Excellent advice! Thanks Simone I was just always afraid but the more he is hurting me the strong it is making me (if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger) right!!

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Originally Posted by ins69

excellent advice!! Thanks Simone i was just always afraid but the more he is hurting me the strong it is making me (if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger) right!!!

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I agree! And if he is treating you that way, and cheated on you 3 times (that you know of) in 11 yrs, I'm sure your children have got a sense that something is wrong. They catch these things, and have the remarkable ability to somehow convince themselfves that they have done something wrong. If he cared about his children, he wouldn't be doing this to their mother! It's best to get out before it does anymore damage.

It's funny how he is the one that is cheating, and he sends YOU to counseling?! He sounds pretty full of himself. He should put his toys back in the playpen, and pull up his big boy pants!

Personally after three affairs I think it is time to call it what it is, abuse! You need to find a lawyer and file for divorce. Change the locks on the doors and put his stuff in the street. Then, when and if he comes crawling back tell him in no uncertain terms that the only way he will ever get back into the house is to go to counselling, get tested for STD's and then he just MIGHT get a chance to come back. BUT only after he has proved that he is willing to change

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Originally Posted by ins69

please help? i am 30 and my hubby is 32 he is avoiding me like a plague. He says that he is tired and stressed out from work i do understand that but i'm still recovering from him having an affair last year he saw me go through such a painful experience why would he deprive me of sex or reject me when i initiate it what is wrong with me.

and what i really can't understand is that he is very horny when he is having an affair and that seems to be the pattern it's now a pattern because it happen three times in the 11 years that we are married. He doesn't want me to leave he says he loves me , then how can he have the heart to do this to me over and over. DOES HE HAVE A HEART?

guys is this normal?:( :( :(

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The man doesn't have a heart... and no its not normal for us guys... its obvious he doesn't have ED.

Are you still sleeping in the same bed with your husband ? And what does he do or say when you initiate sex ? I work shifts myself and trust me I do not want anything that involves sex when I come home from work in the mornings let alone the temptation. Probably your husband does not enjoy sex with you anymore due to lack of variety. I agree he needs to tell you what has changed , why and what can you both do to revive your sex life.

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Originally Posted by peters01alm

are you still sleeping in the same bed with your husband ? and what does he do or say when you initiate sex ? i work shifts myself and trust me i do not want anything that involves sex when i come home from work in the mornings let alone the temptation. probably your husband does not enjoy sex with you anymore due to lack of variety. i agree he needs to tell you what has changed , why and what can you both do to revive your sex life.

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Have you read through the posts. He doesn't treat her well or respect her! He's cheated 3times. Did she say anything about lack of variety? It's quite clearly a lack of respect.

Have you read through the posts. He doesn't treat her well or respect her! He's cheated 3times. Did she say anything about lack of variety? It's quite clearly a lack of respect

I do not mean to be rude or even hurt the lady's already broken heart but something does not click quite well here. The guy's cheated 3 times already and he's believed to be quite a horny lover to his cocubines. I think the wife has let him get away with a terrible crime and that's why the dude won't learn such basic values as self respect and respect for other people.

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Originally Posted by peters01alm

Have you read through the posts. He doesn't treat her well or respect her! He's cheated 3times. Did she say anything about lack of variety? It's quite clearly a lack of respect

i do not mean to be rude or even hurt the lady's already broken heart but something does not click quite well here. The guy's cheated 3 times already and he's believed to be quite a horny lover to his cocubines. I think the wife has let him get away with a terrible crime and thats why the dude wont learn such basic values as self respect and respect for other people.

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True enough, and I didn't mean to come off rude either. The guy has gotten away with it before so he thinks that's his "ticket to ride"

My thoughts were that he has zapped all of her self esteem, and knocked her down so many notches, that she felt the need to even ask if this was normal behaviour.

Believe me, when you get into relationships where you are belittled and made to think that anything but total trust and respect is acceptable, you question all sorts of things. You question yourself, and the decisions you make. Before you know it you are "that" person who is putting up with the ridiculous and emotionally abusive behaviour that you had sworn you would never tolerate.

The web gets weaved very carefully, and before you know it, you are stuck in a web of confusion.

I don't think it's her job to teach him. But the lack of self confidence keeps her from leaving his sorry A$$

I don't think it's her job to teach him. But the lack of self confidence keeps her from leaving his sorry A$$

I think its her job to teach him at least 'some lesson' for how could anyone ever endure such bad treatment ? And for how long. I would not recommend revenge in the form of violence either because its only going to hurt her more , but she MUST at least do something to wake him up before he does his dirty stuff again. Trust me I'm trying very hard to think of something that would work out an amicable solution to save her marriage. Good luck my dear !

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Originally Posted by peters01alm

I don't think it's her job to teach him. But the lack of self confidence keeps her from leaving his sorry A$$

i think its her job to teach him at least 'some lesson' for how could anyone ever endure such bad treatment ? and for how long. I would not recommend revenge in the form of violence either because its only gonna hurt her more , but she MUST at least do something to wake him up before he does his dirty stuff again. Trust me i'm trying very hard to think of something that would work out an amicable solution to save her marriage. good luck my dear !

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I'm sorry, but I don't think her marriage needs saving, although I know you mean well.

What she needs is to say NO to his behaviour, and I think she has gotten the strength to have a running start on that. Her kids don't need to grow up in an environment where their father treats their mother with such disrespect, and they think that's just the norm.

She just needs to get out of the relationship PERIOD. (in my opinion) It's apparent that after 11 yrs that he is repeating the same pattern, and it doesn't seem from what she has said here, that he is willing to change. He won't go to counselling, and he tells her she's the crazy one. Doesn't sound very change worthy behaviour to me?

Something I have heard many times myself... "The only thing worse than being in a bad/abusive relationship for 11 yrs, is to be in one for 11 yrs and 1 day!

I just hope that all the advice and shoulders she's gotten here will help her get her self esteem and dignity back, and she will move forward and finds a man that she can trust and will respect her.

I just hope that all the advice and shoulders she's gotten here will help her get her self esteem and dignity back, and she will move forward and finds a man that she can trust and will respect her

I hope so too. I don't have all the facts in hand but sounds like she has got to move on with her life. This type of thing can change a good person into a monster and when that happens it's the same guy who gets the other end of everything worth living for.

ins69 do you have any kids perhaps that's why you still stuck in there ?