Ask Me Help Desk - This isn't fun for me at all

Yeah its bad for teens to post on adult sexuality. Aren't these teens going to listen? I mean we don't ever provide them with shows that show teenagers having sex or we don't sell it to them all the time. So where would they get this idea or be so bold? Anyway j_9 its very bad for teens to post on adult sexuality.

I agree. They have no idea what a 11 year marriage is all about. I just need help in what to do about this. I love him, but he won't go with me to get help. He does feel bad about this and he does love me. We just have this big problem that just keeps dragging on and on.

Honestly I don't think it's anything physically wrong with him, it could be that u feel to good for him, I know that sounds dumb but...
The more you have sex he SHOULD... last longer, do u do it just once when u do it... if u did it 2 or 3 times it last longer every time, and eventually he'll just be able to go without it even being a problem...

After he is done the first time. It is over

Well then that is something to try to work on, after the first time, trust me, it'll get a lot better, try it and see if it works

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I think he feels less of a man because of this. Even though I tell him a lot of men have this problem. I don't want to hurt him in any way.

This would hurt anyone's feelings, and cause resentments, but even more telling is you have been with him since he was 16 and you were 29. I think he is overwhelmed, and you must take more control to make sure you are satisfied. Does he know about your cheating? It almost seems as he knows you are hurt by him not satisfying you, and doesn't care. You both need some good counseling, as there is too much here and I think some facts we know nothing about.

I believe you have helped me more with what you just said. When I take control , it is better. I bought an extension today to help down the sensation for him. We are going to try this out tomorrow night and he is very glad I bought it. We know that condoms help a little, soI thought this would help even more. I feel you are right. He has just gave up. I will let everyone know if it helped.

Glad to help, let me know how things turn out,
If it doesn't work we'll think of something else...

Good luck
Adam

Show him who's boss... lol

Hi,

I don't usually answer questions in this topic, but it seems to me that you really are hurting and I want to help if I can.

First of all, what your husband and you are experiencing isn't all that unusual. According to Kinsey's 1950 study, 3/4 of all men ejaculate within 2 minutes of penetration.

There are several ways that your situation may be aleviated.

1) There are certain creams that can be used before sexual activity that lower sensitivity slightly, which may give him better control and the ability to last a bit longer. They are generally available in drug stores near the condoms.

2) Take your time before allowing him to penetrate. If he gets off too quickly after penetration, then take your time before allowing penetration.

3) Many sex counselors and therapists say that you should talk to your husband about what it is that pleases you... and possibly do it to yourself while he watches to show him what you like.

4) There are various excersises that are recommended by therapists that you and your husband can use. One popular one is called the "start-stop method" whereby the male masturbates himself to erection, then stops, and begins again when the erection begins to wane, stopping again when the erection is full. Over a period of weeks, this exercise can build his tolerance. He should avoid frustration, however, if during this excersize he ejaculates early. He can just use the "mistake" to learn his body's responses to stimulation, and use that information to improve the excersize the next time. After a while, you can join him in the excersize by stimulatin him as he tries to maintain control and tells you when to stop before he ejaculates. (It can also be a kinky tease for him, but that is for later.)

5) In the same vain as #4, it might help if he masturbates shortly before having sex with you. This will "take the edge off" of his sensitivity, and increase his stamina. The stimulation you give him will have less of an overwhelming effect on him if he has already ejaculated recently.

I hope that these ideas give you some level of comfort and relief. There is hope for you and your husband. Keep trying, and keep communicating with each other, and I'm confident that you'll find a solution that works for the two of you.

Elliot

Yes it is a very big problem for the both of us. We do talk about this. But it is harder on him. He feels very bad about this problem. I do show him by doing it to myself. What I like and he very much enjoys watching it. Like all men would. But I am to the point where it gets old. I just want him to last. I have gotten a lot of feed back on this and I thank you all very much. Each of you have helped.

