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Originally Posted by shaadow

I do not understand why you compare window shopping to watching porn? I guess you want us to understand why men watch porn. However, as a woman, I only go shopping when I need to and look at the places I know I can find something. But yes some women like it, but I do not think they do it twice a day, or if you ask them if they did they won't hide or lie about it. There is something about porn which is embaressing. A women's feeling insecure depends on how safe she feels in her relationship. If your wife talked about other men's success and compared you to them you would feel unsecure no matter how confident you were. I do not want to say that men should not watch porn at all, but I believe that when in a relationship, out of respect or love, they should not watch it so often it it makes the other person uncomfortable or insecure.

And if we look at things we cannot pay for, inside we think, one day I am going to buy this beautiful piece of furniture, or what if I had this furniture?" Do you have the same thing in mind when you look at women? ", do you think, I will someday get a women like this, or i wish I could sleep with her? If yes, then it is wrong, and if no, then window shopping is not comparable with porn....lets just admit that some men, are addicted to porn, it might not mean that they are not happy with the women they are with, but it means they have some shortcomings or unfinished business that they are compensating for by watching porn. Anyways, I guess our friend should not stay in this relationship if her boyfriend does not pay attention to her feelings, she says it is twice a day, then maybe it is really addiction, and it has lasted for a long time. If he does not feel resposible for his relationship he should better leave it.

However, I also feel, and it might be wrong that girlsconfised's view is wrongm since she herself, judges people by apearence and she says she would spect it from her boyfriedn to watch porn if she were fat! whish I believe is wrong, it is even worse ...

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Well, my wife for one likes looking at clothes for hours on end even if she isn't shopping for clothes. I however am one of the guys that knows what I need, I go in get what I need and leave. Unless I happen so see some nice sale items along the way and I might stop a look a moment or two.

Guys are visual, we are wired to like looking at naked bodies. Even if we aren't shopping we might look, doesn't mean there is anything past looking.

Just because to day you have it free on the internet and 30 years ago we had to buy magazines and hit peep shows because VCRs weren't in the home yet doesn't mean its now suddenly an addiction. That's a term that's grossly overused when it doesn't apply. People have caffine addiction, drug addiction, etc and they suffer real measurible physiological reactions to not getting what they are addicted to. Guys might get bored, and downright ticked off if some women demands they stop just like being told you can't watch the ball game. That isn't addiction.

Are people addicted to reading the newspaper? You do it predictibly every day? See my point.

I'm not saying NOBODY gets addicted to porn... or anything else out there. Some person is likely to be addicted to anythiing. Even Ice Cream of other stupid stuff.

Doesn't mean everyone that likes something is addicted to it.

There are a lot of people out there with controlling mentalities both men and women who feel they not only should control someone but have the right to do it.

That's the root of the reall issue.

I can see that we are all passionate about this subject. Yes, I may have some self esteem problems, no bodies perfect, however looking at clothes in the mall NEVER hurt anyone.

And I think that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. YOu can't compare porn with looking at clothes. Clothes isn't lusting after another person, porn IS. And you seem to be forgetting the LIE. Look, I know he's not dead. I know he looks at other women! I look at other men, the difference is that when I look at other men I Don't LUST AFTER THEM, I don't want to see them naked or have sex with them. There is a difference. Even I can appreciate another beautiful woman, sometimes I spot them before he does.
That is not what my post is about, its about the LIE! No, I don't really care for the porn it hurts that he doesn't wait to do it with me. He is giving a part of himself away that he said was saved for me, and that is a lie. Its bad enough I know about this and can't say something to him, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. But why is it OK for me to feel that way?
All I can say about this is I don't have a problem with the occasional porn jack session, everyone takes care of themselves from time to time, it's the fact that it is 2 times a day and it is starting to affect our sex life, he can't with me but he can sure do it when he looks at porn. ANd if anyone out there thinks that isn't going to mess with your women's head, you are completely WRONG.
Yes, I am starting to wonder if he is addicted, he is poisoning his mind as to what women are all about. Point is there is healthy porn and then there's a problem with porn. I just don't know how to deal with the problem. If we are to be a team, the line has to be drawn somewhere otherwise one person's happy and the other is not. There's no "I" in team and if it bothers your woman and you know it, at least keep it to a minium.

You are the one making the assumption that guys lust after every single naked female they see. They don't.

