Ask Me Help Desk - Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm Lura

I will ask him to go down on me but he says "how about we 69?" I have had good oral but I cannot climax from it. It even feels better when fingers are involved but never an orgasm.

Well, in my experience, 69 is all about the man and little for the woman other than a nice tease at best. For the man, it places your tongue on the top of his glans... which can create a more "lush" feeling... it really is different than "straight on" head. Even if you are just turned so you face him like its 69, but you aren't on him like this, hell get the same stim.

Now I can't knock his desire for 69... its one of the best positions for the man when receiving oral... the females tongue is in the best spot, not to mention the access the man had to the breasts, back and waist... it's a great position for a man, but rarely for a woman. "feels good but can't get off" is the norm, at least in my experience.

So he's not "wrong" for wanting 69... it's a great position for a man, but if I'm going to get a woman off I'm NEVER going to try that position for the best results. The woman with hips near the edge of the bed, and often with a pillow under the rear, is a better position for the man to be able to apply lighter or softer pressure. Have more access to the labia, not to mention anal... its just a better position for better control versus 69.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm Lura

Our sex life for the most part is very boring. Don't get me wrong, I love when we actually do have sex but it's kinda routine now. I'll give him head until he's almost ready to come and then we will do the spooning position, (notice that I didn't mention any foreplay for me) and then I will make him get on top of me when I am laying on my stomach, then we will do it doggy style for a few minutes and then I either go backwards cowboy and then I will ride him until I climax (or lose it) and then he'll want doggy again so he can come. There is never any other positions. He's not open to alot of stuff. (Anal, or even anal fingering during oral. Also, he's not he's not the best endowed if you catch my drift so we are limited on the posistions that we can do).

Mixed feelings here.

I think its normal for a guy to try to fall into a "rhythm" or "pattern" concerning sex... since I think the female anatomy is just more challenging to please. I've been with women who were Very different in what they liked and could stand. One girl liked hard cl!toral stim and could get off almost all the time... next girl HATED it... one girl loved sex anywhere we might get caught, another girl couldn't get her mind into it...

So I think a "pattern" is maybe normal for a man. Ill try the things I "know" are "money" when going down on my girl... and when they don't work I don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong... though usually its she's not completely into it at the moment... a mental thing...

But if something works once, I think its natural for a guy to think that's what "works"... even if its too simplified.

Lack of foreplay for you is bad. I don't care if you can come quickly or if you take a long time... you should be able to enjoy the experience before penetration... and even let it build up until you demand penetration... foreplay is coreplay. It isn't something that should just be a nice gesture... yeah.. sometimes there isn't a lot of time for it depending on the situation... OK. Well, still... when all things are equal, the presex leading up to sex should get you 70% of the ay there...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm Lura

I'll tell him exactly what I want and he'll find some way out of it. I'm going to have to sit down with him again and stress to him the importance of sex for me. If he doesn't get the point then to the porn store I shall go to find a toy to satisfy those needs for me, and if he doesn't like it maybe it will spark his interest in sex back up.

Mkay... a few things...

First, hed better get a clue.

Second, from your description it seems like you are mostly bored from the monotony... you state you can get off sometimes... do you ever self stimulate while he's in you? Ifi not, do it. Whether with your fingers or with a vibe... do it. There is nothing more sexy than a woman who needs to get off so badly that she needs to make it happen no matter what. Really. So don't be afraid to self stim during sex. I'm a guy, but I've found women who do this have had more orgasms...

You don't want to be a traffic cop in bed for the most part... you want him to get you... well, unfortunately, that might not be reasonable all the time... each woman's body can be so different... you do need to direct some. So he deserves the chance to get it right and to really listen.

After that, don't feel bad if he's a great guy who is just clueless to your needs, and don't feel bad if sexual incompatibility just can't be overcome. It IS something that should be addressed and considered.

Size matters in certain positions. If it's too short, it comes out when you want it it. There are so many other body parts that can be used though, there's always a solution. The best I ever had, had a tiny one. But, it was the lack of size that spurred him into making a study of the female human.

This post is getting very fun and very very informative. I love how many people are concerned with my orgasms. Ha ha sorry, it is now almost 1:30 here and I've been here since 3 this afternoon (gotta love being manager) so anyway I'm a little slap happy.

Anyway, I want to say first and foremost, I am happy with our relationship for the most part. We have our little spats and sometimes it gets pretty nasty. But I really love him and if I have to masturbate everyday for the rest of my life... OK never mind, I won't lie, I would leave him.

