Ask Me Help Desk - I can't Orgasm Through Penetration

read the boards here and you'll see you aren't the first woman who has had to work to find out what works for her to get to the big O.

second, I don't care that your boyfriend has more experience, he is still a 18 year old who isn't going to know what you need if you don't know what you need.

and the idea of "more foreplay" gets tossed around all the time but I think you need to take that in context. It doesn't necessarily mean more making out, kissing, or whatever base you wish to call it...

if I don't spend about 15-20 minutes on my lover just rubbing her body down and helping her relax... with absolutely NO kissing whatsoever... if I don't give her time for her mind to relax but her skin to sensitize, it is so much harder to get her to climax.

not all lovers were like that.

the suggestion that you self stim with him inside you, either with your wet finger or with a small vibe, is a great one. Sure... the first time a woman did this I thought "what is she doing? am i that bad"... but when I saw her response, it was all pure pleasure.

so fine. Some woman can reach orgasm without any kind of cl!toral stim. I've brought my lover to orgasm before with just mouth-nipple play and my hands on her arse. Doesn't happen often (2x for sure and I think a third)... but it was the right moment with the right stim and her mind was able to completely release.

so... my guess is that you are mortal, and like most women, might need a few more things than you are getting. Maybe some of the foreplay that you like best should be saved until later... for ex, I love my ears bit at, but if a woman does it near orgasm it will surely intensify the moment. Likewise, my partner likes me to hold her wrists hard as she nears orgasm, but doesn't liked feeling "trapped" too early.

so... don't lose hope. Don't let him off the hook. Don't expect him to know what you need to get you off with penetration if you don't know yourself.

at your ages, 20 and 18, do you really have real privacy and time together? Any fear of being caught? Have you each tried making one sexual experience "all about the other"... meaning if my partner pushes me to the wall in the hallway and pulls down my pants, I'm pretty certain it might be her needing to get me off right then and there.

likewise, if my lover get a hot, steaming shower, a patient rubdown, and gets pulled to the end of the bed... she's pretty sure I'm all about her at that time.

just a thought. Yes, its great when you both can match up and both get to the big O with intercourse... but sometimes just setting yourself up for a few "wins" can help.

Alty - Once again I'm melting. KP you sure have a way with words.

My tongue thanks you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

Behave, you two.

I want to point out that I'm being good this time.

I know, not the norm, but so true this time.

Okay, okay, I'm going back to my corner.

KP, behave. ;)

Lol, what good would a REAL GUN bullet do gem? (I know, I'm late in my reply sorry :P )

Do you not have bullet vibrators in australia? Or you just never heard of one?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

lol, what good would a REAL GUN bullet do gem? (i know, im late in my reply sorry :P )

do you not have bullet vibrators in Australia? or you just never heard of one?

Well, I wasn't sure - I just had this image of a bullet and my brain went crazy.

... I thought it was an American thing - you know because us hicks down under think of you yanks as gun totin' cowboys - or simply mad and ornery... joking, joking!

No logical reason my brain went to such an absurd place - you know how it is sometimes...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Well, I wasn't sure - I just had this image of a bullet and my brain went crazy.

..... I thought it was an American thing - you know cos us hicks down under think of you yanks as gun totin' cowboys - or simply mad and ornery .... joking, joking!

No logical reason my brain went to such an absurd place - you know how it is sometimes .....

I'm sure there are at least a few women out there that actually do get off with a real gun... at least once. Can't say I ever met any however. Its statistically possible in any case.

Mmm I think I have seen certain pictures of women using a gun for... well... it starts with a D.

But other than that, I have no idea what good the bullet would do :P

OK wow totally hyjack. I'm sorry rosell, ill stop. If gem and me want to talk more about it we can do it in the discussion board ;) hehe.

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. Me and my boyfriend have tried a couple new things to make me reach climax. I don't get off on penetration either. I have to work really hard and sometimes I have to work hard really fast. My boyfriend says I'm really good when I'm on top (he reaches climax fast when I'm on top) and I like it that way to because it's the only way I have found I climax. We will do different positions at first but in the end just before he reaches climax we switch to me on top so I can rub myself really hard against him to get me off as well. Sometimes it's a pain in the *** because me on top does get boring and we have not tried any form of sex toy yet(were going to though and see if that helps) but it gets both of us to climax so it works for now. The best way I have found that works best is if I lean forward and kiss him and slide back and forth on him fast then slow and back again. Sometimes he grabs my butt and helps push me down harder on him as I grind on him and sometimes he runs his hands over my back, down my sides over my breasts and down my arms. Have your man do the same. Stimulation in other parts of your body is good too, or you can sit up a little and hold his head while you grind on him so he can play with your breasts with his mouth. The more stimulation you have at one time the harder your orgasm will be(I just read that on the internet and actually just tried that the other night and its true). Another thing, if you want to learn new tricks or have a question about sex don't be afraid to look it up and read about it. I do and as scared as I get with trying new things I do. He will never know what hit him if you just do something you have never done before out of the blue. Maybe instead of grinding try sliding up and down on his penis. My boyfriend got a taste of that the other night and he loved it. It was a shock to him and he loved it. I may not be an expert but I have found in the last couple months that if you think your not going to climax you prob won't. Go into it with a clear head and just have fun don't think about anything other than how good it feels.

You shouldn't fake your orgasms. Since you've been doing it for so long, your body is probably just used to you pleasuring yourself.. but let your partner know.. maybe he'll even have some ideas for you! Don't be embarrassed to tell him that you have a problem having an orgasm. A lot of times I have a problem with that but I've let my fiancé know every time... and he'll actually keep himself for having an orgasm until I have one... its really not that bad once you talk it out. Good luck!

I know my wife only orgasms through oral sex and cannot vaginally. Its nothing wrong with you or the guy, its just the way you were built and there's nothing wrong with that but faking it will not help the matter. When he finds that out, he will feel inferior and as if he isn't enough to please you which can lead to resentment.