YOU not telling us he was 30 while you were playing doctor since you were 17 and a minor has everything to do with the advice you will get. Telling a lie by design or omission of facts is the same. It alters the circumstances and thus the relivant advice.

Having known too many people in your exact situation over the years I'll flat out tell you it doesn't look good.

Exactly HOW can you be certain you shouldn't or couldn't get pregnant at your age? I'm curious. Just because you managed to avoid getting pregnant or catching anything before now is more about luck than medical issues. And besides. Even if yiou were sterile... the fact that Herpes, AIDS (neither of which has a cure) anoung the numerous other STD's you can catch is reason enough to use protection with someone you barely know.

And a year is still barely knowing him.

You are aware AIDS can take 5 - 10 years before it becomes full blown from first infection... You are Aware that you can catch Herpes even when they have no outbreak of leasions... you are aware that Herpes can blind a newborn child if precautions aren't taken.

And none of this even touches on the fact that a 30 (then 29) year old guy was doing the nasty with a high school age girl. And the maturity level differences between the average 29 year old and the average 17 year old are vast. Yeah I am aware YOU are now 18 (like a year really changes much) and he is now 30.


With that vented... I think he feels snookered that you somehow lead him to believe everything was safe... but that doesn't excuse him from still not taking precautions for all the reasons I listed above PLUS the fact that even IF you were on the pill, you can still get knocked up and he would have avoided a pump and dump.

So I see major issues on both your parts here. And for the sake of the kid... I do wish you both the best... because I doubt he will be around to see it grow up. And a kid does need a father figure (one not a chain of stand ins) while they are growing up, or you will see yet another troubled and in trouble inner city kid spending half their lives in jail.

I was told by a DOCTOR that I had close to 0% chance of falling pregnant because of an operation that damaged me , that's why, not because I was an 'immature' 17 year old , but because I had a professional tell me so.

As for a high school child, that ends at 16 where I am from, I was 1 week away from 18 when I 1st had sex .
Ive went though a lot at a young age probably a lot more than you've been through in your life so I can say I'm pretty mature, maybe not to a 30 yr old standard of corse but your making me out to be stupid and immature and I am neither.

''or you will see yet another troubled and in trouble inner city kid spending half their lives in jail.'' are you saying that a single parent is incapable of bringing up a child because no man was involved.. because I can tell you that while many children are like this in a single parent home , so are many children who do have both parents present..
I no A lot of single parents who have raised their child/children amazingly well...
I think that it was horrible to assume that if I am a single parent, my child will turn out like that..

I am completely aware of STI's , my other half is the only man I have had unprotected sex with and I did get myself checked straight after for anything out of the ordinary and I was clean...

And as for that Huge rant of how I should live and about how immature a high school aged child is, where in it was the advice that my question asked for?

I'm sorry for this to seem rather cheeky but you are getting into things that do not have anything to do with the question?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Laurenmichele8

i was told by a DOCTOR that i had close to 0% chance of falling pregnant because of an operation that damaged me , thats why, not because i was an 'immature' 17 year old , but because i had a professional tell me so.

As for a high school child, that ends at 16 where i am from, i was 1 week away from 18 when i 1st had sex .
Ive went though alot at a young age probably alot more than you've been through in your life so i can say im pretty mature, maybe not to a 30 yr old standard of corse but your making me out to be stupid and immature and i am neither.

''or you will see yet another troubled and in trouble inner city kid spending half their lives in jail.'' are you saying that a single parent is incapable of bringing up a child because no man was involved ...? because i can tell you that while many children are like this in a single parent home , so are many children who do have both parents present..
I no ALOT of single parents who have raised their child/children amazingly well...
I think that it was horrible to assume that if i am a single parent, my child will turn out like that..

I am completly aware of STI's , my other half is the only man i have had unprotected sex with and i did get myself checked straight after for anything out of the ordinary and i was clean...

And as for that Huge rant of how i should live and about how immature a high school aged child is, where in it was the advice that my question asked for?

im sorry for this to seem rather cheeky but you are getting into things that do not have anything to do with the question?

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Most 18 year olds think they have it ALL figured out and somehow they alone have been through the school of hard knocks.

