I find this very, very sad.

Anybody can have sex, for any number of reasons, as often as they like, and with or without protection, but there is certainly a risk- emotionally.

We are not talking about what colour nailpolish goes with which lipstick here.

You are talking about the most precious gift you can offer to someone who you have a relationship with. That comes after you build a foundation, starting with friendship, and getting to know someone well enough to know it is the right thing at the right time with the right person. A sexual relationship that happens only because the goal is to not be a virgin, will affect you in ways that you will regret.

It is immature to set about 'appointing' someone to accomplish the goal you have. It is cold, and it reduces the act of love making in a relationship, to having no more importance than getting a hair cut, or picking out which outfit to wear.

The reasons you wish to 'hire' this man, show a lack of understanding about sex, relationships, love, and sharing intimacy. What you want to do, should happen naturally, no matter how old you are, after you have a trusting relationship.

He is almost 20 years older than you, and what the he** is he doing even talking sex to a 19 year old. You have already given too much of yourself, personally, to this stranger.

Not only that, but you will be at his mercy, and God only knows how he intends to take your virginity. Are you going to meet in some sleezy motel? Maybe the backseat of his car? In a deserted park somewhere?

What happens if you get him all worked up, and then decide that you are afraid, vunerable, uncomfortable, and want to stop. That side of his character you do not know. There is a very real danger here that you are getting yourself set up for something that you have not considered could happen.

And then what. You are another notch in his bedpost, and the meaningless sex, was just another one night stand. You come out the other end not being a virgin, and where does that get you.

Will you feel better about yourself? Will you be able to defend yourself to your parents or friends if you get into some serious trouble? Are you going to expect that when you eventually have meaningful sex with someone you deeply care about, that your expectations are going to be only what you learned from this 38 year old man? What if things were painful and rough, and you are left feeling deserted, unwanted, unfulfilled, and used. How are you going to deal with those very real possibilities.

Please re-think what you are doing.

I have real serious doubts about a 38 year old man who picks up 19 year old girl on the Internet and agrees to do her a favor by taking her virginity. You only have one and to give it away to a stranger is just silly. This guy is a creep.
You don't need to have sex, you need counseling, talk to someone about yourself esteem. Your being a virgin has nothing to do with being uncool or weird. Losing your virginity is not going to make you the belle of the ball. Being so willing to give it away to a stranger, thinking it will make you feel better about yourself is the problem, not your virginity.

Sex for the first time is special and should be done with someone special. Don't cheapen it by throwing it away to a stranger. This is your body your most personal space, have you no appreciation or respect for that?
I was 23 when I lost my virginity, it was to my husband. But the thing is, I waited for that special person, someone who loved me enough to be gentle and appreciated what I just gave him.
You are a fresh untouched vagina to this guy, that's all. It this what you want invading your most personal space?

Okay, so, I met him on another forum. I saw him around the forum for a year or so, and I liked the way he thinks/writes. That's how I learned a lot of the things I know about him. Then one day I decided to ask him because the worst that could happen is he would say no and life would go on. But he said yes. His only real demands were that we get to know each other because we should at least like each other, and he said we should hangout a while before anything happens that day to make sure we still want to go through with it. Does he still sound like a predator or a creep, now that you know what I know? We didn't even exchange pictures or anything until after I asked him. I picked him up, and I'm 1-3 years over the legal age to have sex, depending on the state/country.

Also, my sister is dating/living with a 40 year old man, and she is 23. That's a 17 year difference. I guess that's why it's not as taboo to me.

I don't know what he was thinking, but I planned on a cheapish hotel. He already said he would drive to me.

I still don't know if I would keep, abort, or adopt out a baby if I became pregnant before I was ready. And I know it can happen with two different forms of birth control, but if you remove human error (use everything as directed exactly) then the rates drop. I equate it to the fact that I know someone who had polio as a child. It's a real possibility, but it's not very common.

No, I'm mostly worried how I will feel about it during/afterward. I mean most people don't stay with their first anyway. And I have no reason to believe there's a guy out there for me. I still have time to make sure it's what I want. I'm sorry, I know I'm frustrating, but I really do appreciate being able to bounce this off someone besides him. So thank you.