And Kp, what if I want to be a traffic cop sometimes? Ha ha. I love to be in control and for some reason he can't orgasm like my exlovers did. It's so hard to get him off during sex. I want him to climax with me because it feels amazing but I don't think he's got the timing quite right yet. Well we don't have the timing right yet. Either I come too quick or he does. We'll get it right one of these days. If not, hey routine is fine with me until I can talk him in to being more creative.

Simone- I agree to the fullest. The best I've ever had is a tie. My ex of two years because not only was he pretty big but we could do anything because we were so comfortable. And I was seeing this kind of "nerdy" guy (he loved star wars and had every episode of smallville memorized and he was in college to be a scientist) but he was the gentlest lover and he paid so much attention to detail. He also had a prince albert and that was the first time that I had ever experienced someone with a piercing. It was exciting.

When you have a selfish lover as you have, he just needs to be taught that he can get what he wants, if you get what you want. He says NO, you say NO. Never settle for no satisfaction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm Lura

This post is getting very fun and very very informative. I love how many people are concerned with my orgasms.

just about the damned cutest thing I've heard in a while. Funny.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm Lura

And Kp, what if I want to be a traffic cop sometimes? ha ha. I love to be in control and for some reason he can't orgasm like my exlovers did. It's so hard to get him off during sex. I want him to climax with me because it feels amazing but I don't think he's got the timing quite right yet. Well we don't have the timing right yet. Either I come too quick or he does. We'll get it right one of these days. If not, hey routine is fine with me until I can talk him in to being more creative.

nothing wrong with you being a "traffic cop" as long as you can lose yourself in the moment. Some people can't stand to give directions... some love to beg... its all in how you interpret the moment. Kudos if you want to be "in uniform" and can demand what you want without losing the moment.

hard to get him off... like how? Can he race to the finish faster than you, and then it's a problem if he holds back?

is there any one position that seems to work it out better than another?

I have some suggestions, but any help can shorten my suggestions. So when does it seem to be harder to get him off? Any position that seems better? etc. blah blah blah.

man... does this mean I'm interested in his orgasms now? Yours I can think all night about but his, that kind of icks me out, being a guy and all... oh well. =) anyway... I guess you'd better answer the question. How is it hard to get him off? Can he get off oral? Any position better? Nighttime versus morning versus planned versus spontaneous?

If the two of you like to orgasm together, why don't you masturbate together? It may sound a little weird but, it is intensely personal. Especially if you are doing some ongoing communication. Watching one another, can teach things about the another which cannot be fully witnessed or attended to during regular sex.

He's thinking of someone else. What are the chances he gets on the net when your not around? Next time you get a chance check his computer history out. If not well your to young not to be happy. And a toy , well you should already have one. I would tell him how you feel and if he doesn't want to change send him packin. Tell him he's gone. Tell him you two can stay together if he lets you have another guy just for sex. After all it's just sex!

Emma.

Take care of yourself because he sure isn't. 20 yrs old and soooo much to give. I say find someone else to give it to baby. Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

just about the damned cutest thing ive heard in a while. funny.

hard to get him off... like how? can he race to the finish faster than you, and then its a problem if he holds back?

It is hard to get him off when I am on top. And that has never been a problem with past lovers. Usually that's what feels the best for them. And yes it is very hard for him to hold back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

is there any one position that seems to work it out better than another?

The only way I can climax with him is with me on top. I've tried self stimulation while he is behind me and it feels great but he always comes before me. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

i have some suggestions, but any help can shorten my suggestions. so when does it seem to be harder to get him off? any position that seems better? etc. blah blah blah.

man... does this mean im interested in his orgasms now? yours i can think all night about but his, that kinda icks me out, being a guy and all...

Never mind, I'm not going to comment on this one... ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

oh well. =) anyway... i guess youd better answer the question. how is it hard to get him off? can he get off oral? any position better? nightime versus morning versus planned versus spontaneous?

And yes it is never a problem to get him off with oral sex. At the complete most it takes him five minutes that way... Unless I'm trying to tease him a little and make it last a lot longer. And he can climax from anything but when I'm on top. Unless it is the backwards cowboy. Night time, morning, planned, spontaneous, it doesn't matter...

So what are your suggestions kind sir? :D

Been there done that... had the same problems kind of. Lol

So get on top, get yours, and then let him have his.

Quote:

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

So get on top, get yours, and then let him have his.

Amen.

As a man, I think this is a wonderful approach.

