Communication is very much the key! But on the other hand... how do you talk with a brick wall. The only response I ever get is I'm too tired, I'm sleepy, I have a headache, well if you didn't cook so well, I wouldn't be too full to mess around and on and on and on. I honestly just want to feel wanted to feel like a woman again. He tells me numerous times a day that he loves me, but I'm not sure if he is IN love with me. I really feel like my marriage is falling apart. I was so excited about tonight, and all he said before going to bed, was he was sorry for ruining my night. I thought it was our night, but I guess he never had any follow through intentions.

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Originally Posted by sarhbear201

if your hubby isnt feeling good about himself at the moment mayb you could encourage him to go to the gym with you or something like that... the confidence he gets bak might boost his sex drive... good luck!!!

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Tried that, my work offers an awesome discount at 24 hour fitness to me and my family members. He's too tired to do that too.:(

If you're willing to have a fight about it, next time don't try to start something. Straight up ASK him what it would take for him to be willing to have sex in the next 24 hours. Write down what he says, and follow it up with what you think is going to happen, seal it, and tell him that you'll open it to see how right or wrong you are about what is going to happen. DON'T make it sound like you're writing down bad things... make it seem like you are writing down all the hot sexy stuff that you think (or hope!) will happen!

Then... when it doesn't happen--AGAIN--you pull out that sealed envelope and hand it to him, telling him that you pretty much predicted what would happen. Let him know that the situation is making you extremely unhappy, and that you'd like counseling to deal with it because this isn't something you're willing to just live with.

This is going to be a fight. It's not going to be pretty, or fun, or happy. What it's going to do is force you both to decide whether you want to fight for this, and if you do, you're going to BOTH need to go to counseling.

If, however, it actually works out that he tells you what it takes to get sex, and it happens--well, problem solved! You have communication! (in that case... just burn that little envelope, hmm?)

Good luck!

You know the envelope thing is all well and good but I mean it's just different from any other situation. You see I want my wife to have sex with me because I want her to. I want her to enjoy it. I want her to show me some emotion. I don't want her to be like "Fine, I'll do it so he'll shut up". I'm sure dawson1 feels the same way about this. Every once in awhile we will bring it up. Maybe once a month or once every two months but our partner just blows it off with crap.

Mine is all about the emotional baggage and girly stuff her husbands is just regular bs man excuses. It is impossible to talk a person like that unless you get them pissed off enough to talk and maybe then they will actually tell the truth. Sometimes fighting is the only way to solve things and it is time to make my wife so pissed off that she breaks down and cries and tells me every little thing that is going through her head so I can either fix it or tell her to get a job and support herself because I'm tired of being used for money and transportation. I would tell your husband that if he doesn't give it then you'll get it somewhere else let him know you mean business and he'll react. It will be honest or nothing. IMO I would rather have brutal truth than sitting around 2 years from now wonder what the hell is going on with my wife.

Screw all that little cute stuff on this board that man should love you and want you for who you are and if he can't you deserve something better.

I myself being a man might be just stuck with it because if I get a divorce it will cost me about $550 a month in child support. You know what is stupid, I give 100% of everything I have to my wife and my family. I get back under 50% but she says I can't go and find somebody on the side because that is cheating. Tell me who is getting cheated?

The way I see it if I take 25% and give it to the little woman on the side then the little woman on the side gives me back 25% that make it 75% for me and 75% for my wife... seems pretty fair to me.

Bkegg... with all due respect... this is Hdawson's question, and I was answering her :)

I humbly suggest that you post your situation in another thread, so that we can address it for you.

Her situation and yours are completely different.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Bkegg...with all due respect...this is Hdawson's question, and I was answering her :)

I humbly suggest that you post your situation in another thread, so that we can address it for you.

Her situation and yours are completely different.

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How are they different? They are almost identical. I am answering here question by telling her what I am going to do about it. Who better to answer a question than somebody is in the same situation. I relize you are answering her question and I respect your answer I was telling you that maybe it is degrading to have to beg and play games with somebody who is suppose to be on the level with you.