Listen to what you are saying in this last post. Seriously. Take a step back and read it again. Now pretend it was someone else that wrote it. Can't you see what we are saying here. You don't see a seriously controlling behaviour? Everything you might feel isn't right. You need to see and accept that fact.

Looking at clothes and shopping are exactly what many women do obsessively and for excessive periods. Even when they aren't needing anything.

Why? Because they like to look at stuff. No different that guys likeing to see naked women... cars and sports.

Listen to your last two sentances...

If we are to be a team, the line has to be drawn somewhere otherwise one person's happy and the other is not. There's no "I" in team and if it bothers your woman and you know it, at least keep it to a minium.

Who died and elected you queen... after all, last I checked he is a mature adult and is entitled to his own decisions. Remember your words...
There's no "I" in team and if it bothers your woman and you know it, at least keep it to a minium.

That applies to you as well. And there is no doubt your behaviour is bothering him a great deal. Seriously read your post... its all about what YOU want, he has to do what YOU demand... and its not YOU who has to change because YOU aren't doing anything wrong. Its everyone else. The world doesn't revolve around YOU. There are other people in it, everyone a master of their own destiny.

Sorry if its not what you want to hear... but don't expect something from others when you refuse to do the same thing. And that starts with micromanaging the lives of other mature adults. Seriously I see major issues here. Seek counseling over your obsessive need to control others. You wouldn't enjoy it much if he was the one making all sorts of demands that you do everything his way now. As in what you read, what you watched, who you talked to, what you dressed etc... Would you?

IM not telling him what he can do and not do, he does what he wants. I don't like being lied to! I haven't even given him any grief for this, all I did was ask for him to not do is so much and to be with me instead... is that so bad? Its not all about me here, I don't ask for that much. All Im asking for is not to be lied to!!
Micro manage? WHATEVER! You have some nerve. Do you like to be lied to? And if I were doing something that hurt him I would stop it... and I don't even expect him to stop!

I think girlsconfused, you should think to yourself, do you want to have this relationship or not? I mean it is your choice. If he was addicted to drugs, would you leave him? Or would you rather stay with the man you loved and helped him to get treated? You should talk to him about this and tell him that,"there is something I want to talk to you about, but I do not want you to feel bad and guilty or get annoyed by me because I love you so much and it is very hard for me to talk about it, the thing is that: it might be normal for a man to watch porn, but I feel worried about our relationship and I do not want to lose you. Please do not tell me that you don't watch porn because I know you do and it breaks my heart when you lie to me. What I want from you is to watch porn less and spend more time for us. I want you to this for both of us. I undesratnd that men are visual and they just like to watch naked women, I really do not want you to lose your privacy, but I have tried so hard and cannot be fine with it. I don't know what to do? If I tell you not to do it, you will feel I am trying to control you, and if I don't say anything, I feel miserable and sad in our relationship and cannot pretent to be a lover. We have many good things together and I want you to see which is more important to you, watching porn, or losing this relationship that we have worked on for such a long time? I would stop something I like to do if I knew it would hurt you, and I want you to do the same for me. Is that too much to ask? Will you do this for me? please do not let us fall apart...

Something like that might work, but putting him on a trial and teling him that he is a sick person who is watching porn all the time and is irresponsonsible and is a lier will just make him angry.

Good luck, please calm down and try to solve the problem, it seems you like this guy and it is not easy for you to leave him, which I do not understand why? If he is such a sick person into your eyes you should be able to leave him, unless you are addicted to him! Think about it. Anlayze your relationship and think if you want to be in it or not and decide wisely.

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Originally Posted by girlsconfused1

IM not telling him what he can do and not do, he does what he wants. I dont like being lied to! I havent even given him any greif for this, all I did was ask for him to not do is so much and to be with me instead........is that so bad? Its not all about me here, I dont ask for that much. All Im asking for is not to be lied to!!!
Micro manage? WHATEVER! you have some nerve. Do you like to be lied to? And if I were doing something that hurt him I would stop it...........and I dont even expect him to stop!

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Do you account for every minute of your day to him, for every penny you spend... for every trip you make? If you don't isn't that lying to him? Most certainly by your "rules".

The problem he as an adult is doing something he wants to do isn't the issue here. You want to control what he does. You are trying to deflect attention from your real issue. Control.

