Ask Me Help Desk - He's cheating on me with a man

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrayman

I think you are totally mistaken. Your research is flawed and skewed toward homosexuality.

Your post is insulting to bisexuals. YOU may perceive Gay or Straight ONLY as sexual orientations, that does not make it right, it is just YOUR interpretation and your beliefs.

As I said earlier it really matters little to me if a guy wants to fall back on the label "bisexual" , describe himself as such, and expect others to believe it. Hey, describe yourself however you like. Whatever. But all I'm saying is bisexuality, in any meaningful sense (and I mean by any coherent rational definition) does not exist. It's the result of confusion in definitions or flat out repression of one's identity as gay or both.

Ever heard of the study done recently on bisexuality? About 100 men were studied. About 1/3 identified as gay, 1/3 straight and 1/3 bisexual. Gay porn and straight porn were played for each group and arousal was measured by device that was sensitive to changes in penile shape, temperature, etc. Those in the gay group and straight group responded as anticipated. The gay men responded to gay porn and not straight porn; the straight guys responded to straight porn but not the gay. Surprisingly about 90% in the bisexual group responded just like gay men and 10% (or so) responded just like straight men. No one in the bisexual group responded in a uniquely different way (like showing equal arousal). Hence, the researchers concluded that serious doubt could be cast on whether bisexuality in men could be considered a stable sexual orientation as is heterosexuality and homosexuality.

Like I said, I think you are either gay, straight or lying.

Quote:

Surprisingly about 90% in the bisexual group responded just like gay men and 10% (or so) responded just like straight men. No one in the bisexual group responded in a uniquely different way (like showing equal arousal). Hence, the researchers concluded that serious doubt could be cast on whether bisexuality in men could be considered a stable sexual orientation as is heterosexuality and homosexuality.

Essentially, bisexuality for a man is having sex with men, what you refer to as gay sex-so for 90% to respond to gay porn does not in any way surprise me.

Bisexuality refers to male to female sex, so 10% responded to that-that makes sense as well.

Was there any "Bisexual porn" shown to the group?? what would constitute "Bi porn" anyway? a "straight" reaction, in your vernacular is an erection over male to female sex, while a gay reaction is erection over male to male sex, the Bi group was 90% gay and 10% straight according to their and your conclusions- have they or you considered that 1. the group identifying themselves as bi were (in their minds) EXACTLY 50/50 in their minds about their degree of bisexuality? I very much doubt it.

In this case you may be right that (in the 100 participants theat the 1/3 BI members were in fact closer to homosexuality in their persuasion than hetrosexuality?? Bisexuality is not EXACTLY 50/50 necessarily... Just thought you may need some clarification.

statistics is a wonderful tool used to convince anyone of anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrayman

essentially, bisexuality for a man is having sex with men, what you refer to as gay sex-so for 90% to respond to gay porn does not in any way surprise me.

bisexuality refers to male to female sex, so 10% responded to that-that makes sense as well.

was there any "Bisexual porn" shown to the group???, what would constitute "Bi porn" anyway?, a "straight" reaction, in your vernacular is an erection over male to female sex, while a gay reaction is erection over male to male sex, the Bi group was 90% gay and 10% straight according to their and your conclusions- have they or you considered that 1. the group identifying themselves as bi were (in their minds) EXACTLY 50/50 in their minds about their degree of bisexuality?. I very much doubt it.

In this case you may be right that (in the 100 participants theat the 1/3 BI members were in fact closer to homosexuality in their persuasion than hetrosexuality??? bisexuality is not EXACTLY 50/50 necessarily...Just thought you may need some clarification.

statistics is a wonderful tool used to convince anyone of anything.

Sexual orientation is not about behavior. That's where the confusion lies. It's about arousal. Period.

A gay man can have sex with women all day long and at the end of the day he will still be gay. Having sex with women won't turn him straight (I had sex with my wife for years and I'm still as gay as gay can be and I always will be). BY the same token, a straight man can have sex with other men and it won't make him gay.

If a guy has sex with other guys about 90% of the time, I'd say he's probably gay (not forgetting that there might be some other explanation for it and understanding the statement I just made). But if bisexuality does not mean equal attraction toward both genders, what does it mean? How is being "bi" but favoring sex with men 90% of the time any different than simply being gay? And visa versa. Where's the difference and why the slant in one direction? Virtually no bisexual person claims equal arousal toward both genders and, with that in mind, any possible definition of bisexuality becomes impossible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrayman

Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

read this.

I disagree with Kinsey. The world really is gay or straight. Notice the YEAR in which Kinsey writes: 1948. In 1948 homosexuality was considered a mental illness and homosexual sex was criminalized in most of the English speaking world. A very different era.

I think we've progressed quite a bit in understanding human sexuality in the last 60 years, thank God.

The Kinsey Report has been proven to be flawed several times. His main research base was imprisoned men, for one thing.

Do more research on the ENTIRE Kinsey Report before quoting it as a modern source please.

That being said--the OP has not been back since July. You're just debating now, and not actually answering a question--not that the OP has been back to read your answers anyway.

If you want to debate it, either start your own thread, or move to Members Discussion, or whatever. This is getting tedious to moderate, as your debate is doing little to no good in actually answering the question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

The Kinsey Report has been proven to be flawed several times. His main research base was imprisoned men, for one thing.

Do more research on the ENTIRE Kinsey Report before quoting it as a modern source please.

That being said--the OP has not been back since July. You're just debating now, and not actually answering a question--not that the OP has been back to read your answers anyway.

If you want to debate it, either start your own thread, or move to Members Discussion, or whatever. This is getting tedious to moderate, as your debate is doing little to no good in actually answering the question.

Thanks for commenting on Kinsey. But the original question mentioned bisexuality (recall the boyfriend said he was bi) and the poster was confused. It's been a while since she posted, yes, but I think this is related to her underlying concern. If her boyfriend said he's bi, she needs to move on no matter what and be glad she found out when she did. The reality is, however, that he is not bi, but gay and will be the rest of his life.

The debate on whether he's bi or gay does not belong here.

I personally disagree with you--being bisexual myself, I think I probably understand that state of mind better than you do, since you don't think bisexuality seems to exist.

Either way--debating her boyfriend's sexual preference isn't going to help ANYONE. She needs to know how to help herself here, not whether her boyfriend is gay, straight, bi, or into animals or whatever.

So--I stand by my original response. The debate on whether bisexuality exists should be consigned to a different question. If it persists here, I will MOVE them to a new question, and close this one.

I am not going to be flexible on this. Don't argue with me on it, please. The idea is to HELP the OP, not to confuse the issue with semantics.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

The debate on whether he's bi or gay does not belong here.

I personally disagree with you--being bisexual myself, I think I probably understand that state of mind better than you do, since you don't think bisexuality seems to exist.

Either way--debating her boyfriend's sexual preference isn't going to help ANYONE. She needs to know how to help herself here, not whether or not her boyfriend is gay, straight, bi, or into animals or whatever.

So--I stand by my original response. The debate on whether or not bisexuality exists should be consigned to a different question. If it persists here, I will MOVE them to a new question, and close this one.

I am not going to be flexible on this. Don't argue with me on it, please. The idea is to HELP the OP, not to confuse the issue with semantics.

Okay, Synnen, fair enough. I'll start a new thread on whether anyone believes bisexuality in men exists (I said it might exist in women, which is another subject on which I feel unqualified as a man to comment). What attracted me to this poster's question, however, was the concern over developing a relationship with this guy with whom one obviously would never work, having once been married myself and fallen into this same sort of tragic situation.