Dawson if I am being a obtuse and forcing my way in on your problem and not trying to help you by telling you what I am going to do about our similar problem then please tell me and I will vacate your post.

Regardless of the packaging, any advice at this point is better than no advice. Come on guys! Please, I don't want to lose my family, but I don't want to lose myself either. I was brought up that you marry one time and that's it. I've been through one divorce already, I don't want to go through another one. When I got married, I made a promise I would stick it out with my husband through thick and thin. May be I should just get a B.OB. And stick out the rest. Maybe it's because I'm still young, but my perception of sex in marriage is that is very important. I think it's a form of bonding and on a more primitive level, a form of communication between two people who love each other. Now don't get me wrong I love to just have it put on me with no "making love about it!" Right now I'm not getting either!

Sending you a Great Big Hug...

There has to be a reason he doesn't want to make Love with you. It's not looks, you know that. He says he Loves you and I'm sure if it was a shallow statement you would feel it. You said he is great in bed when he does make Love to you, so he can do it when he wants to. Looking back to when he was sexual all the time did anything happen to make him turned off to sex. (trying to keep this G rated hehehe) did you try new things that maybe you liked and he didn't. Could he think you cheated on him. Something had to trigger his actions.

Dennis777

Honestly the only times he has ever been really sexual is, of course, when we first got together, and the couple of times he was out of work! I think he may just be lazy.

Also so it has been said that sometimes, after a woman has a baby that her man no longer looks at her as a sex object. But more as a "mother type" like he would see his own mom. And that can make men lose the drive to have sex. So that also could be a reason.
Just a thought!

And sorry things didn't go well!

Its way past time to go to a physician... explain the problem he is having and have him checked out real well. There has to be something wrong with him if he is brushing off advances from a very nice looking wife. That's just not normal. If he checks out OK medically then he needs to get his butt in to a psychologist with you and find out if his problem is a mental one. If he cares about his family he will try it.

Im just jumping in here , But I am on the other end of this , like your husband I have no interest! It seems like a chore to even think about it. I don't know why because when we do its great. On the other hand my husband don't really care either, we only have sex maybe once every 2 or 3 months sometimes even longer.
I am 42 and he is 45 but it has been this way for years.
We are just so tired when its time for bed that it's the last thing on my mind.
Also we stopped having sex as much when I stopped being the initator

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Originally Posted by Treeny

Also we stoped having sex as much when I stoped being the initator

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I try to initiate it all of the time. I don't think it's because I'm a mom either. He goes through spells where he wants it everyday (hence, where the kiddos came from) and then we'll go for about a year of maybe once a month or every other month.

That's how It is with us we go through spells. We Won't do it for months at a time and then once in a while its like 2 or 3 time a week.
And that's because of me if I want to he's willing.
Me being like your husband would have to say ITS NOT YOU! So get that out of your mind.
Maybe he {we} Have some sort of chemical imbalance. I just don't have a sex drive sometimes, nothing wrong with my husband. Like I said when we do doit it great
Just don't feel the drive to get to that point. Your hubby probably don't know why either

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Originally Posted by hdawson1

First off, I'm 26 and my hubby is 34. We've been together for 5 years and have 2 babies together. The problem is, he is very disinterested in sex. We have sex on average about once a month or once every two months! He works long hours out in the heat and I'm sure that zaps his sex drive during the week. Also, he has gained a little weight over the years (about 25 lbs) Not that I care, I'm still just as attracted to him as I ever have been. My question is, on the weekends, any suggestions for me to get him more in the mood. I'm willing to try anything to get our spark back!!! I've tried dirty pictures, hinting around, and just flat out asking for it. All to no avail!! I'm not thinking about leaving him, but a little bit more nookie would be nice!

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Okay this may sound weird but ask him if you can try something different take him to your room have him undress tie him to the bed start with relentless teasing then go to full on oral and just before he gets there ride for your life