Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend has decided to go celibate

Well, we're both 27 to answer that question.

To answer another question, no it was not something discussed/mutually agreed upon. It was a demand on her part.

Not that it matters, she broke up with me today. I told her that I supported/respected her decision, but that intimacy for me was something that I needed. I asked her to consider finding middle ground on the issue, and she said 'no' and broke up with me. Oh well, it sucks, but better now I think, than later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

Yup...she has that right, and so does he.

What I am saying is that if I were him, I wouldn't be leaving over the lack of sex.

I'd be leaving because her idea of communication is that things will go her way or the relationship will be over.

I get your point and I agree

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marydoll

Well if my boyfriend said it to me after 3 months Id think that I would have been be very supicious! yes I agree that married couples should not with hold sex from each other but I think that the same goes for 2 people who arein a relationship... no matter how long or short a relationship it may be!

I'm not saying he does not have the right to be suspicious, I was saying she has the right to nolonger want sex and he has the right to leave or stay.
I'm thinking neither one of them knew the other very well before they started having sex.
This "change your mind" thing may be part of who she is and had they been getting to know each other on a deeper level rather than a sexual one, this may not have ever been a problem

Well, she's old enough to know her own mind. I'd honor it and move on.

Sounds like she did you a favor... you can't go back (to a non-intimate relationship at your age)- and she is not a kid.

I had a long term relationship with a girl who decided to not have sex for a month. She just wanted to stop for a time and see if we could handle it. It drove us mad, but we did it... or didn't do it, depending on your perspective.

Your case, I think, is a little different. Saying she doesn't want to have sex isn't wrong. It may not be right for you, but you know she can do whatever with her own body.

So what should you do about this?

Well... there is absolutely no guarantee of anything. You could still be together after a year and she might be in this 100% and sexually ready. Or not. You could find yourself in an asexual relationship, one year and change in, and kicking yourself for wasting your time on someone who isn't sexually compatible.

A great sex life doesn't mean you are compatible. And great compatibility except concerning sex isn't a formula for success.

So, as others have said... the best you can do is talk it out. Let her know, without pressuring her, that sexual compatibility is important long term. Explore if you really think you are connected in enough ways to stay with her.

There is no shame in staying or going. But you get to choose, knowing what the situation is, which means you don't get to decide you want to stay and then whine about a lack of sex.

If you decide to stick it out, you agree to her "plan"... or some other "compromise" that you both agree with.

That's what dating is for... to find what kind of person you(or your partner)want to spend time with in the hope of finding a wonderful life partner. Sex very early on in the relationship is problematic for most women. Lots of stuff(confusion) can go on in her brain.

I think it is possible that she really liked you, otherwise, why her inner turmoil?. did you like her? If so, it would be worth a try to make *sincere emotional* contact with her. You have to give in order to receive. :):):)

Quote:

Originally Posted by raven1980

Hate to ask yet another 'girlfriend won't have sex with me' question, but I'm really confused as to what it implies.

We had been going out for 3 months, great sex, LOTS of great happy time spent together, but then for New Year's she decided on no sex whatsoever for a year- just kissing (ie no oral, etc). Of course, I asked her if there was anything I could do, if she just wanted to be friends, etc. Her answer was that she just needs to find herself after having a serious sexual relationship after another, and she says she feels that we'll have a deeper relationship after a year. Since Jan 1st, she initiated sex twice. The first time, I let her go through with it, and afterwards she cried and felt bad. The second time, I asked if she was sure, and she said no and we stopped.

Personally, I'm the opposite. I've not been in a sexual relationship before her for two years. So, I'm ready for that, and it is important to me on some scale. Obviously, I'm not gonna try to pressure her into anything, but at the same time, I can't help but examine my needs versus hers.

So, my questions:
1) After a year, will we more than likely just end up being friends? I would imagine that a relationship would decay, kisses get old, etc without some sort of sexual element, especially if it was there in the beginning.
2) Since we've only been going out 3 months, is the relationship worth pursuing? I really feel that we're both in different places as far as what we want/need. However, I do love her. In other words, I'm really confused as far as how important I should consider this aspect of a relationship.

I'd walk away from any woman that did that... saving it for marriage is one thing... cutting you off out of the blue for no good reason would earn her walking papers.

Now by that I mean... "sorry dear but I don't think enough of you to sleep with you any more" and not a "I don't feel like it TONIGHT or even this weekT"

A relationship takes two people... she decided YOU weren't important when she unilaterally made that decision without discussing it with you first. Save yourself a lot of future grief. If she did it once... she'll do it over, and over, and over again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by raven1980

Well, we're both 27 to answer that question.

To answer another question, no it was not something discussed/mutually agreed upon. It was a demand on her part.

Not that it matters, she broke up with me today. I told her that I supported/respected her decision, but that intimacy for me was something that I needed. I asked her to consider finding middle ground on the issue, and she said 'no' and broke up with me. Oh well, it sucks, but better now I think, than later.

NOTE TO PREVIOUS POSTERS:

This thing is toast (see above).

Ride Free Raven :-)

If you read my answer, Ash, I suggested a possible post-breakup action for the guy, *IF* certain conditions were met. :D

well... it kind of sucks but kind of not.

at least you aren't going to waste your time on someone who is stringing you along.

oh well. It happens. Move on and try again. You don't have to bat 1.000 to get into the hall of fame. You had some fun. She has some issues. Take the good and leave the bad way, way behind.

I wasted almost a year on a girl who kind of wanted to date or not or something... =P wish I could have billed her for my time.

Maybe she decided she did not want to be with him anymore anyway and used this as an excuse to be rid of him.
You live and learn.

Hey man... I am not going to lie and say that I read all 4 pages of responses to make sure what I say hasn't been said, but regardless, here it is.

Give it a go man! The things is... if she initiates, don't talk her out of it by saying are you sure. Tease the hell out of her! She will never last if she has any type of attraction to you! Play the game my man! Girls get horny just like guys! Do things to put her in the mood... throw some porn in the DVD player and leave it playing. Throw a Penthouse on the back of the toilet... you can do it bro! Take it as a challenge! Sounds kind of fun to me!

Quote:

Originally Posted by wewed100606

Hey man...I am not going to lie and say that I read all 4 pages of responses to make sure what I say hasn't been said, but regardless, here it is.

Give it a go man! The things is...if she initiates, don't talk her out of it by saying are you sure. Tease the hell out of her! She will never last if she has any type of attraction to you! Play the game my man! Girls get horny just like guys! Do things to put her in the mood...throw some porn in the DVD player and leave it playing. Throw a Penthouse on the back of the toilet...you can do it bro! Take it as a challenge!! Sounds kinda fun to me!

They are done. She broke up with him

Due to the inordinate number of people not reading the entire thread after the original poster has told us that they broke up, I'm closing the thread.

From the OP, in a private message

Request to add something

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Hey!
Thank you for closing my thread. However, I was wondering if you'd care to add that I really appreciated the responses? There were some great responses, and I truly appreciated the time and thoughtfulness people used to give their opinion.

Thank you in advance!