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Chrissy, you said it best when you wrote "his past is his past", so hold the information he give you over his head. He could've easily lie to you but he didn't, he did the total opposite by being truthful.
Don't start negative of him and judge him by it. If your going judge him on anything judge him by his current actions towards you. If he is doing right by you, like a man should, than don't let his "magic number" break you apart.
Me, I like to know her past... but then I wouldn't hold it against her either. Reason being the possibility of certain STD's without cures such as Genital Warts, herpes, etc... not to mention the fatal ones.
If I'm gong to be muff diving I'd like to know what the risks are. After all she may not care all that much about her health and risks she takes... I on the other hand care a great deal about risk. Many of those risks have very long incubation times and present little or no symptoms that they are there until you find out YOU have them and YOU aren't asymptomatic.
21 and 30 partners! Did he start when he was 12!
Full disclosure.. hmmm.
I'm a 36 year old fully grown women,and I'm not above admitting these things, but I'm chicken when it comes to full disclosure.
My humble advice is,unless he has been tested,don't let him go bare back.
If he wants to be with you he won't have a problem getting tested.
Well see I think this goes along with my earlier comment; I feel that I have a right to know when it comes to STD's or if a child was the product of a past relationship but so far as the number and/or names, I don't need that info. And don't want it.Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
I continue to disagree. Numbers allow you to better quantify the risks. In addition, knowing about a partners experiences good and bad can help in that area as well. I've been vetted by my long-term partners and I do the same with them. It's nothing ultra formal but it's as detailed as a blood donation questionnaire. I'd want to know if she'd had a threeway with IV drug users, just like she should know if I'd had sex with a Tijuana hooker.Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
Quote:
Originally Posted by 45notdaddy
Got to disagree - the number of people you've had sex with is no indicator of whether you are "safe" or not.
All it takes is one infected person. A person who has one partner can also be infected.
I don't know that numbers = risk factor. I personally don't think so.
There is a two issue on this,
1. the chance of risk which is discussed
2. the reason to have 30 partners in what 5 years if they started at 16. So they are sleeping with someone new every 2 months at least.
What is their commitment, why you are not going to be merely 31 in two months.
On the risk, even one partner has to be feared as much as 50, since it only takes one partner to infect you.
There is a saying.
When a man tells you the number of people he's been with, divide by 3 to get the truth.
When a woman tells you her number, multiply by 2.
:)
I disagree again.Quote:
Originally Posted by 45notdaddy
The IV drug user is a bigger risk than the threeway.
And the hooker is as big a risk as the IV drug use.
However--ONE time with a Tijuana hooker is JUST as dangerous as 30 times with a Tijuana hooker.
The questions should be as follows:
1. Do you practice safe sex, and have you done so with ALL of your partners?
2. Do you have any STDs? Are you willing to back that up with a test?
3. Do you have the ultimate STD---a child with someone prior to me?
4. Have you done any drugs, and if so, have you practiced safe usage (not sharing needles and such)
5. Are you willing to wait until we've been dating at LEAST 6 months before you jump into bed with me?
Having intercourse with 30 people is as dangerous as having intercourse with ONE wrong person. And how many people ever even THINK to ask about oral sex? What about foreplay? All it takes is an exchange of body fluids, really---so a hangnail bleeding into a body cavity can ALSO pass AIDS--do you ask your partners about their hangnail habits?
Whether I've slept with 3 men or 30 men, my husband will never know. I'm not giving out that number to anyone. I'm disease free, and have always practiced safe sex, and that's all anyone needs to know.
Any guy that HAD to know how many guys I've invited into my pants would be left at the curb wondering where HIS invite was.
Haha, interesting... I niether disagree nor agree, and yet I probably would not use your above statement as guidance. But then again, I'm a bit of an odd ball.Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
haha. Heated conversation. I've come to ponder the idea that maybe the best way to go with some one is compleate honesty. I mean really who wants to be with some one that doesn't even like you for you, let alone love you. Unless you just want non-serious meaningless relations... But then do you still have self respect? It's all very situational dependent, and therefor the importance of anything we say is only relevant if the values and beliefs of what is right and wrong are accepted by us, and those we wish to share our info with.
How obscured, and well pliable. :rolleyes: Leave it to life to be complicated. :p At least we know that we don't need to agree eh? Haha.
We all have our way, and in the end, we can nither be absolutely right, nor absolutely wrong. Or can we?
May peace and kindness be with you.
