Ask Me Help Desk - I wonder if my fianc? Is gay.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it. He's gay! =(

OK. I don't think he is actually gay. Obviously there is something there outside of the bedroom. I don't understand exactly why he doesn't initiate sex. Most guys love sex, and they try all the time to get a girl in the bedroom. Maybe he just needs that one experience with you and another guy. That might jump start him to giving you what you want because that his what he wants. Or maybe, just maybe he is cheating behind your back, with another guy or girl. That could explain why he is so good to you and does what you say, but he just doesn't feel like sex, because he is getting it somewhere else. I haven't had sex for a little over a month and I am about to die, so I think he should straighten up and realize what is in front of him and that he is really lucky! I hope this helps!

I don't know about the getting it elsewhere part. Most guys dream about getting it from several women at once (not always as a threesome). He's obviously not in a dispute or a hostile situation. That's just how I as a guy see it.

Sweetheart I really don't know what exactly you are asking. From your title you are asking if your fiancé is gay. I think that the answer to that is a definite yes. I have a lot of gay friends that started with girlfriends and there are tell tale signs. The biggest one for you should have been going down on another man. And another big one is them not being able to go down on women, and if they did they thought it to be absolutely repulsive. Oh another good one is them not being able to look at you because they are imagining a man. (I am not saying that this fits for everyone. I am just saying in general the gay men that I know. So don't get all excited people).

If you are asking how to get him excited then you know the answer to this. Let him sleep with men. That is obviously his cup of tea. My dear obviously if everything else is good in the relationship, he's loving, he's caring, trustworthy, and makes you feel great and the only thing is that he is not sexually attracted you then maybe what you have here is a great friendship or even a step further life companion.

If he is showing gay tendencies they will not go away. They will only get stronger as he gets older, and that can lead to a lot of heartache for you. You seriously need to talk about this situation with him without alcohol and determine if you are going to be in an open relationship where he is allowed to indulge on his wants for men, or if you two are going to end. It's never a good situation when you are contemplating infidelity.

Good luck

To adam: It's odd, but now whenever I bring up bringing a guy (or a girl) in, even playfully, he tells me that he doesn't want to share me.. And that we don't need anybody else in the bedroom. Also, he's not cheating, I know this for a fact because he's NEVER gone. Heh. He's jobless right now, all of his friends are an hour away, and he can't drive himself because not only does his car not start, but he got a DUI a while back and hasn't gone to the classes to get his license back. So no, he's not cheating.

To fjsmith81: It's not that I'm asking if my fiancé is gay, it was just the first title that came to mind.. You say that there are telltale signs.. Like going down on another man? Well, I've gone down on another woman, does that make me gay as well? I promise you that I am 100% bi. Lol. And it's not that he won't go down on me.. He's done it for me every time I've asked.. It's just that he won't do thjat (or anything else) unless I ask him to... And I don't ask anyway because I don't like getting oral. It does nothing for me. As for not being able to look at me, I never said he couldn't.. When we DO make love, he's always looking into my eyes, grinning (and grunting) at me happily.

To Synnen: Yes, I've asked him if he is gay. During one of my monthly hour long woman-crying-extravaganzas, I jokingly asked him if he was gay because one of my girlfriends asked me if he was.. He gave me a look and said no of course not.

Sounds to me like you're worrying about nothing then.

Lots of thoughts, fantasies, turn people on in the bedroom. That doesn't mean they want to run out and DO those things.

If he were gay, he would NOT be able to (or enjoy) performing in the bedroom with you. He may be Bi, but that's a different question.

As long as he's being faithful to you--where's the problem?

I realize that you want something different from him in the bedroom, but if you've talked about it and he has not made that change, then you either need to accept that he's not comfortable with, or will not do, the things you want from a sexual partner. If you can live with that, then great! No problems!

If you can't live with that, then my thought would be that you are NOT sexually compatible, and it may be time to either discuss that you NEED certain things in the bedroom, or you will NEED to move on.

While the idea of "he's gay" is a salve to wounded pride, I really think that there's something ELSE here. If he's already had chances at relationships with guys, and has NOT gone that direction, I'm guessing he's bisexual and right now is in a monogamous relationship with you by CHOICE. So---accept that he wants to be with you, and work on the bedroom stuff by TALKING about it with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jurney

Okay, for your sanity's sake, this is the (super) shortened version. Just know that I'm 23, female, have a HUGE libido.. And I've tried to talk with my fiance about this numerous times (civilized-like.. No women hysteria I promise.)

He never initiates sex.. Ever. It's a big problem (for me) because of the huge libido. I hate asking for anything, though. A little bit of begging is sexy, but not when I have to take him play by play through the entirety of our lovemaking session..

Now, don't think that I can't not be in charge and I'm forcing him, because I'm not. I'm EXTREMELY submissive by nature. I wouldn't even ask for anything unless I was absolutely desperate for any kind of sexual attention (which I am). I don't want to have to tell him what to do.. I want him to do it without me asking, to get the urge to do something.. Anything.. To think of ways to make me feel good.. Because he wants to make me feel good, you know? I know I get the urge to make him feel good all the time. I'm always giving him blow jobs (also without him asking), backrubs, doing what turns him on..

At face value, it looks like he doesn't enjoy making me feel good. I've asked him that, bluntly, and he says he enjoys it, he just doesn't get the same urges I do. I asked him some time later how I could spend the rest of my life with a man who didn't get the urge to make me feel good. He didn't answer.

I don't think the problem is that he feels inadequate, he lasts as long as he wants, as long as *I* want, he's normal sized.. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and sexy, so it's not my body turning him off.

He isn't straying, he's so attentive to me out of the bedroom, we are, for sure, absolutely in love. He's cuddly, touches me intimately, holds my hand, rubs my back, cooks for me..

So anyway, I love snooping (like most girls) and most of the time when I find he's been looking at porn, a lot of it is of gay guys or transgendered .. girl/guys (The chicks with tits and a penis). He's sucked off guys before.. A few of them, in fact, so it's not just a one time experiment. I have no problem with this, of course, because I'm pretty kinky myself. He loves it when I play with his butt, inside and out.. Again, I love doing it..

But.. Sometimes when he's drunk, he makes comments that really make me wonder.. He's told me he'd suck off a guy for me.. FOR me. We've talked about those things before, and I'm interested in it.. But the way he says all of it.. He seems truly excited about doing anything with a guy.. Whereas he never seems excited about doing anything sexually with me. I don't remember precisely what he's said, but I DO recall the vibe I got from him when he's talked about it.. He's also mentioned letting a guy him.. Now, I would enjoy watching him with a man.. But it doesn't seem to me like it's about all of us, so much as him with another guy..

I don't know, maybe I'm just upset because he never initiates sex.. But there has to be a reason why he's so shy about initiating sex with me, aside from the fact that he's submissive himself, you know?

Anyway, I'm up for suggestions.. Sorry for the epic post.

Sounds exactly like my husband and now look where I am, I think he's gay or bi.

You are so young *23*, and you are with a guy who is a bad match for you. Sexuality is your top priority--not his, that's for sure.

Time to move on... there are many available young men. :)

Hi, I think your fiancée could have a pyscho/physiological problem of some kind. It does sound like he may have gay tendencies but if you express your concerns about lack of Libido he may agree to see a Doctor. Good Luck and May God bless you!

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