Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend rarely wants sex but recently paid for a lap dance !

Thanks Judy'

I think you're right, looking back to the happy times we've had together ,he did, probably still does love me. Maybe some time apart will give him time to think and decide whether he really wants to let me go.
For a long while I have believed that time always sorts things out and provides all the answers, and I'm sure it will with this.

I will stick around try and help someone else, I now know what a release it is to have others help you through a crisis. Thanks again and I'll let you know how it all turns out.

I know I'm reading conversations that are over a year old but very helpful for me at this time. I just had the boyfriend wanting to go to a strip club experience. It was awful! We were out on a sat night and he said, 'hey lets' go' I said OK. First time for both of us - it was scary and intimidating, but also fascinating. I couldn't believe how those girls can move, more than that, I can't believe some of the bodies I saw. I thought I was going to be intimidated - that there were going to be all these rock hard bodies, but I saw a lot of saggy boobs, flabby butts and severe hail damage on these girls legs. It was fine to be there, I knew I looked better... then my boyfriend wanted a lap dance, I said OK - I was drunk and figured at least I was there, right? I ended up going to the bathroom and missed the whole thing! He was pissed at me and sent someone into the bathroom for me. I came out to an irate boyfriend yelling at me because I ruined his entire lap dance. Wow, I was so hurt! Next day of course he apologized... blah blah blah... then he wanted to go AGAIN... so we did... I'm probably the dumbest person on the planet. But again, I figured, at least he is being honest and I know what's going down, I'm right there with him. Of course same scenario, watching even worse looking strippers and then off he went about the lap dance thing again. This time he wanted to get one, then me... we did that... ok, he was so turned on by it that he wanted another one this time together - so a blonde jumped on him and me and went to town. I was so uncomfortable and she had bad breath! He loved it, I had to turn away because he was touching her, grabbing her boobs and everything. It hurt so bad :( I was so sad but tried with everything in me to smile through it. I couldn't wait to get home. I can't help but feel so sad. I feel awful that my BF wanted me to watch him touch her - I feel betrayed. I feel stupid. I brought it on myself I get that, but I just went along because I was glad he at least wanted me to be involved. It hurts deeply to know he wanted to go back a second night instead of staying home to be with me intimately. He chose to look at other women instead of me - OUCH! I thought I was being supportive, but I feel horrible, I feel trashy. He is the most cheap ever and he dropped some serious cash on strippers in two days... that makes me feel worthless. I'm just trying at this point to move on. I feel for anyone also affected by this kind of crap... wow, it causes some mental damage and pain... :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by happigirl69

i know i'm reading conversations that are over a year old but very helpful for me at this time. I just had the boyfriend wanting to go to a strip club experience. it was awful! we were out on a sat night and he said, 'hey lets' go' i said ok. First time for both of us - it was scary and intimidating, but also fascinating. I couldn't believe how those girls can move, more than that, i can't believe some of the bodies i saw. I thought i was going to be intimidated - that there were going to be all these rock hard bodies, but i saw a lot of saggy boobs, flabby butts and severe hail damage on these girls legs. it was fine to be there, i knew i looked better... then my boyfriend wanted a lap dance, i said ok - i was drunk and figured at least i was there, right? i ended up going to the bathroom and missed the whole thing! he was pissed at me and sent someone into the bathroom for me. I came out to an irate boyfriend yelling at me because i ruined his entire lap dance. Wow, i was so hurt! next day of course he apologized...blah blah blah...then he wanted to go AGAIN...so we did...i'm probably the dumbest person on the planet. but again, i figured, at least he is being honest and i know what's going down, i'm right there with him. Of course same scenario, watching even worse looking strippers and then off he went about the lap dance thing again. This time he wanted to get one, then me...we did that...ok, he was so turned on by it that he wanted another one this time together - so a blonde jumped on him and me and went to town. I was so uncomfortable and she had bad breath! he loved it, i had to turn away because he was touching her, grabbing her boobs and everything. it hurt so bad :( i was so sad but tried with everything in me to smile through it. I couldn't wait to get home. I can't help but feel so sad. I feel awful that my BF wanted me to watch him touch her - i feel betrayed. i feel stupid. I brought it on myself i get that, but i just went along because i was glad he at least wanted me to be involved. it hurts deeply to know he wanted to go back a second night instead of staying home to be with me intimately. He chose to look at other women instead of me - OUCH! I thought i was being supportive, but i feel horrible, i feel trashy. he is the most cheap ever and he dropped some serious cash on strippers in two days...that makes me feel worthless. i'm just trying at this point to move on. I feel for anyone also affected by this kind of crap...wow, it causes some mental damage and pain...:(

While this is a YEAR OLD. I will say that the issue here was more of your boyfriend than the strip club. This calls to his strength or weakness of character. People deal with this differently. You can't blame the casino or the bar for the people who go and abuse them; just as you can't blame the strip club for the actions he takes.

Put the blame where the blame needs to be put. Heaping it on a strip club because you want to believe that your boyfriend was pure and virtuous beforehand does nothing but make you look foolish and self-serving. Personal accountability, it is something that is rare these days.