P.S. Technically, JudyKayTee, we are full of dorment virusis, and some virusis can hide for many years. Like herpees, it can be dorment for a long time in some cases. (I got this out of "The Mercks Manual of Medical Information Home Edition.) You may have bin tested, but have you had sex since? And there is always genetic Diseases, and cancer. Sorry, I was just wondering if you knew that? Not trying to call you a liar...
You need to read what you quote. The threeway was with the IV drug users.Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
The ultimate point I'm trying to drive home here is, in my view, pretty simple, but I guess I have to draw a bloody picture.
Sex today is a lot like playing dice in a mob den, sure you can crap out on your first roll, or you can get lucky. The thing is, the odds don't improve the more you roll they keep getting worse. More rolls = more opportunities to roll snake eyes when your life depends on a seven.
We're not that far apart here - hopefully you can see that now.
My entire point is that if I have been tested, and am disease free, and am willing to discuss the fact that I have not had any "risky" behavior, such as sharing a drug needle with someone or having unprotected sex---the number of partners I have had is absolutely NO ONE'S business.
I do believe that people should talk about their sexual history in general terms. It's when you start getting specific that there are problems in the relationship, because many people cannot handle the fact that you DID have a sex life before them, and that it was more than your high school sweetheart you lost your virginity with. Why CREATE problems by bringing up a number?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nestorian
First, why do you feel the need to "haha" on so many of your replies?
Secondly, I have no idea what I wrote that you are addressing. I am well aware that "we" are "full of dorment virusis." I know all about Mercks Manual - including the Physicians Edition. Please cut and paste whatever it is you are answering.
Third, we aren't talking about genetic disease and cancer. We're talking about sexually transmitted diseases. I am not aware of anyone who has ever "caught" cancer from having sex. I do know a few people have have contracted sexually transmitted diseases.
Fourth - whether I've had sex or not since I was tested is, quite frankly, none of your business. If I don't discuss this with a sexual partner, I'm sure as heck not going to discuss it with you.
Simple statistics... increase numbers and risks actually increase nearly logarithmically. Its not a linear progression.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Now some people can deal with it, some not. Personally I'd rather go with a woman that honestly admitted to sleeping with 50 guys and one that lied abd said she's been with 3 and real number was actually 30.
Just how I think... I value honestly over deception.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
You took me out of context. I never said that higher numbers didn't mean higher risks.
My point was that lower numbers do not indicate a person is "safe." One partner is all that it takes.
Hello again,
Let's do the math... Higher numbers DON'T mean higher risk...
What are the odds that the chick you're going to sleep with tonight has an STD? Let's say it's 50/50. The odds that the chick you're going to sleep with tomorrow night are the same. But, did your odds go up because you've already had a 50/50 shot?? Nooooo, they don't...
You can screw 453 chicks in a row, and your odds of getting an STD DON'T go up. But, screw ONE who has an STD, and you're infected.
excon
PS> It IS true. I screw odd chicks...
[QUOTE=nikosmom agrees: Yes, the question of "Who was the best/worst?" would inevitably follow the Numbers discussion.[/QUOTE]
This is why I had a set of flash cards, the same ones used by Olympic Judges, printed up. I keep them stored under my bed. :)
Being rated seems to spur men to greater... heights.
You are assuming every person out there knows if they have an STD or not... and fact is quite a few aren't even aware of it, you can carry Herpes and show no symptoms, you can have HPV with no symptoms... a woman in particular can have genital warts internally she isn't evena ware of. Thus the more you go out with that "Think" they are clean, they higher the risk you will catch something.Quote:
Originally Posted by excon
Fact is everyone isn't getting weekly or even monthly STD tests so few people can claim definitively they are 100% clean.
I read this earlier and thought the Exy was telling us he liked old chicks... which would be too much information ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by excon
I think that honesty is much more admirable then lying about partners and I think it is human nature to ask, unfortunately numbers do give background information that some people will not be comfortable with, which may encourage them to lie the next time they are asked.
Primarily, I would want to be judged by me not where I have been, as where I have been made me who I am. It's just time to decide if the number bothers you, if it does, move on. If you can accept it, enjoy your relationship and know that his number is now 1, for only you.
I'd be a little more concerned if they had multiple partners without using a condom. My ex never told me about her past until we were in the middle of our relationship. She had over 30 partners, and never used a condom. I had to get tested right away, luckily I came out OK, but it's still scary.
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