He is an adult. He has the right to look at some porn without getting permission from anyone first.

He isn't cheating, he isn't gambling... he isn't drinking, he isn't taking drugs.

Listen to yourself. Listen to what you are saying... listen to your tone.

If that was him making demands of you like this what would you think? I'll tell you what you would think... you'd be here bellyaching about him trying to run every aspect of your life... so that would be different exactly how?

Sorry, you are just reinforcing what I see as a controlling behaviour, and a tantrum because he has the nerve to do something on his free will like any other adult.

You obviously don't want to hear it but that's exactly what I see based on the information you have provided us.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Do you account for every minute of your day to him, for every penny you spend...for every trip you make? If you don't isn't that lieing to him? Most certainly by your "rules".

The problem he as an adult is doing something he wants to do isn't the issue here. You want to control what he does. You are trying to deflect attention from your real issue. Control.

He is an adult. He has the right to look at some porn without getting permission from anyone first.

He isn't cheating, he isn't gambling....he isn't drinking, he isn't taking drugs.

Listen to yourself. listen to what you are saying...listen to your tone.

If that was him making demands of you like this what would you think? I'll tell you what you would think...you'd be here bellyaching about him trying to run every aspect of your life.....so that would be different exactly how?


Sorry, you are just reinforcing what I see as a controling behaviour, and a tantrum because he has the nerve to do something on his free will like any other adult.

You obviously don't want to hear it but thats exactly what I see.

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How are you so sure about this smoothy? You said some men can get addicted to porn, didn't you, so may be he is? What if he is, it is like being addicted to drug, people who get adicted get selfish and they do not see the mistake they are making. So I was wondering how you conclude that she is wrong and controlling and he is just normal. She does not say anything about his other activities, like if he would play golf or watched TV all the time, she would not be mad, but he is acting differently due to watching porn and it is affecting their sex life...

Thank you Shaadow! That is what I have been looking for. And I don't think he is sick, if you remember in my last posts I also have looked at porn myself, so I don't think its sick. It just hurts that it have become so frequent, the lies and without me, I just can't take the lies.

I do love him otherwise I would not have been so hurt or come here to get some help. I want to work on it with him, Im not attacking him ( as it might seen I am, Im angry yes, but mostly hurt so if it comes across as attacking him, that is not what I want to accomplish. That is why I have not said anything to him. I don't want him to think that I am attacking him and I don't want to lose him or make him feel ashamed. I know it is a delicate subject and it is important to me that he isn't made to feel ashamed. that's not love.) he deserves better treatment than that.

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Originally Posted by girlsconfused1

Thank you Shaadow! That is what I have been looking for. And I dont think he is sick, if you remember in my last posts I also have looked at porn myself, so I dont think its sick. It just hurts that it have become so frequent, the lies and without me, I just can't take the lies.

I do love him otherwise I would not have been so hurt or come here to get some help. I want to work on it with him, Im not attacking him ( as it might seen I am, Im angry yes, but mostly hurt so if it comes across as attacking him, that is not what I want to accomplish. That is why I have not said anything to him. I dont want him to think that I am attacking him and I dont want to lose him or make him feel ashamed. I know it is a delicate subject and it is important to me that he isnt made to feel ashamed., thats not love.) he deserves better treatment than that.

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I am happy if I helped. I wish you all the best. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by shaadow

How are you so sure about this smoothy? You said some men can get addicted to porn, didn't you, so may be he is? what if he is, it is like being addicted to drug, people who get adicted get selfish and they do not see the mistake they are making. So I was wondering how you conclude that she is wrong and controlling and he is just normal. She does not say anything about his other activities, like if he would play golf or watched TV all the time, she would not be mad, but he is acting differently due to watching porn and it is affecting their sex life......

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It didn't say he spends nearly all his waking hours on porn at any point of this thread.

Of course some person out there can get addicted to just about anything else out there. Doesn't mean everyone is addicted to something however.

However Porn addiction is not as rampant as shopping addiction is. Look at consumer debt for proof of that.

She is picking one item then going apesh** because he won't jump through every hoop for her. Sorry, no guy that still has possession of his gonads likes being dictated to like that.

Incidentally golf is a poor substitute. Ever see greens fees lately?