Did you try that?? If it doesn't work, let me know, I think I may have another suggestion that would help him...

It didn't work. I think I just need to give up on this. I am so tired of this. 11 years is enough for me. I will just give up on him pleasing me and just do it myself. Just live with the fact that he can't do it and realize it is hopeless. As you can tell I am very upset right now. I GIVE UP

Don't give up, keep trying, if it doesn't work then hey, get it somewhere else or do it yourself, you can do different stuff to make it not boring, come on use u'r imagination.. lol , if you have to have it then get it, go get pleased, if he won't try, or try different products, or councling then do what you got to do baby girl. You come first, remember that, in ALL aspects of marrige, or any relationship, if he really cared for you, he would be all for it. Seriously, I'm a guy, I know what I'm talking about..

Wait a minute, he was 16 and you were 29 when you married?? There's nothing wrong with an age difference but he was just a boy when you got married... It's a bit weird if you ask me...

But anyway, I agree with rankrank55, he's reaching the normal age where your sexuality peaks. Just slow down. When he feels like he's getting there, stop moving! Wait til' he's relaxed again, he has to learn how to control it. Just take your time. Help yourself out too, so when you feel like you're almost ready, get to it and let him go too... I don't know. :rolleyes:

And all the comments about how he doesn't care about you should be erased. He's young,(younger than her) he can't help it if he's getting his rocks off the minute he gets through the door!! Help him to control his sensations, like I said up there... Make him learn, be on top so you have control over the situation :p

And don't go cheating on him, that's just wrong! And you know it is. Gawd, the poor guys at his sexual prime, don't make him feel worse than he already does :(

Good luck :D

I think there is something besides sex in this relationship, that needs to be worked on. That's obvious as there is no way a willing male can't satisfy his female, unless he is NOT willing. I think he is holding a resentment, because of some past event. You need some talking to get done or maybe he isn't sharing all his feelings with you. He may say he forgives your cheating because of his problem, but that may not be the case. I think it goes beyond sex.

Well we talked for a long time and I told him how tis has been making me feel all these years. We talked about me cheating on him in the past and why I did. He understood and said he was sorry that it came to that. I wish with everything in me that I hadn't. The reason I even told him in the first place was because I felt so bad about it. He does forgive me and knows If I had it to do over I wouldn't do it again. I do get sexually frustrated at times and think of it, but if it comes down to it I wouldn't. The talking about it helped a great deal. And we have decided to try new things. He is great at oral and I can be pleased this way. He works such long hours anywhere ron 65 to 70 per week and he is very tired during the week so the weekends are going to be our time to work on this. And this is a week end so who knows...

65 to 70 hours a week. Wow, no wonder why there is sexual frustration and no wonder why he is tired all the time. Then man obviously works very hard. Just wanted to say good luck to you and I hope that your able to work through your issues with him.

Joe

I have found that males are very reluctant to go to doctors / therapist for sexual issues due to embarrassment.

There is one technique you could try that is helpful and does not involve medical intervention and can be tried at home without supervision. Its called Tantric sex. There is a lot of philosophy in the technique but this isn't a necessity, the sexual techniques tought by this work wonders. They helped my partner and myself through a sticky patch so I speak from experience on this one.

If you look it up and learn some of the techniques yourself first you will be able to apply them without his knowlegde and see how you get along.

The techniques include ways for males to delay orgasms and the bonus to that is also multiple orgasms for the male if the techniques are practiced.

If some of them work when you look it up and he is still unwilling to consider it then you may want to rethink the entire situation.

As already noted, sex isn't the entire relationship, but, it's a rather large part of the relationship bonding process and females in particular put more weight on the bonding part of sex to re-enforce the bond.

Please let me know if this has been helpful at all

Nicnet

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He works such long hours anywhere ron 65 to 70 per week and he is very tired during the week

This would have been very helpful to know in the beginning. Poor guy is worn out.