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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

So lying will create a happy marriage???

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No, off course not.
Happy partners create a happy marriage.
And my solution is a well proved one.
With 50% or more of all women at times faking in bed, what is your problem with this one-time only fake?
I originally stated that it is up to her if she wants to tell later, or keep it silent.
But if he is a person as I understand he is from the question, than my "solution" is at least starting the marriage, while yours will only let it explode before it even takes place...

No need for mile high unrealistic expectations of the "perfect" marriage.
As with many other things in life it is better create a truth that solves the problem, than to create an explosion that destroys the problem - with the goal (the marriage) included !
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Yes Synnen : you are right on that! Lets wait till that reply...

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;)

The diffrence could be how everyone is looking at his as someone earlier said muslim custums are a lot different that the free-style "american" customs we are all so use to. Although I doubt she would be killed, she would be disgraced, not only by her future husband but her family as well, if you haven't figured out how suppressed muslim women really are.

Now Ksanakh- your position right now is delicate. Honesty is the best pollicy, but given your situation, like has been suggested wait until you know how he will react until you say anything if you feel the need to; it is Extremely hard to live with a lie that in your case seems to be so heavy; the guilt is almost unbearable. And as has been said not all women bleed during their first time, and some bleed when its not, I don't know for a fact but if you haven't had sex in four years there's a good chance that you'll bleed anyway. Speaking from American custom if your to-be husband truly loves you then it will be unconditional despite your past mistakes. Think really hard about what is best for you, your relationship and your husband and decide which consequences are highest.

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Originally Posted by Baby-_-Girl-_-19

Think really hard about what is best for you, your relationship and your husband and decide which consequences are highest.

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You have some point, but why endanger the start of a marriage with not preparing for a huge possible problem?
Half or more of womanhood is faking at times an orgasm. A conveniant lie is part of life, and women have learned to live with that perfectly, without any loss of sleep or moral correctness.

Have at least a sharp tool ready at hand during the wedding night to "help" nature a little bit, and do - if needed - the finger trick. At this moment of long time abstinence she is a more or less "reborn" virgin anyway!!

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Hello again,

You white Anglo Saxon Americans don't get it... We're not talking about a successful marriage here. We're talking about a LIFE.

If the husband finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her, and get away with it. If her father finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her and get away with it. If her brothers find out she's not a virgin, they can kill her, and get away with it.

So, my suggestion was a LIFE saving one, not a MARRIAGE saving one.

excon

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello:

You white Anglo Saxon Americans don't get it....... We're not talking about a successful marriage here. We're talking about a LIFE.

If the husband finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her, and get away with it. If her father finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her and get away with it. If her brothers find out she's not a virgin, they can kill her, and get away with it.

So, my suggestion was a LIFE saving one, not a MARRIAGE saving one.

excon

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If she is in country in the Western world, it is NOT her life. The way her question is phrased, it sounds like she would lose the GUY not her LIFE.

She says nothing about love in her ONE post, though, so I can believe that it is a marriage arranged by her family. I can see not being a virgin not getting her as advantageous a marriage in the western world, but not getting her killed... but that's something she should have thought about 4 years ago, if she and her family are that religious.

And Credo--there are just as many men that fake affection to get sex as there are women who fake it at sex to get affection.

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excon agrees: Let's hope you're right...

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I hope I'm right too, honestly. I'd just like the OP to come back and tell us more so that we can do more to help.

I'm sorry but this Muslim thing makes me want to scream.

Your "husband" does not need to know about your lack of/or otherwise, virginity.

Some cultures general TOTAL disregard for women is appalling-AND I don't give a crap about their religious tenets that demean women so much. There is a thing called HUMAN RIGHTS that seems to have been overlooked in some cultures.

Call me religioist, but the reasoning for their behaviour, honour killings, FGM etc. makes my blood boil.

The mere fact that we have a woman "scared" of losing her "husband" for what is really a minor detail in 2008 is outrageous!

Sorry for the rant. I'll shutup now.

Cheers.

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Originally Posted by afaroo

Are you getting married with a Muslim, or other religion?

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Muslims are only allowed to marry muslims, no?

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Originally Posted by flower81

Muslims are only allowed to marry muslims, no?

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No... they can but its highly discouraged. Likely a real bad idea to do in Muslim dominant countries... they don't have the respect towards others we do. I do know a couple married couples that are not both Muslim. But they are in the USA and not a place that thinks stoning people to death for not wearing a burlap sack is a good idea.

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Originally Posted by flower81

Muslims are only allowed to marry muslims, no?

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My niece was married to a muslim man for about 5 years.
I think the only reason that it worked for the 5 years, that it lasted was because 1. she was much younger, 2. a virgin, 3. from the south and from a very strict religion. It may have worked out if he had taken her back to the South, to his country or had spent more time with her instead of working and with his buddies. Btw his father was deceased and I was told that his uncle allowed him to marry her.

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Originally Posted by bushg

My neice was married to a muslim man for about 5 years.
I think the only reason that it worked for the 5 years, that it lasted was because 1. she was much younger, 2. a virgin, 3. from the south and from a very strict religion. It may have worked out if he had taken her back to the South, to his country or had spent more time with her instead of working and with his buddies. Btw his father was deceased and I was told that his uncle allowed him to marry her.

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His uncle? -Blood boiling point has just been exceeded! :mad: :mad: :mad:

I wholly disagree that telling him is the way to go. First, he is marrying you as you are now, not the person you were period. Nothing is gained by telling anyone of past sexual experiences period. Love him with all your heart and I don't think he will notice. If he does, he may choose not to acknowledge it. If he notices and comments, NEVER admit to a prior sexual encounter. Not even on your deathbed ! As far as the broken hymen. That can happen without intercourse. Do not make up a story, say you don't know and stay with that, forever !

Good luck.

PS. I am 62, retired for 5 years. Never seen any good come from confessions of sexual encounters. Keeping one's own counsel is the best for everyone.