Ask Me Help Desk - Having sexual problems with my girlfriend

Quote:

Yeah, but you can't compare your generation to ours either. Religious ties are a lot looser for most. You might be shocked to see how many kids start having sex as soon as middle school. Most of my friends had by freshman year. I think we did good.

All I was doing was telling a misbelieving you that a person can live life (even as a teenager) without sex. You seem to believe sex is necessary for physical and mental stability.

I've been here for 3+ years and have many times read posts from 'tweens (12 y/os!) who thought they were pregnant. I am certainly not living in under a bushel.

It's a shame, when we have young people say that because they held off having sexual relations past their freshman is something that we should be proud of.
I was married in 1986, and yes there were preventatives for pregnancy, but we made a choice to wait.
All I can say to this young man is you need to treat this young lady the way you would want a man to treat your possible future daughter, so if she needs time and space give it to her. Good luck

I would just like to add to Askingquestion, I am young. I still decided to wait to have sex with my husband. I waited until I was 25 years old to lose my virginity.

I'm not that much older than you, my dear.

So you can't say that one decade is sooooo much different than the next.

Also, I would just like to say that Yes, I think waiting for three years is great. I applaud you for that. I also find a lot of tact in your posts, especially for being attacked. I don't think that anyone in here is trying to attack you, I think that it is perhaps your verbage, how you worded things in your other posts. For example, "she gave in".

The bottom line is, is that you need to talk to her about it.

You have gotten great advice. Now I think you should roll with it.

Also, pull out doesn't work. My four year old is proof of that.

Good luck.

To clear one point up, I think Askingquestion means that he is wearing a condom and pulling out at the same time.

Though, Askingquestion, we have several members who have gotten pregnant properly using
Multiple types of contraceptives at one time. About the only way to foil nature is to not have sex at all.

I read your other thread where you are trying to decide if you should stay with her. Frankly, I think you don't know what you want and it is probably being transmitted to her. If she were honest with herself and you when asked, I would almost bet that she 'gave in' as a way to keep you from getting bored and leaving her. I highly doubt you realize how much of a guilt trip she is on every time she has premarital sex with you. I think you want to believe she is happy to give up a long held Belief and that it shouldn't affect her now. Letting go Beliefs is not easy and it very painful for some people. She seems to be one.

Something to think about is that arousal for women is as more of a mental thing than physical. IF she is having doubts and concerns it will affect how her body responds. She could love you with all of her heart and want you with all of her being, but if her mind is bringing up guilt and fear not only of pregnancy but of the religious-based consequences, then her body won't respond the way it should if she were truly comfortable.

A big clue is when you say that she knew what you wanted. You knew what she wanted. She gave in to you and your wants and desires not to her own. Her own were being kept at bay until she knew her future was secure. Now, there is no security and there is guilt plus a possible loss of self-respect. Do you even understand what she has given you?

The advice you are getting would be very different if you were married and there were problems, but you aren't and it doesn't sound like you want to be. Be honest with yourself and her about what you really want for the future.

Look, if you really want to be extra safe, try having phone sex. The only thing is that having sex with your phone could really hurt.

I don't think any of the previous replies have address the possibility that this is a purely physical problem. I love my boyfriend and we have been together for years. I find him attractive and desirable and even when I'm so horny I can't see straight, I have lubrication issues. We also use condoms after I started having problems with birth control, and the condoms have increased discomfort on my end. This is easily resolved with lube. I would try using a lubricant (spit is NOT a lubricant!) and see if it resolves some of the issues... it will make sex less painful and take some of the stress off your girlfriend. If this does not improve things, then I would look for an emotional issue but I would try the easy answer first.

Please pay attention to the dates on the threads. The original posted hasn't been on this site for over two years. They won't read what you say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

I would just like to add to Askingquestion, I am young. I still decided to wait to have sex with my husband. I waited until I was 25 years old to lose my virginity.

I'm not that much older than you, my dear.

So you can't say that one decade is so much different than the next.

Also, I would just like to say that Yes, I think waiting for three years is great. I applaud you for that. I also find a lot of tact in your posts, especially for being attacked. I don't think that anyone in here is trying to attack you, I think that it is perhaps your verbage, how you worded things in your other posts. For example, "she gave in".

The bottom line is, is that you need to talk to her about it.

You have gotten great advice. Now I think you should roll with it.

Also, pull out doesn't work. My four year old is proof of that.

Good luck.

I wrote this years ago?

Go me!