You are only 19. What is the rush?
You have college or career to be thinking about and your wanting to screw a stranger.
This guy is a creep. No decent man is going to have sex with a 19 year old to take her virginity. That is just plain tacky of him to do that.
If he had any scruples he would be telling you that you are making a mistake and then he would leave you alone.
I think you need some counseling. Yourself esteem should not be wrapped up in your virginity.

Yes, he still sounds like a predator and a creep.

What you don't realize is he is telling you everything you want to hear. You are saying in effect that you are pursuing him, when the truth is a man of his age and experience is playing you like a fiddle.

If he said the opposite of what you were asking him, or what you wanted to hear, would you give him another keystroke?

He is playing you, and you are falling right into it thinking he is a great guy doing you a favour, when actually what you are asking of him he is interpreting as a free romp in the sack with a kid who thinks he's doing her a favour!!

No decent man would even entertain such an idea, in fact, even hearing what you are proposing would have you deleted from their contacts.

I don't know what kind of site you are on- is it a dating site?

There is a high probability if it is, he has other women and teenagers on the go at the same time.

And while that is happening, you sit there thinking that you are safe and in control.

The truth is, once you meet him, and the door shuts on the hotel room door, and nobody knows where you are, you are in serious danger.

Well it sounds like all you want to be is a cheap hooker. Everybody has tried to help you out, but you do not want to hear any of it.

This thread is now a waste of time. Your determined to sell yourself out.

Good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

When I originally asked him, the risk was half the appeal. Except now that I've asked him and talk to him, I am met with someone rational who takes things very slow--maybe even too slow. The fact that I asked him and that he's up front about things most people would deny, that he isn't rushing anything, makes me trust him. He doesn't need me, I need him.

I mess things up with guys that I like, so at this point I'm not bothering with a relationship until I get my s*** together. However, I really want to know sex. I feel uncomfortable when people talk dirty or about their experiences because it's like they can see right through me. I feel vulnerable and not taken seriously. I feel like sex would shed the cutesy, innocent image and give me back some of my confidence. Also, I'm worried my family thinks I'm either outcast or gay because I've never dated. They've joked about me being gay. I feel like people can tell whether you're a virgin or not by the way you carry yourself, though I realize sex wouldn't automatically make me confident. I just think it would boost my self esteem a little.

Then the fact that he's an older guy helps because he won't be immature, he's bound to be less judgemental, and I'm hoping it guarantees he will know how to make it enjoyable for both of us. He doesn't see virginity as valuable, so I wouldn't be some conquest and he wouldn't think he won anything or had something over me. Also, I feel like I could become more experienced faster because he is so experienced.

I'm the last of my friends to be kissed and the last of my closest friends to have sex. I'm afraid it will take too long to get myself together and meet a great guy, and I do not want to pass up on an opportunity and become a really old virgin. Besides, if he was such a great guy, he wouldn't care about my past, right?

I never wanted to be with one partner my entire life anyway, so does it really make a difference if the first one is special? I've heard that I'm supposed to develop some attachment to whoever my first is too, but I don't see that happening either.

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I was in the same situation and had the same feelings. That didn't make me run out and find someone to have sex with.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. It was with two very close friends that I remained friends with afterward.

If you're SET on losing your virginity, then make sure it's with someone you know, respect, are attracted to, and TRUST! You want your first time to be something you remember fondly, not something you regret.

What are you going to tell the guy you meet someday who IS the right one?

"Oh yes sweetie I lost my virginity to an older guy I had never met before and I met him on line."

You are asking for a world of hurt and trouble. Forget about losing your virginity until you meet the right one.

This "nice guy" could very well be a sexual predator or worse. You are acting foolish and if you do this, I only hope you have the nerve someday when you have a
Daughter and she ask how you lost your virginity, you have the guts to tell her. Won't that be a kick in the rear?

I'm a short term thinker. I can't see myself at 30, let alone a mother..

It's disturbing everyone still thinks he's a creep and I don't really know what to take from that. I don't know if it's the age difference, the way I met him, or that I'm a virgin.. or all of the above. Am I supposed to assume everyone online is a serial rapist?

