Well, I'm not the experienced with life and all but here it goes...

I guess him having sex with you while your asleep can be compared to something he's into like a hobby (not exactly the best word I could use). Usually when people have hobbies or do something they like it because there is always something that happens when they do it that gives a familiar feeling inside that feels good, or satisfying, either way doesn't give any type of negative or uncomfortable feeling.
So if he hasn't done this all his life then either there was something he used to do (doesn't necessarily have to be sexual) that gave him same feeling or he used to do something that gave him that feeling but found it more present in what he does now. You can't really just go off and label him as a rapist because you don't now for sure if it's the fact that he's "attacking" you while your defenseless that he likes.

(Sorry it cut-off)

Either way if he has been doing this all his life or not hopefully you guys can go to counseling and find out why he does it and if that habit can be replaced with something that is healthier for the both of you. Because right now him doing that is going to slowly affect you whether you want it to or not. Not necessarily the sex part but the part where someone in your life is taking out their past experiences on you but either doesn't want you to understand, can't be open with you in a way where you can understand, or doesn't know enough about it to understand.

When you want sex pretend you are sleeping and don't *wake up* no matter how good it gets and see what he has to say about that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by boog

You can't really just go off and label him as a rapist because you don't know for sure if it's the fact that he's "attacking" you while your defenseless that he likes.

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Even if it isn't the fact that he's attacking a defenseless person that he enjoys, its still Rape.

That's like saying, if you kill someone, but don't enjoy it, its not murder.

This is not normal behaviour in any marriage.

He seems to be acting out some kind of personal fantasie.

I would not be sharing a bed with him right now, this is not normal, in fact quite the opposite.

You must have had normal sexual relations at some point in your marriage, you have two boys, or were they conceived in your sleep?

If this is the case how long has this been going on?

Just reading your post, your husbands behaviour toward you and also the accusations against him, fills me with worry for yourself and your sons...

You must in my opinion... GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION... NOW!!

Stop making excuses, you have two small sons, this situation, is full of all kinds of sexual abuse waiting to happen,

DON'T LET IT... TAKE CONTROL.

BEFORE YOUR HUSBAND DOES.

UGHAGAIN we need more info.

I understand that you are feeling violated, but if he stops when you move, I would make sure that I am moving every single time he wakes me up in this fashion.

Don't fulfill his sickness.

There is something beyond wrong with this man. And you say that two people have accused him of rape and oral sex. RUN!

Yes yes yes yes yes this is rape. My daughters father did this to me for many years before our daughter was born. DO NOT be like me and just put up with is. I didn't leave him. He finally left me when the baby was a month old because HE couldn't take it. Isn't that rich?

DO NOT wait around for him to change he will NOT. The fact that he is into this sends DANGEROUS messages to his children, as well as puts THEM in danger too!

Go to a counselor or something get some professional advice, if you don't trust us.

This sounds like he needs help, but until he is better, you would be wisest to leave to keep yourself safe.

May peace and kindness be with you.

You can try helping him, but if he gets worse it's better to leave him. It's creepy..