Cat 1864 no I have no hobbies , I do like boxing and was going to join a gym but down to myself doubting and insecurity I delayed it. Plus I got distracted by these gay rappers article. I use to actually rap a few years back but because I stopped for a long time I find it hard to get back to the high level I once believed I was at, I still love music. When I found out alleged rumours about some of my favourite rappers I was intrigued but I was dissapointed by the image they potray. I started to doubt myself then started avoiding listening to them because of that, I am trying to ignore as they are only internet rumours even though I saw a few pictures that looked very suspect. The whole gay thing stopped me from going to the gym because I didn't want to feel attraction for any man I know it sounds silly but watching all those videos and reading those articles started to desensitise me sexually it made me feel unsure about myself even though I have never had lust to sleep with a man. I have failed educationally as well there is a lot of pressure on me. Everyone else (family and friends) my age are driving and have children and live independently, I don't. I live at home with clingy parents that worry and don't allow me to stand on my own 2 feet. At the same time because I have no qualifications to get a decent job and I haven't worked in a long time. I give up on job applications when they ask for a cv and cover letter. I spend my days gambling hoping to make money or I doing nothing. A lot of decisions have been made for me in my life sometimes I feel I don't know who I am. I decided to go back to college and study I'll be starting next week hopefully that should help my confidence and I will stick it out to the end. I have been a quitter for most of my life hopefully it will change soon. Thank you guys for listening to me.
