Porn is just an escape like anything else. Alcohol, Warcraft, sports... anything that someone can use to escape the real world.

Im guessing that you don't resemble most of the porn stars out there, just like I assume that you don't resemble a troll or elf or tetris block or whatever someone uses to escape.

There is something going on here more than porn. Porn is a symptom, not a disease. I would be willing to bet he exhibits other signs of depression. As for his constant tending of his 'collection'... its an easy task that distracts from other things. When I'm bored I tend to a collection of MP3s most of which I've never listened to or a collection of recipes most of which have never been cooked. I just like to organize things. Doesn't matter to me what it is. So I wouldn't read too much into the tending.

It just seems to me that the guy is bored and depressed. Don't misunderstand, I'm not defending his porn usage if it is detracting from your intimacy. But I think there is more to it than just his escapism.

It looks like this disease its spreading my husband is the sane way...

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Originally Posted by lee55

1. He was in a sexless marriage for about 2 years. Used porn as an outlet.
2. He has been honest with me about his porn "habit" even calling himself "somewhat addicted, or compulsive".
3. He has encouraged me to masturbate freely in front of him, or even when he's not there, siting masturbation as a "healthy thing".
4. In ALL other aspects of our relationship; he is kind, loving, very attentive and very much supportive of anything I do. He HAS helped me in many, many ways. I do love him and care about him, very much. Marriage has been discussed.
5. We met online...(but not a dating service or porn site or anything like that). Okay go ahead, rant and rave..
6. He left his wife because of our relationship; although when I met him, the marriage was already tanking and it's a friendly divorce. No kids involved.

Okay..so now what? I'm realizing the real picture here. And wondering is this a "habit" that maybe he can break; now that he has a willing, loving partner? Do I give up the very, very good things I get out of this (and believe me, I do get so much from this man) he is not a loser; but a caring, loving person, who may be an addict... for this one issue. Is there anyone out there that has accepted something like this in a partner and moved on..(amydawn, I think you said you had).. I'm weighing my options here..at least starting to. And would like more feedback. You all have been very empathic and not quick to judge. I appreciate the honesty and thoughtfulness you put into your responses.

thank you.

lee

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No need to rant here... but two major really big red flags are waving in my face...

This guy has issues... really big issues. And those who are fixating on porn are missing them entirely.

Are you sure he's not doing to you what he did to his ex with you? I'm not so sure he isn't... maybe he found out the grass was not greener on your side of the fence and he is now looking over another fence at another pasture?