I'm 48. I have yet to meet even ONE 18 year old that actually has the maturity of the average 30 year old. And I've known a LOT of 18 year olds in those years. And yeah. I was 18 once, Nothing better teaches you how little you really knew at 18 than to look back at that time 20 or 30 years down the road. It's a rare person that at 18 actually comprehends that the real education starts AFTER you graduate and continues most of your life.

And when you are 30 you will see how easy it is to persuade an 18 year old (or younger) into bed. Nothing can substitute for that much life experience. Sorry but that's a sad fact of life.

What I did say previously has everything to do with the original question.

How do you know who he has been sleeping with say the last roughly 17 years since he hit puberty. Or who those people slept with, and who they slept with etc... See a logrithmic progression there?

And 17 IS high school age even if you want to think otherwise. Just because you are allowed to drop out of school at 16 doesn't mean you are beyond it at that age. It takes a truly exceptional intellect to graduate college by 18. If you graduated college by 18 you would have already seen the point I'm trying to make here.

You may have been a virgin before him... but there is absolutely no possible way you can know for sure exactly WHO HE has been with before unless the two of you grew up alone on a deserted island. People lie, fudge the facts, and leave out things all the time. Lots of people get AIDS from their first and only sex partner, and not just AIDS, but all the other possible STD's. Guys lie to get into a girls pants every day... always have... always will. You ALWAYS have to prepare for the worst case situation. And even if you both had used birth control there is no guarantee that you still would have avoided a pregnancy.. only reduced the odds a lot. As long as you have all the parts.. and they are still hooked up, the possibility exists until you have completed menopause.

You say you are aware of STD's yet what you did shows a complete recklessness in face of that knowledge with the reality of life these last 30 years since AIDS came onto the scene and Herpes became widespread. You see I was 18 when AIDS hit the scene and they didn't know what it was or how it was spread, and it was FAR less widespread then yet effected how the average responsible person approached sex even back then.

Statistically chidren of 2 parent households DO fare better than most 1 parent households. Dwelling on the minority cases is ignoring the facts. There are always exceptions... but if they were the norm, then they wouldn't be exceptions.

I've seen the European health Care system first hand. Personally I find it scarey, I've known too many people that died from stuff they shouldn't have died from. And from everything I have heard the UK system is even worse.

You shouldn't take any of this personally, because its not meant to be personal even if its blunt, and directly to the point. Sometimes people only hear what they want to hear. I just call them like I see them. And would give the same advice to my own sister.

Well whatever you think however your answer was completely irrelevant to the question I asked...
I think it wrong to forget about the 'minority' cases , its like saying the minority of people in the world are for talks sake female, so lets forget about them... it's wrong!
All I can say is if single parents are getting the name of raising their children as 'hoods' then what's the point in being in the minority who actually do well.. They'l be looked upon as being 'bad' parents because people seem to think they ''cannot'' control or raise their children when a male cannot be bothered to be present in their child's life, which in your case you have clearly stated..
I know children do tend to need both parents present and household rules from both as this makes them feel secure and no sub-conscience kicks in making them feel let down or angry as it tends to do with most children in single parent cases however you cannot simply make judgements that my child will turn out the same as if I so happen to be left with a child to raise by myself I will strive and try my hardest to be in that minority..
You say you would give the same advice to your sister? So if you had an 18 year old sister who was told by the health service that she happened to be infertile , and then out of the blue she fell pregnant and her other half didn't want anything to do with the child, completely not her fault, you are saying you would tell her that she will be incapable of raising a child by herself without it becoming a hood? I highly doubt it.

