Originally Posted by twoscompany
Today was horrible. We talked and talked and talked and now we are not talking. He said that he doesn't trust me, that whenever I bring up this issue, it is like a betrayal. I told him that from my perspective, porn is a betrayal. He said he wanted to break up. He said he didn't want to break up. He said that it hurts him that I have a self image issue. He said he needs time to think. I'm dying inside.
To put things into better context, I had a close relationship with bulimia for about 13 years. I'm doing better with that behavior, but I still struggle with my body. Even if he tells me I look great, there is a voice in me that comes out saying I'm not. As a result, I stuff all those insecurities inside until some inappropriate moment and then pick a fight. It usually happens when we are drinking. I have ruined many nights with this same old script. Tony has given me an ultimatum that if I don't fix my thinking he won't stay in the relationship. I agree, but I think we both need fixing.
On a side note, our other issue is about dogs. Yes, dogs. I have two dogs that I love immensely and he hates them. I will have to get rid of my dogs if Tony and I move in together or even if I simply sell my house and move to something smaller. Anyway, when he bad mouths my dogs, it feels like he is criticizing me: they are unruly, misbehaved, they dig, they bark, he even calls my dogs a**holes. I hear these things as criticisms me.
So, the porn and the dogs are taboo topics. I don't think we should have taboo topics: that means there is unresolved anger. I feel like I'm willing to make sacrifices for him, but he is not willing to do the same for me. He said that I'm sacrificing our relationship and that is a sacrifice.
Now, we are taking a break from speaking to each other for a few days but I am certain, and scared to death, that when the break is over he is going to end the relationship. I know in this post he sounds terrible, but aside from these two issues, Tony is amazing. I'm the jerk. I'm the one with the issues. He says he deserves better and that he can't be with me when I'm "like this" because he can't be a boyfriend and a counselor. He did say that, if we don't break up, he'll go to talk to a counselor with me. I asked him if our love is conditional, because that is what it sounds like.
He gave me a sort of "promise" ring for Valentines day. He has one too, which he left at my house when he left today. Is this a sign? Why am I so afraid that he's going to leave me? Why am I being so pathetic? I wasn't even like this in high school.
