. :)

I agree completely with your post. I bet that the OP, and all the other posters that posted against porn, would have a hissy fit if their S.O. demanded they give up something they enjoy. That's why I mentioned the fifty shades series. It's the cats meow right now, one of the top selling books (not because of literary genius, because frankly, it has none). It's girl porn, in a book. I'd bet money that at least one of the anti-porn females that posted here, has read it. If so, well, they're hypocrites.

Men and porn is like women and romance novels. It's a guilty pleasure. It doesn't require thought, it has nothing to do with the person you're with, it's just fun. It doesn't mean that you're cheating, or that you fantasize about the people in the movie or book. It's just fun.

I would love to say that I get why they feel this way. But I don't. Even when I was younger, and in a relationship (remember that hubby and I have been together since we were 19, and he's always watched porn), I never had an issue with it. Seventeen years of marriage, 22 years together, neither of us have ever cheated, and we're happy together. That says a lot more than some 20 something that has jealousy issues saying "make him quit".

It's entertainment, and nothing but entertainment. It has nothing whatsoever to do with how he feels about you. Just like romance novels and chick flicks have nothing to do with how you feel about him.

Of course that will fall on deaf ears. Too many jealous control freaks out there. ;)

I hate this idea that people, particularly women, who are anti-porn are automatically "jealous control freaks." I think a good majority of people who are concerned about their partner's porn use are so because they believe it is contributing to problems in their sex life - not because they have a pathological need to control their partner.

And for many, yes, it can create/encourage/deepen insecurities and that's hurtful, especially when you aren't getting any. You say that if your partner's cyber-sexual activity is negatively affecting your emotions that that's your problem. But honestly, who enters into a relationship hoping to have to detach themselves and fight off negative feelings? If we are supposed to deal with all of our issues on our own, then none of us should have partners.

But, back to this idea of 'control freaks.' Many are saying 'please cut back on the porn because I would like more sex' - not because they want to control someone or reduce their partner's enjoyment but because they want greater security and intimacy in their relationships. This is a natural, and not a bad, desire.

Also, I've been thinking that some generations (those over 30) might not have the same relationship with porn use that many of my generation have. It is entirely common for my male peers to report that they began regularly watching porn at the age of 11-12. My first sexual partner was the first naked man I had ever seen - aside from anatomy drawings. I was probably the 1000th naked woman he had ever seen. People my age grew up watching real sex regularly when they were children and all through their adolescence. They watched sex hundreds if not thousands of times before they probably had their first kiss and definitely before they ever even had real sex. That level of exposure wouldn't change the way they view and experience sex? Wouldn't give them a set of expectations? Wouldn't perhaps raise the bar for their definitions of what is everyday sexy versus truly a turn on? I firmly believe that it of course did. If you think it didn't, then you are also basically saying that we don't learn. It would be saying that the wildly successful advertising industry, which is largely based on sheer exposure, is actually wasting their time producing commercials.

So, I believe for people my age, porn is a habit formed during the age when humans develop lifelong habits (adolescence). Furthermore, I think it's very possible that older and younger generations are discussing completely different situations here (pre- and post-internet availability).

Quote:

Originally Posted by backpack2389

I hate this idea that people, particularly women, who are anti-porn are automatically "jealous control freaks." I think a good majority of people who are concerned about their partner's porn use are so because they believe it is contributing to problems in their sex life - not because they have a pathological need to control their partner.

And for many, yes, it can create/encourage/deepen insecurities and that's hurtful, especially when you aren't getting any. You say that if your partner's cyber-sexual activity is negatively affecting your emotions that that's your problem. But honestly, who enters into a relationship hoping to have to detach themselves and fight off negative feelings? If we are supposed to deal with all of our issues on our own, then none of us should have partners.

But, back to this idea of 'control freaks.' Many are saying 'please cut back on the porn because I would like more sex' - not because they want to control someone or reduce their partner's enjoyment but because they want greater security and intimacy in their relationships. This is a natural, and not a bad, desire.

Also, I've been thinking that some generations (those over 30) might not have the same relationship with porn use that many of my generation have. It is entirely common for my male peers to report that they began regularly watching porn at the age of 11-12. My first sexual partner was the first naked man I had ever seen - aside from anatomy drawings. I was probably the 1000th naked woman he had ever seen. People my age grew up watching real sex regularly when they were children and all through their adolescence. They watched sex hundreds if not thousands of times before they probably had their first kiss and definitely before they ever even had real sex. That level of exposure wouldn't change the way they view and experience sex? Wouldn't give them a set of expectations? Wouldn't perhaps raise the bar for their definitions of what is everyday sexy versus truly a turn on? I firmly believe that it of course did. If you think it didn't, then you are also basically saying that we don't learn. It would be saying that the wildly successful advertising industry, which is largely based on sheer exposure, is actually wasting their time producing commercials.

So, I believe for people my age, porn is a habit formed during the age when humans develop lifelong habits (adolescence). Furthermore, I think it's very possible that older and younger generations are discussing completely different situations here (pre- and post-internet availability).

You don't see it because you haven't developed the maturity yet to see it... and the fact you refuse to acknowledge the problem falls on you... and not him... women that try to dictate what he watchs and when ARE control freaks... if themselves sesteme sucks its because THEY have a problem... not him...
IF you were older and not as young as you are you would see that many of the things you believe are actually misconceptions... you weren't bestowed maturity when you turned 18.. and in your early 20's few have actually learned it... by 30 most actually have by then.

You spent a lot of time trying to rationalize your perspective... but it is still wrong... Porn is very old... and contrary to the opinion of people your age... it was very wide spread before the internet... very wide spread... but you aren't old enough to know things like that...

I for one am... the only thing the Internet brought was FREE porn in your own home... you don't have to go to adult book stores... and you don't have to order things through the mail...

But there was LOTS of it around and it was easy to get unless you lived in the boondocks... (but then anyplace that sold magazines still had it even there) there were entire city blocks dedicated to providing it.

You just don't have to keep your collection in boxes any more like you used to... since its now mostly digitized instead of printed on paper and film.

Funny that the women 20, 30, 40 and more years ago didn't use that as an excuse to blame their personal problems on... because heaven knows... they have been teaching kids for several decades they are perfect... its everyone else that has a problem.. so they grow up believing they are normal and no0thing is their fault... and when the reality of the world hits them... they start demanding the world change to suit them so they don't have to face dealing with adapting to the world. Here's something that will save a lot of time and grief... the world isn't going to change to suit you so save yourself the time...

Why don't you give up all forms of chick flicks... soap operas and romance novels... which are girl porn... if you want to believe it or not... it is exactly that.