And as for being reckless.. I can and will continue to have unprotected sex with my other half if I feel that I want to do it as I have the right to , I don't care weather you feel it's right or wrong.. what's the difference in sleeping with someone 1 year into a relationship and sleeping with them 8 years after being in a relationship? If they have aids then they have aids its not going to change over a period therefore weather I decide to trust him now and have unprotected sex or trust him in 8 years time to have unprotected sex there is ALWAYS going to be the chance that he is lying. But again that is on opinion, I happen to trust my other half enough to trust that he won't give me anything now... we are happy together, like I stated previously in the thread he is VERY affectionate just not sexually atm he's VERY excited about the baby coming along, is so excited that he won't have sex atm because he's scared of hurting it or me along with previous complications that I have had. If he didn't care and was only in it for 'SEX' from me he'd be as you call it 'pumping' away...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Laurenmichele8

well whatever you think however your answer ws completely irrelevant to the question i asked...
i think it wrong to forget about the 'minority' cases , its like saying the minority of people in the world are for talks sake female, so lets forget about them...it's wrong!
All i can say is if single parents are getting the name of raising their children as 'hoods' then whats the point in being in the minority who actually do well...? They'l be looked upon as being 'bad' parents because people seem to think they ''cannot'' control or raise their children when a male cannot be bothered to be present in their childs life, which in your case you have clearly stated..
I know children do tend to need both parents present and household rules from both as this makes them feel secure and no sub-conscience kicks in making them feel let down or angry as it tends to do with most children in single parent cases however you cannot simply make judgements that my child will turn out the same as if i so happen to be left with a child to raise by myself i will strive and try my hardest to be in that minority..
You say you would give the same advice to your sister? so if you had an 18 year old sister who was told by the health service that she happened to be infertile , and then out of the blue she fell pregnant and her other half didnt want anything to do with the child, completly not her fault, you are saying you would tell her that she will be incapable of raising a child by herself without it becoming a hood? i highly doubt it.

and as for being reckless...? i can and will continue to have unprotected sex with my other half if i feel that i want to do it as i have the right to , i dont care weather you feel it's right or wrong.. whats the difference in sleeping with someone 1 year into a relationship and sleeping with them 8 years after being in a relationship? if they have aids then they have aids its not going to change over a period of time therefore weather i decide to trust him now and have unprotected sex or trust him in 8 years time to have unprotected sex there is ALWAYS going to be the chance that he is lying. But again that is on opinion, i happen to trust my other half enough to trust that he wont give me anything now... we are happy together, like i stated previously in the thread he is VERY affectionate just not sexually atm he's VERY excited about the baby coming along, is so excited that he wont have sex atm because he's scared of hurting it or me along with previous complications that i have had. If he didnt care and was only in it for 'SEX' from me he'd be as you call it 'pumping' away...

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And continue to have kids, or become a burden on society "IF" you catch something like AIDS. And it CAN happen. You've known him all of a year... yet you assume you can't catch anything. That's playing Russian Roulette this early into knowing him, and certainly while only dating.

I can rest assured I won't be footing the bill for raising your kid or your expensive medications if you catch something that isn't curable. But your fellow countrymen won't be as lucky.

You clearly don't understand a guys thought process very well. MOST guys can, do and have had sex with a woman they don't even like much less love. Assuming he must feel the same because he has sex with you as you do because you let him would be doing yourself a great disservice.

Guys can spend more time deciding what pair of socks to wear in the morning than they do about if they will or will not sleep with a willing woman. Just a wakeup call, nothing more. Do with that advice as you wish. Or ignore it at your own peril. Your choice, YOU have to live with your choices, I don't.

You also clearly have a pretty narrow minded view on parenting... assuming that a single parent MUST be better at the job than a happy couple are because you don't want to listen to facts and see reality. I've known a lot of single moms... and earning enough to make ends meet alone leaves a lot less time to be a mom, much less be a mother AND father both. Fact of life. There are only 24 hours in a day, and unless a rich relative recently died and made you stupid rich... earning a living is a priority. Sometimes the kid takes a step down the ladder of importance if you expect to pay the rent, or eat. Remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And the norm is the norm for a very good reason.

What is a minority among 2 parent households is a majority among single parent households with juvenile delinquency. Look at inner city crime... most of them will be from one parent households. Its true here in the USA and no reason to believe it isn't true worldwide as well.

And you can't control a kid whom you don't see all the time while you are working. ANd if you are on the Dole then you can't establish a strong work ethic if you don't have one.

But rest assured... you are going to be learning the reality of things soon assuming you actually have the baby. A couple years from now come back and tell me who was right. You may think you have it all worked out, and planned. But life has a way of wrecking the best laid plans.