She obviously expects him to never gaze upon another female body lest he suffer the wrath of the insecure wife. Regardless of what he is or isn't doing I see major issues in how she is reacting to this. People who go ape like this tend to also exaggerate the original offense as well. I wouldn't be surprised if all he really did was say whoa! Looking at the Victorias secret catalog and she overheard it.

Sorry, but I see red flags waving all over the place whenever I get answers like she gave. THe horns and fireworks start going off whenever someone goes off when they hear something they don't want to hear as well.

Where there is smoke there is usually fire. And she has a lot of smoke coming out from under her collar.

Seriously... do you think she would be at all happy if he was dictating to her making demands from her over every little thing and going off in a rage if she didn't snap to whenever he demanded? So why is it fine when its her doing the demanding? ANd looking at some free porn doesn't warrant the sort of reaction we are getting from her.

I don't want to control him, that doesn't even make any sense! He can do whatever he wants, I don't stop him. Looks to me as if you have your own problem with REALLY seeing the core issue at hand here. LIES and the fact that it is affecting our sex life, witch in turn affects me as well as him.
My tone is of a person who is hurt and angry that her man would rather watch porn than be with a willing, loving, sexy woman that HE picked.
So, who are you really defending here? Him or your own porn issues. Don't get mad at me for loving my man enough to fight for our relationship and wanting to be the one that he goes to for the pleasure of sex. Im not asking where and what he has done every minute of the day, that's stupid. It looks to me as if you are getting a little up set because you have had your own battle with porn, and maybe it is bringing up some old feelings for you. (it is addictive, you said so yourself) I don't think porn is that bad, it really is getting out of control and I have every right to be concerned.
We all have faults, and that means me too, I never claimed to be perfect.

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Originally Posted by girlsconfused1

I dont want to control him, that doesnt even make any sense! He can do whatever he wants, I dont stop him. Looks to me as if you have your own problem with REALLY seeing the core issue at hand here. LIES and the fact that it is affecting our sex life, witch in turn affects me as well as him.
My tone is of a person who is hurt and angry that her man would rather watch porn than be with a willing, loving, sexy woman that HE picked.
So, who are you really defending here? Him or your own porn issues. Dont get mad at me for loving my man enough to fight for our relationship and wanting to be the one that he goes to for the pleasure of sex. Im not asking where and what he has done every minute of the day, thats stupid. It looks to me as if you are getting a little up set because you have had your own battle with porn, and maybe it is bringing up some old feelings for you. (it is addictive, you said so yourself) I dont think porn is that bad, it really is getting out of control and I have every right to be concerned.
We all have faults, and that means me too, I never claimed to be perfect.

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Really. Take a look at what you wrote and the tone you took. Its exceptionally adversarial. I only see one person upset here. And its you. Personally I'm not the least bit upset. My wife doesn't make those sorts of demands on me. You ask a question, you get upset... when we answer again you are pointing fingers at those who offer up an unbiased answer to what we see.

Look at how bent out of shape you are over looking at a little porn. Can't you see what's wrong with your reaction? This is the sort of reaction you would expect if the guy was physically abusing you or a child, or having an affair. Not look at a little harmless porn without getting your permission first.

And another thing. Do not compare yourself with porn. They are not related in any way. I have no idea what you look like and it doesn't matter in any case. You can be last months Centerfold in playboy, or a twin. A guy will still lke to look at porn. It has ZERO to do with you. It has zero to do with him loving you. What such demands will do is breed contempt, any guy will be irritated being dictated to as to what he can do, when he can do it and particularly being expected to ask permission (detailing what when and how much after the fact is just the same).

He is at home... not taking off with the "boys" or drinking.

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Originally Posted by shaadow

It is interesting to know... i still do not understand men. could you also explain how it goes, if you love the women you are living with why you enjoy watching naked women or even waking in the street yur head turns towards a half naked women in the street? Doesn't that mean that the woman you are walking with is not attarctive to your eyes? (by you i mean you men, not you personally) I would be happy if you reply to this thanks :)

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A mans brain is divided into 2 parts. One is a VERY primitive part that runs very deep. It has absolutely no thinking involved. Just the sexual urge to put your penis in as many females as possible. It also give physical pleasure just from seeing!

The other part is a much higher and more conscious. It is the emotional and thinking part and it has the power to overwrite the primitive part. It is the emotional part that is with their partner. It is the emotional part that falls in love with someone.

