Ask Me Help Desk - I am gay. How do I know if he's really into me?

Thanks everyone, it is really helping.

Right now, my biggest concern is whether TOM is really into me. I want to be able to tell by his actions, not by asking or anything, because before I make a move I want to be sure; Any one suggests something? Something he has done that proves that he really feels something? I am really confused.

I guess I am bisexual, then. Because there is this girl at my school, that although I don't feel nothing towards her, I am attracted to her, different than TOM, because I'm not only attracted to TOM, I actually like him.

No, I don't mind discussing the church/sex/ homosexual view point,

And if you notice I am advising him to be true to hisself as for as being honest with family and friends,

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Right now, my biggest concern is whether TOM is really into me. I want to be able to tell by his actions, not by asking or anything, because before I make a move I want to be sure; Any one suggests something? Something he has done that proves that he really feels something? I am really confused.

If your waiting for some action by him, then accept his non-action as a hint. There are no simple ways to tell anything, if your not experienced enough to pick up clues. But I can tell you what an almost good bet would be, the straight locking of eye contact, held that extra second. Gender doesn't matter. Use my secret wisely, my son. And pay heed to my warning, a piece of tail, ain't worth misery at work, or losing your rent money.

I think you need to find your local gay community, they can help you come out/ guide you. You can usually use gay networking sites to locate gay people in your area. As with all internet things be careful, maybe just find a gay club or bar and go there rather than meeting a specific person.

If you find that you can learn the little secrete hints, items of clothing, codes which help not completely out people source another gay person without outting each other. Yep it's gaydar!

If you get some gay friends they can help you- they have been there done that got the out T shirt. Some may have had a more traumatic time than others.

As for the am I gay or am I bi question. There was a sexual scientist in the sixties (I think) called Kinsey. He did a lot of research on human sexual orientation (he has his own scale). From his research he concluded that only 10% of the population is truly homosexual as is 10% truly 100% straight. Human sexuallity is more fluid than we allow, females being even more fluid than males. So don't pin yourself down, just go with the flow. Kinsey Reports - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I know a couple of Catholic gays and lesbians, they were consumed by guilt for so long, but when they finally came out they found their families were more accepting than they expected. So you see there is hope yet, people can surprise you. Just don't expect a positive reaction straight away- remember you have had your whole life to come to terms with it and a lot of people coming out expect their friends and families to be cool in about two minutes!

Workplace romance is never that good, better waiting until one of you leaves.

Good luck

Well I am a gay guy myself and I can tell you based on the facts that you have given I would say that he might be gay or Bi, but that does not mean that he is into you, he may like you as a friend and feels like he has a better connection with you because he knows that you are gay, trust me gaydar does exist as proven by science a few years back. But if you really want to know without outright asking him or telling him that you are gay is to leave subtle hints, go into it gradualy and slow. It may take a few months to get the answere out but once you do the work will be worth it. It can be simple as a casual conversation about homosexuality, such as a hot topic like gay rights saying that you personaly have no issue with gays and they should have rights and what his thoughts are on gays, start small like that and then over time talk about more topics of being gay. Like doing say gay porn, or if he has ever thought of being with another man, but do it in a causal conversation. But always talk about your thoughts and feelings on the subject first to let him not that it is OK he can feel secure talking to you and he can open up and be honest, because if you ask him first these questions he may lie, and if after a while of waiting he has not confirmed he is gay it may be best to maybe come out to him secretly. Of course all these talks should be secret, but at the same time with hold the info that you have a crush on him. He may not come around right away and admit that he is gay but it is your best shot, and if all else fails I would ask a open gay guy to confirm it for you I would say that 3 open gay guys should be good. 3 votes, so 2 out of 3 say yes then you can be sure that he is gay, and at that time I would let him know of the crush, banking at this time he has confirmed that he is OK with gays. So if you tell him that you have a crush on him tell him in secret and at the same time let him know that you "know he is straight and you respect that and you won't hit on him" and with time perhaps he may come around, note that it is not going to work 100% of the time, every person is different, and some will come around and some won't, there are actually some gay guys that go there whole life without telling a sole that they are gay, and they die that way. It's a shame but when you are out the feeling is liberating.

Unless "TOM" tells you he is into you... then like any other person out there... assume he isn't. Otherwise any advances will be unwelcome.

After all he has two lips and a functional mouth. He's capable of letting you know in a clear manner if he's interested.

And that holds true for anyone, gay or straight.

Er... that post on this topic was over two years ago...

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Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

Er.... that post on this topic was over two years ago....

Good catch... I missed that myself this time.

Need this thread locked.