I just feel like I'm not allowed to be picky. I don't think it even registers to guys that I exist and am available. I don't feel like I have anything much to offer. I feel bad for the guys I do talk to for having to experience me, so I usually leave them alone. I don't think I'm hideous, but I don't think I'm someone a guy would be proud of dating, I guess.

I don't want to be a cheap hooker. I just want something.

I guess I will update this when I make a definite decision either way. Not until then..

For me it is not about the man at all.

For me it is your willing to give yourself away to somebody you do not even know.

For me it is your immaturity level.

For me it is how your willing to throw your life away for something you say you can not wait for which is full of BS.

It is time to get counseling. It is time to grow up and it is a time to put more value in your own self. Which your not doing by your so called short term thinking.

This for me is not about the man at all, for me it is you willing to become a cheap hooker to satisfy something that will just disappoint you.

That is all. In the end, no matter what has been said. It is YOUR life and YOUR decision.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

For me it is not about the man at all.

For me it is your willing to give yourself away to somebody you do not even know.

For me it is your immaturity level.

For me it is how your willing to throw your life away for something you say you can not wait for which is full of BS.

It is time to get counseling. It is time to grow up and it is a time to put more value in your own self. Which your not doing by your so called short term thinking.

This for me is not about the man at all, for me it is you willing to become a cheap hooker to satisfy something that will just disappoint you.

That is all. In the end, no matter what has been said. It is YOUR life and YOUR decision.

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I want you to read this and think about a few things. Today in this world there are twelve and thirteen year old children getting pregnant.
They think it's okay because their friends are doing it. It's not cool.
Do you know how many young women your age would give to have a "do over" when it comes to losing their virginity?

In my opinion it's something you need to be proud of. The fact you haven't given yourself to someone tells me there is hope you will do the right thing. You are in a minority young lady and instead of trying to "lose it" you should be thanking your lucky stars you still have it.

Cheap men and women are a dime a dozen. Be proud to be different...
Chances are this guy "online" is leading you down the garden path and when you do meet him... you will wish you never had. Please think about this..

There is someone out there and if you wait you'll be glad you did.
I think you need to start thinking about yourself. You say you're not pretty... I doubt that. Get some self esteem and you will learn to like yourself.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I'm a short term thinker. I can't see myself at 30, let alone a mother..

It's disturbing everyone still thinks he's a creep and I don't really know what to take from that. I don't know if it's the age difference, the way I met him, or that I'm a virgin..or all of the above. Am I supposed to assume everyone online is a serial rapist?

I just feel like I'm not allowed to be picky. I don't think it even registers to guys that I exist and am available. I don't feel like I have anything much to offer. I feel bad for the guys I do talk to for having to experience me, so I usually leave them alone. I don't think I'm hideous, but I don't think I'm someone a guy would be proud of dating, I guess.

I don't want to be a cheap hooker. I just want something.

I guess I will update this when I make a definite decision either way. Not until then..

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Do you want something good or just something?

And of course you're allowed to be picky, you're just 19!

What I think you want is emotional closeness, you want somebody to see you as a romantic interest. That will not happen just because you give some guy twice your age your virginity. It will not in fact make more guys gravitate towards you. If anything, if things go awry you'll be crushed and it will leave a permanent emotional scar on yourself. You won't be able to go back and fix it.

If you want to be a romantic interest to guys that actually interest you there needs to be change. Having a creep put his penis inside you won't magically take all the weirdness and make you any different. It won't raise your self-esteem or confidence either.

Consider this, ever heard how guys will usually not even think about the consequences when a girl straight up offers sex? Do you actually think you'll feel better and more confident because you straight up offered some guy your first time?

If you want a guy to want to date you, you need to learn to like yourself first. Now, I don't like Psychologists myself but perhaps you'd fare better with one than me.

There are just so many things you can do to make you feel better about yourself...

Get some exercise (I'm not saying hit a gym and go she-hulk), just run around the block or something. I'll assure you that exercise helps everyone and it has certainly helped me.

Go out and buy a few outfits that make yourself look like cute and beautiful, look beautiful enough times and you'll feel beautiful and in turn guys will believe you're beautiful. This sounds like bull**** but it's not, it actually does work this way. (For instance, do you find the nerdy guy with no confidence more attractive than the social guy who dresses well and feels good about himself? Of course not.)