One part wants to get with as many females as possible, the other doesn't. It's an internal conflict. But it's impossible for the primitive part to cheat on a partner because it has no links to any partner! Makes sense?

Enough with the being mean to each other.

I get that the lies are what are bothering you. And I get that his looking at porn is affecting your entire relationship.

Honestly? I think couples counseling is needed here, and I would (if I were in your shoes) tell him that it's an ultimatim. I have a feeling that it's a little of BOTH sides here--he feels he HAS to hide it, and you feel that he's choosing the porn INSTEAD of you.

Let's everyone take a deep breath here and think about the words that are being posted before posting them. There's no reason to attack each other over what is (in a manner of speaking) a matter of opinion.

To the OP--you need to decide if you can live with this. If the answer is no, then you need to either work WITH him to fix it or you need to leave. I dealt with something similar once. It wasn't porn, but it WAS something taking away from the relationship. I had to walk away, completely, for him to wake up and make changes. We're still together 12 years later.

I'm not saying walking away will make him change, but it MAY wake him up enough to get him to go to counseling with you if he won't go because you ask it.

Smooty, you have not listened to a word that I have said. I don't want to be lied to, as Im sure you don't want to be lied to! And I find it funny that you have not even addressed that issue.
You think I am being demanding? HOw is asking for the truth demanding? I just didn't know what to say to him about it and didn't want to freak out on him and make him feel bad.
YOu are being completely ridiculous in saying that I don't want him to look at another naked women, I point out beautiful women to him all the time. That's just stupid. Again, he is not dead, and to expect that isn't rational. I don't expect that! YOu are taking this to the extreme and still don't see the real reason for the post. I also said that I didn't care if he did this, its just becoming a concern that it is too much and it is affecting our sex life! Again, it is affecting our sex life.

Looking at porn too much can be looked at as an addiction and if he is addicted again I have every right to safeguard our relationship.

If it weren't affecting our sex life, it would not even be an issue. I already knew he looked at porn and I didn't care then, it was not on a daily basis. So, don't sit there telling me that Im a controlling, I have every right to be concerned about my relationship and safe guarding it!

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Originally Posted by girlsconfused1

Smooty, you have not listened to a word that I have said. I dont want to be lied to, as Im sure you dont want to be lied to! And I find it funny that you have not even addressed that issue.
You think I am being demanding? HOw is asking for the truth demanding? I just didnt know what to say to him about it and didnt want to freak out on him and make him feel bad.
YOu are being completely ridiculous in saying that I dont want him to look at another naked women, I point out beautiful women to him all the time. Thats just stupid. Again, he is not dead, and to expect that isnt rational. I dont expect that! YOu are taking this to the extreme and still dont see the real reason for the post. I also said that I didnt care if he did this, its just becoming a concern that it is to much and it is affecting our sex life! Again, it is affecting our sex life.

Looking at porn too much can be looked at as an addiction and if he is addicted again I have every right to safeguard our relationship.

If it werent affecting our sex life, it would not even be an issue. I already knew he looked at porn and I didnt care then, it was not on a daily basis. So, dont sit there telling me that Im a controling, I have every right to be concerned about my relationship and safe guarding it!

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The root of what you call a lie is an unreasonible demand upon another adult.

Exactly what position are you to be dictating things. If he mas making demands from you would you be happy about it? I'm pretty certain you would not.

You take a non-issue and make it seem like its this huge earth moving type of thing. I mean seriously, if he was making demands, stomping around like you are doing right now I'd say the same thing to him.

If it was my wife or girlfriend acting like you are right now... I'd throw them out. Seriously. I'm not anyone's servant... if someone thinks they are above me I have nothing to do with them.

So basically what YOU are calling a lie is something he shouldn't be having to file a report on in the first place.

I don't have to tell my wife every time I look at a naked body. Like any other woman without insecurities she knows its nothing to worry about.

You mention it seffecting your sex life. Frankly I'm not surprised. If my wife was stomping around like the prison warden on Cool Hand luke you'd be pretty darn sure my desire to be intimate with her would radically diminish.

The only guys that would like that are the type into a dominatrix. He may not say anything because its easier to be quiet and ignore it than what would obviously result in a fight.

