I am very open, super open, sexually... You are in a thing that just isn't right. Tell him either to wear a condom and go for it, do it with someone else, if that is what you'd prefer to stay with him, or have him take a hike. 95% of the time!! Wow!! I mean, I love oral, my wife hates to give it to me, and I ask her to do it a few minutes even a few times a year, and she will if her mood is right. I've thought about going elsewhere for it, just every now and then, but can't justify it... I'd ask her before I'd actually go, which in and of itself is asking for trouble except that we do talk about a lot in bed... Maybe she'd actually say yes... Maybe not. I'd rather ask and get in trouble for asking than cheat.

PS We've done anal, just a little, and she did like it, but it is rare, like a strong spice. He should be caring enough to sense when maybe it's OK, or maybe you might even want it, sort of... If he could be happy just having it once every few months, and you could find it OK, especially if he asks when he can sense you are very frisky, that will show he has come a long way in understanding and caring for you. Otherwise, I mean, come on, 95% of the time!! Take a hike.

Ok, I just glanced at some of your posts after the original one... You broke up for a while, which means he probably was with someone else. Given he likes anal, which is the most risky behavior, is it possible he has something bad... Yes. He is verbally abusive?

Forget the telling him to get someone else if you are for sure OK with it to keep him. Forget his trying to change. He does drugs, too? As in, something more than a martini and a joint?

If so, don't tell him to take a hike, run, run fast, and run far, and run now.