Ask Me Help Desk - I like my girlfriend, have sexual issues

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kozyol

I can massage, kiss, and undress while getting hard, then when she's ready and lying naked, and telling me she wants to do it, I somehow manage to lose it by the time I grab the condom. It's very frustrating, because I'm obviously in good physical shape and I really would like to get supremely close to her, but it just seems like there's this mental block that needs reconditioning.

Are you attracted to her body? When she is not around, do you fantasize about her while you masturbate?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Are you attracted to her body? When she is not around, do you fantasize about her while you masturbate??

Yes I am attracted to her, but no I don't masturbate to her. But this is exactly what I want to condition my brain to do; masturbate while thinking of her, then when I actually see her my brain will automatically be aroused because it's already acclimated to being excited by her likeness.

Meanwhile, I've stopped looking at other things that would turn me on (like homosexual paraphernalia) and started watching "normal" porn, in an effort to control my brain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kozyol

Yes I am attracted to her, but no I don't masturbate to her. But this is exactly what I want to condition my brain to do; masturbate while thinking of her, then when I actually see her my brain will automatically be aroused because it's already acclimated to being excited by her likeness.

Meanwhile, I've stopped looking at other things that would turn me on (like homosexual paraphernalia) and started watching "normal" porn, in an effort to control my brain.

It doesn't work that way... You can't condition your brain like that.

You're not studying for a history exam here. Lol

You are having feelings that you can't control.

Example: There was a man that I found to be super intelligent, comical, interesting, intriguing, compassionate, so on and so forth, and he wanted to be with me... The only thing is that I was not attracted to him what so ever. I just didn't see him in that light. I tried to convince myself other. I tried to out weigh the great with the not so great. Hell, I even tried touching myself, thinking about him... I couldn't bring myself to see him that way.

So you see, you are who you are, and I don't even think you know who you are, yet. You will in time.

You know, if she wasn't a virgin who seems to be very vulnerable and she knew your feelings about this and said, "what the hell, let's make love to see how you feel afterwards." Then I would say go for it.

But she is, so I think that you need to rethink this and take your time to figure it out and also counseling might help.

Was your last heterosexual relationship a virgin?

Could you be balking at the fear of messing up her first experience with intercourse or hurting her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Was your last heterosexual relationship a virgin?

Could you be balking at the fear of messing up her first experience with intercourse or hurting her?

No, she certainly wasn't a virgin; in fact she made sure to screw as many of my friends as possible. But that's just trivia.

No, I'm not afraid of hurting her (although I realize that she might become even more attached to me than she already is, though that may not be a negative in itself).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kozyol

No, she certainly wasn't a virgin; in fact she made sure to screw as many of my friends as possible. But that's just trivia.

No, I'm not afraid of hurting her (although I realize that she might become even more attached to me than she already is, tho that may not be a negative in itself).

But then again, it could back fire as well.

Play it safe so that niether one of you gets hurt.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kozyol

I can massage, kiss, and undress while getting hard, then when she's ready and lying naked, and telling me she wants to do it, I somehow manage to lose it by the time I grab the condom. It's very frustrating, because I'm obviously in good physical shape and I really would like to get supremely close to her, but it just seems like there's this mental block that needs reconditioning.

You just said more in one sentence than you did in all your posts combined. You lose it when you are reaching for a condom. The mood was broken and the spontaneity is gone. Very common. For most "straight" men, they would continue to get back in the mood. For you, hiwever, it is difficult because not only are you questioning your sexual preferences, you are inexperienced as well {your own words}.. You are also dealing with a woman with no experience at all :{A virgin}.. Why don't you refrain from sex with this girl, and just let the relationship take its own course. Stop trying to make this relationship more than what it is. Just enjoy each others company and eventually it will either go to the next level, or you will both move on. You in particular are not even close to being ready for a committed relationship, not with either sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kozyol

Meanwhile, I've stopped looking at other things that would turn me on (like homosexual paraphernalia) and started watching "normal" porn, in an effort to control my brain.

Hello K:

If you COULD change your orientation, don't you think lots of gay people would?? No matter HOW much you try to train your brain - THIS ain't happening. Fool yourself all you want... But, DON'T take this lady down that path with you.

excon

I recently have been masturbating to normal, heterosexual porn, and I have no problem getting aroused by the actresses. I think I'm doing fine reconditioning myself, and I will soon be ready for the real deal with my girlfriend.