Now remember I am a guy... I am telling you as a guy what I see is some very off-putting behaviour. He's not out drinking until 3 am with his single buddies. He's not going out to clubs hitting up on women. All he did was look at some porn and NOT tell you about it because you make such an issue out of it. Hell, most people would do exactly what he did if their partner made that sort of a fuss of nothing.

Now you can calm down and take your blinders off and accept what someone else see's here. Or you can continue and ruin your relationship over nothing, and if you do it with the next guy you will ruin that one as well.

Did your parents ever tell you " Worry about the big things and the little things will take care of themselves"?

It means don't obsess over little non-important things. Because the big important things will be neglected.

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Originally Posted by DMA

A mans brain is divided into 2 parts. One is a VERY primitive part that runs very deep. It has absolutely no thinking involved. Just the sexual urge to put your penis in as many females as possible. It also give physical pleasure just from seeing!

The other part is a much higher and more conscious. It is the emotional and thinking part and it has the power to overwrite the primitive part. It is the emotional part that is with their partner. It is the emotional part that falls in love with someone.

One part wants to get with as many females as possible, the other doesn't. It's an internal conflict. But it's impossible for the primitive part to cheat on a partner because it has no links to any partner! Makes sence?

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To be honest, it really does not make sense to me. However, I have learnt to somwhow accept that men naturally are attarcted to pretty, and sexy women and it does not mean they do not love their life partner. It was very difficult for me to accept and at first I thougt something was wrong with me that when sitting for lunch together, my husband's head would turn around and watch the women passing by. I got hurt and told him it bothered me and he felt embaressed and told me that my looking at other women ao being charming to some of them does not ruin our relationship but the way you look at it does. He said he was not a bad person and it does not mean that I am not pretty or attarctive. I don't know, it made me feel terrible but I knew it was not right to ask him to be cold with every women who looks good. I was specially sensetive to those that were kind of flirtish and said things to me that showed they were jealous of me. May be these were only my feelings, anyway, my husband took my jealousy very well. He did not act cold to other women but whenever I told him I was feeling jealous again he tried too pay less attention to that particlar woman or we even cut the relationship with that person. He said,I was more important to him than that person, so when these thinsg happened several times and it was proved to me that he would do anything to make me happy, I realized it was my mistake and if he did not love me he would not take such a big critisizm so well. Now, I love him even more than before and I am not that sensetive about his looking at other women.here and there I feel jalous some times but I control it beacsue I love him and I know he loves me. He is a wonderful father and a man who takes care of his family the best way possible.

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Originally Posted by DMA

A mans brain is divided into 2 parts. One is a VERY primitive part that runs very deep. It has absolutely no thinking involved. Just the sexual urge to put your penis in as many females as possible. It also give physical pleasure just from seeing!

The other part is a much higher and more conscious. It is the emotional and thinking part and it has the power to overwrite the primitive part. It is the emotional part that is with their partner. It is the emotional part that falls in love with someone.

One part wants to get with as many females as possible, the other doesn't. It's an internal conflict. But it's impossible for the primitive part to cheat on a partner because it has no links to any partner! Makes sence?

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He he he.. I was searching the web to see if it has been proved biologically that men's brain works differently and I found this joke:

A Woman's Brain Cell

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a very faint voice echo from far, far away...

"We're down here

When my husband and I started going out he would watch porn and masturbate to it. I would get very upset and jealous. We would get into big fights. BIG MISTAKE! So one day I went on the computer when I knew he was nearby watching and looked at porn. He asked what I was doing and I said watching porn then I started masturbating he questioned why I did that I said because I want to just like you do. Years later we watch porn together and we love it. Sometimes when I'm not in the mood I tell him to go look at porn and I do not get upset or jealous. Men just like fantasizing of other women. It's normal. He is not cheating on you. Try to enjoy it with him and it will make you guys happy.

Ok... I am a woman and have had experience with relationships involving porn and what I thought was excessive porn watching. I tried to just ignore it... and that didn't work. What I think is you need to step back and look at the relationship. If you are both happy and both love each other... I would say don't worry about his porn watching. Actually, even if your relationship is shakey, I still wouldn't worry about it. It has nothing to do with you. Really. You could surprise him with a porno you buy and watch it together... maybe that would help ease the tension. He just wants privacy. I am sure there are things you don't want him to watch you do or would make you uncomfortable... that's probably all it is.