Oh and also with the affair stuff. CO is a no fault divorce... so I don't think that having an affair makes a difference

This man is fresh out of the marriage. There is no way he ought to be talking marriage or anything at this point.
I think he still has feelings for his wife.
That or he and his wife had sexual problems and that is why she cheated. Maybe he has ED or has some sexual hang ups.(I'm not excusing his wife by any means)
At Any rate, he is not ready for a relationship. It is really too soon and too much drama. That could be his problem too. Too much hidden stuff going on.

To add he is just filing papers a month ago on her terms. Or is he just saying that but is having a hard time letting go. Yes, legally he is still married.

It seems kind of strange how he would wait around for her. Hmmm, that is awfully weird.

As far as all the things he is saying. They are words, but his actions say otherwise.

He could have filed for divorce anytime he wanted to with or without her so that is just yet another excuse in my own opinion.

I agree, too early for another relationship for him. Maybe secretly he is trying to hold on to both.

Still married don't love u love the other

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maddz311

Oh and also with the affair stuff. CO is a no fault divorce... so i don't think that having an affair makes a difference

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I didn't mean anything with legal issues. I mean that it is a possibility that he may FEEL as though it would be an affair

I think his heart is still in that marriage.

You've been together with him a year and a half, and as you said, done everything but have sex, which I presume to mean having sex without intercourse. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you are naked in bed with this man fooling around, intercourse is only a small part of what you already do.

What has taken him so long to get the divorce going. And why do you have to keep it a secret with him from his wife that you are seeing each other. I presume that there was a legal separation right?

If you have had a committed relationship for a year and a half, and he is still dragging his heels and following orders from his wife, this man is not free.

He's not a virgin, nor are you; are you really sure that lack of intercourse is the problem?

If he is still in touch with her, why couldn't he find her. Another excuse?

Do you live with him?

I'm not sure what's up with this guy. He is either still attached or seeing his wife, or he has another woman on the side that he wishes to remain 'faithful' to, or he's stringing you along because he is needy and can't stand on his own two feet.

Pretty much guessing here, but after a year and a half, he's not over her, and his claims of divorcing her seem suspicious to me.

We want the divorce to go as smoothly as possible. If she knows we are together then she won't just sign and let things go quickly. They contact each other through email (which he has given me access to) There was no legal separation. (it as much as a divorce and you have to wait a year after legal separation is final to file for divorce).

Yes, we've had oral sex and all that jazz and intercourse is the only thing missing. What do you mean that lack of intercourse is the problem??

We don't live together but we are together every day until about 2 am (average).

With his "claims" I was really worried that he was just claiming it.. but I have called the court and he has indeed at least filed and I also saw the receipt from the court house

As far as the pregnancy concern:

I was using THREE forms of birth control correctly when I got pregnant with my daughter.

The ONLY way to prevent pregnancy is to not have intercourse.

Fear of pregnancy ALONE is a valid reason for not having sex.

Thank you for that information.

What I meant was, he can't say that he's saving himself from having sex until you are married, or that he has religious reasons to suddenly stop having sex. The two of you are already having sex.

Does he live by himself then? Have you ever been to his home?

I just have an uneasy feeling about this, and can only say that I hope you take things slowly with him.

I also find it odd that he never got a legal separation, at least to divide assets, bank accounts, cars, maybe a house etc. He certainly didn't need her permission to protect himself in that regard.

How do you think this is all going to work out. And have you had questions yourself about him?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maddz311

We want the divorce to go as smoothly as possible. If she knows we are together then she won't just sign and let things go quickly. They contact each other through email (which he has given me access to) There was no legal separation. (it as much as a divorce and you have to wait a year after legal separation is final to file for divorce).

Yes, we've had oral sex and all that jazz and intercourse is the only thing missing. What do you mean that lack of intercourse is the problem???

We don't live together but we are together every day until about 2 am (average).

With his "claims" I was really worried that he was just claiming it.. but i have called the court and he has indeed at least filed and i also saw the receipt from the court house

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That still does not clarify why it took him ONLY a month ago to just file for divorce. Still does not make sense. You can sugar coat it and reassure yourself all you want but there needs to still be some solid answers on why he waited so long.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maddz 311

We want the divorce to go as smoothly as possible. If she knows we are together then she won't just sign and let things go quickly. They contact each other through email (which he has given me access to) There was no legal separation. (it as much as a divorce and you have to wait a year after legal separation is final to file for divorce).

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So you two were lying about being together for a year and a half so she would not get mad? Sounds there are still some feelings there on both ends. If she cheated and didn't want him why would she be upset that he is dating someone?
There is a lot of stuff going on that does not make sense. Maybe he has still been involved with her until he filed a month ago. Too much drama and red flags here.

If he had legally separated from her two years ago, he could be divorced by now. (Six months before you and a year and a half after you came into the picture). The cost involved would have been minor compared to sneaking around behind her back and now having to track her down. Does he have a lawyer?

I, too, wonder why she would care who he is dating unless your relationship with him began while they were still trying to get back together. Something that is common in the first six months or so after a separation. Somehow, I get the feeling that the marriage, cheating, and separation is not as clear cut as he might want you to believe.

If you are now 20 years old, you were 18, maybe 19, when you got involved with him and already had a child (who I hope has a biological Daddy who supports and loves him). How long were you single before you got involved with him? I hope you haven't been ignoring warning signs because you are scared to be on your own. How much of what he is telling you is what you want to hear?

Pregnancy is a huge concern. Synnen told you her story. We have other members who have gotten pregnant while using birth control.

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Originally Posted by newark7499

still married dont love u love the other

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What?

Maybe he doesn't want the responsibility of a child (if OP gets pregnant) OR maybe OP has said she used because and STILL got pregnant and that is a problem for him - what if?

I see too many flags. However, I like the frankness of OP.

If I were OP I would pull back, way back. If he cares for you now when he's married he'll care for you later when he's divorced.

Too much drama, too many complications. I wouldn't put myself through this. Life is complicated enough!

He has abandonment issues. I think that is the key here.

A have a bit of a nebulous explination and I will try to get it out as concisely as possible.

He had a wife, and he was madly truly deeply in love with her. It was good... until she started cheating on him. He probably would have forgiven her for it if she had asked just right. He couldn't deal with that betrayal from her so he left her. He still has strong feelings for her, he doesn't want to give up what he had yet. He is done grieving that relationship just yet.

You enter onto the scene and he has the flush from a new relationship, but he feels subconsciously still attached to his estranged wife. He feels, subconsciously, like he is cheating on her now. Consciously he knows it is over and all that is left is the clean up.

Now with you, he cares about you greatly, but he is still licking his wounds from his marriage. He is cautious about how much he commits to the relationship. He is afraid to give too much of himself because you might leave and the emotional trauma would be too much.

I think he is afraid that you'll leave him and this is him way of making sure that when that happens he isn't hurt by it.

Just a thought I got when reading the last post on page two.

Also pregnancy is also a libido killer. Have you guys had the 'What if I use three forms Birth Control and still get pregnant, what will we do with the child?' talk?

I think the important thing here is that he is hurting and you are the healing factor in his life. This might get rough for a little bit, IE he might rebound on you. If you care for him, stick by his side. Prove that you're not going to leave him.

Good luck!