Still, don't do something stupid like putting yourself in a dangerous situation to try to fix something the wrong way.

Making yourself like yourself more, being more confident and getting more attention from guys does not include giving your virginity to a 38 year old guy you've never met and who might place you in a horrible situation with even more horrible outcomes.

You're trying to find an easy fix but... nothing worth having in this life comes easy. So go do the work, even if it's hard.

Guys like me, but they are usually creepy, socially awkward, and they get mad at me for having high defenses and not wanting to be with them as more than friends. I've attracted some real winners, which certainly helps myself esteem..

My job is physical. I lost two pounds (119 now) and have slightly more visible mucle tone in the almost four months I've been there. I work 32-39 hours a week, on my feet all day, lifting sometimes as much as 40lbs. Not that this makes me feel glamorous at the end of the day when I'm dirty and gross.

I still don't think it's fair to label this guy a creep. It's not his fault I'm me, and I do think he is nice and well meaning. It's not like he knows my past or all my reasons.

But I think I can at least agree not to do anything drastic until October. Assuming everything goes as planned, I'll have been in college about two months and be mostly settled at my school (I dropped out last year). Maybe I'll have reason to believe things can be different. Or at least I'll be better distracted. He probably wouldn't assume in that time that I've changed my mind, and I'd still have options...

Fair enough?

How is it not fair to label him a creep when he wants to willingly take the virginity of a girl half his age?

He just wants a quick lay as far as I see it and the things he's saying to you are making you think what he wants you to think.

How is he not a creep give2me1lemons?

Look guys, she's going to do whatever she wants to do. Our assessment of this guy is falling on deaf ears. Let's just hope that she comes back to tell us that she is alive an unhurt after having this sordid rendezvous.

I guess you're right J_9...

Let's just hope for the best.

True J_9...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by J_9

Look guys, she's gonna do whatever she wants to do. Our assessment of this guy is falling on deaf ears. Let's just hope that she comes back to tell us that she is alive an unhurt after having this sordid rendezvous.

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No, I don't believe he's a bad person. But I am not saying I will go through with it. I was never sure I would. It's kind of like playing chicken with myself and at the last minute I either do or I don't. I just don't want to tell him no, because then I can't ever ask again. And it's scary to go back to having no options and just waiting and hoping things will change. And some of your comments made me feel gross and stupid last night, so I'm not deaf. I just don't like condemning people.

Obviously I would prefer to have some guy crazy for me and be in a happy relationship, but it's hard to wait for that when your closest friends have already passed through the crappy, rocky relationships and now have these great guys. And when you feel like you're nothing, it's hard to believe someone else could want you... someone who has options and still wants you.

I probably won't, but I am not ready to burn that bridge. I asked to make sure I really could do this, but you all at least made me doubtful, so all I can do is agree to give it more time/thought and see what happens. I'm sorry if that's not good enough.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

No, I don't believe he's a bad person. But I am not saying I will go through with it. I was never sure I would. It's kind of like playing chicken with myself and at the last minute I either do or I don't. I just don't want to tell him no, because then I can't ever ask again. And it's scary to go back to having no options and just waiting and hoping things will change. And some of your comments made me feel gross and stupid last night, so I'm not deaf. I just don't like condemning people.

Obviously I would prefer to have some guy crazy for me and be in a happy relationship, but it's hard to wait for that when your closest friends have already passed through the crappy, rocky relationships and now have these great guys. And when you feel like you're nothing, it's hard to believe someone else could want you...someone who has options and still wants you.

I probably won't, but I am not ready to burn that bridge. I asked to make sure I really could do this, but you all at least made me doubtful, so all I can do is agree to give it more time/thought and see what happens. I'm sorry if that's not good enough.

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You're only nineteen.. there will be some guy going crazy for you someday... that's all the more reason not to give yourself to an old codger online who is probably around seventy... and is a flasher... Be careul, be patient and wait... Please. You'll find there is someone out there who will appreciate that you did wait. Behave yourself:)

Do some things to work on yourself esteem and you will feel quite differently about this.
It's more about how you feel about yourself rather than your virginity. You say you don't want to judge this stranger but you have put yourself in a very low position. This is not about sex, but about you.
Get some counseling.