Ask Me Help Desk - I want my sexual husband back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sixftbrit

theres nothing wrong with asking for what you want, as long as you ask for it nicely....i suspect a lot of your problems relate to the pregnancy, there maybe issues that need discussing that are not being talked about, and therefore are coming between you.

I agree with other posts, talk to a professional asap ;-)

Although we talked about everything under the sun as far as reasons, I'm getting the real sense that she isn't feeling it is money, health, or infidelity.

I'm getting the sense too that it's related to such things as possibly being tired and/or the pregnancy. If he is easy to talk to, then he should be able to talk about the issues, but she may have already tried to talk. However, if he is concerned about her feelings, or gets the strong sense that this pregnancy is turning him off, he might clam-up to spare her feelings or avoid an emotional argument.

Talking to a professional by herself and then bringing her husband into the talks later might be very helpful. This could help tell her if she has valid feelings, and if the professional felt it would be best to bring the husband into the talks later. However, professional talks could feel like overkill unless this continues way past the pregnancy delivery. It's a tough call.:confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbarrington

Although we talked about everything under the sun as far as reasons, I'm getting the real sense that she isn't feeling it is money, health, or infidelity.

I'm getting the sense too that it's related to such things as possibly being tired and/or the pregnancy. If he is easy to talk to, then he should be able to talk about the issues, but she may have already tried to talk. However, if he is concerned about her feelings, or gets the strong sense that this pregnancy is turning him off, he might clam-up to spare her feelings or avoid an emotional argument.

Talking to a professional by herself and then bringing her husband into the talks later might be very helpful. This could help tell her if she has valid feelings, and if the professional felt it would be best to bring the husband into the talks later. However, professional talks could feel like overkill unless this continues way past the the pregnancy delivery. It's a tough call.:confused:

Maybe he IS turned off by this pregnancy. It would make sense according to how he is acting. Of course he says he's not, but would he say he is? NO. Like even when we go to bed at the same time, which isn't often, he doesn't reach over and touch me a little like he used to. We were having some sexual issues before we found out, but it's almost like he's done a 180 since then. Maybe I need to back way off and not say anything. Maybe then he'll come to me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stac33

...Maybe i need to back way off and not say anything. Maybe then he'll come to me?

I agree this might be something to try out for a while. How long should you do this before you say enough already? It's a tough call. If I had to make a more than reasonable call, a month oro month and a half max. Every couple is different, so this could seem to be too much while others might say a little more. If this is what is going through his head, he may not really realize it.

If you experiment with this, keep in mind certain factors. Huw far you are into the pregnancy, or late into the pregnancy. How long you that you (and your Doctor) feel is comfortable and safe after the delivery.

For me, although she was still ready for it, I became sexually uncomfortable in my head around the 7th month, and then I wasn't ready after the delivery for a short period. Of course, my wife wasn't ready after the delivery for a short period too. After that, it was back to bunny sex for us. :D

Write back later to let us know if you felt like it worked or not.:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbarrington

I agree this might be something to try out for a while. How long should you do this before you say enough already? It's a tough call. If I had to make a more than reasonable call, a month oro month and a half max. Every couple is different, so this could seem to be too much while others might say a little more. If this is what is going through his head, he may not really realize it.

If you experiment with this, keep in mind certain factors. Huw far you are into the pregnancy, or late into the pregnancy. How long you that you (and your Doctor) feel is comfortable and safe after the delivery.

For me, although she was still ready for it, I became sexually uncomfortable in my head around the 7th month, and then I wasn't ready after the delivery for a short period. Of course, my wife wasn't ready after the delivery for a short period too. After that, it was back to bunny sex for us. :D

Write back later to let us know if you felt like it worked or not.:)

Bunny sex would be nice. He is so back and forth though. I am 3 months along by the way. Sex is definitely on the back burner for him for whatever reason and I hate that. I'm going to TRY to back off, but I know I will want to make a smart a** comment at some point. This just seems so backwards to me and I think it is the hardest part for me. Knowing that the men are usually the ones that want it more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stac33

I am missing my old sexual husband. I have posted on here a few times about him not being as sexual any more. We are both 34, but I don't want to hear that his age might have something to do with it. I am pregnant with our 3rd child, but I am very much missing his sexual advances. The last 3 times we have done something has been under my initiative, not his. I'm not saying that I shouldn't be initiating, but who doesn't feel great when our other half makes a pass at us? I know I have been obsessing about this with him. I miss him grabbing my butt, crotch, etc...we went through years of that. Even more so than when we were first together. But over the last year or so things have changed. I suppose it's my nagging about it. I guess even the most sexual man would get turned off by that. I will tell him how I want to be touched. That's terrible, I know. Shouldn't I be happy with any way he touches me? I am just a sexual woman and I know what I like. Maybe I am insecure and that's the way I feel good and secure? I NEED some advice desperately!!!!:(

Stack33, I feel the same way. Only we don't have any children. (his choice) But it amazes me how a man can go from wanting you, to not, in the same breath.(so it seems)
We've been married for 22years, and his desire for me has almost come to a stand still. When I asked him about it, he says" I'm not thinking about sex when I come home". Wow! Never thought I'd hear that! But, I just questioned him until he gave me the real reason. He is wondering about work, or the bills. (yeah, I know) but some men are not able to turn off worrying as easily as we are sometimes. So just hang in there. Be patient. And see if you can help to ease his worries. You never know. Something could swing him back. (It worked for me.)

Stac, you might want to consider that individuals change as life proceeds... if we aren't flexible and change ourselves, we can be left behind being just like the person we were when we were young and unseasoned.

I think something is going on with your husband, something he may not want to talk about like a sexual outlet he prefers to you for some reason. Time to go to couples counselling so you can get to what is important without rancor and yelling.

It may be time for the two of you to go to a new, higher level of relating to each other in all ways for the benefit of your family and your own happiness. :)