So today on his lunch break I convinced him to give it to me. Lol Anyway, AGAIN he gets his and he is done. So he says "ok I owe you one, I don't care how tired I am, anytime at all if you ask for sex you can have it." Yeah right. But when I cash this in, I am going to hold it to him. And it's going to last at least more than five minutes. AND there has to be foreplay. Or there will be no sex. None... I will get a vibe and just forget he even has a penis. :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm Lura

I'm twenty years old and my boyfriend of six months doesn't want to have sex anymore. It isn't that i am not attractive or that i am overweight because i only weigh 110 pounds and i do a little modeling. he will ask me if i will give him oral sex but the minute i try to get him to have sex he turns me down and says that is all i want from him. i do not understand.

I assume he is somewhat near to your age. And no that's not normal behavior for a guy. There is something going on either he isn't telling you or you aren't telling us.

Sweetheart, I know this is hard to hear at your age, but he is cheating on you and he is not your man. I am 30 and have been through all this stuff. Please protect your heart and move on. Best wishes to you always.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

I assume he is somewhat near to your age. And no thats not normal behavior for a guy. There is something going on either he isn't telling you or you aren't telling us.

I promise I'm not keeping anything out. Maybe there is something going on with him. He's 26 so I didn't think it was normal for him to lose his sex drive either.

There's also no intimacy in the relationship at all. The only kisses I get are little pecks, never any wonderfully passionate kisses. I'm so just ready to give up or to FIND something that will give me reason to give up. I want to KNOW for a fact that he is cheating before I leave, not just have those yucky feelings like he is. All my friends say he wouldn't cheat on me, that he loves me so much.

Then why won't he tell me that??

Also, I don't know if this is relavant at all but he never tells me I'm pretty. I guess I'm just insecure and I need that reassurance sometimes that I'm not drop dead hideous. He never even says when we go out, "you look good tonight." That just kind of gets to me. Is this a sign of anything at all?

One more thing... Last night when I was at work he went to the bar. That part is not a big deal at all. What was a big deal to me was that he didn't tell me until I randomly sent him a text message and asked him where he was. Now you can tell me if this shouldn't be a big deal but to me it kind of seemed like he was trying to keep stuff from me. Why couldn't he have sent me a little text and say "hey babe me and the guys are going out for a bit."

So I got upset with him last night for it and I said that he's trying to keep stuff from me and he tries to turn it around on me and tell me that I always get mad when he goes out with his friends. So my friend Morrison called me while I was at work and he was crying on the phone to me. (Morrison is a big dude, he doesn't cry for anything.) His mom is in the hospital and he was afraid she was going to die. She had a blood clot in her lung burst or something.

So I called my boyfriend and left him a message (because he was ignoring my calls and text messages) and I told him I was going to Morrison's house so we can go get his mom some stuff like flowers and chocolates. He called me right back and left me a nasty message saying to have fun at the party and rude stuff like that.

He's met Morrison a million times and knows that there is NOTHING there not even the slightest bit of attraction. Maybe I just am making to big of a deal out of this but I don't understand...

As hard as I look, I see no honest communication, or caring on his part. Sorry, but I think your wasting time, or just know seeing him in another light.

Just an update, he got me an engagement ring for Christmas. And he broke up with me.

Now I'm all alone and I have nowhere to go. I can't handle this heartache.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emm Lura

Just an update, he got me an engagement ring for Christmas. And he broke up with me.

Now I'm all alone and I have nowhere to go. I can't handle this heartache.

You can handle it. After all you've been through, you are bigger than this.

He's a frikin prick who is sleepwalking through a great relationship.

And if he were here hed be the bloody stump in the alley for how he's treated you.

Look... man... I think he's just playing games. I don't know why. Maybe he doesn't. But you've been all in and he's not been.

But don't say you can't handle the heartache. It hurts cause its supposed to. Its supposed to mean something. That's why you haven't been OK with just letting things be.

Let yourself hurt and let yourself get pi$$ed. Be mad. be angry. At him.

There's nothing like a little anger to take the edge off being wronged by an ungrateful lover who never was half the person you are. Been there, done that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

you can handle it. after all youve been through, you are bigger than this.

hes a frikin prick who is sleepwalking through a great relationship.

and if he were here hed be the bloody stump in the alley for how hes treated you.

look... man... i think hes just playing games. i dont know why. maybe he doesnt. but youve been all in and hes not been.

but dont say you can't handle the heartache. it hurts cause its supposed to. its supposed to mean something. thats why you havent been ok with just letting things be.

let yourself hurt and let yourself get pi$$ed. be mad. be angry. at him.

theres nothing like a little anger to take the edge off of being wronged by an ungrateful lover who never was half the person you are. been there, done that.

It's so hard and it hurts so bad. Here I was just telling a guy on here today that he just needs to overcome the bad and turn it into the good. I can't do it. I thought I was strong and here I am just a blubbering idiot because my fiancé just broke my heart.