He may very well be a nice guy, BUT I seriously question why he had to chase after a 17 year old at 29 and not women his own age, and there is usually a reason for guys that do that (and its not a nice one). And if he was such a rare and special catch... why has he remained single if most people in your area marry young.

But you are already pregnant. And unless you travel outside Ireland to get an abortion or have a miscarriage, you will be living with this choice for the rest of your life. Maybe you can beat the odds on this. You can't say... I can't say, but we can say the odds are stacked against you. For the sake of the kid I hope you do beat the odds. They don't ask to be born, but they do suffer from the bad choices of their parents all the time.

I'm not arguing anymore but the cheek to even mention an abortion with me carrying a little miracle..
I'd love to here what choices you'd make if you were in my shoes... or if you could live my life for 5 minutes and feel what I felt when told I could never have children, but my bet is that you're a male and would have no idea how it is to feel as if your not female enough to carry out a natural happening such as pregnancy.. I'm still not 100% on whether or not I will carry full term with no complications so ill not be planning anything yet until I'm sure what's happening...

As for having a child and how hard its going to be, I do not doubt for 1 second that it'll be extremely difficult but I'm prepared to do or try anything that will give my child a happy life...
As where money is concerned I'm lucky enough to come from a 'stupidly rich' family who might I add are over the moon that I'm pregnant... I still will attend a sandwich course at university to get the degree I need..

I will keep you posted honestly and let you no if you were right.

So? Instead of arguing with me and everyone else and inventing and misrepresenting the facts... prove us all wrong. Marry the guy, put up with whatever he mght dish out, and make the substantial effort to keep the kid on the right path and away from kids who WILL try to steer him down the wrong path. It WILL happen and you WILL have to always be vigilant until they are old enough to move out on their own, and even then after that.

Maybe you get lucky and have a natually "good" kid, maybe you don't and end up with what you think is the spawn of satan. All of them will need constant guidance.

And my comment about abortion isn't all that uncommon. Ireland has some of the highest abortion rates in the world even though its illegal to actually get one under Irish law. They travel to England to get it. And as far as carrying it to full term... thats in gods hands assuming you live a reasonibly health lifestyle. Not every woman does, every time. THAT doesn't make you any more or any less a woman. Its nature.

Yeah I am a guy. That's why I can make the guy mindset statements.

Like I said... I really do wish the best for the kid... but I'm also trying to get you to see a lot of the reality before you have to learn it the hard way. Life is NEVER what you think its going to be or go like you planned. Even for someone with the power, influence and wealth of the Queen of England.

And no... you aren't the first and certainly won't be the last to have an unrealistic idea about what life will be after baby... until you are there. I've seen dozens think exactly the same thing I have personally known over the years.

You've seen and heard a lot by the sounds of it... now that we have all that outa the way how do you suppose I would deal with my actual question?

How about finding out exactly what's bothering him first of all by asking him.

And its not about hurting you if you just found out. You might find out he really isn't all that happy about it. And just maybe the reality of the entire thing (and the sense of finality) is hitting him.

Its one thing to date and sleep a much younger woman... its another thing to actually have an unplanned child with one. Or for that matter, anyone you haven't actually thought enough about to actually marry first.

Until you get a straight and honest answer from him, since he isn't actually here speaking what's on his mind, we are going to have to offer an educated guess.

It might just boil down to one of my original comments, that it was about sleeping with you. It's a huge leap in guy-think to say "this one is fun to be with and sleep with"... and make the jump to "I want this one to be the mother of my child."

THESE are the sorts of things that will run through a guys mind besides, "Oh crap, I knocked her up". Like most women do, first we want the woman we can see spending out life with... and then when that's working out, THEN and only then, thinking its time we start a family.

I don't doubt he has a number of conflicting thoughts going through his mind. All of them very stressful. And anything stressful will negatively affect his libido.

Question is if he will setle down and marry you or bolt and run once the reality really sinks in that you are pregnant. Does he even have a job? The thought of "Oh crap, I have two more mouths to feed soon and I still live with mom and dad and hang out at the pub instead of work" might be at play.

Likely his first answer will be what he thinks you want to hear, not what he's really thinking and what's bothering him.

Closed.

This is just an argument now, and I can't stand the chat speak any longer.