Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me.

I wouldn't do that over dinner... More like when we are sitting there in the park for over an hour just spending time together. We usually read a book a week together for something to do. It gives us time to spend together... I just don't want to make things worse by implying that he had his manhood damaged... guys tend to get a little crazy if they feel like you could be hinting that they are less of a man... most guys consider any sexual experience other than one that results in their desired out come to be emasculating. So I need to make sure that I use tact when bringing that up, I don't want to make this worse. Especially if he thinks I could be asking if he's gay... guys freak over sexuality questions... this is why I am concerned. I am trying to be optimistic and look at this as a growing pain... but it's just not working.

MIND u I am not saying something like that would make him less of a man... it's just men twist stuff

Nor do I think he is or potentially could be gay

I think once you are in the situation you will find the right words to use. Just make sure you are clear that no matter what he tells you that you are not going to judge him.

sweetnpetite,

For the past year or so I have been going the Same situation and I am quit hurt from it. I have been trying to get advice from different points of views and all but one of them has somewhat made sense. I almost cried when I read your post.

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

For the past year or so I have been going the SAME EXACT situation and I am quit hurt from it. I have been trying to get advice from different points of views and all but one of them has somewhat made sense. I almost cried when I read your post.

I am interested in some of the things people have told you... Or namely the one that made sense... what did you do? How has it worked out?

This person told me that as men age into their late 20's, early 30's their libido tends to decline. When that happends, men are now more interested in the emotional part of a relationship such as "Is my current girlfriend a potential wife and mother figure?" instead of "I can't be going out with this sex-crazed women!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

This person told me that as men age into their late 20's, early 30's their libido tends to decline. When that happends, men are now more interested in the emotional part of a relationship such as "Is my current girlfriend a potential wife and mother figure?" instead of "I can't be going out with this sex-crazed women!"

That seems plausible... however, he says he feels better than ever... I would think that if he was having libido issues it would be to his dismay... however, he just seems to not care about it AT ALL...

That's what I'm thinking to...

I mean you would think if he had a sudden loss in libido that he would be concerned... that things would bother him that he couldn't preform... except... it doesn't... it's not that he can't get it up, it's he doesn't WANT to... he thinks that I am sexy crazed or something... that my life revolves around it but it doesn't... I just want him to be happy... I know from experience if he's NOT getting any from me... he's getting it from somewhere... but he isn't cheating so where is he getting it from... I don't think he is doing it himself... at least I hope not... why would he do it himself, if he has me?

My boyfriend says the same thing "Relationships aren't about sex" or "You're too horny." The funny thing is, I can remember when I first started dating him and he NEVER, I mean NEVER told me I was "too horny" or "IS that all you think about is sex?"

Yeah that is his new one... relationships don't revolve around sex... I told him, I was sorry if that was the case why do guys leave girls who don't put out? Or that cheated because they weren't getting sex from their wife? Or why do they watch porn so much then? It doesn't make sense...

When I get mad about it, I think that it has to do with control... but then when I am sad about it, I think it's me... I don't know what to do...

He doesn't make much sense... he only wants it when he wants it... now I am planning (the next time he DOES want it) NOT to give it to him. I think I am going to say I am not in the mood... or I am too tired, Or my head hurts or something... I don't know what yet but I am going to figure this out... but even then it doesn't make him desire me more it just makes me look like a B*t*c*... and I am not... not to mention make him mad then there's the fact that two wrongs don't make a right... and I am not trying to have more problems... then on top of that, I want it... why should I punish myself? It's obviously worse to me to not get any than it is to him...

Do you really live in Boston or somewhere near?

You shouldn't have to punish yourself. For what exactly? For being human and wanting sex with someone you love? Do not blame yourself!

Yes, I really live right outside of Boston...

IF you are unhappy in your relationship, move on!

Life is about living and learning, not maintaining the impossible and being miserable.

Have a positive outlook on yourself and on life. There are many men out there; find a man who you feel happy and secure with!

Best wishes, :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Choux

IF you are unhappy in your relationship, move on!

Life is about living and learning, not maintaining the impossible and being miserable.

Have a positive outlook on yourself and on life. There are many men out there; find a man who you feel happy and secure with!!

Best wishes, :)

No, I am not "unhappy" in our relationship as a whole... when I reflect on our relationship I don't believe it is bad... actually just the opposite. I said in earlier posts that THIS is the only issue we have... why would I leave him and "move on" when we have ONE issue? Seems silly to me. If I go and get with someone else, chances are we would have MORE problems than with him. If you had read other comments that I had made, one was YES, I DO plan on spending the rest of my life with him. I am simply frustrated over our lack of a sex life. We do a lot of other things that are NOT sexually related... I simply and trying to understand what I can do to help resolve this between us. I am happy with myself, it just feels sometimes that there may be something wrong with me. Every NORMAL person has felt that at one point in time in their life. I feel happy and secure with him. I just think we need a little work in the love making aspect of our life. There are no perfect relationships... I know this... I know things could be a lot worse, we don't have fidelity problems we don't have problems with communication EXCEPT on this issue.

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Originally Posted by sweetnpetite

Yes, I really live right outside of Boston....

Lol well I live about 1 hour west of Boston...

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetnpetite

No, I am not "unhappy" in our relationship as a whole... when I reflect on our relationship I don't believe it is bad... actually just the opposite. I said in earlier posts that THIS is the only issue we have... why would I leave him and "move on" when we have ONE issue? Seems silly to me. If I go and get with someone else, chances are we would have MORE problems than with him. If you had read other comments that I had made, one was YES, I DO plan on spending the rest of my life with him. I am simply frustrated over our lack of a sex life. We do a lot of other things that are NOT sexually related... I simply and trying to understand what I can do to help resolve this between us. I am happy with myself, it just feels sometimes that there may be something wrong with me. Every NORMAL person has felt that at one point in time in their life. I feel happy and secure with him. I just think we need a little work in the love making aspect of our life. There are no perfect relationships... I know this... I know things could be a lot worse, we don't have fidelity problems we don't have problems with communication EXCEPT on this issue.

Right now you are deluding yourself that this isn't a major issue. Fact is anything that is an irritant will only continue to be an irritant, and in fact grow in time to be a major irritant. FEW, and I really mean very few people will be happy abstaining from sex. Hell you could joint the Monastery or Convent if you wanted to do that.

In fact why get married at all if you don't EXPECT to have sex regularly. And Sleeping with the neighbor in a few years to get your itch scratched isn't an acceptable solution because you know this now before you go that far.

Divorce should be far harder to get because people blindly going into marriages knowing major problems like this that think it will magically go away or cease being important.

And YES I do firmly believe ONE issue is all it takes to discard a person from being considered for the position of Spouse.